Mission Impossible
by CalCarrie
Summary: After pissing his mother off for the last time, Li gets the worst punishment ever. With the help of Tomoyo and Eriol, he must turn an extremely stubborn and feisty tomboy into a real & true lady . Impossible? Nope. Hard? Definitely.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

**Meet The Lady**

_The Li clan is one of the oldest and richest clans in the world. It's actually rumored to be one of those clans that raises true leaders (from the limb-breaking, brain-busting training of the elders, no doubt). Some would say that those bearded/bald/droopy-eyed guys and the main Li Family are magical. The clan's current leader is Yelan Li, whose husband, the former leader, died a couple of years ago. They have a son who's already 18 years old and goes to Robert Stevenson Academy. This son will lead the clan by the time he turns 21. Of course, as always, said elders have a few screws loose and demanded that there'd be requirement before he can do that (killjoys. Hmph)._

_**Rule no 1298 blah blah**: before the heir can take his position as leader of the clan, he or she must find a husband or a wife to fully claim his title as leader BEFORE the age of 20 or the title will be handed down to the next potential candidate._

_Easy? Nope. You see, the phrase 'he or she must find a husband or wife' is not a phrase that means 'potential-leader-will-find-his/her-own-husband/wife-HIMSELF/HERSELF' to the elders. You know those bearded droopy-eyed guys? THOSE are the elders. The requirements for a wife/husband are:_

_a. must be of high status (child of a big company's owner, another clan's heir etc.)_

_b. must hold at least a TEENY bit of beauty (may be artificial)_

_c. will accept the proposal… willingly_

_So, the elders are the ones who find them a husband/wife. As a result, ever since the heir was 15, hordes of girls (and since they ARE rich, most of them have a big head and, although some of them ARE born pretty, some have needle-placed noses, mouths… like Michael Jackson which, needless to say, worked) were thrust upon him. Some makes mild moves on him, cheats on him or just make him go stark crazy with suffocation._

_Until one girl finally went to far and… let the story begin._

OoOoOOOOo

"Now, explain why you did that to the girl, Xiao-Lang," a black haired woman questioned, sighing and putting a hand on her forehead. She looked up and stared at three 18-year old teens in front of her. One, a boy with blue hair and eyes named Eriol, was sporting an innocent look. The other one, a girl with amethyst eyes and black hair, was looking around the garden (they were seated at the huge terrace) with feigned interest and the last one, her son named Xiao-Lang, was looking like he didn't care what happened to the girl… which was perfectly true.

"Mother, Miya Okinawa, the 200th 'wife candidate' the elders picked," Xiao-Lang answered dully, "pushed Tomoyo aside to talk to me, locked her in the girls locker room because she was misinformed that she was my girlfriend and cursed Eriol loudly in front of the whole class because I allegedly ditched her to join him in the opening of Jet Li's 'Unleashed' even though she knows that I turned down her offer to go picnic POLITELY," he emphasized the word for his mother to hear clearly, even though she already did.

"She threatened our Science teacher if he didn't make her my lab partner and she tried to make a move on me," he said simply.

"Made a move on you?" she repeated exasperatedly. "That's what Sheila did! Is the kiss also in the cheek? Why can't you just report her to the principal and NOT deal with her yourself? Did you know that her parents called and almost threatened to do something drastic as revenge for what happened? By God, I certainly would have if I woke up one day to find that my daughter's skin turned pink! Had it not been for Wei's smart reasoning we would have been in serious trouble!"

Li huffed. "She tried to kiss me in front of the whole class! On the lips!" he protested indignantly.

"That excuse is not good enough to also pour mercuric oxide on her hair!" Yelan snapped. "For heaven's sake, Xiao-lang! I cannot tolerate this anymore! You know that it does not take 2 weeks, 2 days or 3 weeks to turn a girl into a lady that passes your standards."

"You mean the elders' standards. I take any as long as I know I love her," he argued, thinking 'duh' at the same time. The other 2 AGREED again.

His mother ignored this. "Of course, in spite of all this, I trust that you're feelings for women who are NOT a wife candidate have remained docile and non-murderous?"

"Only a little bit."

"Answer me, Xiao-Lang."

"Fine. Yes. In fact, I feel incredibly thankful to the opposite sex as of the moment," he said sarcastically.

A pleased and smug smile spread on his mother's face. "I hope you mean that seriously Xiao-Lang, because I daresay you will find this news of mine rather disturbing if you're not."

"What's that?"

"We will have a guest arriving this afternoon. She will stay with us for 2 months so I expect you to treat her courteously and appropriately. Lack of propriety will not be tolerated, you man. Form a friendship with her in any way you can. Do that or I will personally make sure you and Miya will tie the knot… tightly!"

_silence_

"SHE?" Li echoed, horrified. "But if it's a girl… WHY?" he asked angrily. "She'll probably be another one of those rich snobs who's all stuck up or something! She'll probably…no…. surely make my life hell!"

"My sentiments, exactly," Eriol said, nodding and participating now that he was out of danger. "But since this is a very personal family matter, lovely Tomoyo and I—"

"—must be on our way," Tomoyo continued, glancing nervously at them and started edging away, "as not to hinder a mother-son bonding—"

"—which is very important—"

"Don't think you two are off the hook," Yelan said sharply. "You will help my son or your parents will know what you have done! You two were part of this so you will pay the consequences."

"Bu-but," Eriol stuttered, eyes bugged out, "I know nothing about girls!"

Yelan replied with a very uncharacteristic "so?"

"NOOOOO!" he howled. "What if she's so fashionistic that she's even worse than TOMOYO! OW!" he winced when the said girl slapped him in the shoulder.

"Actually, Eriol's right, Mrs. Li. Most of the girls whom we've known and were once engaged to your son are missing in the Manners and Etiquette department. In fact, most of them are… well," Tomoyo struggled for the right word.

"Egoistic? Rude? Self-centered?" Li and Eriol offered, glad to assist.

Tomoyo snapped her fingers. "Exactly! Mrs. Li, how can you be so sure that this one isn't like that rest of them?" she asked apprehensively.

Yelan smiled slyly. "Ah, but this girl's quite… different. I think she's what you call… one of the guys."

SILENCE

"So… she's like the total opposite of what the elders picked for me. She's… what, a tomboy or something?" Li asked slowly, seemingly unable to comprehend what his mother had just said.

His mother nodded. "Yes, and very much so. Her mother, Nadesiko, who is a close friend of mine, has been desperately trying to turn her into a lady but has not reaped any fruit from her labor. Her daughter is very-no—extremely stubborn. So much that no one can crack her. I have met her and can justify that sentence fully. I know for a fact that she'd rather die than have lipgloss smeared on her mouth."

Eriol cocked an eyebrow. "Wow. She's worthy of the show 'Twilight Zone,'" he remarked, smirking.

Yelan sighed. "She's a very ill-tempered girl, a very closed shell. Nobody can make her open up. Nobody knows what happened. Her mother is desperate for the person who can melt the walls around her heart. Of course, I daresay it will be a nice change for all of you." As if jerked by a sudden jolt, Li's mother's lips curled into a smile. Way creepy smile

A disturbingly sinister smile.

Like the ones Tomoyo has when she found a plan to make the sales go down by 50 percent.

Definitely not good.

Li's eyes widened when he saw the look on Yelan's face. Backing away, he shook his head. "No," he said slowly. Then his voice rose ten octaves higher when he started protesting,

"NOOOO!NONONONONONONO FREAKING WAY! I WILL NOT DO IT!"

"Oh yes, you will!" Yelan said sharply. "You will turn, at least try, to turn her into a real lady fit for your standing. That way, if ever the elders feel it is the right time to give you another fiancée, you will not just cast her aside when you know how hard the training is to meet the requirements. Succeed, and you can say farewell to your engagement to Miya. Fail, expect that you will be spending the rest of your life with her and her…… parents." Sad to say, she was not too fond of Miyu's obnoxious parents, either.

Li sputtered, "but-but I don't know anything about girls! Sure I date and all, but I hardly know what's on their heads! Heck, I don't even care!" he burst out angrily.

"That's why you will have Eriol and Tomoyo as partners," she said, glancing at the 2. "A girl and a boy. And no, Eriol, I don't care if you don't know anything about women. This is part of the punishment."

She got up and smoothed her dress. "And now, if you'll excuse me, I have matters to attend to. See you at 4." She swept past them in a ruffle of skirts and shawls, letting the punishment be absorbed by the shocked teenagers.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Li's room OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

"I can't believe she'd do something like this!" Li howled, resting his head on the headstand and sitting on the floor. "The elders are way better on handing out punishments. I mean, they punish with extra hours in training or an extra day but never make friends to some girl!"

Eriol was playing games at Li's Xbox. "Tell me about it," he grumbled, "I mean, I am a man! I'm not gay!"

Tomoyo shrugged, her hair tied back and currently reading a fashion magazine. "Well, it's a very exciting challenge, if you ask me."

Typical Tomoyo, thought the two boys. She has about a hundred magazines about woman etiquette and girls. Doing the punishment is like putting together a cheese sandwich for her.

"Of course, I don't know about you guys but I think Mrs. Li is stretching the truth a bit." She then went over to Eriol and picked up the tray of food. "I mean, it's just so hard to believe that a girl we will know is.. uh… extremely tomboyish or something."

"Yes, you're right," Eriol agreed, "but Li's mother is hardly the type of person who jokes. I'll eat your bed if I hear her do it."

Li scoffed, "I am 100 percent sure she is lying." It was the first time his mother had lied to him.

"Bet you 100 bucks that Mrs. Li's telling the truth," Eriol dared, grinning.

Li smirked and shook his outstretched hand. "You're on," he said cockily.

Tomoyo raised an eyebrow, a smile on he face. "Yeah well, I'm going down to fetch more chips. Oh, and make sure both of you clean up the mess or Rosmerta will have a fit," she went and closed the door behind her.

"I still cannot believe that there is a girl out there that will rather die than put those—what do you call them?—oh yeah, lipsglass on their mouths. I mean, eversince we stepped into the hallways of our school, we were surrounded by girls worthy of landing a spot in Vain Valley" Li said absent-mindedly.

Eriol shrugged. "I guess this change is not new to the outside world. But our school, you have to admit, is practically the most prestigious school next to Harvard. I mean, it's high class, man. What do you expect?"

"Yeah…." Li agreed

A few minutes before she was gone, Eriol slapped his forehead and exclaimed, "I forgot to tell her there's no more chips!" he scrambled after Tomoyo, leaving the door swinging open.

"HEY! TELL HER I WANT SOME COKE!" Li hollered, running after them.

He ran after them, down the hallway and craning his head. Then, he saw Eriol's head at the top of the stairs. Tomoyo's head was visible too and both of them were standing still. Upon reaching them, he tapped both on the shoulder. "Yoohoo! Hey!" Li asked them, waving his left hand in front of their face wildly.

Neither one responded.

He noticed that Tomoyo's eyes were locked on the direction of the entrance. He looked at Eriol and his eyes were doing the same too.

Weird.

Very weird.

He looked at the direction and only then did he notice the figure being addressed by his mother down on the front entrance. His eyes bulged.

Eriol suddenly whispered, smirking, "give me my 100 bucks, Mr. Hotshot."

"I thought our visitor was a girl?" he asked, confused.

But then, he saw the unmistakable form of the upper body of a woman. Only, with this one, it was covered in black baggy-and when I say baggy-I mean BAGGY- pants, a Chicago Bulls shirt 1999 and, oh hell, is that a Nike limited edition baseball cap? He tried so hard to get one of those babies! The visitor looked up, revealing gorgeous emerald eyes (which were currently obscured by the cap). It wasn't the way she dressed, either. She had this swagger that all men have and signifies that that man was a macho-man and not a wuss. But that half smile … oh crap.

Accidentally, her cap tilted and fell and, to the group's astonishment, luscious auburn hair cascaded in waves that ended 3 inches below her shoulders. The visitor scowled and hurriedly put the cap back on, causing Yelan to smile amusedly.

Li's eyes widened. 'That's no boy… that's a GIRL!' he thought, astonished.

"YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**Making Acquaintances**

Life sucks. It really does.

I don't know what my mother was thinking when she forced me to stay in the Li house for a month. Sometimes, I really wonder why mothers can be 30 percent sweet and the next minute they will start flapping their trap and make you deaf.

And what is she trying to insinuate when she kept dropping hints that Yelan's son was cute? Do I LOOK like I CARE? I wouldn't give a damn if the son looked like Orlando—what's his name again?—Blume or the guy selling corndogs in the park. Did my mother really thought that when I see this son of her friend I'll go down on my knees and grovel like the rest of the chicks that are surely doing it to him?

Bull. It ain't gonna happen.

I heard a noise and looked up. There were three teenagers gaping at me on the top of the stairs. I smirked. Same ol', same ol'. The chestnut-haired one must be the son. I have to admit that he's someone that my halfwitted cousins back at Jersey would call "hot". Yech. But I started feeling annoyed, remembering the times when a beautician dared to put me into a dress and shove pictures of Orlando Whatsits and Liz Hurley in my face. Then, I got even more annoyed when I saw that his two friends, a girl and boy, weren't blinding to look at either.

Not that I find the son cute or something. I'll eat my shoe if I did…which I don't.

Shit! My cap fell off! I have always hated my hair. Mother once grounded me when she caught me in the act of cutting my hair five inches shorter. I really can't see what's the point. I mean, WHY do I have to have long hair! It gets in my way everytime I play soccer or basketball! It's a pain in the butt, I tell you. What's it for again?

Oh yeah, for appeal. I scowled even more.

"_When the time is right, Sakura," mother told me the other day, "you'll shed that façade of yours whether you like it or not."_

_I snorted. "And why the hell would I do that?"_

"_Because of love" she responded quietly. "One day, you will find a man that you will feel for, so much that you want him to see the real you. Don't fool yourself" she looked at me with sad eyes "your manliness is only a façade. What happened to you must be let go. If a friend cannot do it, if I cannot do it and if you cannot do it …then your heart will"._

I walked away and into my room that day. Shaking the memory out of my head, I jammed the cap back in place. I thanked Yelan and proceeded up the stairs. I shot the boy and his friends a back-off-or-else look and, judging by their expressions, they got the message.

Satisfied, I walked towards my room at the end of the hallway and closed the door. Love is crap. Men are crap.

I can do it myself. I don't need anybody.

O

**O Kitchen O**

"Did you see that glare!" Eriol exclaimed, astounded. "That was so freaky!"

Tomoyo looked at him, amused. "But that was sooo cool, right? I need to master that glare!" she said. "I can use it to scare away the black cat that's been prowling around my house for the past week!"

"Yeah well, you probably look like a burglar or something—"

"What do you mean by that! If you ever saw the ca—!"

"Or maybe you look like the Wicked Witch of the West in the "Wizard of Oz or some—"

Tomoyo frowned at Eriol. "Oh? If I'm a hag, then what are you? A CHIPMUNK?"

Li sighed and massaged his temples. He thought his mother was joking. He really did. But, as he sat on a chair near the counter, he recalled the visitor. The way she dresses up… her swagger… her walk… the GLARE... it seems like his mother was not exaggerating. Because no matter how hard he tried… no matter how many times he tried…

He really can't label their lovely visitor as a girl.

Which pretty much pissed him. Because he's the schmuck who's suppose to banish her complete lack of refinement and femininity.

Or else he'll spend the rest of his life with a bimbo. Not good. Definitely not good. He needed a way to convince her to become feminine…

And his so-called partners-in-crime were not helping.

"Oh, so are you saying that I'm the Wicked Witch of the West and the cat is my pet?" Tomoyo was snapping.

Eriol snorted. "To put it nicely, yes, I am both as truth and retaliation for calling me a degrading word."

"Oh please, 'chipmunk' is the nicest word I can think of. I have way more comparisons that can crush you overblown ego—!"

"WHAT do YOU guys think about her?" he barged in loudly.

They blinked and turned away from each other, red in the face.

"Well?" he repeated impatiently.

"You mean the visitor?" Eriol asked, opening a bag of popcorn and forgetting about the bicker. "Well, I'm pretty sure she's not really like that. You know, the whole I'm-a-boy-so-back-off thing? Because for one thing, when her cap fell off, I saw her eyes. And I saw something that practically screams that she really is a girl inside and out, no matter how hard she acts so unlike one. And for another, she's too pretty to be a tomboy. I'll kiss Tomoyo's feet if she really is one of the guys."

Li looked at him incredulously. "You actually caught a glimpse of her face?"

Eriol laughed. "My dear descendant, just because you were too busy admiring and envying the Nike cap that she was wearing does not mean that we were doing the same thing."

Said descendant reddened. "Shut up."

Tomoyo smirked. "Seriously, you are hopeless. In any case, Eriol's right. The girl's pretty. And her eyes!" she exclaimed, her eyes suddenly getting starry, making the guys back away hastily. "OMG, her eyes are so gorgeous! And her hair is the most beautiful hair I have ever seen! Seriously, if I get—no—if WE get a chance to give her a total makeover, she will make the Resident Bitch of our School look like Cruella DeVil!" she cackled evilly.

"Make sure Ivanna doesn't hear you say that." Li smirked.

"And don't pretend that you didn't notice it, Li," Eriol wagged a finger at him. "I heard your Girl-Radar buzzing when she looked at us."

Li snorted, blushing. "Yeah, right. She… intrigues me, that's all."

And she really did. In fact, after seeing her, he wasn't so sure he wanted to do the punishment anymore, because, believe it or not, he would have liked her being her. It would be a relief to finally have a friend that is a lady but not like all the girls he had encountered before (Tomoyo excluded. Since she's the only one he considers a friend that's a girl).

But if he doesn't do it, he's screwed. And he could see from this girl's glare that she doesn't want to be friends… which intrigues him even more, because Li Xiao-Lang LOVED challenges. And this one is screaming 'big challenge' all over the place. It would be fun to try and befriend... maybe even irritate her a little.

He smirked. and he knows for a fact that manhaters are

a. spunky

b. feisty

c. rebellious

and since this one is clearly a manhater and a tomboy, all three of the attitudes a manhater possesses will be doubled. Tripled, even.

But there's the fact that if he doesn't do it, he'll marry a bimbo. Oh god… he has to play Obi Wan Kenobi… or else risk marrying a female Jabba the Hut. But maybe the fun can come first… the whole I'm-going-to-irritate-her-and-somehow-make-her-my-friend first before the refinement and feminity…

After all, she's here for a month and a half….

"Uhm… Li…" Eriol say slowly, "I don't like that look on your face…"

"Yeah…" Tomoyo shuddered. "It's freaky."

Li shrugged innocently. "What? Anyway, I'm going to test out my new CDs…" He stood up and made his way out of the kitchen. He looked back and saw his friends looking warily at him. He raised an eyebrow. "What?"

Tomoyo exchanged apprehensive glances with Eriol and said, "Li… your CDs are in the room at the end of the hallway…"

"Well… that's where our visitor will be sleeping for the remainder of her stay…" Eriol said lamely.

Li smirked. "So? All the more reason to go." He walked away.

Eriol turned to Tomoyo. "Did you see the evil expression on his face?"

She grinned. "Sure did."

O

Except for the sign saying SOD OFF—which made him chuckle—it looked safe. Taking a deep breath, he knocked on the door. No answer. He knocked again. No answer. He frowned and decided to come in. Yeah well, since when was Li know to be a gentleman?

A grin appeared on his face. The girl was trying with difficulty to reach a book placed on a high shelf. At six feet, it was a piece of cake for him. Her being about 5 feet and 4 inches doesn't do any good.

Walking casually towards her, he reached for the book and plucked it neatly off the shelf. The capped visitor stiffened and turned around, facing him with the glare he knew so well.

"Give me my book," she demanded.

Li looked at her amusedly. "Not even a thank you?" he asked and pretended to look hurt.

"Did I ask for your help?" she countered brusquely. "What the hell are you doing here, anyway?" she asked as she walked past him and plomped down a chair and started writing.

Li followed and placed the book on her table. He took a peak on what she was doing and smirked. So the girl plans on taking law? Interesting….

"I see you're up to taking law" he said easily. "Tell me, what are the respective concepts and legal implications of the crime _mala in se_?"

The girl seemed to freeze. He could almost feel the irritation radiating in waves from his victim. Ahhh, women….

"I see you don't know. Aw, crud," Li said in mock disappointment, "and I thought you were smart…"

It seems as if his dear visitor doesn't want to have her intelligence insulted. She finally whirled around, facing him with a scowl. "It's the crimes where the acts penalized are inherently bad that they are universally condemned!" she said through gritted teeth. She clearly wasn't the type who backs down…

He only looked at her with innocent eyes, as if saying "annnnnd?"

She heaved a frustrated sigh, "criminal liability is generally incurred when the crime is only attempted or frustrated. Lack of good faith or criminal intent is a defense. Now, tell my why the hell are you here!"

He ignored her and skimmed her work instead. "You know, on question 4, I suggest you answer that the accused should be convicted b/c his act of shooting a burglar when there is no unlawful aggression on his person is not justified. He should not have used the gun unless his life is already in danger. I mean, because of his stupidity, he killed his brother in law!"

She snorted. "Consider the given circumstances, Li. The neighborhood is a place of robbers, the time was midnight, the victim appeared to be a burglar. It was an honest mistake of fact! It absolves the accused of criminal liability! And the brother should've eaten dinner instead of sneaking down in the middle of the night to chomp on hamburgers."

He smirked. The girl did her homework. "You're thinking like a kid."

"Holy crap!" she yelled exasperatedly. "What do you want?"

Feisty. "You're name," he said simply.

He nearly keeled over in laughter when a muscle appeared on her jaw. "The name's Sakura Kinomoto," she said curtly.

"Ooohhh… what does that mean?" he asked innocently. I think he was accidentally-on-purpose forgetting that he was supposed to befriend her… not piss the hell out of her.

She sighed. "It means Cherry Blossoms, kay?" Suddenly, she stood up.

"I am," she picked up a basketball, "going to," she stomped past him, "shoot some hoops. Follow me, you die."

Li followed her out of the door. "Do you want a playmate?" he called out cheerfully as she made her way down the stairs.

"NO!"

"I'LL MISS YOU TOO!" he yelled happily.

"**GO TO HELL!"** she bellowed angrily.

He laughed and clapped his hands, leaning against the closed door of her room. Interesting…

O

**O entertainment room O**

"So… how'd it go?" Tomoyo asked curiously. "Was she nice?"

"Oh, she was nice. In fact, she's the nicest girl in the world. I think you'll like her. Smart one, too. Pretty." He smirked, twirling a rubber band around his finger.

Tomoyo looked at him curiously. There was no sarcasm in his voice. It was… well… normal and… light.

"So do you wanna back out of the whole friendship thing?" Eriol asked as he watched him. "I mean, I am pretty sure you and our dear visitor, Sakura, are not getting along."

Li quirked an eyebrow. "Are you kidding me? We got along just like that!" he snapped his fingers.

"Yeah, and I'm Mary Poppins," Eriol whispered lowly.

"And who says I'm backing out?" he asked, closing his eyes and lounged on the sofa with ease. "Sakura Kinomoto and Li Xiao-Lang're gonna be the best of friends for a whole… happy… MONTH!" he said, smirking.

He did not notice that dry looks his 2 best friends exchanged.

"Why do I get the feeling that Li just found a new victim to torture?" Tomoyo whispered

Eriol looked at her with surprise. "So you heard the 'go to hell' scream too?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, shit."

"Yep. Oh shit."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3—Chaos resumes**

"no…"

"Come on, Sakura…"

"no freakin' way…"

"But-!"

"No…NU-HUH… noooOooNONONONONONO! ARGHGHGHGHG!"

It was 3 days after Sakura's arrival at the Li Mansion. And 3 days after she arrived, the household was in chaos. Why, because 2 teenagers were currently running around the mansion chasing another teenager for the past 20 minutes. One of the chasers was currently holding a uniform and the other a bag and shoes. The chasee, on the other hand, was wearing nothing more than undergarments and a bathrobe.

"Sakura! You have to wear the uniform whether you like it or not! It's in the rules!" Tomoyo bellowed, running after the auburn-haired girl. They tore past a marble statue and rounded a corner.

"Why… oh freakin why… do I have to chase her at 4 in the morning with you?" Eriol panted as her ran with Tomoyo, the bag in his hand flailing in the air.

"Because the idiot is still asleep!"

They finally cornered her in the library. Sakura pointedly shook her head and growled, "I am NOT wearing a skirt!"

"But you have to! It's the assigned uniform for the girls in RSU!" Tomoyo argued, brandishing the short red checkered skirt and long-sleeved sailor top in front of the girl's face.

"If you don't, the school's going to kick you out even though you're new!" Eriol reasoned behind Tomoyo as Sakura edged closer to the side exit of the library.

"I am not wearing a skirt! Over my decapitating dead body!" she vigorously shook her head, running towards the door and wrenching it open. She let out a squeak of triumph and rushed out….

… only to collide with something hard.

Or more precisely, SOMEONE.

"What the crap are you three doing thundering around the house at 4 in the morning!" Li Xiao-Lang scowled irritably. To Sakura, who was grabbed tightly by the shoulders, he said "Woah… you actually wear undergarments!". He raised an eyebrow at Tomoyo and Eriol and asked, "what's with the evil looks?" ("whaddya mean by that!" the prey yelled)

"In case you haven't noticed, my dear descendant," Eriol huffed and gestured at the uniform in Tomoyo's hands, "Sakura refuses to wear RSU's uniform! We've been chasing her for 20 minutes around your house!".

Tomoyo added "and you're suppose to be the one who's helping us instead of sleeping!".

"Chill. I have it all down pat," Li grumbled. He rolled his eyes while said visitor was trying vainly to escape. "Look Kinomoto, please wear the damn skirt and give us a break, will you?.

Sakura only shook her head and snarled, "no freaking way".

Li smirked. "Suit yourself". With surprising speed and agility, he threw her over his shoulder while holding her tightly by the thighs. She shrieked and started banging her fists on his back, "put me down! PUT ME DOWN! YOU BIRDBRAIN! ARGHHH!"

Li whistled, "aw come on, I know you like it!". He suddenly yelled, "OW! DO NOT PINCH ME!"

Sakura scoffed after pinching him "I do not like looking at your butt! I am sure that you haven't washed it for three years! God, it stinks!"

"Say what you want, Kinomoto. I know you like it" Li said happily. "Coming, friends?" he asked the 2. The addressed just followed, too stunned to reply.

OoOoOoo

"YOU SEE? It looks great on you!" Tomoyo beamed at her handiwork. Sakura now wore the uniform with her hair in a messy bun. Because she refused to wear make-up or let hair down and lowered the skirt 4 inches lower, it had taken them an hour to finish. And despite the rumpled hair and shirt, she looked fresh and more girly than they saw her since she arrived.

Li snickered as Sakura stomped past him, "awww… never thought you actually have a bust… always thought a stick has more than you but… I guess I was wrong… OWWW!" he yelled indignantly when Sakura stomped and grinded his foot with her left heel… hard.

OOOOOOOOOO

Stares. All of them were staring at me. Maybe it was because my skirt was way lower than the girls or that my lack of complete of refinement and femininity were showing so clearly boys stared. But you know what? Frankly, I don't care. I have just been chased around that house with nothing to cover me except a freakin bathrobe and manhandled into wearing a skirt—which is something I have not done for a year— and do you think I care about a bunch of teenagers staring at me?

"Please take a seat, Ms Kinomoto" Ms. Russell, our adviser, said.

There were two seats and two things that influenced my decision right then and there. One is that the really pretty brunette occupying the seat beside one of the empty ones were looking at me with disdain. And let me tell you, I can tell that we are not going to be buddies. I have never gotten along with popular snobs and two, the last empty seat was beside the window where there is a view of the ocean. And yeah, although I have to sit next to the Son of Satan a.k.a. Li, the ocean will make it worthwhile.

I sat down and 5 seconds later a finger tapped me from behind. I spun around and faced—are you expecting a description of someone close to Orlando Bloom with black hair and gorgeous blue eyes? Sorry, not gonna happen- a big shouldered idiotic football player with an idiotic smile. And the first idiotic thing he told me is: "Hey babe".

I raised my eyebrow. "Are you addressing me? I'm really sorry, but I have a name which is definitely not Babe. If you want, I'll introduce you to a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of my cousin, who is a friend of a friend of a friend of a-"

"Okay, okay" he interrupted, obviously irritated "I just wanna know if you're free on Friday so we ca-!"

"Why?" I asked pleasantly. I'm pretty sure everyone, including the teacher, is listening. I had a crappy day and I will not hesitate to vent out my irritation on the first egoistic person I see.

"So you and I can get to know each other and date so-!" he said. He was really getting pissed now.

"Tell me, oh great Romeo of my life, what is x in x 54 minus x is equal to 24?"

He looked confused. "How the hell should I know? 67?".

Mrs. Russell gasped. The whole class laughed.

Good Lord. He's stupider than I thought.

"EENNGGGKK! It's 78, you dolt"" I said sarcastically. "God, over my dead body will I going to go out with the likes of you".

"WHY?"

"I'm afraid you might stupidify me to death."

While the whole class burst into chatter on this remark and Porky Pig sulked off to his group of otherwise laughing guys, this girl on my right whispered, "God, what a freak".

Twitch twitch. They will NEVER learn. I addressed her, "Excuse me, why are you calling me a freak?"

She jumped a mile away and shook her head, her heavily powdered face reddening. "I w-wasn't calling y-you a freak! I was-uh- meaning Akira!".

Uh-huh. And I am Garfield. "Please, I had a very crappy morning, so will you please stop bitching 'bout ol' me a.k.a. babe? Cause if you don't, Babe here will turn you and Porky pig into hamburger patties. Kay, Spongebob?". The class burst into even more chatter after that.

Li winked at me and smirked. "Nice one, Kinomoto". I shrugged and another 5 seconds later the brunette raised her hand. "Teacher, can I please show Ms. Kinomoto around after 2nd period" she asked innocently. But I am not deaf not to hear the venom in her voice. Oh yeah, the two are obviously friends.

But another voice interrupted before Russell could respond. "Er.. miss? I'd like to be the one who'll show Kinomoto around, if you don't mind" a masculine voice said politely.

I looked disbelievingly at Li. The Son of.. er… Li actually helped me?

The whole class burst into even more talk, ignoring Ms. Russell's orders to shut up. Finally, she threw a chalk on her table saying that if we have so damned much to say, we can write it in a thousand-word essay of the biography of Marie Curie. After that, we were dismissed.

Yeah well, good thing I'm not in school to make friends.

OoOoOoOo

I looked at Li and demanded "what did you do that for?"

Li shrugged. "Ivanna and her friends will pound you if you agreed. You embarrassed her sister and best friend. And when I say pummel, I mean pummel. They are the Cindy Crawfords of the school… only bitchier.".

I snorted, "I am not afraid of some Ms. Popular. I've never gotten along with people like them. And I'm pretty sure she doesn't like me, so I have no intention to pretend I don't feel the same."

"Hey, we're on the same club. Ivanna and I once dated but she got too possessive and followed me everywhere! And she has this certain smell that I can't put a finger into…"

"Ohhhh… so you smelled the BO and hairspray and perfume rolled into one, too?" I raised an eyebrow in surprise "I actually thought you like her."

"That's bull. AND she is way too vain and clingy. And we tried to play basketball and five seconds later she was shrieking about breaking a nail or something…"

"Shoot. Geez, what is up with that?" I rolled my eyes and headed for the door with Li. " I will never understand why they take the time to put all that gunk. And basketball is very easy. I cannot believe she does not like it. Then again… maybe I do…"

"Uh-huh. YOU? PLAYING BASKETBALL?" Li pretended to look surprised. "You know how to play? Much less dribble? That is one hell of a joke, Kinomoto".

Recognizing challenge, I raised and eyebrow. "Wanna bet?"

"Fine. Meet you in the court. Loser will clean the bathroom of my house for a week."

"You're on".

And you know what, I guess, in a way, I DID gain a friend. Friends, actually, because we were later cheered on by Tomoyo and the others. I guess they ARE friends, no matter how irritating, annoying or a freakin' pain in the butt they may be. Especially this guy.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I cannot believe what I am seeing. In fact, I cannot believe this is happening. I mean, I've always thought that Sakura's going to be a loner here but I guess I was wrong. Definitely wrong. Because, as shocking as it may seem, she was a hit. Especially with the boys. Not the I'm-crushing-on-you hit but the hey-join-our-group hit. They actually like her. And the ladies even asks her for advice about the masculine gender because she seems to be so 'finely in tune' with it.

Then, I got an even bigger surprise when a bunch of boys asked me if there was some way that they can ask her out for a date. That threw me off. Seriously. I asked them what the hell did they saw in her. They said she was pretty and athletic and down-to-earth and the only girl who could level with them in sports… plus sweet. Wait a minute… SWEET? Oh yeah, and pigs can fly…. I can still feel the throb of the stomp she gave me…

And yeah, she is very pretty but with her complete lack of poise and femininity, it's very hard to see it. I only saw it because I've been friends with Tomoyo for so long. I guess these guys are smarter than I gave them credit for… . In any case, I told them not to get their hopes up since Sakura would probably ram a fist down their throats if they try to do anything stupid.

AND when they found out that she was temporarily living in my house, a rumor started saying that we were engaged! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? During gym class, two of my friends actually said things to me that made me loose my concentration and drop the baseball bat I was holding.

Brian: Sooooo level with us, how far have you gotten with Sakura?

Me: huh?

Lei: Don't play innocent. She's living with you, right?

Brian: Bet you've #!(, haven't you?

Me: (shocked) No!

Brian: don't play games with us, man. You've probably &4/-#, haven't you!

Then, they suddenly lunged themselves at me and targeted my poor neck…

Lei: (arms wrapped around my head) YOU'VE PROBABLY EVEN #$(!$

Brian: (strangling me) AND MAYBE EVEN HAD #4!

Me: (horrified and choking to death) ME? WITH A TOMBOY LIKE HER! YECHHH!

After I finally yelled at them to stop or I'll pummel them, we watched the girls—or rather, Sakura— play baseball. She was currently running towards second base in a completely unfeminine way. As in the proper way of running. Like athletic girls. Only more manly. And Lei went, "man, she's cute.."

Me: (blushing and heart thumping) no, she's not…

Inner voice: yes, she is…

Pfft. In any case, nobody can piss her off but me. Nobody can insult her but me and NOBODY dates her except m—whatever. You get the point.

OoooooooooOOOOOOO English Class OoooooooooOOOOOOO

"Class, as you all know, the Robert Stevenson Fair is coming up. This year, each level is assigned to do one form of entertainment." Ms Mizuki told the class, "and this year, our level is assigned to…" she got out a white chart form under the table and placed it on the blackboard.

"…a play".

The class immediately burst into excited conversations. The teacher beamed and went on that the play is about a prince and princess about to be married only two moons away. Unfortunately, a month before the wedding, the bride-to-be mysteriously disappeared. Worried that the people may start worrying that something bad was going to happen, the prince and his father enlisted the help of a lone traveler who looks almost EXACTLY like the princess.

"But there was one tiny problem," Ms Mizuki said, "the traveler, pretty she may be, completely lacked grace and poise. So with the help of a few experts they will attempt to turn this girl into a lady fit to be a temporary princess".

Chiharu grinned, "and let me guess, they fall in love?"

The teacher nodded. "Yes. But there's another flaw. What if the princess came back to claim what was rightfully hers? And will the people ever accept a mere traveler as a queen if they ever get the chance to be together?"

As she droned on and asked who would like to volunteer to write the script, Eriol swiveled around in his seat and raised an eyebrow at Tomoyo, saying in an amused voice, "why do I get the feeling this plot seems a little too familiar?"

Tomoyo nodded. "Yep. Ms. Mizuki practically told us a medieval form of what's happening with our dear friend." They looked at Li and Sakura, who were currently bickering two seats behind.

"Okay, each one of you will write his or her name on a blank on this chart. Each blank corresponds to a certain character of the play. Don't worry there's enough for everybody," Ms Mizuki said.

"So do you think they'll fall in love?"

"Hell yes."

After all of them finally wrote their names, the teacher peeled of the sticker hiding the characters of the story, excitedly saying, "okay, now let's see the luck student who will play the part of the prince." She traced the lines going down… down… down…

"Li Xiao-Lang! Stand up please!"

The whole class burst into hoots and cheers. Xiao-Lang gave a smirk and stood up, bowing to the class in a princely way and sat back down.

"Wow, wonder who's the unlucky girl that will get picked to play the princess.." Sakura snickered, watching as Li looked miffed.

"Are you kidding me? Most girls would die just to be with me. Even just a play." Li grinned.

"Yeah… and they'll probably die due to your inflated ego."

"Say that again and I'll set you up with Akira"

"I'll set you up with Ivanna".

"Haha" Li said sarcastically. "Who knows? YOU may be the one who'll play the princess."

"That," Sakura said, lounging on her seat and chewing a bubblegum "is not gonna happen, Li Xiao-Lang."

"And the part of the princess will be played by……" Ms Mizuki stared at the name with both amusement and surprise.

"Me!" A girl said out loud.

"It's me!" another one yelled.

"No, ME!" Ivanna yelled, making the gang snicker.

"The part will be played by none other than…" Ms Mizuki smiled, devilishly and winked.

"Sakura Kinomoto".

**a/n: thank you for all who reviewed! R & R PLEASE!**

**Later and Lotsa Love,**

**CalCarrie**


	4. Meet the Eggnog

**Note: Sakura is going to play the _traveler_ NOT the princess. got carried awaybout the whole princess thing.bwahahahhaa...Really sorry for making the stupid mistake….**

**Chapter 4**

**Meet the Egg…nog.**

Robert Stevenson University has a very prestigious world-wide reputation. This school shapes the best lawyers, doctors engineers, painters, dancers etc. around the world. Equipped with a nine thousand acre or so land and advanced technology, RSU is like a mini island. Think CLAMP School. Only not isolated from the rest of Japan.

Anyway, RSU has a certain building with 2 floors. 1st floor is for he weights, rooms for meditation and exercises that improves you cardiovascular system and hopefully helps desperate insecure students to loose weight, treadmills and stuff. 2nd floor is the training ground. Or so they say, thing is, this floor is like one big practice floor for the Jackie Chan and Bruce Lee of the next generation. Aside from that, this is a floor where irritated students can shave off some steam on poor dummies.

Which is exactly what Sakura Kinomoto was currently doing.

"You'll be perfect for the traveler… must participate or you'll fail… you can't exchange roles with a nail clipper…," she muttered darkly under her breath, repeating what everybody said during their Eng. Class, kicking and punching a dummy with all her might.

"You are so lucky!" she added sarcastically. "Lucky, my ass…" she yelled and landed a forty-five kick on the dummy.

Damn, stupid traveler who has to look like the princess. Stupid play. Stupid plot. Argh! Punch. Kick. Punch to the left.

"Come on, Kinomoto," a masculine voice entered her mind.

Sakura didn't need to look up to know who it was. "No freaking way".

"Why not?" Li raised an eyebrow and stood in front of her, with the dummy separating them.

She rolled her eyes and flailed her boxing gloved-hands in the air. "Because I do not want to play some bimbo in a frilly dress that goes by the name of something as disgusting as Amelia Bumbetts!"

"No, you're not," Li chided, smirking and now standing beside the dummy. "You'll pass PHEM and be an important part of the play".

"Yeah, in a hoopskirt". With a yell, she slammed her right foot on the left of the dummy's neck. Since Li was leaning on the right, he got kicked as well. "What was that for!" he huffed and got up, feeling slightly dazed.

"Anyway, you're fit for the part of the traveler. A traveler's body's lean. You do a few butt-shaping exercises," he slapped her butt, (insert owner's growl) "making you tighten this up some more and you're ready!"

Heaving a sigh of irritation, she whirled around. "You know what? Tighten this up!". She jumped and curled an arm tightly around Li's neck. "Why the hell did she pick me, anyway?" she demanded. "Is it a woman thing?".

With surprising strength, Li managed to remove her strangle and swung a foot on her knee, making her fall on her back to the ground. Pinning her down, he rolled his eyes, "don't kid yourself. Nobody thinks of you that way". They were not aware of the scene they were making.

"Sit! SIT DOWN, man!" a fat guy said to his partner in fencing. His friend sshed him and handed the popcorn as they sat on the bleachers.

Sakura managed to get the upper hand. She pinned him to the ground by sitting on his chest and her thighs on either side of his face. A vein pulsed on her temple when she growled, "this may seem as a shock to you but I've never been a part of play, much less having the part of temporary princess. Like it or not, I don't even own a dress. I don't even own a brush!"

She cursed when Li crossed his legs on top of her chest and rose up with Sakura's legs were still pinned on his face and snorted, "which part of that was suppose to _shock _me?" he said sarcastically.

They both struggled to get up and only succeeded landing on their side, since neither wants to free the other from one's iron-leg grip.

"Okay," Sakura mumbled through her feet-scrunched face "let's suspend reality for a minute and pretend I said yes. You mean I have to endure every rehearsal and some Princess Diaries-like etiquette sessions and how to wear high heels and stuff?"

"Damn straight" Li's muffled voice responded. "The talking, the dress, the cute little scene where we dance and kiss!". he made a lip-like image with his hands and put them together.

She shuddered and blushed, struggling to get out and finally they separated.

"Okay, 50 bucks on Li," Watcher B told his partner.

"I don't know, man. She's got a lot of rage," Watcher A furrowed his eyebrows uncertainly.

Sakura did something straight out of Randy Orton's book and jumped and landed on her side on Li's back with her right elbow out. Li swore and got up in a way that said 'you are dead, you hear me?'

"I'll take that bet."

He picked her up bridal-style, heaved her up and slammed her down to the floor. "Shit," Sakura panted as she lay on the floor, listening to the claps and cheers for the Li, who was bowing.

"Ha!" Watcher B whooped. His friend looked put down.

"So are you saying I have to play the traveler?" Sakura groaned.

Li bent down and smirked, placing his hands on his hips. "Yeah, you have to play the traveler."

She said nothing and instead, to show that she was irritated, slid her leg clockwise on the floor and slammed it on Li's ankle with all the strength that she could. BAM! Li hit the floor, making the crowd go "woah!" and wincing.

"You go, girl," Watcher A smirked smugly and wiggled his fingers to the loser of the bet.

LI'S POV

"I cannot imagine why some people are so willing to act on a play" Sakura said as we made our way to the stone steps of a massive salon owned by Meiling's parents.

I shrugged "who knows? A chance to see the world… to be discovered… money… I have no idea. Chill, will you? It's only a school play."

" I cannot stay calm" she burst out. "I have been through all these crap before and it all cracked. THEY all cracked, let me tell you."

"Sheesh," I rolled my eyes. "Please clarify. The expert make-overists cracked or you made them crack?".

"Okay, so I made them crack" she admitted. "The one who can stand me and successfully cope with my attitude especially during these…," she shuddered, "lady lessons or whatever is a saint. Most of them cracked under a week. I give this one a month," she announced.

"Yeah well, too bad. Because this time, you are working with Micheal—uh, what's his name again?—Cordove or something. Fine, let's call him Daisy the Rock, because like it or not, you, Kinomoto, are finally going to meet your match."

"Where's Yamazaki?" she interrupted abruptly, intent on changing the subject.

"On the court shooting hoops while waiting for the girls"

"Lucky guy" she muttered ruefully.

I can't help but laugh at the tone of her voice, because I really do feel sorry for her. I overheard Tomoyo and Rika chatting excitedly about this guy, and from what I gathered, once Cordova sets his claws on a prey, there was no stopping him. Okay, so it's not like I WANTED to listen to them. Truth is, I was tied to a chair, literally, (because I was suppose to be the one who leads the team. But I did not) and was forced to listen while playing hangman with an equally bored soul, Eriol, who, instead of being tied to a chair, was tied to a pillar because he tried to escape.

And another reason why I'm feeling sorry for her is because all the lessons and makeover treatments will be held in the expensive and internationally- acclaimed Versaci Haven, exactly where we were. It is, by looking at her horrified expression when we were within 15 feet of the Haven, probably one of the places she abhors the most. And judging from the strategic position of having been built near 4 rich villages and its enormous and grand 2 story, 60 feet long structure, Meiling's parents weren't hurting for money either.

We entered the spa/salon/whatever and our feet sunk on the red carpet. "You ready?" I asked a now pissed Sakura.

"Ready to run or ready to die or ready to kill or ready for hell?"

"Ready for hell"

"No"

"Hm… that's bad."

"Why?"

"Because judging from your expression, I think you're already in it."

-OOO Sakura's POV-oooo

"So when is the guy coming?" I asked irritably. I mean, come on, we have been waiting for a freakin hour and nobody has seen neither hide nor hair of this 'Cordova' that Tomoyo worships.

Said worshipper smiled and said cheerfully, "oh don't be so irritable! You'll like him!"

"I doubt it," I said stubbornly as I leaned against the pillar near the door. Seriously, I should be watching 'NBAs Greatest Games' by now but noooo…

I have been dragged to one of the places that I abhor the most to wait for my impending doom. Tomoyo, Meiling, Eriol and Li were with me, scattered around the large and disgustingly pink lounge of Versaci. I just remembered, since I am being forced against my will to have these stupid 'lady' lessons, it must mean that we will definitely have a lesson about the difference between the male and female….

I shudder to think of what kind of crap I have gotten myself into.

The door suddenly opened and this girl entered followed by this penguin-suited guy flanked by 2 Tyra Banks-like girls. I don't want to be rude to the poorly styled but this guy was bald in a way which is the baldest I have ever seen. He looks like a boiled egg in a penguin suit. Except eggs are way more attractive, of course.

"Michael!" Tomoyo greeted him enthusiastically and rushed to meet the legendary Cordo—er –whatever.

Eggy-my brand new nickname for Mr. Baldy- smiled and rushed ahead. To my irritation and surprise, he threw his extremely heavy bag to my arms, knocking the breath outta me and impatiently said, "here boy, hold my bag". I glared at his back and met Li's gaze on the way. He was trying hard not to laugh.

The opposite sex definitely has some screws loose.

As I stood behind Eggnog, he beamed at both Tomoyo and Meiling and gushed, "how are the two most beautiful girls in the world?"

Meiling blushed and smiled. "Fine, thank you. So, are you ready for the hardest project ever?"

Tomoyo added, "I'm sure with your expertise, you will turn her into the gorgeous young lady that we all know she is!." She winked at Eriol and Li, who snorted disbelievingly.

"I always am, but," Eggnog frowned, "I see no other lady in the room. Perhaps she forgot?"

Silence

"But she's here!" Li said, laughing.

"Where? I see no one?" Eggnog scratched his head, puzzled, looking around and ignoring me.

"There she is, Michael," Eriol said, pointing at me, grinning.

Eggnog turned and looked at me. After two seconds, he let out an ear-splitting shriek and threw both his hands face up in the air. Now, I cannot help but say that if he looks like a boiled egg when relaxed, he now looks like a constipated potato. Ooohhhh…

"Hi," I said politely, grinning.

"Y-you're a—" he stuttered, then shut his mouth and coughed. One—zero to me.

"Well… uhm… let's see… turn around…." Eggnog muttered, obviously flustered. I smirked and twirled around slowly. I saw his eyes getting wider and wider…

"Yes… yes… your eyebrows are bushy, it will need trimming… is that—gasp!---grease on your nose? What have you done to your beautiful hair? It is like a tangled wire! You have frequent exposure to the sun, haven't you? Well, no more! You're cheeks need a little more glow, you have the very unlady-like posture and expressions. your skin's obviously smooth, but disgustingly covered in grime… SACRE BLEU!" he exclaimed and turned around to face my friends.

"I, Michael Cordova, have never seen such a lady in need of dire help!" he announced as if he was announcing about the end of the world, "but do not despair, Michael will succeed. These hands," he thrusted them out as if they were gold that we should worship, "has touched the heads of Angelina Jolie, Tyra Banks and such like them and made 9 out of ten of his clients Ms. Universe! He, that is, I, will succeed! But with great necessities!"

He started ticking them off in his fingers while we were listening intently and one of his girls were writing. "Waxing, facial, protein treatment, manicure, diamond peel, pedicure…."

He droned on and on and on about these whatsits which sounds a helluva a lot useless and expensive (judging from one of his girls expression of awe and incredulity and Li and the other's faces). And then he added that I will have lessons for walking, talking, eating, dating and lots of other stuff that I bet would not help me one bit but motivate me to murder him instead.

Dream on, oh mad bald one.

While he was busy ranting about my poorly formed homosapien form, I stomped over to Li and hissed, "why didn't you tell me that I will have to endure 180 pounds of useless fat in penguin suits with the motive of scraping off my sanity just for a play?"

He snickered. Oooohhhhh, how I would love to punch that cute smile off that cu—I mean—ugly face. "You didn't ask" he said lightly.

"Why I oughta…" I started my tirade, ready to yell to the whole freakin world that they are useless when it comes to protection of teens against deranged gay beauticians, when said deranged guy motioned towards me, "you, honey, come here".

I walked as unlady-like as I could and to my satisfaction, he seems to get more constipated. Ah, revenge is sweet. I should be doing something useful now, like planning the untimely demise of the Li clan's heir.

"On Saturday, 2 days from now, I want you here with your friends so that we can begin our first lesson precisely at 9:00 am and also discuss future lessons. Do not be late and do something with that bag of yours, got it?" he peered at me through Ralph Lauren sunglasses.

"Yeah," I said stiffly.

"Yes," he corrected.

"Yeah?" I asked, confused.

"YES! A lady must not have such horrid words in her vocabulary. Proper ladies say 'yes'. Not the street language 'yeah', okay?"

Forget it. Eggs are definitely more attractive AND smarter.

"And what is that you're wearing!" he gasped and pointed at my jersey. I changed on my way here. "Such mannish sandals!" he sputtered indignantly, now looking at my shoes. "Michael does not approve of such horrid things seen on women. I want to see you in stockings and flip-flops the next time I see you. Michael also does not want to see you chewing gum again, you hear? It makes you look like a hoochie mama…"

blahblahblah…

OOO

"They're getting along quite well, aren't they?" Tomoyo commented.

"Yep. If you call an urge for assassination 'getting along'" Meiling said, amused. They watched as the expression of incredulity and irritation deepened on Sakura's face as she listened to Cordova's droning, who seemed oblivious to the murderous expression on his client's gaze.

"I give them 2 weeks" Eriol dared.

"4 weeks" Li countered, watching the auburn-haired girl with a soft expression on his face.

"Loser will clean the winner's room for a week"

"Done".

**a/n: so how'd you like it? really sorry for my pathetic attempts at humor. my creativiosity (i did this spelling on purpose) is low. i hope i did not bore you to death, though! thank you for the reviews! never thought it would garner that much. anywayz, sorry for the grammatical mistakes. i have the vocabulary of Eggnog. in any case, PLEEEEEAAAAASSSSEEEEE REVIEW!**

**Ciao... for now.**

**CalCarrie**


	5. Lesson one: Walking Like A Lady

**I'm back! thank you for everyone who reviewed! oh and just to answer your questions, this story is not a crossover between ms congeniality and princess diaries. it MAY have some familiar scenes with both movies, but i promise that the only scene that i intentionally copied was the fight scene.**

His mother shouldn't have named him Michael, because Michael is a name for the good and kind like, for example, that angel who duffed Satan to a pulp with a sword. His name was Michael. Now THAT is a guy worthy of the holy name of Michael, someone who saves people from their untimely demise and tortures… NOT lead the torturing session. Unlike THIS guy.

Actually, his full name is Michaelangelo Paolo Fresco**baldi **Vivaldi Gregorio Cordova. Nicknamed "Michael" or "Paolo".

But of course, I'm thinking more on the lines of "Baldy", "Eggy/Eggnog", "Hitler" and "Tyrant".

OOOOOOO

"How the hell can I fit into these things?" I asked dubiously, indignantly waving the stockings in front of Tomoyo and Meiling. They were about half my size and can probably be a cause of an amputation of someone's legs.

Meiling plucked them from me and exasperatedly said, "it's stretchable, see?" She pulled on both ends to demonstrate the point.

"Now, please put them on since we are 20 minutes late for you lessons!" Tomoyo added quickly, repeatedly looking at her watch.

I snorted, "let Eggy wait, for all I care. Let's hope he'll throw in the white flag."

"Now Sakura, be a good girl and wear the stockings," Li drawled at the far corner of the vast music room sitting on one of the chairs with, as usual, Eriol. I wanted to strangle them. I really do.

"Sod off."

"Come on Sakura," Tomoyo prodded on.

"No freakin' way," I said stubbornly.

Looking at her watch, Meiling frowned and looked at me. "We don't have much time," she said loudly and took a step forward.

"You, Sakura Kinomoto, are going to wear stockings and you are going to LIKE IT!" Tomoyo said firmly. On the words 'like it', they lunged at me and dragged me out of the door. They manhandled me, let me tell you. It is so unfair because.

One. It is 2 against one.

Two. I'm impaired by wearing only a bathrobe while they are fully dresses and

Three. They have hundreds of fashion magazines behind them, lending their fashion antics superhuman strength.

OOOOOO

Li and Eriol listened sympathetically as Sakura's outrage and the girls' insistent voices drifted across the room.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING! YOU ARE NOT MAKING ME WEAR A THONG, DO YOU HEAR ME!"

"STAND STILL, SAKURA! MEILING, GET ME THE DRESS BEFORE SHE ESCAPES!"

"TOMOYO, SHE'S GETTING AWAY! GET HER!"

"WHADDYA THINK I AM, A CHIPMUNK! WHAT ARE DOING? NO…NO… AHHHHH!"

Li shuddered and passed the chips to Eriol, who was sprawled on the carpet and reading comics "I wonder if she'll survive," Li mused loudly.

Eriol smirked, "I wouldn't trade places with her right now. Survive? Maybe—" he was cut off when a screech shook the whole mansion.

"I'M BEING SEXUALLY HARRASSED!" Sakura screeched.

Eriol got up and pretended to wipe a tear. "Bless her soul". They laughed and went out of the door.

"Want to get some soda?" Li suggested.

"Sure".

OOOOOOoooOOOOOO

"I thought I'm attending lady lessons, not…" I gestured at a pile of books "Geography… History… Computer…Law and… uh-huh… MATH?" I snorted incredulously.

After arriving at Versaci garbed in a hideously dressy dress (in addition to the tight stockings they forced on me), Eggnog swooped down at me and yelled for 30 minutes straight about how ladies should value punctuality and all that. After realizing that I am neither sorry not listening, he gave up and led me to this huge, empty room with only a pile of books as occupants. He looked irritated when I asked about them.

Well, nice try, Eggy boy, but you are not the only one in a bad mood. Scorching looks won't work on THIS girl, honey.

"We will not use them to read" he said calmly. That's when I knew I was in big trouble: he went from deadly to docile. "We will use them," he grabbed 3 books and placed them on top of his head, "for walking!" he clarified. He walked in a circle and-much to my disappointment, finished without the books crushing his foot. Damn.

"Okay, put one book on top of your head," Eggnog instructed crisply and handed me a book. I raised my eyebrows at the title of the book and snickered, "'_How to grow your hair the fastest way possible'_?" I showed it to him. "Look Egg- I mean, Michael, hate to break it to you buddy but your hair is not like what most mentally deranged blokes have. It will probably take like, 10 years or so-"

"JUST DO IT!" he bellowed, reddening. Two-zero to me.

I blinked. "Okay, easy there horsey, no need to go Nike on me…" I muttered and placed the book on top of my head. At least, I tried to since the stupid book kept sliding down. "What the hell?" I grumbled, annoyed. "Hey!" I added indignantly when Eggy whacked me in the head with his pen. Hard. "What the hell was that for?"

"Do NOT swear!" he frowned. Shhhhhiiiiiitttttt…… bwahahaha…

God, I'm going insane.

"Now, in order to achieve and KNOW that you are walking and standing properly, you must not let the books fall, no matter how hard it is for you!" he said sternly, walking around me with FOUR books on top of his head… in different sizes. Seriously, I KNEW there was something weird about his head. I thought eggs are round? Why's his flat? Hmm…

"Now, stand straight, chest out!" he started authoritatively. "Stomach in, butt out!"

"WHAT!" I exclaimed, the book toppling to the floor. I picked it up and replaced it again. Li is sooooo going to pay for this.

"JUST DO IT!"

Then when I finally managed to balance 2 books (with the sacrifice of chopped off toes caused by 200-pound encyclopedias), he brought out a pair of shoes that I loathe to the level of supremacy: high hells. Heels. Whatever. 3-inched, wicked looking, pointed and ugly stilettos. Help me, god.

"No. No freakin way," I adamantly said, backed away. Unfortunately, he just shook his bald flat head and came after me. He, even after all my struggling, which is a LOT, managed to jam those stupid things on my feet.

He smiled triumphantly and said, "now, stand straight and walk… properly!"

Clumsily, I took a step. Another step. Another one. Four more steps. I can actually walk with these stupid things attached to my feet! "Ha! I'm doing it!" I cheered triumphantly. "I'm—gah!" I gasped when something terrible, something horrible, something so spectacularly horrifying happened: I tripped.

Then, like in those action movies like 'Kill Bill' and 'Mission Impossible', everything seems to slow down. Even our voices slowed and became deep. First, my left foot twisted and I was silenced. I lost my balance and went "NOOOOOO!" and started falling down. Of course, no SANE person wants a broken nose so I grabbed the first thing that my hands came in contact with. And, wonder of wonders, I grabbed not a chicken, not a pillar… something much MUCH worse.

Eggy's pants.

Then, I started taking his pants with me. As in it started falling down, revealing his underwear. Eggy went all yellow and "MY PANTS! NOOOOOOO!". With the final sounds of belts snapping and heels breaking (YES!) , I fell down at Eggy's feet.

With a groan of pain, I started getting up when his voice stopped me. "Stay!" it commanded me. "Do not… I repeat… DO NOT LOOK UP UNTIL I HAVE MY PANTS BACK ON!" he said in a tense and flustered voice.

Eggy? Flustered and tense? Intrigued and curious to find something finally worthy of blackmail, I took a peek, tilting my head up a bit and froze. Woah… YECH!

To make sure I wasn't hallucinating this JUICY piece of blackmail, I looked at the mirror behind Eggy, one that he did not see, and took a look at his butt. I shuddered while he finally covered the hideous sight.

Double yuck.

OOOOOO

"Li? Li!" I called out as I strode in the mansion after my session. I stomped into the back where this huge pool was, currently occupied by said person.

The figure immediately surfaced, its owner's head in the edge where I sat. "What's up?" he asked casually, his hair dripping wet, well, actually, his whole body's wet. Duh.

I grunted and started making little cirlcles in the water "Li, I don't know if you are just blind or purposely playing innocent but as you can see, I am NOT fit for this girly role… nor the lessons … nor withstanding 2 months of Eggy's reign".

"Okay, why the sudden change?" he asked, water dripping from his hair and eyelashes.

"Because Eggnog is the reincarnation of Hitler himself. Would you believe that he actually forced my to walk with books on top of my head and made me wear 3 to 4 inch heels since yesterday?" I burst out.

"And look!" I held up my right foot, where there was a huge bruise covered with a bandage right smack at the back of my heel, which was currently red. "After tripping forty seven times, had a look at Eggy's humonguous pantibus and wearing stockings that cut off my blood circulation, I got this! How in the world am I going to attend and PLAY during basketball and baseball practice tomorrow!" I raged. "Coach would never allow me to play until it healed."

"So are you telling me you're backing out?"

"Yes" I said flatly as I got up. At least, I was about to when he suddenly grabbed my arm.

"Look, nobody said this was going to be easy" he said. When I didn't answer, he rolled his eyes and tugged at my arm, forcing me to sit down and lean closer. "All of Eggy's clients agreed that he's a bit of a butthead, but that is his technique to motivate them. Although he's a bit of a pain, look at where most of his clients are now. And yeah, some of them backed down but, Kinomoto, although it pains me to admit it, you are the most strong-willed woman that I've ever met, nevermind the fact that I've met you only a week ago. If anybody can tolerate his Hitlerism, you can.

"Wow, cheesy" I stated seriously, eyebrow quirking. He rolled his eyes with a half smile.

"Oi.". He got hold of my chin and made me look at him. God, those gor-I mean, ugly- eyes are KILLING me. "And if you quit, who's gonna be my other half in the play?" he questioned in a pained voice. "Kinomoto, if Ivanna ends up playing the part I swear I will hunt you down, got it?"

I can't help but grin. "Was that a compliment?"

"Damn straight. It took me my dignity and pride to say it. So you better not quit!" he huffed, letting my chin go and crossing his arms on the edge.

"FINE!" I said, exasperated. "On one condition" I added.

He looked wary. "What condition?"

"I will get to borrow your Xbox and your BMW fro the whole month."

"Done"

"You really are that desperate, aren't you?"

"Yep. Of course, I'll also have a condition."

I looked at him warily. "What?".

Then, his smile turned devilish, like how Meiling looked like when she saw the fifty percent off on all items in the Chanel store downtown. "If it involves anything perverted, I wi—"

"No!" he blushed then pretended to think. "Hm… that's an idea. OW! I was just joking!" he grumbled when I pinched him.

"I want you…," he smirked and grabbed my arm, "to have fun".

"Wha-?" I started. Then, it dawned on me. My gaze flitted from the pool to his hand. I glared at him full force and tried to pry my arm away. But to my dismay, the stupid thing only tightened. "Li, if you are thinking of doing what I THINK you are thinking of doing, I swear I will skin you and chop you within an inch of your—!"

"Sorry, cherry," he drawled, "but you need it. Trust me".

"NO! LI, DO NOT DO—AH!"

I screeched as he pulled and sent me toppling into the pool. Cold water seeped through the damned dress I was wearing and made contact with my skin. I quickly surfaced and swam to the edge and pulled myself up.

Of course, I was ABOUT to when Li's arms suddenly encircled my waist and brought me back down. I choked when his breath suddenly blew on my ear and he said, "oh no you don't".

We looked like fools, really. We played Drown Your Partner or whatever. He was so… well… cheeky that I splashed water in his face to wipe that stupid grin off his face. "Wanna play splash now, huh?" he said mildly and, to my surprise, a blast of water splashed me full in the face.

I gagged and glared at him. "Oh, you are going to get it, buddy!".

We fought like crazy after that and forty-five years of water later we managed to drag ourselves outta the pool and laid down the concrete. I panted and got up. He smiled "now wasn't that fun?" he teased and sat up.

I smirked. "No, it wasn't. Thanks anyway."

He gaped at me. "You're not MAD?"

"Nope."

He pouted, his face falling. "WHY?"

"Simple pimple. It's because it pisses you off."

I punched him lightly and stood up, impatiently throwing the stupid heels into the pool. With all the dignity I have left, I walked towards the entrance to the mansion. Before opening the door, I nonchalantly said over my shoulder, "I hope you know I'm borrowing your cell for this". Hm… no comeback from smarty pants. Whatever. I went inside and shut the door behind me.

OOOOOOO Meanwhile…OOOO

"Woah……," Tomoyo watched as Sakura walked towards the door.

"Yeah… woah," Meiling agreed, awestruck as she recorded the whole thing on tape.

It wasn't the fact that they were behind the huge bush near the Jacuzzi and spied a cute moment. OOH NOO...

Well, that and the scene right now.

Sakura wasn't walking like a monkey that escaped from jail. No, she was walking with her spine straight, chin up… everything that Eggy taught. She looked… well… _regal._ Seductive with her hips swaying slightly. And the fact that her lavender dress was currently clinging to every curve of her body did NOT lessen it. In fact, you can pretty much add 'sexy' and 'provocative' to the list.

"My god, who knew Sakura walks so gracefully?" Tomoyo breathed.

"I don't care!" Meiling giggled with mirth, "take a look at my dear cousin!"

Sure enough, Li was staring at Sakura, mouth open. GAPING, actually. Nobody can blame him, really. It was like seeing Yelan dancing to hiphop music.

"He's stunned!" Tomoyo said excitedly. "And blushing!".

Meiling tugged at Tomoyo's shirt. "Come on! Let's show this to Michael!"

"Yeah. Lesson one: Walking Like A Lady, is officially successful!" Tomoyo said happily.

OOOOOOOO

I leaned my head against the door of my room.

No, my heart is not banging against my chest because of what happened.

No, I am not blushing because he preferred me over Ivanna.

No, I am not feeling guilty because I ate all his Cheetos.

No, I do not think he's cute.

Yes, I think he's ugly.

Do I?

DO I?

Damn.

I looked at the mirror and did double take.

Double damn.

**a/n: so do you like it? yeah yeah i know it's pretty dull and boring and probably put you asleep halfway through but i still hope you enjoyed even a TEENY bit. PLEASE REVIEWWWWWWWW!**

**Later and lotsa Love,**

**CalCarrie**


	6. Screwed Up Seductions

Screwed Up Seductions

Li mansion (Wednesday afternoon—after school)

Li's POV

You know what, I learned something today: when you suddenly remember that you were supposed to have a girl over as a kind of 'house date', you should remember it at least 4 hours before the arranged time… not 10 minutes because you were too busy playing video games.

Oh, and when said girl is over, it is always good to have pets, water and a skateboard. Plus, always lock your bedroom. Oh, and if you FORGOT to lock your bedroom, it is always handy to have someone like Sakura as company.

OoOOOoOo

"GET OUT OF THE WAY!" Sakura yelled as she expertly pressed the buttons of her controls, twisting around her couch the same way her car swerved around Li's.

"NO, YOU GET OUT OF THE WAY!" Li bellowed back. He grinned when the flat screen TV showed the FINISH LINE. "YESSS!"

"OH NO, YOU DON'T! HEY! YOU ARE DESTROYING MY CAR, YOU IDIOT!"

"I AM GOING TO BEAT YOU, KINOMOTO!"

"OH YEAH? WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT!" They elbowed each other the same way their cars are banging each other in the hopes of skewering it and making it first.

The finish line was only 10 feet away…5 feet away…

"YES! YES! YES!"

They were nearing the yellow line… closer… closer…

"EAT MY DUST, LI XIAO-LANG! EAT MY DUST!"

"I AM GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS, KINOMOTO! I AM GOING TO KICK YOU'RE A—!"

Then the screen went blank.

They stared at the screen in shock. Then, their speechless, shocked faces swiveled to the directions of the socket, now currently devoid of the plugs from both the TV and the Xbox. WHERE IS THE STUPID SOCKET? They followed the direction of the wire with their eyes. It went up… up… up… they saw the feet of a woman… the torso… a neck…

They stared at the stern face of Rose, the resident housekeeper of the mansion. And in her hand, clutched between 2 fingers, were the plugs.

They jerked out of their stupor. "NOOOOOOO!" they wailed, throwing their controls in the air and dashing towards Rose, horrified.

"Why the hell did you do that for?" Li asked disbelievingly. "I was about to beat Kinomoto to oblivion!"

"Was not! It was YOUR butt that was about to be kicked to Loser Nation," Sakura argued.

Rose cut their bickering short by saying, "Master Li, do you know what time it is?"

Li looked at the clock and shrugged. "3:50 pm. What about it?"

"Didn't you arrange a date with Miyu Okinawa last week? You told her to come over today at 4:00 in the afternoon… which, if you have not noticed is only 10 minutes away."

Li's eyes widened when he remembered. "Shit! But I am not the one who asked for that stupid date! Mother forced me! I thought it was canceled! Aw, crap!"

Sakura snickered. "Miyu Okinawa? As in the girl that tried to drug you yesterday? Sheesh Li, I never thought you have such a bad taste! Kanzaki is the biggest skank in the whole batch!"

"I DO NOT LIKE HER!"

Then, they heard the sound of the doorbell. Rose looked smug, " I suggest you change clothes since I think your guest I here. In the meantime, Miss Kinomoto, would you like to test out the new motorcycle? It was delivered just today".

"Well Li," Sakura said in a syrupy voice, "buh bye!" She waggled her fingers at him and made a slicing motion on her neck. The women went out into the back.

He cursed and swore as he went out of the room and went up the grand staircase, muttering, "stupid… crappy… idiotic… parrot guest… grrr.. girls… argh…my motorcycle… ARGH!"

OoOoOoOo

I will never force Eriol into a stupid date with other girls ever again.

Right now, I am sitting on a dining set flanked on a wooden whatever on water and I am currently thinking of jumping over the water instead of taking the bridge. It's so much faster, don't you agree?

Because I now know how it feels to date with a person you hate with every fiber of your being.

Miyu Okinawa, 18 years old, is practically the biggest bimbo in school. Not as high on the scale as Ivanna but one still. I do NOT like her. And yeah, she's pretty and tall and leggy but, come one, behind the blue eyes and under the blond hair is a brain filled with lipsticks and nail polish. How stupid can you get? And she's wearing a tight-fitting, midriff-baring top and large pants. I guess she's trying to hide how bad her butt looks like.. or how big… ahem… (did not work)

And her favorite topic is herself. Conceited, let me tell you.

"So, Syaoran," she cooed cutely, drinking from the wine glass. "Tell me about yourself".

I said in a flat voice "I am Li Xiao-Lang, 18, goes to RSU, an AIDS victim, has 15 false teeth, 12 police records, stole a watch, failed 9th grade 5 times and a bad kisser. Plus, I hate you. I really do".

She blinked and laughed softly, "you're such a joker, Syaoran. That's what I love about you."

She is sooooo damned persistent.

Then, I felt something sliding up and down my leg. HER leg. It was devoid of shoes and lazily playing with my leg. Shit, I moved mine away and then it STILL followed. I scowled at her. She looked at me seductively. Seriously, my leg is starting to itch. In an effort to keep her leg away, I 'accidentally' swiped my hand on my glass. It crashed on the tablecloth and broke. To my delight, wine dribbled all over my shirt and pants!

I coughed and tried my best to act sorrowful. "Oh, my bad. Guess I have to change…" I trailed off and dashed towards the house, ignoring her cry of- whatever. She pronounced my last name with pitches and in an absolutely annoying way. As in with 2 syllables.

"LeeEEEeee—yeeEEE!"

Shudder.

I climbed the stairs and printer towards my room. I flung the door wide open and rummaged around my drawer. "Gotta get away… gotta get away… WHERE THE FUCK ARE THE KEYS?" I hissed and flung clothes onto the floor. Suddenly, I heard the sound of my death rattle.

The door opened.

The door closed.

The door is not a friend anymore.

I whirled around and came face to face with Okinawa. Shit.

"What are you doing her?" I snapped at her.

"You were taking so long so I thought I should check up on you," she said kittenishly. Now, she was only 2 feet away from me and to my horror, she.. er… undid her belt.

I'm serious. Now, most guys would have killed for a chance like this. I mean, come one, a guy and very hot girl in a bedroom and the latter SEDUCING the former? But frankly, I have no intention of doing IT or seducing her back, because as stupid as it may sound, I do NOT want her. She is not Saku—I mean, er… the GUY should be the seducer, not the seducee. Whatever.

I pointed this out. "Technically, the guy should be the one who seduces, you know. It's a fatal blow to a man's ego if a woman does his job." The fact that I have taken off my shirt due to too much liquid soaked in it is not helping. It really isn't.

"Oh, so you ARE expecting this, aren't you?" she smiled even more. Then, to my utter horror, she started undoing the buttons on her pants. Shit.

She just CAN'T UNDERSTAND!

"Uhm, no, to tell you the truth" I said, pleased that I'm actually telling the truth.

"You have a really good body, you know" she whispered provocatively. Then, my mouth dropped open just as her pants did the same thing. Dropped, I mean. Oh, crap. Nice leg—BAD SYAORAN! BAD SYAORAN!

"Look Miyu, I really don't wanna be charged with rape". I moved towards the huge window to my right, intending to jump out of it. I do not give a damn if it's sixty feet off the ground or whatever. I hope I break my neck. That way, if ever she thinks of doing kissing of the French style, I can't participate since I'm broken.

"No one's going to know, Syaoran," she insisted and followed me and pushed her chest against mine. Double crap.

"Okinawa, please get your surgically placed… uh… chest away from me."

"You know you want it, Syao-poo."

Syao-POO? What am I, poo?

I determinedly looked anywhere except her. Gotta get away… gotta get away… gotta get away… THE DOOR! It's not locked!

The Door is still my friend.

Now, if I could just find a way to get outta here before she does something as disgusting as, er, squeezing my ass or something.

Then, I felt something squeezing said ass.

I looked at her with wide eyes, whilst she looked at me seductively. I can feel her hand on my butt! Then, I felt it scrunch up.

Ho-ly shit.

SHE SQUEEZED MY BUTT! I CANNOT BELIEVE SHE SQUEEZED MY BUTT! SHE SQUEEZED** MY** BUTT!

In a blink of an eye, I used all the strength I had to wrench away from Okinawa and sprint towards the door. "Syaoran! Where are you going?" she cried, whirling around.

I pulled the door open and said, "I'm-uh- going to get the boob-uh-boob- ARGH! BROOMS! YES, the brooms! Can't let bacteria in, you know. Later!" I dashed out of the door and flew down the stairs. I frantically tore past the terrace and dashed towards the garage. Cadillac… Benz… Jaguar… blah blah…WHERE'S THE DAMNED CAR? I went to an area near the back entrance. Aha! My BMW! I have never been so happy to see you! I hurried towards it, almost tripping on the toolbox scattered near the rear and looked at the hook where we usually keep the keys. Where is it? I guess I was so preoccupied trying to find my ticket to freedom that I didn't hear the cause of my panic.

The clunk of the High Heels of Doom sounded.

"What took you so long?" she-dracula asked me, pouting.

I banged my head on the low branch of a tree and whirled around to face Okinawa. Fortunately, she was fully dressed. Unfortunately, the car cannot save me from my demise and she fully intends to take off her clothes after she locks me in MY bedroom (what happened to my human rights?). It this was a guy, he'd be dead in 2 seconds. But it was a GIRL. I am no girl-hitter.

"I-uh-tried to find the er-MAID who knows where the broom closet is…?"

"No one's here. They're all on a break until 4:30" she said simply. "Don't worry, it's only going to take YOU and ME to have fun," she said sexily, walking towards me. "And since we're all alone, we are going to have LOTS of fun."

I nearly puked right then and there. I plan to keep my pants on, thank you very much.

Then, the most wonderful, the most blessed, the best-est thing happened: she tripped. She was there, walking, when this rolling sound started and a second later, a pair of legs appeared from under the car… then a shirt propped on a skateboard…then, I was looking at the baggy, dusty and dirty form of Sakura, who I have never been so happy to see. Okinawa was too preoccupied to eat her prey to notice so the result is the fruit of idiocy.

No, seriously, she went "EEEKKK!" and was sent sprawling at my feet. She looked so… well… hilarious that I had to laugh. HARD. Mortified, she got up and turned around. "You idiot!" she shrieked, whirling around to face the cause. "Look what you've done!".

And here is the great reply of my beloved guest, who I want to kiss: "oh, sorry".

Laughing, I addressed said guest, "what were you doing under my car?"

"Oh, just fixing something in the wheels" she said airily. As if she just noticed she was there, she asked Miyu pleasantly, "hello, who are you?". She accomplished her task: her prey was irritated.

Miyu just gaped at her. I guess I couldn't blame her. I mean, a fellow being of her gender is dressed like a guy and who, for that matter, treated her as if she was an average girl (which she is. She's just too stupid to know). Miyu, being the daughter of some big-shot businessman, is always treated like a queen. So, obviously, she expected to be feared, worshipped and spoken to as a superior, not as an equal, by Sakura, who she (obviously) thinks is way down her standards and therefore a pushover. Boy, was she ever wrong.

"Miyu Okinawa, daughter of Robert Okinawa and the fiancé of Li Xiao-Lang," she said haughtily.

Sakura tried hard not to smirk. "Okinawa Inc., right? Well, name's Sakura Kinomoto and I'm very pleased to meet you. Was I interrupting something?" she asked in that same irritating pleasant voice.

"As a matter of fact, you were. Please, kindly leave us alone" Miyu said coldly. Sakura shrugged, seemingly oblivious to the ice-cold glare and started walking away. Just as I was about to surrender to my untimely demise (I'm too young too die), we heard a bark came out of nowhere and a second later, this very cute, golden-something puppy came trotting towards our direction. "What's that?" Miyu and I asked.

"Uh… a dog?" Sakura said sarcastically. "It's from next door. His name's Kero." Then, Kero bounded towards Miyu, sniffing at her legs curiously, making her shriek, "get it away! Get it away!".

Then, I got this really… good feeling that something was about to happen to Okinawa. Maybe it was the way Sakura's eyes gleamed with anticipation or how Kero suddenly stiffened and slowly lifted his left leg (Miyu was too busy shrieking to notice), but I knew…

There was this wooshing sound, like a waterfall and a dog's satisfied purr. She froze and slowly looked down at her perfectly manicured feet. Clean feet. Except that it wasn't clean anymore. Yellow, smelly liquid seeped through her fur sandals drenched her feet. In simpler terms, Kero… well… Kero peed on her.

I have _got_ to buy that puppy.

Then, 3 things happened at the same time: Miyu screamed "MY SANDALS!", I laughed my head off and Sakura went "OH I'M SO SOOORRRRYYYY!" she said, not sounding a bit sorry at all. "Here, let me!" she grabbed the hose and turned it on. Miyu screeched, "NOOO!".

SPLASH!

Accidentally or not, Sakura still turned on the hose too much. As a result, Kanzaki, instead of being cleansed, got a waterload instead. She was drenched. REALLY DRENCHED. Now, she looked like she wanted to MURDER Sakura.

"You bitch!" she screeched. "look what you did to me!". Then, she turned to me, "aren't you gonna fire this stupid mechanic? The girl can't even control a hose! How much more if she handles you car?". Sakura stopped grinning. Now, she looked cynically amused.

I frowned. SHE called SAKURA a bitch? Oh yeah, then what is she?

"Uhm.. in case you don't know, Sakura's my guest" I said icily, joining Sakura by her side.

"G-guest?" Miyu sputtered. Then, without warning, she slapped me right on the cheek.

Why, oh why the hell am I always on the end point of a woman's wrath?

"I AM YOUR FIANCEE!" she seethed. "You two-timing bastard! While I was away with my parents on their villa you were romping around with this-this slut!". She moved to slap me again. I caught her hand before she can do it. Seriously, people are sooooo idiotic.

I wasn't smiling anymore. "OI, FIRST, this whole fiancée business? It's crap. I'm not anyone's property. Mother broke the engagement a week ago. Second, your whole I-was-away-with-my-parents is bullshit. Are you really daft to think the Li Family's not monitoring you moves when we're not together? You weren't in your parent's villa. You were in Dereck's ranch and Nick's house. We've got all the evidence we need to prove it," I snapped. I guess I was right because she flushed and backed away. "So stop preaching shit to me when you're the one who's at fault here

"And lastly," I added in a clipped tone " before you call someone something degrading, I suggest you look in the mirror first. Millionaire's daughter or not, when you are in MY property, you will respect my guests, especially," I emphasized "Sakura Kinomoto".

She stared at me. Then, she went redder and redder as if she was fighting not blow up. When the smell of Kero's pee started getting worse, she huffed and stomped away, casting us a very surly look before disappearing.

Ooooo—oooo---ooo---

"She squeezed your butt!" Sakura asked, howling with laughter.

"Laugh all you want, buster, but it was way unnerving" I argued grumpily, throwing my empty chocolate wrapper in the trash can. We were at the top of the mansion. Kinda like a penthouse or terrace except the walls were made of glass, giving us a perfect view of the beach while we munched on sweets.

"I would give anything to catch that on tape," she cackled, gobbling up her share of the cotton candy in a very unladylike way.

"Will you please stop doing that? You look disgusting!" I shuddered.

She raised an eyebrow. "Then look away if you're so disgusted".

I looked away and lied down. "Sheesh, most girls I know would have settled for diet coke and some fruits."

She looked at me disbelievingly. "Are you seriously comparing to all those 'well-mannered' and 'demure' girls I was introduced to?".

"Well, no. You're too… idiotic" I jested, grinning at her. Narrowly missing a pillow she threw , I added, "wanna go see the new action movie?"

She shrugged and got up. Then, she started doing this hilarious impersonation of the way Miyu walked. "What are you doing? You look like a parrot with an epilepsy" I asked her, guffawing.

She glanced back at me. "You said you wanted me to copy those girls, so…," she trailed off and grabbed a fan, batting her eyelashes and said in a squeaky voice, "how am I doing?"

I rolled my eyes and crossed the fireplace to land a step behind her. "You look stupid" I told her truthfully, getting a poke in the ribs. Of course, I couldn't tell her about what happened 3 days ago. You know, the pool accident? Yes, I remember it. I think it will probably be burned in my memory for the rest of my life.

She always walks like a jock. Then suddenly, BAM, she walked like a queen! Who KNEW she was capable of something like that? She walks way better than any other girl I know. They walk with measured steps and precise swaying. SHE made walking look as easy as breathing, with carefree strides and gently swaying with a hint of a bounce and loads of…

Okay, I'm rambling. It just because there's something that's making panic: Okinawa's advances didn't even make my blood gurgle, Sakura made it boil. And she did it only by walking, dammit!

So you can see why I'm currently tearing my hair out. But in any case, I replied in my usual manner and drawled, " so if you're trying to be like them, then you have to seduce me to!". I smirked "I prefer my bedroom or the bathroom or the—OW!" I yelled when a ball struck me full on the face.

"Are you on crack?" she snorted.

"Nope. So are you going to do it now? I'm waiting".

"Kiss my ass".

"Trust me. You DON'T want that. You SHOULDN'T".

After a minute's silence, I asked her, eyes widening, "Kinomoto?"

"Yeah?"

"Where's the dog?"

"In the living room. Why?"

_**SILENCE**_

We swore, hearing a dog's bark and a crashing sound, and ran out of the room. "KEERRROOOO!".

**a/N: I HAVE FINALLY EDITED! BWAHAHAHAHA...**

**in any case, i don't think i noticed and corrected all my mistakes. sorry bout that. just point it out to me, kay?**

**later and lotsa love,**

**Calcarrie**


	7. Lesson Two: Eating Like A Lady

**Chapter 7- Lesson 2: Eating Like A Lady**

This is utterly ridiculous.

"Uhm, Egg—I mean—Michael, buddy, is it needed in a 1st class party in the social circles of James Bond and Halle Berry, to tie their visitors' neck and feet to a chair that is nailed to the ground?" I asked dubiously, feeling the scarf around my neck and trying to move my head (and failed).

Eggy, garbed in a suit, clucked like a chicken and said, "when a proper lady eats, she does not bend or hunch her back. Nor, in any case, does she cross or position her legs in an unfeminine way. She must always sit straight and tuck her left leg under her right led ALL THROUGHOUT THE MEAL," he added crisply. "NOW EAT!"

"You know, I would love to but I am currently under complete control of Polka-dotted scarves and 2 inch thick ropes" I answered pleasantly.

He narrowed his little eyes and said, "those are merely objects to help you attain the proper position. Ms. Kinomoto, we have been practicing this for 2 hours already and you still haven't achieved anything. Must I add another 2 hours to the session?" he asked in a syrupy voice.

"Well, if the table wasn't placed 5 feet away from me and I can actually breathe and bend my body or reach the spoon or fork, I would love to," I said in the same voice.

"3 hours."

I held my tongue to keep from swearing. Another 3 hours with this crazy old hag and I might murder somebody (preferably him). Has anyone noticed that Eggy's been in a bad mood lately? He keeps on muttering to himself and venting his frustration on poor defenseless little 'hopeless cases' (like me) or scratching his bald head!.

When we arrived EARLY, he was so bad-tempered that he made my aunt, who is worse than a volcano, a woman who never explodes. "What if I lit a match under him? Will he explode?" I asked hopefully.

Meiling cast an amused glance at me. "Why?"

"_Scrambled egg ala Eggnog_ is good for the bones."

"You better not. He'll skin you alive."

"Not if scramble him first, he won't," I told her confidently.

He went out. FINALLY.

Ahhh, I can almost imaging a delicious scrambled egg in front of me. Gingerly, I tried to move my head. Nope, rope's on the way. I tried to stretch out my hands, trying unsuccessfully to grab the fork and get a slice of the juicy tenderloin steak. ARGGGGHHHH!

A small sound caught my attention. Then, Li emerged from the entrance. He did a double take when he saw me. "W-what happened to you?" he asked, eyes gleaming with mirth.

"Tied up while waiting for my execution. HELP ME!"

He ignored me and looked at the juicy tenderloin steak. "Wow, delicious…" he said, walking up and standing just beside me. He grabbed the fork and took a slice. "Oh yum yum yum yum yum…," he deliberately whispered, face set in an arrogant smirk.

"Li, if you keep on provoking me, you will be unable to have any children by the time you're married, I swear to you," I threatened him, mouth positively watering at the sight of the sauce dripping from the piece.

He smirked even more. He picked up the forked and popped the slice of steak into his mouth. He made a slurping sound and sighed, "what a DELIGHTFUL piece of food… hmmm…"

"YOU'RE MAKING ME JEALOUS!"

"Is it working?"

"Y-NOO!"

"Then why are your eyes following my fork?"

"It's not."

He moved the fork to the right. My eyes followed. He moved it to the left. My blasted eyes still followed. He made fast circles. My eyes followed it until I was dizzy, "WILL YOU STOP THAT!' I yelled at him, irritated.

"Thought so," he said smugly. "Hungry?" he asked.

"No." Then, to my utter horror, my stomach chose that moment to growl. Loud. REAL LOUD.

He heard. HE HEARD! I watched with a sinking feeling as his mouth turned upwards in a slow, evil smile. Carefully, he cut a piece of beef and stabbed it with his fork. Then, he sniffed it and said in a Wolfgang Puck voice, "OH-HO! Deeeliiiieeeezzziiioouuuss! Hm!". He popped the slice in his mouth with a large smacking sound and licked his lips.

I'm going to kill him.

Picking up another piece with the fork, he held it under my nose as the smell wafted upwards into my nostrils. "Isn't it such a heavenly smell, Sakura?" he teased. Then he threw it in mouth. "Oops! I am so sorry but, unfortunately, the food loves my mouth!" he said cheerfully through chewing the piece. He picked up the plate and walked away, calling over his shoulder, "bye, Cherry!".

Nah, killing is too soft. First, I'm going to break his neck. Then, I'll skin him alive. After that, I'll hack him to pieces…

I was straining against the ropes. Seriously, I look like how Donald Duck looked like when he babysits the baby turtle. HE TOOK MY STEAK!

"Li?"

"Yeah?"

"Go to hell".

Unfortunately, Eggy chose that moment to come back. With the speed of an agitated bald orangutan, he was on my side and whacking my head once with the ballpen.

"LADIES DO NOT SWEAR!"

My eye twitched. "Tell me, oh mad bald one, is a man called a gentleman when he steals my food?"

Screw the etiquette lessons. I'm imagining a delicious hot scrambled egg with bacon and ice cream on the side…

He looked at me with bloodshot eyes. Scary. Hello, bald Dracula. Would you like Roasted Xiao-Lang Liver or Deep Fried Heir Thighs? My blood pressure went up with his reply: "That beefsteak wasn't on the menu. Ladies do not eat such meals wherein the calorie content is appalling. The beefsteak was for me".

Twitch.

He heard his cellphone rang and plucked it from his belt. "Hello?"

Twitchtwitch…

"Oh yes, hello, dear. What's the stitch?"

Twitchtwitchtwitchtwitch…

He suddenly smiled. "Tap dance? Wonderful! I'll be there right away!" In a flash, he was gone.

C-CRACK. BANG!

A millisecond later, Tomoyo and Meiling were at my side, grabbing me by both my sleeves. I'm going to kill him. I'M GOING TO KILL HIM!

Tomoyo struggled to keep me at bay. "How could she break the nails keeping the chair on the floor!". True enough, the chair was uprooted, bringing it onto my struggle to run after a boiled egg, since the ropes were still bound.

Meiling panted, "I have no idea! Where's Michael going?".

"Tap lessons," Tomoyo breathed.

I growled, my face scarlet, "You can't teach a scrambled egg new tricks!"

OOOOOooooOOOO

5 hours of torture later, I was finally back at my room. Changing my clothes, I bounded out of my room and down the stairs, intent on only one mission:

Revennnggggeeee. Bwahahahahahaha….

I found my victim in the music room. DANG! I was hoping for the pool or the fountain or the lake or the- whatever. Public Enemy 1 is currently listening to the stereo and reading comics. Seriously, their land is as big as a golf course. Why the heck does he spend such a great day locked in a stupid room where I can't do him in?

Oh wait, he lives here. He's probably done every thing to be done around the house.

And there's also the fact that it's already night.

I hid behind the piano, hoping that he was too engrossed in 50 cent's music to feel my presence. I swear he has supersonic hearing.

What kind of revenge should I do? Get his baby albums? No, too stupid. Strangle him? Nope, murder. Throw my shoe at him? too simple. My cap? No way, this baby's too expensive. How about BOTH my shoes?

Uh-huh. Yeah, right.

My bra?

Duh. Do you really think I would do that?

Just as I was about to give up and just throw a shoe at him, he suddenly got up and headed towards—you'll never believe my luck—the back. And at the back there was a pool, a fountain and where they do the laundry.

Don't you just LOVE water?

I stealthily followed him and prayed my prayer will be answered.

And it was.

I found Li standing near the edge of the pool. HURRRAAHHH! I felt a smirk crawl its way up my face. This is for getting my beefsteak…

Then something stopped me.

I stepped forward then retreated.

Holy shit, what is happening? IS THIS PMS? IT BETTER BE!

I was behind him now. My god, what is happening to me!

I have absolutely no desire to push Li into the pool!

I must be having an attack of nice!

Squelching that stupid feeling out of my chest, I hovered a hand against his back. But then, as if he suddenly sensed something bad was about to happen, he turned around and caught it.

"So are you going to seduce me now?" he teased, still not letting go.

I felt the heat on my face getting worse. I scoffed, "heck no! I was just… ah… feeling your aura and seeing if you are… uh… truly human…?"

He snorted, "that is the biggest bullshit I have ever heard."

"BUT IT'S TRUE!" I protested.

"Then what did you find?" he challenged me.

"You're a flobberworm," I said flatly.

Then, he laughed. That's it. My revenge got foiled. Damn. Just as I was contemplating to just push him in anyway (albeit the fact that he was still holding me), he gave me the box that I saw him holding before I had an attack of nice (damn attack).

I raised an eyebrow. "What is this?".

He shrugged. "Open it".

"This isn't a bomb, right? Cause if it is, you are going to destroy half you mansion and m-"

He rolled his eyes and cut me off, "just open it!".

And I did. And there, sitting on perfectly arranged rows, were cookies. Delicious-smelling cookies. I was dumbfounded. And in an attempt to regain my usual self, I looked at him suspiciously, "are you sure this isn't poisonous?".

He slapped a hand on his forehead in exasperation and, to prove a point, ate one. "See? no poison" he said simply.

"B-but why?" I asked, baffled.

"I deliberately provoked you a couple of hours ago, and since I know full well how Eggy tortures his clients, I guess it wasn't-uh- fair to you. So to… er… damn it, I'm not good at this… make amends, I am giving you this so you can eat, because I know you haven't eaten lunch yet," he said, looking relieved that he finally had that out of his system. He added, "besides, you're probably going to steal them, anyway". I didn't hear his glib, mainly because I was too busy staring at him.

"Thanks… I guess" I mumbled, still too dazed.

He smiled.

My heart skipped a beat.

Ho-ly crap.

WHAT AM I FEELING! Why am I suddenly marveling at the sight before me! WHY AM I THINKING THAT LI LOOKED STUNNING? Why is my heart banging against my chest?

This better be PMS, or else I'll eat my hat.

Then, I felt guilty all of a sudden. No matter how heartless I am sometimes, I am not heartless at the moment. I just can't believe he would do this. I feel guilty. HE gave me cookies while I was planning to push him into the POOL? Good Lord, I am soooo like Ivanna. Yuck.

"Uh—" I said intelligently. "I'm pretty much surprised and guilty, seeing as I planned to push you into the pool as revenge for the steak.."

He shrugged and smirked. "No big deal. I know that you were following me AGES AGO."

"You heard me?"

"Yes and add that to the fact that you are talking to a very handsome and smart heir that is trained in martial arts and other forms of fighting."

"Egoistic."

"I know. That's why you love me."

"Prove it," I challenged.

"You rescued me from Miyu".

"Engk. Wrong answer. I still hate you. I just hate bimbos even mo-"

I was cut off because at that moment, the sliding door opened. I turned my head and saw the monstrosity standing there. I gave a curse and gaped. I cannot believe what I am seeing…

"What?" he asked, puzzled. Since we somehow ended up on the other's position, I can see the back of the house while he can't. I was too baffled to speak. I just pointed at the direction of the entrance to the back of the house.

"What got your tongue all tied u- WOAH!" he yelled and did a double take, almost falling into the pool.

What did we see? Oh nothing, just Eggy standing there with a pained expression on his face, as if he was about to puke. He wasn't alone, though. He was with someone else.

Someone with the exact same gray eyes.

The same fat belly.

The same pudgy face.

The exact carbon copy of the Eggy currently standing with a pained expression on his face, only this one wasn't in a constipated mood. He was grinning. He, the happy one, winked at us and grinned, causing major brain damage on both Li and I. "Hey, man," he said jovially.

Eggy, OUR Eggy, coughed and said in a stiff, pained, constipated voice, "hello there. I would like you to meet…"

No….

"Raphael…"

Noooonononononononononononononono….

"… my identical twin".

A/n:** So... do you like it? i hope it didn't bore you to death. in any case, THANK YOU for all the wonderful peeps who reviewed chapter 6! THANK YOU SO MUCCHHHHH!**

**Later and lotsa love,**

**CalCarrie**

**P.S PLEASE REVIEW!**


	8. Disastrous Rehearsal

**Chapter 8 – Disastrous Rehearsal**

_BOOM_!

The Daidouji Mansion was in danger… an angry entity was approaching…

_BOOM! BAM! CRASH!_

Birds stopped chirping and flew away to safety, away from the source of the aura that was thumping towards the double door entrance, uprooting tress and cracking the earth. Now, the cause roared a name…

_BANG!_

"TOMOYO!"

The double doors burst open. Spinnel, the young and newly-hired butler, trembled as the smoke started clearing, imagining a pair of red eyes and shout of the famed Harry Potter's enemy's curse: AVADA KEDAVRA! Breath Spinnel… in… out… in… out… oh god oh god oh god…. 'WHY TODAY?' he asked himself over and over again. He wielded the knife and prepared to strike. "HIYYYYAAAA—!"

He stopped.

Wha-? Instead of Lord Voldemort, an auburn-haired girl stood before him, breathing heavily and with a panicked and manic glint in her eye. He stared at her in shock, the knife frozen in front of him. She looked at him and nodded curtly. "Do you mind me borrowing that?" she asked. Without waiting for and answer, she grabbed the knife and scraped the mud off the bottom of her shoes, muttering, "this is a Nike Jordan!"

Oblivious to the stunned expression of Spinnel, she placed the knife back to the hand (which was frozen to a clench) and patted him on the back. "Thanks, big guy," she said. She rushed towards the drawing room, all the while screaming, "THE EGGS HAVE DOUBLED! IN WEIGHT AND BALD HEADS! TOMOYOOO!"

Spinnel's eyes followed her. Slowly, he walked towards the kitchen and, discarding the knife, grabbed a pen and paper. He wrote his resignation in shaky letters: _I, your new butler, have resigned due to heroin and drugs._ He was too young for this, he thought. He should be serving the Home For The Aged until he's sixty and afflicted with athritis. He hoped the elderly mad won't be as crazy as teenagers… shudder…

OoOoOoOoOo

"TWO MICHAELS!" Tomoyo exclaimed, shocked.

"Yes, two fat and balding Hitlers are currently readying their army to murder me!" I wailed. I walked around agitatedly, ignoring Li's calls to sit down. "How the hell did this happen?" I raged, a stressmark popping in my forehead.

Meiling chose that moment to enter and say amusedly, "apparently, twins run strong in their family. Lookie here," she pointed towards a magazine. "It says here 'Renowned Cordova Family Raises Successful Twins'".

Oh. My. God. I felt my eyes getting bigger. "Are you telling me that there could be MORE? CRAP!" I cursed. I nearly tore my hair out. "So in addition to Dumb and Dumber, there might actually be more!" I nearly went cuckoo after that. "What if there's a 3rd named Gabriel? Or a fourth named Hansel and girl named Gretel? WHAT IF THEY'RE ACTUALLY SIXTUPLETS! NOOOO!" I wailed, running around the room.

Li grabbed my by the shoulders and shook me. "Oi! Calm Down! You're making me dizzy!" he said loudly. Calm down? CALM DOWN? I have experienced torture worthy of the medieval times from ONE boiled egg. So you're expecting me to calm down when I learn that another is actually on the loose?

TWO CONSTIPATED BOILED EGGS! TWO! I HAVE TO DEAL WITH TWO!

I pointed this out to Li and before he could respond, Eriol walked in and said in a voice of sympathy mixed with laughter—more of the latter and less of the former (duh, it's Eriol)— "Well Sakura, if you think you had it bad, check this out." He thrusted a poster of (gag me) Raphael and guess what? Eggy no. 2 is a world famous director… and it says here that HE will be the DIRECTOR of the play. OUR play.

Thunk.

Meiling and Eriol raised an eyebrow and looked at Tomoyo with amusement. "She slept!" Li laughed.

Tomoyo shook her head. "Nope, more like fainted".

OooOOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

When Ms. Mizuki told Li and I to rehearse for ourselves since the stage was still getting geared up, she never exactly told us WHERE. So, here I am with Li, sitting on top of the High School Building and supposedly rehearsing the script and memorizing our lines. Unfortunately for them, we were doing neither. Since I wasn't one to cram, I was about to point this out to Li when he asked me the most absurd question ever.

"Have you ever been kissed?"

I choked on my own spit and turned to look at him disbelievingly. "And why are you asking me that?"

He shrugged, a playful glint evident in his amber eyes. "Well, in scene number 79, we, as in the prince and the princess, will kiss as a symbol of our love for each other. Are you up to it?"

"Yes. And you ain't gonna kiss me. It's called Fake Kissing," I said simple, my face blushing.

"But the real one is so much more realistic! Come on!" he cajoled, "you know you want it!".

I snorted, ignoring the unusual shortage of breath, and said, "uh-huh. And pigs CAN fly, right?". Then, a smirk found it's way up my face. "So you mean to tell me that you WANT to kiss me?" I asked with fake delight.

He stood up and shrugged, a secretive smile playing on his lips. "Maybe".

"You are weird."

Suddenly, he tugged at my hand and a heartbeat later, I was in his arms and being twirled around. I raised my eyebrow. "What the hell are you doing?" He whirled me around and said, "rehearsing. In the scene, we were dancing when we kissed. So…" he trailed off, his eyebrows wiggling.

I blushed and glared at him. "Kiss me, you die. You really will." He chuckled as his hold tightened around my waist. I ignored how my heart started banging again and how my face seemed like a frying pan and said, "you DO know that you are about to get kneed in the gut if you keep on holding me like this, do you?"

He just shrugged. "Oh yeah, I know you're not going to do that" he drawled. "Just who are you going to kiss in the play if not yours truly?"

"I'd rather kiss a frog".

"So please answer my question now or else I will never let you go: have you ever been kissed?" he repeated.

"Maybe"

"What do you mean by that?"

"It means that I'm not answering" I said simply. That question brought back memories that haunted me every… fucking… day. In an attempt to divert his attention away from the topic, I put on a sly smile and drawled "So you mean to tell me that you are a virgin at kissing? Is that why you're asking me the Kama Sutra way of swapping spit?"

"Me? A virgin?" he asked disbelievingly. "You really asking me that?"

"How many?" I asked.

"…"

"Were you proud of it?" I asked wonderingly.

His cocky demeanor vanished and he simply said "No".

"Did you love them?"

"I was a wild kid" he said, shrugging. The mood changed. "I didn't love them. Like, yeah. Care, yeah. But love? Nope. It's hard to explain. Maybe someday I'll tell you why."

I looked at him curiously. So how many skeletons does Li have in his closet? The conversation turned serious from here. And hell, I never liked tense atmospheres. It irritates me.

"So love isn't in your dictionary?" I asked.

"Hell, no. I've just never found the right person to use it for. So it's just… I don't know… there," he said matter-of-factly.

I can't help asking it. I don't know if it's because of curiosity or the result of my overly prying mood at the moment but I asked, "but are you experiencing the symptoms now? As in this school year?"

Then, I saw the old Li emerging. Thank god. I wasn't used to the brooding one that I saw 5 seconds ago. In any case, it lifted up my spirits a bit. And just before I was about to tell him to screw the rehearsal and just play basketball, he added a line that, somehow, repeated over and over and over in my head up until the end of the day:

" I met someone a few weeks ago. The person was feisty and extremely stubborn. And you know what's big deal about it? I'm starting to feel, Kinomoto. I think I'm starting to love".

OoOoOooOoOo

The stage was set. The couple's love had prevailed. Music filled the room as the lights dimmed and a thick fog parked. A beautiful bride and a handsome groom stood before an elderly priest. The priest coughed and rumbled, "brothers and sisters, we are gathered here today to witness the joyful celebration of the joining of 2 he-".

"CUTTTTT! TOO BORING!" a voice screeched. "BREAK, PEOPLE!"

The priest let out a yell of exasperation and took off the fake beard, revealing a pissed Yamazaki. The bride sighed and revealed…well… me.

We are currently practicing the wedding scene of the story. Now, on a more important matter, I would like to introduce to you Jose Raphael Vivaldi… Corelly… uhm… baldy… whatever. Now that there are two Eggys, I have LOTS of nicknames for them. But I'll settle for Fatty for Raphael and Eggy for Michael.

And now I know why Eggy was so riled up about Fatty coming. I can't believe I haven't seen it the day we saw the monstrosity that is called Fatty and Eggy. THEY HATE EACH OTHER.

Which is pretty obvious. Anyway, I think Eggy has a more fueled anger but the point is, if you ever put the two of them in the same room together for a day, chances are the following day you'll find the room up in flames, destroyed or blown up. Like 2 days ago when they showed up at the mansion and had dinner with Yelan, Li and I, we watched in disbelief as the Tweedle Brothers argued if one of the main courses in the table was a turkey or a roasted lamb (both were wrong. It was only fried chicken). Good Lord, a chicken. They fought over a chicken, for crying out loud.

The saying 'Birds of the Same Feather Flock Together' does not apply to them. Though they have the same shiny bald head, the same fat belly, mustache and the same cuckoo attitude, (in fact, I think their only difference is that Fatty isn't gay… and swears… A LOT) they'd rather have a pitbull as a companion than the other.

Scene number something, Take 76,859:

Priest:… yada yada… so do you, Li- I mean- Prince Ciaran, take this rockin' dudette as your wife and stick with her through Simple Plan and Ciara, to pizza and vegetables, to PlayStatio-".

"CUUUTTTT!" Fatty yelled. He bounded up the stage and thrusted the script up at Yamazaki. "LADY! Not dudette! And it is in sickness or in health, in richness or in poverty till death do us part! Plus, your tone is so absolutely freakish!" he bristled. Brian just looked at him as if saying, 'what the hell? Is this guy crazy?' Sadly, he is.

"This is how you should do it!" he said. Coughing and straightening his beard, he said in a booming voice, "do you, Prince Ciaran, take this lovely lady as your wife, in sicken-!"

At that second, Eggy chose that moment to snort in contempt and say, "dear brother, you say it without life and grace! Surely you are aware of that?"

Trust Baldy to screw things up and start World War 3.

"Why, dear brother, if you are so all-knowing, please do demonstrate, Oh Great One!" Fatty cooed, beckoning his brother towards the stage. Eggy smirked and stomped towards the stage. Snatching the script , he cleared his throat and recited, "Do you Prince Cia-!"

"Okay. Marvelous. Now step down and let Yamazaki do it," Fatty interrupted in a bored voice.

Eggy reddened and yelled "I HAVE NOT YET FINI-!"

"Yeah, yeah, tell it to someone who gives a damn," Fatty said in the same bored voice. "Now GET DOWN! The lighting's pretty crappy. Hey Lance, move it to the left please!" he addressed our classmate.

"DO NOT SWEAR!" Eggy said in an agitated voice.

Fatty just looked at him smugly and drawled, "shhiiiiiiiii-i-i-it-t-t-t-t."

The whole class groaned as they watched the 2 baldies bitch at each other. I rolled my eyes and tugged at the sleeve of the groom aka Li. "Come one, let's go down". He nodded and, together with Yamazaki and me, went to mix with the class.

"How long do you think will they last before killing each other?" Li asked interestedly.

"5 minutes," I said as Tomoyo chorused, "5 hours".

"4 minutes" Brian suggested.

"10 minutes. Enough time to call the faculty, I hope," Yamazaki added.

"2 minutes!" Lance yelled from the top.

"Yeah," the whole class agreed. Just as we were about to call the ambulance in case of emergency, Rika and Naoko, together with Meiling, came running in. The latter panted and held up a box and announced, "we have the costumes!"

"If the priest says that in such a crappy voice, the audience will drool themselves to sleep!" Fatty was arguing heatedly. Eggy snorted and said contemptuously, "ha! Mine was absolutely the best! Try yours in the actual play and 45 min. later we'll need knee high boots to get home!"

"Guys?" Meiling asked uncertainly.

"Knee high boots because the floor will be filled with roses, you dol-!."

"GUYS!" she yelled exasperatedly.

"WHAT!" they roared. She pointed at the box and said, "we have the costumes for the play! And this is the costume of the traveler/princess!" she added, showing us all a floor length scarlet gown. "So what do you think?"

Both the fat director and the bald fashion designer studied and scutinized the pretty and ugly. Finally, Fatty announced, "the design is perfect but the color should be pink! Sakura looks best at pink!"

"And the Bald One argues," Eriol and Li whispered.

'Lo and behold, they were right. Eggy shook his head. "It should be green! Green brings out her eyes!"

"PINK!"

"GREEN!"

"PINK!"

"GREEN!"

I groaned and said, "first fried chickens, then a stupid script and now a stupid color! What's next?"

Li shrugged. "Who knows? Nobody here understands the language of the mad".

Before I could respond, said mad people shouted, "SAKURA!" I sighed and went over to them and said, "you know you could just paint it black or maybe greenish pink or pinkish green or preen or gin-!"

"Never mind!" Eggy interrupted, thrusting the dress into my arms and steering me backstage. "Try it on! That way, we would all see if the color that best suits you is green…," he then wrinkled his nose, "… or pink".

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoo

UGH. Hideous, let me tell you.

There is one reason why I hate 15th century ball gowns: they are itchy and sweltering hot. It should be banned. I cleared my throat and sauntered towards the arguing pair, clapping my hands to get their attention. Fatty clapped his hands and said, "definitely pink!" Eggy argued, "no! green!"

Oh, the pains of having a brother. The whole class was looking bored now. Eriol, Brian and Lance, who went down because he was bored, were comparing text messages. Ivanna and her clique were reading fashion magazines and Tomoyo and Meiling were chatting. The rest of the class were either watching the argument or staring off in space. Li was doing the latter.

"_Have you ever been kissed before?"_

I smiled wryly, a heavy and wretched feeling on my chest. "Many times, Li. Too many times".

That was the last thing I thought of when I suddenly heard a creaking sound above me. I looked up and felt my blood roaring.

I froze.

OoOoOoO

The cables attached to the heavy main spotlight above thinned as 2 brothers fought and argued. For the past five years, workmen have forgotten to replace these rusting and old cables. They believed all were still strong and tight. Now, it was fine. Very breakable and very thin. Too thin.

_Snap.. snap.._

One of the brothers, out of frustration, pounded hard on the wall. As if finishing what has to be done, the fist of the 190 lbs. man pounded the weakest part of the cables. Nobody noticed as it broke and made it's way rapidly upwards. The spotlight swayed like the pendulum of a grandfather clock.

_c-cr-crack! BANG!_

With a great and ear-shattering sound, the spotlight and the chipped cables flew towards the ground. On the direct path of the hurtling object, an agitated princess stood. She looked up… and froze.

20 feet away, amidst the gasps and screams, someone, having seen what happened, started to run.

**a/n: sooo... did you like it? sorry for the grammatical and spelling errors! THANK YOU FOR ALL WHO REVIEWED! anyway, read and review please! so you see that button at the bottom left? it's calling youuuu... wooooo... (wiggles fingers and tries to hypnotise)**


	9. C139

**Chapter 9— C-139**

I froze, paralyzed. I closed my eyes and braced for the painful blow to my head and the sound of my bones breaking. And strangely, a pair of magnetically gorgeous brown eyes flashed in my head.

Suddenly, I was thrown off my feet when a strong force wrapped around my waist and pushed—no, THREW me backwards. I landed with a hard and painful _oof! _on the floor just as there was this deafening crash. It MUST be the spotlight. I didn't even thought of how strange it was that it was a few feet away from me. All I could think of was the HEAVY weight on top of yours truly. AM I DEAD? I didn't dare open my eyes, fearing that the heavy weight was actually a butt as a form of my eternal punishment or something.

All I could think of was how I haven't gotten my revenge on Ivanna yet, and how I haven't bought that uBer cool LeBron James shirt! And what about KERO? OMG, THAT STUPID FURBALL NEEDS ME! Who's going to order him to eat bald eggs (eggy and fatty) and pee into the shoes of unwanted bimbos? Who's going to tell him to nick the chocolates at the bottom of the stairs? And please tell me who is going to torture Li if I die? I am the ONLY one who is allowed to pi-!

"You… stupid… idiot!" a very VERY familiar voice coughed on top of me.

My eyes snapped open. Butts don't talk, right? LI? The guy's head was resting at the right side of mine. His body was on top of mine, panting with his left arm sprawled on my left side. Cautiously, I said, "uh… Li?"

He hoisted himself up using his arms and glared at me. His face, oh, I don't know, about a centimeter away from mine. "What the hell! Why didn't you move! You could've died! You could've been dismembered! You could've been muti-!"

Ignoring his incessant rant, I craned my neck and saw the huge hole that spotlight made and was currently occupying. Li pulled both of us up on a sitting position and demanded, "were you even listening to me?"

"Ahh… yes…?"

"What's the last sentence I said, then?"

"Err… I'm cute?"

Li's right eye twitched. "Stop being so cheeky! You weren't listening!" he accused. "The point is, are you okay? Any injuries? Broken bones? Fevers?". He narrowed his eyes and placed a hand on my forehead.

I reddened and shook his hand away. "FEVERS? WHAT THE HE-?"

"Okay, okay! Just checking!" he said defensively.

Eriol came up and knelt down between us. "Oi, you two okay? We all saw what happened! Shit, all of us aged ten years!" he exclaimed. To Li he asked, "She okay?"

Li frowned. "I don't think so. We'll do an X-Ray at the hospital just to be safe. Oh, and maybe and MRI, too. A CAT Scan won't hurt, either. Of course, there's always th-"

"What am I, a terrorist bombing survivor?" I demanded indignantly. "For God's sake, Li, if anything I should be worried over YOU!" I jabbed his chest with a finger.

"I'M OKAY!" he protested. "But YOU are not! Any incisions? How about abrasions? Broken bones? Contusions? How about s-"

"SOMEBODY GET DR. QUACK AWAY FROM ME!" I yelled desperately.

Unfortunately, everyone was too busy surveying the damaged spotlight to notice. Even Eriol, sensing an upcoming war, started edging away. I glared at him, who smiled warily.

He placed a hand on my chin and gently turned my head. "Fine. Just answer the damned question: are you all right?"

I looked at anywhere except his eyes… and his mouth. If I do, I'm pretty sure I'll do something stupid. In an effort to distract myself, I answered the question, albeit not without an act that would PROVE that I am really okay. "Fine! You want to me to show you I'm okay?" I asked. "I will stand up and walk around you! Sit! DO NOT FOLLOW!". I stood up slowly. Hmph, I'll show him I'm all right. bwahahahaha. She who laughs first laughs last laughs fi-.

Pain shot up my right leg when I put pressure on it. I keeled over in pain and toppled downward.

Okay, so maybe I'm NOT going to be able to show I'm alright. Sod off.

Li laughed. "So who's fine? Definitely not you!". He picked me up bridal style and made his way down the stage. On the left, of course, since the one on the right was where the hole was and, obviously, the rest of humanity.

"You are going to the doctor, Kinomoto, do you hear me? Bitch about it and I'll drag you if I have too!".

He cares? Ohhhh yeaaahhhh… he WAS the one saved me, right? GAH! I can feel my blood pressure exploding. Humph. I never ASKED to be saved. Nooooo…

"Why do you care anyway?" I mumbled, unable to resist resting my head on his chest (I'm TIRED! PFTTT…) and looked up at him, frowning.

He flicked his amber eyes at me and for a minute there, our eyes met. There was a small half-smile playing on his lips. I quickly looked away.

"I just do".

Pfft. I never _said_ he has gorgeous eyes.

OoOoOoOoOoOoO Eriol's house- bedroom OoOoOoOoOoOoO

_I just do._

Oh, freakin' crap.

Why did I say that? Why? WHY? I watched as she slept peacefully at the bed. The doctor had a few tests and confirmed that it was only a sprain. But whatever. He advised her to avoid walking around and just lie down for 2 days or something. Pfft. After what happened, I'll tie her to the bed if I have to until she heals. I'll never let her out of my sight. EVER!

God, what am I thinking?

Sakura gave a grunt and turned around, muttering incoherently. I studied her face intently. She looks so… well… angelic, far from the swearing tomboy that she is. I watched as a lock of hair fell on her face. She wrinkled her nose and brushed it away, only succeeding in making it drift towards her nose. She twitched irritably and slapped it off, saying, "bugger off".

Okaaaayyyy, so maybe she IS still the swearing tomboy I know in her sleep.

Okay, fine, I admit that I've taken a fondness for her after some time. Don't ask me why because I don't know, either. It just that she's so FUN irritating, right? The way she scrunches her face up and growls in a pissed way… woooo, she looks soooo cute… hahaha…

Oh, shit.

Everytime I see her crazy antics, I always wonder WHAT happened to her. WHAT made her become this way? Let's face it, she's not really this way. It's not her nature to be Ms. Ice Queen 24/7. Plus, even if it is-which I doubt-, I've never seen her smile. NOT ONCE. Duh, even a tomboy smiles once in a while.

Of course, remember the time when I asked her if she's been kissed before. I never really meant it seriously. Seriously, it wasn't like I'm going to KILL the guy who kissed her or something (well… not exactly. Just going to tort-I mean, whatever. Blah)! I was just teasing her! But, hell, I saw her face. For a split second there, I swear I saw naked pain mar the features before it went back to it's usual cocky expression.

Pain. Then it hit me: it wasn't a WHAT… it was a WHO.

If I ever find out who that guy is, I'll kill him… incinerate him.. nah, first I'm going to have him paired up with Eggy for a month and THEN I'll kill him. no, wait, I'll have him kiss a pig first then I'll have him date Eggy and Fatty who'll (hopefully) rape him or something and then I'll break his limbs one… by… one…

THEN I'll kill him.

Of course, I'll have his bo-

"You really shouldn't think too hard, you know. Your puny brain might explode."

Sakura was quirking an eyebrow at me. Once again, I remembered the chilling expression on her face a few hours ago and felt my knuckles cracking threateningly. A strained smile landed on my face and I countered, "uh-huh… so, dear Kinomoto, what are you going to do while you recuperate?". He smirked.

Her cocky demeanor vanished. "Don't remind me," she grumbled sullenly.

"But I can't resist!" I drawled. "It's so fun irritating you!"

"Go to hell."

"Only if you come with me," I countered. She reddened and huffed. Ah, it's always good to have the last laugh. Now THIS is the Sakura I know. Much better.

There was silence. Until…

She cursed and looked at me with pleading eyes. "Lemme outta here! How can I play at the interschool tournament next week if I don't practice?"

I rolled my eyes. "After what happened, I don't think so. In fact, if given my way, I'd lock you in here for a month".

She sighed and sank back to the pillows. "I should've sicced Ivanna on you."

I mocked horror, looking at her with wide eyes. "No! Her manicured friends will castrate me with their uBer powerful lipsticks and hair curlers! Thou will haunt you armed with a shampoo If I die"

"Well, I'll persuade Okinawa to be your wife!"

"I'll set you up with Akira!"

We bickered all the while. It was quite nice fighting with her, really. It was a nice relaxing break from all those who cower when at the receiving end of my arrogant remarks (when I feel like being arrogant, which was almost always all the time).

Uhm, more cheers to her.

"Soooo… I guess we're even then," I said, leaning back on my chair and putting my hands behind my head.

"Huh?"

"You know, you saved me from the hideous advances of the hideously hideous Okinawa and I saved you from being turned into a pancake…?"

"Yeah, I guess".

Insert awkward silence, please.

I gazed lazily around the room. "What made you decide to become a lawyer, anyway?".

She yawned. "Oh, I don't know. It seems as if it's the only course that does not insult my intelligence," she answered, smirking.

"Cheeky, eh?"

"Whatever. If I DO become one, the first thing that I'm going to do is to force the Supreme Court to create a law that prohibits the forcing of women to be subjected to the torture of being with Eggy."

I snorted. "Ain't gonna happen".

"The next thing that I'm going to do is the force them to create a decree which states that 190 lbs. men are prohibited from going 20 feet near a stage" she said evilly, her eyes gleaming. "Then, I'll hoodwi-".

The tension immediately dissolved after that. I leafed through the pages of the book and came across an interesting topic. Keeping my eyes trained on the bold and capitalized letters, I asked a question that I never thought would affect her so much: "well then, if lawyers would have more power by the time that we become one, what punishment would you give to those who commit parricide, homicide, rape, child abuse… you know, the crimes in which the victim's either permanently or temporarily damaged mentally, emotionally or physically?"

I didn't mean it. I really didn't. I never thought it would affect her so much. That's why when I looked up to see it, I froze. It was like a scene in a movie played in slow motion. Her whole face changed and darkened, a cold sneer forming slowly on her face. A turmoil of emotions graced her green eyes, her jaw become with rigid with fury. I looked at her hands and saw it was shaking.

God, it was… disturbing.

"You know, I never considered them as part of the human race," she said coldly. "The law never gave fair punishments to those bastards. Slip the judge money under the table and they're free to go and do the shit they like to do," she hissed. "If one has the money, they can walk home a free man. They're manipulative little bastards who don't deserve to live freely and to die quickly. If I were the one to hand out the punishment, they'll be screamin' like the cowards that they really are," she laughed derisively, her eyes cold. Cold.

Silence.

"I'll have them locked up," she said quietly, a twisted sneer on her face, " in a room where their only companion is a simple gas". She looked up and clarified, "C-139".

OoooOooOOoO

"Do you think I've done the right thing?" Yelan asked, looking out on the view of the estate as she placed on her hands on the railing of the balcony in her room.

"What did you do?" her friend asked.

"When I told my son to try and change her".

"But whichever way you look at it, you're doing the right thing. You and I both know that what she shows is not what she really is. It is for the best that she discards.. her… ah… stupendously obtuse and ticked attitude before it consumes h-".

"But I found out what happened to her!" Yelan burst out. "It was horrible! Don't you think she'll throw herself into deeper depression once she finds out all this was a ploy to change her? What if she thinks she's been used?

"And as if that is not enough, I'm afraid my son has developed quite a fondness for the young visitor. If it develops into something more, the results may be disastrous."

"Why?"

Li Yelan turned her head and met her friend's piercing stare. "Let's say she finds out my punishment, aren't you afraid she'll think that Xiao-Lang's unusual teasing and insults are just part of the plan to get her to warm up just enough for him and his friends to attack?"

ooOoOOoooOoooOo

"So what's this C-139?" Tomoyo asked. I told them about what happened. They were astonished, really. When I mentioned the nerve gas, Tomoyo did not know what it was… but Eriol did.

"I read it in a novel and used it as a research project for Mr. Terada" Eriol said. "It's one of the deadliest- if not THE deadliest- nerve gases out there. Its full name is Clow-139, named after the scientist who developed it. Most nerve gases out there cause death within 30 seconds to 5 minutes after skin contact. Unfortunately, C-139 is not THAT merciful".

"Merciful!" Tomoyo exclaimed, aghast.

"It's not just a killer," Eriol said, "that's damned painless in comparison. C-139 is what most military strategists call a demoralizer."

I piped up, "It passes through the skin and enters the bloodstream, migrates to the brain and instantly causes irreparable damage".

Eriol nodded. "For about 4 to 6 hours, the victim retains full use of his limbs and retains his normal strength. It's only his mind that suffers."

"He becomes mentally unstable," I said. "Confusion, rage, fear, add the feeling that everybody's going to mutilate him and combine all these with the powerful urge to kill everybody within 20 feet and _voila! _you now have a mindless killing machine for 4 to 6 hrs."

Tomoyo shivered. "So if Sakura wants whoever he is to be locked up in an impenetrable room with C-139, chances are, since he has no one to kill vent his urge to kill, he'll likely attack the only one present… himself" she whispered.

I nodded. "Exactly."

"Well," Eriol continued, "the second stage is the terminal stage. It lasts somewhere between 5 to 10 hours. It begins with the deterioration of efferent nerves and sums up to the paralysis of the nervous system."

"And in English?" Tomoyo asked patiently.

I said, "it means that in the 2nd stage, C-139 destroys the ability of the brain to regulate the automatic functions of the body. The victim experiences irregular heartbeat, shortness of breath and the destruction of every gland and organ in the body. There would be vomiting, muscle spasms and joint pains… and if only the efferent nerves were damaged, the nervous system still intact, there would be excruciatingly cruel pain".

"Until the heart stops," Eriol added, "or until the victim suffocates".

"5 to 10 hours of hell," Tomoyo said softly.

None of us spoke for a few minutes. Each of us was lost in our own little world. I looked out of the window and furrowed my eyebrows in thought. C-139's administered only to those psychopaths whose criminal activity and brute violence are way too much, ones who lead lives of destruction; the ones who ruin and destroy the lives of their family, friends and countrymen, who inflict pain and trauma not only to the victims but to the witnesses as well. Not even lethal injection, electrocution or beheading can compete with it, since the pain on these punishments is quite brief compared to it. So far, I've learned of only 2 people to whom it was given and it was because they really WERE a threat.

"Do you really think that, whatever the hell this guy did, he deserves such a thing?" Tomoyo asked quietly, tucking a loose strand behind her ear.

Eriol shrugged, feeling uncomfortable. "I dunno…," he trailed off. "I mean, it's barely even approved as a weapon for punishment."

They looked at me and I crossed my arms. "Maybe…" I said quietly.

_I'll have them locked up… in a room where no one can touch them. A room with a nerve gas…_

I looked out of the window.

_C-139…_

Yeah. He deserves it, all right.

**a/n: Elo, ppl! i've finally edited! okay, to answer some questions:**

**Heart's Door:** Ohhh.. Tomoyo and Eriol definitely won't be in the background crowd for long. you see, Eggy is gay, right? so.. there is a field out there that he doesn't know squat about. A field that is VERY important for a lady (at least for me). clue: he's been there and screwed up and we start noticing it by the time we hit puberty.

**SakuraMiaka: **nope. Law is for people who are smart and can debate and stuff. unfortunately, i can only debate when i'm out of my mind or drunk (i.e. i can't) and i'm definitely not smart (i bet you are!). mum is studying law so i nicked a few books from her shelf. hehe.

**Tomoyo-chan and Sakura-Miaka: **Actually, C-139 is a false nickname. the real name is Timoshenka-139 or something. i read it in a book report of my friend and decided to use it and make it's effect more...uh... morbid? i don't know whethere it's an actual gas cause i haven't check it out yet. (sheesh, i hope not. i wouldn't want a real 'Dawn of the Dead' or something. i'm a scaredy-cat. ohoho...)

**Keetra:** (Nods head in agreement). tsktsk. so true.

**one-whose-penname-i-forgot: **what mistakes? please point them out for me!

**ahaha... so i hope you enjoyed the chapter! sorry for all the mistakes! oh, and thank you to everyone who reviewed! i lubshoo all! (wipes tears dramatically). read and review please!**

**Later and Lotsa Love,**

**CalCarrie**


	10. sex education

**Chapter 10 – Lesson 4: sex education**

The sprain has healed completely. I should be happy. I mean, it's a bright Sunday morning. There are birds chirping, dogs dogging, turtles turtling, puppies pooing, heirs taking care of me, eggs egging, bimbos bimbos-ing…

Not.

Oh yes, I'm happy because not only do I have to attend lady lessons with a boiled egg that seems to be a terrorist in disguise, I'm going to be taught by not 1 but 2 EGGS! God, I'm so happy!

Note the heavy and extremely obvious sarcasm, please.

Can you believe it? The two people that nearly annihilated me are not behind bars! Oh yeah, they weren't fired and thrown in the middle of the ocean to be feasted on my man-eating sharks and hippopotamuses (though I doubt those bloody creatures could swallow them, seeing as I don't think they'd like the taste of a fat egg. Then again, maybe they do). Instead, the freakishly stupid board of old coots showered their rage on the helpless maintenance committee (who argued that they keep on telling them to replace it but they were too stupid and deaf to listen)! The 2 eggs had this pathetic excuse of a reason that they were not heavy enough to have cut and inevitably break the wire!

Good Lord, if they are thin then what do you call Kate Moss? A toothpick? Oddly enough, much to my surprise, even Li told the council that they should kill the Dumb Brothers. I must admit, this warm feeling that I'm pretty sure is ca- never mind. I've resolved not to nick his chocolates as payment… at least for 2 weeks. And while we are at the topic, I really don't know what's up with the guy these days. For a while there, I thought that it has something to do with happened at the hospital. And, if it does, I will scream because:

I don't know what happened.

I definitely don't know what happened.

I have a feeling that whatever happened may be embarrassing/stupid/horrifying.

No, seriously, it's like he's in a different planet these days (oh, wait. I have a feeling he IS an alien). He is so spaced out that he 'accidentally' ate dog food instead of human food during breakfast (What! Are you accusing me of replacing his breakfast for Kero's in an attempt to irritate him? AH, NEVER! Ohoho.). Much to my disbelief and irritation, he didn't pick an argument with me (or even just a bickering session, as I had hoped)! Conversation:

Me: Hey Li, did you know that what you ate is actually Kero's food?

Li: Hm? So?

Me: (cracks head on table) so you okay with it?

Li: huhn? Yeah.

Me: really? (gripping the hammer).

Li: Yeah.

Me: so what does it taste like?

Li: cool.

Silence.

Me: OH MY GOD! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU TODAY, YOU GORMLESS OIK? (strangles him by the neck)

In any case, he is seriously starting to (against my will) worry me. He didn't even go after my hide when I nicked and flushed his Air Jordans down the toilet (sadly, it did not went down the drain. It only got…er… minimally damaged…?). I am seriously hoping that Eggy and Fatty are the ones responsible for this, so I can finally have an excuse to exterminate them. Now, wouldn't that be DANDY? Come to think of it, I prefer having to do fifty laps around the field than to be stuck in house with the 2 swots.

The point is, if brought together, Dumb and Dumber (FATTY AND EGGY) are practically the crappiest and most useless teacher on the face of the planet. If I endure one more lesson like the last one I had I may have to kill myself.

Yesterday (Saturday), they taught me the proper way to talk. It was, with lack of a better word, disastrous. You see, Eggy is a refined (bleargh) man who doesn't swear. Fatty, on the other hand, seems to be a prat with the middle name of 'shuckrap'. Once, when Eggy asked, "what will you do when a girl accuses you of stealing her love interest even though you did nothing wrong?", I answered, truthfully saying half of what was on my mind.

"Er… you bitch?"

Then, all hell broke loose. Eggy would become Mojojojo and scream at me, saying the usual, "that is not a way a lady talks!" speech he always gets into whenever I'm doing something good and kind. Humph. Only this time, someone would contradict him. Recap:

"That is not how a proper lady talks! She should polite and quietly deny the accusation!" Eggy yelled, eyes gleaming.

I argued indignantly and said, "that isn't even what I had in mind. That someone insulted me for no good reason at all! If anything, I should call her a 'conceited and rude bitch!"

"A LADY DOES N—!"

"YES!" Fatty interrupted. "Good choice of words, Sakura! As a piece of advice, you should say," he then raised his voice 5 octaves higher,making anybody within a 2 feet (or mile) radius deaf, "'well, bitch, I don't see why I stole him, seeing as I don't see you piss at him. And frankly, because of that, I don't think he's your property! So, honey, I'll flirt with your 'friend' now. Bye, you conceited bitch!'" He winked at me and said, "that is how you should do it! Fight swearwords with swearwords! You'll never win if you use my twin's crappy tea-!"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN CRAP-?"

"I MEANT WHAT I SAID!"

Then they fought and fought, leaving me to wallow in my misery. I don't know which one is stupider, seeing as they failed to overlook the important and obvious fact that I do NOT flirt or steal boyfriends from their bimbos. I don't even LIKE boys, for pete's sake. Fighting over a stupid boy? God, how cheaper can you get?

Sadly, the lesson yesterday was NOTHING compared to what happened today.

OoOooOo

They forced me to abandon my softball practice for this?

"Uhm…Eggy…, I know that beneath that shiny bald head is a gay man's brain, which is filled with god-knows-what, and under that 102 inched belly is perfectly good breakfast but," I glanced at the suspiciously familiar-looking book, "what does sex education have that will help me to my 'path of femininity and crap'?"

Eggy sighed with frustration and said snippily, "I told you! A young lady must be aware of one of the most common problems in the juvenile world today: premarital sex. In this lesson, you will learn what position you'll be in- a bad one, obviously- when you engage in this, the cause and effects, how to resist and other related topics."

I looked at him incredulously. "God, you mean I'm going to discuss my reproductive systems with you and your brother?" I asked, aghast. "LIKE HELL I WILL!"

"NO!" Eggy yelled, stomping between the 2 reading tables and snapped, "didn't you have sex education when you were in your junior year?"

"We did!" I snapped back. Duh, why'd you think I hate junior year so much? "And that's exactly what we did on one point! It was seriously horrifying!"

"Well then," Fatty entered the scene, a handful of CDs at hand. "Trust me, Sakura, you will never forget this one!"

"To tell you the truth, that is exactly what I'm afraid of."

"Oh, just shut up and listen."

My eyes widened and I started backing away. "Holy crap, you're not going to make me watch Barney Videos and bold movies, are you?" I dashed for the door.

"HOLD IT!" the mad loons bellowed. Each of them latched an arm around mine and dragged me back to the chair. As I desperately tried to get away, Fatty laughed evilly and said, "this will be the best lesson of your life!".

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

OOoOooooOoOoOo

"… and they made recite the whole cause and effects and then they made me watch a video of a mother giving birth! It was sooo… gah!" I screeched as I buried my had on the pillow. "I'm scarred for life!" I gasped.

Eriol, who was sprawled on the rug, laughed uproariously. "Oh, I know that video! It was… uh… very… interesting? I wouldn't exactly know 'cause I kept my eyes closed the whole time. Right, Li?"

"Yeah. The only way we were able to know how the lesson went is by the expression on everyone's faces! The most hilarious one was Tomoyo's!" Li cackled, wiggling his eyebrows at Tomoyo.

She reddened. "My reaction was normal compared to the rest! If you two dunderheads weren't covering your eyes, I bet both of you would be blind by now!" she said defensively.

I nodded in agreement. I am seriously thinking of beheading the two baldies for poisoning my innocent mind. Those two bald idiots! Not only did they make me watch that horrifying video, the old loons took the name 'sex education' the wrong way! Oh yeah, I know what position I'm gonna be if I do that! They taught me not the position I'm going to be in after I did it illegally (i.e. homeless, probably disowned with a crying baby in my arms), they instead taught me the positions I'm supposed to be in if I wanna have the best monty (i.e. sex) of my life! And as a souvenir, they gave me a condom! A CONDOM!

God, from now on, I hate butterflies… and chocolates… and ice creams.

While I was plotting for a way to kill the 2 eggs, Eriol and Tomoyo stood up. "Well guys, Tomoyo and I will buy some food for my house and the things needed for the White House project. We'll see you later".

"Bye, Sakura! Make sure you don't have any ice cream in the house!" Tomoyo teased. With a soft thud, the door closed.

"I am seriously thinking of strangling either one of them" I muttered. Li took out a candy and popped it in his mouth.

He tossed some chips to me and snorted. "Dream on, Kinomoto". Then, he raised an eyebrow and, smirking, casually asked, "sooo… wanna try the butterly position?"

CRASH!

"HEY! That's a Versace lamp you almost broke, you prat! I was only joking! STOP THROWING THE DVDS! AHHH!"

OOOo Eriol's place. 8:00 pm OOoo

I rang the doorbell at Eriol's place. The intercom crackled as I wait at behind the iron gates. A voice sounded from the small box. "Hey Li, is that you?"

"Yeah, it's me," I answered. "Let me in".

The gates opened and I entered, swiftly walking towards the entrance of Eriol's abode, the statue on the right looking foreboding and eerie as I passed it on the way. The doors immediately opened before I could knock and Eriol himself invited me in. Once inside, I immediately asked, "do you have it? Where's Tomoyo?"

Eriol cocked his head towards one of the many hallways spread out on the entrance hall. "In the library. We got our hands on some interesting information about her. You should check it out." He walked towards the nearest hall to our right.

I nodded and followed. For the past few days, Eriol, Tomoyo and I have been scrounging around for any clues that could help us figure out what happened to Sakura. Eversince the hospital incident, I've been obsessed with solving this problem. I thought that it would explain why she's so… closed. I figured that the reason all those therapists and counselors failed is because they were all so hell bent on making her bend to their will and change without even bothering to find out what happened that made her this way. So now, I'm taking a risk. I know she'll kill me and—God forbid—probably hate me for probing in her life without her knowledge but if this will—even in a small way—put a smile on her face, then I don't care.

We entered the library, a vast circular room laden with shelves full of books. They practically reach the ceiling, I think. At the far end, a huge window almost as tall as the ceiling rose up, covered in rich velvet curtains, behind a black and business-like chair and table. The chandelier shone down on the whole room, right above another table flanked with 4 overstuffed couches. One was currently occupied by Tomoyo and the table littered with papers, newspapers and videos.

I sat on an unoccupied one. "So what have we got?"

Tomoyo handed me a white folder. As I scanned the contents, she said, "at the age of 20, Nadeshiko married and bore the daughter of one of the most successful business tycoons of the century." She pointed at a picture of a seriously ugly guy with black eyes and auburn hair (what a combination).

Realization dawned. I looked at her incredulously and exclaimed, "Tomas Chien? That rich old coot? President of Chien Inc.? I thought he's married to that model—what's her name again?—Hikaru something?"

"Yes, they were married about a year ago. And about 2 months before that, Nadeshiko filed for divorce. They were officially separated a short time later."

I shook my head helplessly. "God, did they even love each other?".

Tomoyo smiled wryly. "Well, they were married for 17 or so years. Actually, there's more. A year ago, Nadeshiko filed for divorce, right? A year ago, Chien married another woman too, leaving his ex-wife and their 17 year old daughter to fend for themselves. And a year ago, sometime after the divorce, is when this daughter started acting strangely. And that girl is none other than our very own Sakura".

"Strange in what way?" I asked curiously.

Tomoyo glanced at Eriol. He nodded and, getting hold of the control, turned on the TV, and with another, the DVD player. "You were right when you thought of how Sakura's not really this way. Check this out," Tomoyo said. We watched as the screen brightened and bright colors mixed together to form a picture of a white grand piano, it's smooth surface illuminated by the sunlight streaming from the vast window behind it. I wasn't looking at the piano, though. I was looking at the little girl in a pink dress playing 'Mary had a Little Lamb' on the piano.

"That's Sakura when she was about 5 or 6 years old," Eriol said quietly.

In the screen, little Sakura flipped her head back and grinned straight at the camera, her green eyes crinkling as her mouth turned upwards. "Look, mom! Look, I can play the piano!" she laughed gleefully, her short legs swinging.

We watched videos of a 5…6…8…10 year old Sakura until we got to video where a teenage 14 year old girl stared blearily at the screen. The auburn haired girl—the one that I wanna know—grumpily pulled the bedsheets over her head. "Mum!" she whined, "It's 7:30 in the morning!"

Nadeshiko, holding the camera, laughed. "Exactly! You've wasted 7 hours of your 14th birthday! Now get up! Everybody's waiting for you downstairs!". The Sakura on screen stubbornly refused and asked, "why?"

"Well, for one thing, Jake's downstairs".

"WWWHHHAAAATTT?" she screamed. 5 seconds later, Sakura was dressed, combed and garbed in a pink dress. Grabbing her mother by the shoulders, she asked anxiously, "JAKE IS HERE? WHAT ABOUT DAD?". Nadeshiko laughed, making the camera shake. "Of course!".

Sakura smiled nervously. "Oh mom, do you think they'll like my new dress?"

Nadeshiko replied, "with that beautiful smile and shining face, who wouldn't?"

After that, the screen went blank. Nobody spoke for a few seconds. Then, Tomoyo piped up, "freaky, eh?".

I agreed. "Definitely."

"From what I heard, Tomas was always ALWAYS disappointed at her. In fact, I have a sneaking suspicion that all those gifts and expensive jewelries were given to her by her father with hopes of covering up her imaginary flaws. When Sakura became student council vice president, he wanted her to be the president. When she did, he wanted her to actually BE the student council itselt. Alone. That's why she works so hard to please him." Tomoyo put down the file.

Eriol pushed his glasses back up. "But all that changed about 14 months ago, Sakura's grades- usually so high- began to drop. She broke off all ties with friends and cousins. It was also the time when she did some heavy rule breaking. A string of therapists failed to find out why. She smoke and drunk heavily. Fortunately, she stopped her habit with the help of a renowned therapist, Nakuru Urami. So now, we arrive at the present Sakura, the one that we know, the one that excels in both athletics and academics, and the one that we never see smiling."

I let out a puff of air. "There's something I want to know." I picked up the control and turned the TV on. With a little playback, we again saw Sakura asking, "JAKE IS HERE?"

"Who's Jake?"

"We're working on it. Don't worry, Eriol and I will find out".

"No," I corrected, a half smile on my face. "_We_ will find out".

**a/n: sooo.. like the chapter? i'm sorry if it's short but my old comp just crashed and deleted the original chapter (which is about 2 pages longer)! THANK YOU FOR ALL WHO REVIEWED! you guys are so wonderful!**


	11. dreams and sadists

**Chapter 11**

Chocolates. Blueberry muffins. Sugar coated candy canes. These wonderful things are all I can see.

My stomach gave an earth-shaking rumble as I stared, mouth open with awe. It's official: I am dead and have gone to heaven… or hell. Whatever. If this is hell, then our CL teacher needs to change her lectures about how hell's a place with fire and where you end up neck-deep in poo if you don't want to burn. Then again, if this is heaven, I don't see any angels. Angel cakes and angel-shaped candies the size of the Eiffel Tower, yeah. But the winged and haloed kind? None. Nil. Nada. I looked around wildly and spotted a sign. It says: "WELCOME TO SWEETS HAVEN! ENJOY EVERY BITE AS YOUR TEETH FALL OUT!".

Hallelujuah! There's a river of chocolate flowing down my right, a bridge made out of syrup-dipped waffles before me, flowers made out of lollipops and—oh crap—is that a boat of BANANA SPLIT? Yummy scrumboes! I ran and dived straight into a spring made out of caramel and vanilla. Grabbing a candy butterfly, I licked my lips and cackled delightedly. Supah supah fab! You are mine, my sweet sweet butterfly! I opened my mouth to taste it…

SPLASH!

"AHHHHHHHH!" I screeched, jolted awake by a powerful (and cold. Extremely cold) jet of water that hit my whole head. I flailed my arms around blindly when felt my BED was missing. My bed! Where's my bed? I finally managed to grab hold of something and gripped it tightly as my body tried to stand on its own. What was water doing in my bedroom? And why does said bedroom smell like…er… soap? I sputtered, keeping my eyes closed, waiting for my head to stop spinning. Then, I realized 3 things that are very out of place:

a) the place where my head's resting is moving. In simpler terms, it is breathing (i.e., it is a person's chest)

b) said chest is flat. As in muscled and… I hate to say this… sculpted. Man-like. So this revelation throws Rose as Owner Of Chest out.

c) Said owner of chest is snickering. Not just ANY snicker, but THE snicker. Oh, I know that snicker (oh no). I KNOW THAT SOUND even in the midst of NBA finals with screaming fans. (Oh nononono) that snicker is none other than the snicker of…

…… Li. My eyes widened as it met laughing brown ones. Oh, crap.

"OIII! LET GO!" I yelled and jumped a mile away. I grabbed the first thing I touched—which is a very useless rubber duckie—and pointed it at him. "What am I doing here?" I demanded. Then, my mouth dropped open. Okay, I am in a bathroom with Li. I dreamed of Candyland. Li is with me with a smirk on his face. I am holding a rubber duck (curse Eggy's sex education!). I am wet… oh, crud.

"Enjoying yourself?" he asked, amused.

"Oh my god! Oh, crud!" I panicked. My hands flew towards my body. T-shirt is on, although wet; my shorts are intact and untorn; my bra's on… omg. I faced him and thrusted the rubber duck on Li's chest, making it produce a _squeak squeak_ sound with each thrust I do on that dreaded-but musc-NO!- chest. "What-_squeak squeak-_ the hell-_ squeak squeak- _am I- _squeak squeak- _DOING HERE?" I yelled. "Oh god, Li, if you did ANYTHING illegal to me I swear I will stick this rubber duck up your butt and the toilet seat into yo-!"

"Technically, whatever you're thinking is not illegal" he piped up cheerfully. "You're already 18, right? So under the law, you are perfectly le-".

The duck's right eye popped out after that.

"-perfectly legal to ha-"

"CUT THE CRAP AND TELL ME WHAT YOU DID!" I demanded, nervous and stressed.

"Relax!" he cut me off, grinning broadly. "We just had a very passionate night together under the stars as we ma-"

"/( $# & #!"

"I WAS JUST JOKING! Do you seriously believe I'm capable of that?" he protested. After receiving a very dry look, he quirked an eyebrow and said, "you are seriously out of your mind, Kinomoto".

"Then answer the question and tell me what the hell am I doing here!"

As an answer, he led me to my room and showed me the bed. "If you haven't noticed, it's already 7:05. We're supposed to be in school at 7:20 today for some announcements. Knowing how much you abhor waking up before 7:55- five minutes before the bell, might I add-, I came to wake you up. As a result, this is what you did when I tried to take you out of googooland," he said, pointing out the feathers from the holes in my pillows and the rumpled sheets.

"This is the dent you made when you tried and failed to punch me," he told me and gestured towards a dent in the wall beside the door. As I felt my face redden, he finally added, not without a trace of (definitely not good) smugness, "and this is the bite- or should I say hickey?- you gave me when I half-dragged, half-carried you into the bathroom!". He showed me teeth marks on his (oh no) neck.

"So what does a logical young man- why are you snorting?- do? I made you lean on the wall of the bathtub, turned the shower to full blast and VOILA! I succeeded!" he finished, seemingly pleased with himself. "So how does it feel to be back on the land of the living?"

"Bad. You could've used a less cold and painful way," I complained, squeezing the water out of my hair.

"What?" he exclaimed in mock disbelief, "And risk missing a wonderful chance to irritate you? NEVER!"

"Sadist."

"I know. Oh, and Kinomoto?"

"This better be good. What?"

"I think you should know that blue panties and orange sports bras aren't good nighttime outfits."

BAM! "Feel the wrath of my rubber duck, you freakin' pervert!"

OoOOoOooOooO AP English class- last period OooOoOOoOo

"Project!" the evil AP English teacher announced, taking pleasure in the horrified faces of his students as the announcement settled in. Oh great, another sadist.

Our class of 42 groaned loudly. Ignoring the complaints and mutterings, he added, "together with a partner, both of you will write a fanfic about yourselves! All of you should keep in mind that this project is due at the end of out 2 hour lesson!" Flipping through his record book, he started calling out names.

"Eriol Hiriigazawa and Tomoyo Daidouji!"

The owners of the names sighed with relief.

"Chiharu and Yamazaki!"

Both students cheered.

"Sakura Kinomoto!" he yelled. "Your partner will be Li Xiao-Lang."

The owner of the former (i.e. me), who had been sleeping peacefully, woke up. I glanced around and, noticing the stares, straightened and yawned. I waved at the teacher, who didn't look happy at all, and asked cheerfully, "hey, man! What's up?"

When he didn't answer, Naoko, who was on my left, leaned and told me about the project. My eyes widened with every word and when she finished, I raised my hand and said indignantly, "no way, sir! I OBJECT!"

The teacher finally acknowledged me and asked in a glaring voice, "and why not?"

"Work? With that sex-starved maniac? Never!"

"Don't utter such vulgar words in my classroom! I'm your teacher!"

"Huh? What word? Maniac?"

"Stop it!"

"Stop what? The 'huh', the 'word' or the 'maniac'?"

"Detention! One year!"

"Wha-! MANIAC!"

"Argh! By the way, whatever your partner writes, you can't erase or change!"

OoOooOo Library OooOoo

"Alright, my dear partner! Let's get started!" Li exclaimed gleefully, sitting on a chair beside me in the library. I groaned and buried my head in my arms. "Leave me to die," I told him. He ignored me and started the fic:

_There was once such a poor idiot named Sakura. Unknown to her, she was the long lost daughter of Eggy, who is a senile overweight man with an uncanny ability to driver her mad. Obviously, she'll be senile and fat, too. She is good at any sport and any subject, or so she said. All those trophies and plaques? Pfft, they were pure luck. Truth is, she sucked in sports. But—_

"Oh, seriously" I snorted. "Pure luck? Give me break. That was natural talent (insert Li's smirk)". I didn't like it. Oh no, I definitely did not. I grabbed the pen.

_-there was someone who sucked more than she did. Because Sakura is cute, athletic , smart and a total winner. In fact, he—the one who sucks more than Sakura— secretly bewitches his opponents and sap their abilities before every game by the help of his future fiancé, Miyu Okinawa! She's a witch that attracts animals, especially dogs. They like to pee on her, you know. Anyway, this guy is none other than Li Xiao-Lang!_

"FUTURE WHAT?" he said, disgusted. "She can marry Eggy, for all I care!" With the speed of light, he grabbed hold of the pen:

_Sakura happened to look and act like a chipmunk, a very VIOLENT chipmunk. As in a chipmunk that is not chipmunk but looks like chipmunk, like a mutated chipmunk with a large body and a small brain. Nobody was surprised because her development was so slow. In fact, because of that, she was one of the official idiots of RSU. She actually has the title of Stupidest Gi—._

"I am NOT a chipmunk!" I hissed, unable to yell because it was a library.

_Of course, Li, in addition to being a loser, is also a sex crazed maniac. He takes pleasure in torturing defenseless teenage girls—._

"Defenseless!" Li cackled, shoulders shaking in mirth. "If you're defenseless than I'm Eggy's long lost son!"

"Which you probably are!" I retorted. "Now be quiet! Can't you see I'm writing?"

_--defenseless teenage girls by getting one form her bedroom in the middle of the night, dragging her towards the bathroom and blasting her straight in the face with ice cold water. Plus, if he can, he'll proba—_

He snatched the pen away from me.

_Sadly, the chipmunk is delirious. In fact, her description of teenage girls is way off. Truth is, the girl (yes, there's only one) is a crazy nut. When said loser—who is not a loser—tried to save the girl from 10 years of detention, she went bananas and gave him a hickey right smack on his neck! Now, is that what you call _defenseless_? Seriously, it's obvious who the sex-crazed maniac i—._

"I didn't even know I bit you!" I argued, blushing red to the tips of my roots. I took the pen away from him and wrote:

_Li was a parrot. An extremely annoying, sex-crazed parrot. Chipmunks and parrots are natural enemies—_

"Truest thing you said, chipmunk!" Li commented. I ignored him and continued:

_Anyway, parroty Li was hit in the head by super chipmunk Sakura with a hammer! Bwahahahahaha!_

Li frowned.

_But Li wasn't affected. However, because he had superpowers, he deflected it and Sakura's head broke apart! Everyone in the scene expected pink goo and bits of the brain slide out. To their surprise, only gas that smelled like dirty socks wafted out! SHE WAS BRAINLESS!_

I wrestled the pen away from him. Oooohh, that little parrot.

_But it wasn't Sakura's head, it was Li's head! In fact, after his brainlessness was exposed, the head combusted!_

_No, you chipmunk! It was your head!_

_It was yours, parrot!_

_It was yours! Anyway, the chipmunk died and everyone lived happily ever after. The end!_

"Argh, you are so annoying!" I yelled.

He smirked and said, "likewise."

OoOoOOoOoOo Li's POV oOOoOOoooO

85.

Hmmm… I guess we have quite a talent in writing… not. I told Sakura exactly that and she smirked in her all-too-familiar way. "To tell you the truth, I was expecting a big fat 75 on the paper since all we wrote are.. well…"

"Crap?" I offered, smiling.

"Yeah."

"So… how's your practice for the Interschool sports fest? You're in the tennis category, aren't you?" I inquired, interested. The fest happens every 2 years, bringing together the 3 top schools with the best athletes, connections and campuses. Our school is the host for the fest's softball, tennis and soccer games. The rest are scattered on the other two. Chipmu—I mean—Sakura is the representative of the senior year's division in the tennis games. I'm the captain of the soccer team so it basically means that we're going to have quite a time, the competition being only 4 days away.

Sakura shrugged. "I'm doin' good. We're going to have our final practices today and tomorrow. How about you?"

"Same here"

We parted ways since our practices were in different places. I watched her walk away, musing over my new nickname (parrot. Stupid, I know). Just as I was about to put the fanfic away, I saw a note that I missed.

_85 percent for the effort. Please be informed that this is checked by a chaste (and wholly honorable) man. Keep all your sexual activity away from me. I want to live at least 10 more years._

_Sincerely, your teacher._

_P.S. detention this Friday,both of you!_

There was another note attached to it. I plucked it away from the former and read:

_Dear parrot,_

_Thank you for waking me up and saving me from torture (a.k.a detention). Don't worry about the crazed old coot. I'll deal with it._

_Sakura._

Oh, seriously! She'll deal with it. I shudder to think what kind of farfetched plan she'll pull soon. I really hope it's not like the time she set the frogs loose in the science lab. I jogged back, intent on bugging her (my way of saying 'your welcome') until practices officially start. It's a good thing I did follow her. Because as I rounded the corner, I found my tomboyish chipmunk surrounded by—in said chipmunk's own words— mini-skirted bimbos.

OoOoOo Sakura's POV-5 minutes ago oOoOooOo

I opened my locker and proceeded to dump my books in its (already full) space. I wiggled the foot that was recently sprained, wincing when I felt a twinge of pain shot up and disappear as quickly as it had come. What a poo. This is definitely going to have a bad effect when it's my turn to play in the court. Carefully relieving myself of the burden I was carrying, I absently wondered whether or not Li found my little note. Contrary to popular opinion, I KNOW how to appreciate. Anyway, it took all my will power to swallow my pride and write that bloody thank you!

At least he's aware of what he's eating already (i.e. back to normal). I slipped cat food on his plate yesterday and, much to my delight and chagrin, he did not eat it. Instead, we started World War 3 in the form of a food fight. Only when Tomoyo threatened to lock us up in a room with straitjackets on did we stop. Much better, right? I thought of giving back the tape recorder I borrowed from Ms. Mizuki before going to practice. I needed one for a (bah) thesis whatever. I grabbed hold of it and was about to close the locker when a talon (yes, you read right) gripped me painfully in the shoulder and made me turn around. I accidentally dropped the recorder as my back slammed on the locker next to mine. I opened my eyes and scowled. Oh, great. Juuuuussssstttt grreeatttt.

A tall, cheerleader outfitted figure towered over me. It was a monster. … no, actually, it's just Miyu Okinawa… again. Flanked by 3 of her cronies, I have reason to think that they are here to duff me up. That's what bimbos—especially the peed-by-a-dog ones—do, right? Oh great. This is just great. I have dealt with these types for the past five years or so of my life. Do they really think that their D cup bras and 3 inched nails will scare me? Puh-leaaassseee.

"Do you know why I'm here, Kinomoto?" Miyu asked in a syrupy voice. She didn't wait for me to answer. She continued, "you see, a girl like me, one who is much MUCH more desirable and prettier and richer than yourself, doesn't like being made a fool of anybody, especially of your kind. So, for the past two we-".

"No, wait," I interrupted with a bored voice. "I'll guess the reason why. Is it because you want to marry Kero the dog and the only way to do it is to get close to Li or is it the fact that you are just a natural born bi-".

"Don't call me names, Kinomoto" she hissed, grabbing hold of my chin and making me face her. "I know what you're trying to do. You're trying to take Li away from me. It's not going to work. Stay away from him, little girl. You have no right. No right at all. He is mine and mine alone."

I counted to ten silently in my head. A therapist recommended it to me whenever I feel murderous, you know. Seriously, it works. Even though I know I'm not trying to take anyone away from her, I smiled devilishly and said, "and what makes you think he's your property? I don't see your piss at him. And I don't see why I should heed what you say, Okinawa. I can flirt with whoever and whenever I want. I'm not under you nor do I intend to."

Hmm, Fatty seems to be influencing me with his evil powers unconsciously.

She snorted and tightened her grip on my chin. "You are lower than me and you will always be. You stole my fiancé. Everyone thinks you're so boyish, not giving a damn about the opposite sex or anything else as long as you have a glove and a bat. I know better, though. You are a—"

"Is this what mad cheerleaders do when they get peed on by a puppy?" I asked in an amused tone.

"She got peed on by a dog?" one of her groupies exclaimed, horrified.

I nodded and continued seriously, "she came by Li's house 2 weeks ago. While she was too busy trying to rape him in the garage, Kero—that's the dog—peed on her Italian shoe-d feet. It was—in your vocabulary—so, like, disgusting and, like, sta-!"

SLAP!

My cheek stung as took the hand she slapped on it away. I clenched my fist and tried to control my already raging temper. I was in a new school for less than a month. I have no intention to have a suspension so early. I bit my cheek hard as she sneered at me and said, "enough! Don't interrupt me when I'm talking, Kinomoto!".

"Fine. Whatever. Okay, you know better and you think of me as a what?"

"I think you are a conniving little bitch! A slut who fucks every man she deems worthy and a freeloader who spends someone else's money! You're a waste of space. People are just too blind to see it. They're too stupid to see past the sports trophies and stellar grades".

"Wow," I said, a cold smile on my face. I can take these insults, really. I've heard them too many times to care. I can deflect it and turn it into a puddle of mud. I continued in a cheerful tone, "I'm a bitch, a slut and a hypocrite all in one! Maybe I'm a reincarnation of a famous criminal vamp!"

She laughed contemptuously as her comrades joined in. Boy, she is seriously not aware of what she's getting herself into. She said, "I bet you're like your father. I did my homework, you know. He was quite a provider, isn't her? Knocked your mother up and left her penniless. You're just like him. Both of yo-".

I wrenched away from her grip and shoved her away. I glared at her full force and whispered in a deadly tone, "I… am… NOTHING… NOTHING AT ALL… like my father, Okinawa. Watch whatever comes out of that pretty little mouth, lady. You don't know who you're dealing with."

She looked at me disbelieving me. "Oh, seriously. What can you do? You're just a bi-"

"Tsk tsk, I just told you to watch your words," I chastised her. Smiling icily at her, I said quietly, "look in the mirror before you insult anyone, honey. Remember, whatever disparaging remarks you throw to anyone might be what everyone thinks of you."

Her nostrils flared as her hand rose up to slap me again. This time I was ready. I don't take to abuse nicely. One was enough. Twice was too much. Thrice's out of the line. Her hand came towards my cheek and I raised mine to block it. To my surprise, a hand shot out to block it before I can.

"That's enough," a new entered.

I craned my head to that direction and saw Li holding Miyu's arm tightly. He wasn't looking good, really. He looked ready to kill. The owner of the arm reddened and swallowed hard. She wrenched her hand away and walked backwards together with her group. She stammered, "o-oh hey Xiao-Lang. Your nice guest and I w-were just having a nice chat a-an—".

"And what?" he inquired in a light tone.

She didn't get to answer, because at that moment, a huge and burly jock entered the scene. Ignoring the rest of us, he turned to Miyu and asked in a jealous manner, "who's this, babe?"

Looking extremely relieved that she's not going to die yet, she ran towards the jock and clung to his arm, saying, "oh, Lei, I'm glad you came! We're just talking. Can we go now?" she said it all in rush. I analyzed the situation and, comprehension dawning, I asked the guy in a smirking voice, "hey, is she your girlfriend?"

He nodded at me and said, "yes, she is (insert Miyu's squeak in the process) my _girlfriend._ We've been together for 3 weeks." He glared at Li and emphasized the word in italics. As the group walked away, Li walked up to me and asked in a worried tone, "are you alright?"

"Oh, I'm okay" I said cheerfully. I walked towards my open locker and took out the tape recorder. I told Li to wait for me as I, walking towards the center of the hall, called out the name of my latest victim. They were just 10 lockers away from me, you know. Keeping eye contact, I took out the tape and waved it in the air. She froze midway to a glare. I winked and blew a kiss at her. Before I turned back to Li, I wiggled my fingers at her and mouthed a few words.

When I was finally back with Li, he asked me quietly, "what did you just told her?"

I shook my head, my eyes gleaming. As I said when I mouthed it to Miyu: don't mess with me, Okinawa. Don't you dare.

**a/n: yay! i've finally edited! anywayz, thank you again for all who reviewed! HAPPY HOLIDAYS! there (beams triumphantly), i 've been waiting to say that! review please! labshoo!**

**Later and Lotsa Love,**

**Calcarrie**


	12. Lesson Four: desert rats

Ruby Moon's Guide to Life and Love?

The Wonderful World of dating?

MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS?

I looked around the room and yelled, "okay, egg-I mean, Michael, if you plan on teaching me how to walk again, I will chop my legs off and hurl them at your bald—and red—head!". I don't think I can endure another lesson like that again, seeing as I saw a very traumatizing thing when I tripped. Unless, of course, these books are here because, say, the Dumb Brothers are having a hard time picking up a girl—or, in Eggy's case—a guy. I was about to hoist my bag up and stalk towards the exit when a snippy voice piped up.

"Unfortunately, I believe my brother and I can't stick around for you to place a shoemark on our heads", the snippy voice said.

I rolled my eyes and faced the scrambled egg, who was near the door leading to the exit (how did he get there?), and asked (in a delighted voice), "why not?".

"Oh, nothing, really. It's just that for the next lesson, we will be the one teaching you," a verrrrryyyyy familiar voice said. A feminine voice.

I looked at Tomoyo in confusion, "baldy here actually transferred his abuse of power to you? Okay," I said, addressing Eggy this time, "what did you eat today?"

Eggy huffed his chest out. "For your information, I ate lasagna, salad and prosciutto and melon sauce in fetuccini pasta (prosti—wha-? God, no wonder he's so fat). A perfectly normal breakfast! The reason I am allowing Lady Daidouji here to temporarily replace me is because I have not yet… ah mastered the lesson you will about to learn".

"Is that just a sophisticated way of saying that you seriously suck at whatever the hell it is she's about to teach?"

"DO NOT SWE-!"

"What's the lesson, anyway?" I asked curiously, smirking as I felt a triumphant feeling of joy when all that was left in the room were people with hair (i.e., no Eggy! I can swear! YESSS!).

To my… uh… suspicion, Tomoyo smiled…. Eeevvviiilllyyy, like how Mini Me does, albeit a more decent and taller imitation. Dragging Eriol, who appeared with a bored Li, she whipped out a chart with the title hidden, grabber the books and said gleefully, "today, Sakura, we, together with the Li and Eriol, will explore," she picked up the _Ruby Moon's Guide to Life and Love_, "… the weird and wonderful world of dating (Dating? WHAT DATING?)…", she showed me the book with the same title, "… the gorgeous—well, the hot ones, anyway—specimen we call…"

She brandished the 'Men are from mars, Women are from Venus'

"…. Boys".

Oh F(beep)ing f(beep)ing s(beep)y hell.

OoOoOoOoOo

"Daidouji, you and I both know that I am going to ask this question: why am I here again?" I asked in a grumpy voice. "Because, as far as I can tell—and I think it's visible and obvious to anyone who has a brain—that I am practically and expert in that field, even though I don't have their stupidity, immaturity and 'family jewels'".

"Are we stupid?" Eriol asked Li, who smirked and said, "stupendously perfect, yes. Stupid, definitely not".

I shook my head in disbelief and straightened on my chair. "SEE? See how stupid they are? They don't even know their own sex! I say you release me and give them," I pointed at the 2 male teenagers, "the lesson, you can pitch Eggy in, too, since the bloke seriously thinks he has boobs. Oh, and Fatty, who is in danger of turning gay, is a must have".

Tomoyo smiled at me and laughed. "We know that you're a teeny—ok, not so teeny—bit mannish, Sakura. What we will show you today is the SIDE of the opposite sex that attracts us, women, to them. Not only that, we'll be giving you the dibs on dating. The hot ones, I mean. Like these two," she pointed at the 'hot' ones, "although that is based on the female population that does not include me".

I pretended to gag and look confused. "Hot? Where? All I see are 2 frogs waiting to be castrated. Other than that, nothing. Nada. Nil."

"oh puullleeassse," Li drawled. "You weren't so keen on castrating me when you sneaked into my room yesterday and saw me half-na—".

"That was because I was trying to wake you up, idiot!"

"With a bucket of chocolate syrup?"

"I was thinking of th-!"

Eriol stood up and waved a hand between us. Sweatdropping, he grinned and chuckled. "Stop discussin you sex life in front of Tomoyo and I. Now, the first thing we will teach you is that men are han-"

"No!" Tomoyo cut off, "we must introduce to her first the theory that must be know by every female willing to learn the secrets of men and their habits!". At this outburst, I sniggered and guessed, "what theory? The Why Men have such Bad Body Odor Theory?"

Eriol scratched his head and shrugged, saying, "I don't exactly know about the whole theory thing but I DO know that I have no body odor. Hey, I'm a guy". With this, Tomoyo sighed and, a second later, a hug blackboard stood right in front of me, these words were written in intricate letters:

_Let us tell you about a cute desert rat that lives in the land of the cactus._

"Rat!" Eriol repeated indignantly. "Of all the animals you can choose from, you chose a measly rat?"

"Oh, be quiet. I added cute, okay?"

_… of the cactus. The female stakes out a territory and stays there. The male, on the other hand, is driven by a desperate DESPERATE need to spread his seed as widely as possible and pass on his gerbil genes to the next generation. So the male runs his little legs til they break, visiting female after female, trying to beat out his buddies. Fortunately for the girls who DON'T want to have anything greasy and…uh… small in their pants, he dies early. The female stays put and raises her you and lives a good long life._

Tomoyo explained, "this story means that throughout the animal kingdom, males compete and females choose. And that goes for human animals, too. She who is able to bear young—and for humans, even those who CAN't bear young—gets to choose. We are part of the animal kingdom, where girls set the limits and the guys compete for their attentions. This short story here is known as the Desert Rat Theory of Human Sexuality".

"Uh-huh…" I mocked an expression of enlightenment. "So that's why they're such..ahh… perverts, as you say?". I pointedly ignored the sounds of protests coming from 2 who are included in the Race of Perverts.

"But even though guys have dozens of confusing and annoying ways to make you age prematurely, we can confirm your worst suspicions that a guy who taunts you is generally quite fond of you".

"Really?" I asked. Now, who takes pleasure in torturing the hair out of me? GASP! With a smirk on my face, I swiveled around my seat and yelled, "hey, Li! I didn't know you had the hots for me!"

he blushed and, trying to regain composure, glared at me and rolled his eyes, "disgusting! What would I like in you?"

I glared. "What's that supposed to mean, huh?"

He shrugged and drawled, "well, in your deluded language, you are a parrot".

"then you are a freakin' ass".

"Pervert!"

"Pedophile!"

"Pig!"

"Akira's armpit!"

"Okinawa's butt!"

"Oranguta—!"

"Okay!" Eriol interrupted. "Save all your lovers' quarrel in the bedroom! Let Tomoyo have her say!"

Looking relieved, Tomoyo thanked Eriol and said, "Okay, now, when it comes to dating the opposite sex, (a stupid, brainless opposite sex, might I add) there are 5 types of boys that you should date BEFORE you get hitched. They are…"

OoOOoOIoOOoOooOoOOI

"…. the bad boy, the good boy, the older man, the boy toy, and the overachiever. So, which one are you?" I asked Li an hour after the lesson was over.

Seated in a stool beside the island in the kitchen, he shrugged and said, "none".

"Why?". I drained my glass of Gatorade and settled back. If you are wondering why we stopped calling each other names, it is because we have decided to move on and have a civilized chat, free from name-calling and object-throwing.

No, actually, it was just because Eriol threatened to make us eat plain wheat bread for dinner while he and Tomoyo feasted on pork chops and salad. Nevertheless, I am still peeved at the heir. For some reason, I do not find it funny that he doesn't like anything in me. Peeved at him because he made me care about what he thinks of me. Peeved at him because I wouldn't care about anyone's opinion back then. Peeved at him that he DARED compare my face to Miyu's overlarge butt! A BUTT! I may not care much about my appearance, but I definitely know that I am WAAAAYYYY more attractive than the stupid (and corpse-to-be) cheerleader. Am I really that unattractive to him? STOP IT! RARGHHH….. stop thinking about that, Sakura….oooohhhh, I hate him. I don't know why.

Anyway, back to the conversation. His reply was:

"For one thing, they are seriously stereotypical, especially in the literary and entertainment world. The bad boy is often portrayed as dumb and cynical, the good boy's a nerd, the older man fat and Eggy-like, the boy toy too innocent and the overachievers are often Marty Stues who are man sluts. I am definitely more versatile than that".

"So… what you are telling me is that you're cynical, nerdy, innocent, fat and a man slut all at the same time?"

"NO! And don't you think being a man slut and innocent are kind of contradictory?"

"So you're saying you're not a man slut?"

"I never said I'm a man slut… which I'm not" he added defensively, causing me to snort. He then smirked and asked casually, "what's this sudden interest on my sex life anyway? Are you, by any chance, insinuating that you want to be part of i—".

I huffed and slapped him on the shoulder. "Oh please, I am not thinking of joining you in bed, wise guy".

His smirk, if anything, widened. "I never said you want to sleep with me. You're the one putting words on my mouth. Are you sure you're not interested? Because, man, Sakura, all these slapping seems to imply how entertaining you are in be—MMF!" he choked as I effectively shut him up by stuffing his big mouth with popcorn.

My pleased expression upon seeing him choke (unfortunately not to death) turned into a killer, red glare. "Dream on. I ain't talking about—or interested at—anyone's sex life. Especially one as gross as yours".

He rolled his eyes and drawled, "oh suuurrrreee. Think what you want. Anyone with a brain can see you want me".

"I hear nothing. I see nothing".

"Seriously. At the topic were currently at, I'm not going to be at all surprised if you suddenly ask me what Eggy's favorite sex position is".

SILENCE.

He looked at me and laughed, quirked an eyebrow and asked disbelievingly, "you really want to KNOW!"

"I AM NOT INTERESTED AT EGGY'S FREAKISH SEX LIFE!"

"Silence usually means 'yes'" he said simply.

"WHAT IS IT WITH BOYS AND SEX? WHY ARE WE EVEN TALKING ABOUT THIS?"

"Uh, because you opened the topic?" he pointed out, stating the obvious. I blushed.

Recovering nicely, I rolled my eyes. "All I asked was whether you're a man slut or not. For pete's sake, all men are so green-minded".

"I admit that I MAY be submitted to the evil power of hormones now and then, but a few guys out there are really decent. Look at Eriol. I mean, the guy spells 'gentleman' all the way. If he were Akira, I bet something is going on with him and Tomoyo by now".

SILENCE.

I paled and looked at Li. "Oh god, you don't think…?"

SILENCE

BAM! I scrambled up the staircase, grabbing the first weapon I saw that can inflict pain (which turned out to be a very deadly-looking…uh… egg beater) and dashed towards Eriol's room, where we had the lesson. I seriously tried not to let Eggy's crappy sex education get to me… and failed. I will KILL Eggy for killing my innocent mind.

When we were 3 meters away from the door, Li shushed me and leaned close to the door, gesturing for me to follow suit. When our ears were finally glued to the door's surface, we heard voices (duh).

"Come on, you know you want it" Eriol's voice cajoled from the inside.

I gasped.

"I-I don't think I want to Eriol. You heard what Teen Magazine said, right?" Tomoyo's faltering voice answered.

"Why?" her about-to-be-killed-by-me friend asked.

Li started singing, " I'll mix your milk with my cocoa puff. Milky, milky cocoa mix your milk with my cocoa pu-!"

"QUIET!"

"It's good. I promise" Eriol insisted.

"Isn't it really messy? Like, you know, sticky and stuff?"

Li feigned crying with happiness. "I'm going to have grandchildren—I mean—nieces! Oh joy!" he tearfully (hideously) sobbed

"No, it's not" he protested. "Fine, if you won't believe me, I'll prove it to you".

"nooo!"

"Come on. It's gives you a very nice feeling. Plus, it's healthy. See? Healthy and pleasurable at the same time!".

"No. Omg, what are you doing? NOO!" Tomoyo shrieked.

"That's it" I snarled. Shoving Li out of the way, I kicked down the door, egg beater raised and ready to shout my battle cry (eeeiiiahhhh!). Well, about to since before my foot came in contact with the door, Eriol opened it and said dryly and amusedly at the same time, "well, you'd think visitors would have the decency not to eavesdrop on the private conversations of their host now, would you?"

"Outta my way!" I yelled. I rushed to Tomoyo and shook her by the shoulders, demanding and yelling at the same time, "okay, what did the desert rat do to you? I know it! the opposite sex cannot be trusted! You need help!"

"Help?" Tomoyo repeated, looking confused. "Why would I need help?"

"W-wasn't he trying to force himself on you?" Li blurted.

SILENCE

OOooOoOoO

"Okay, so you mean to tell me that you, Eriol, were trying to get Tomoyo to eat…" Li furrowed his eyebrows, "… a freakin' cookie?"

"Yessss…." Eriol agreed slowly.

"And why would Tomoyo refuse to eat a cookie?"

"Because I am on a diet, for a reason that is highly private" Tomoyo said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Yes!" Eriol jumped at the chance to defend himself. "I was merely trying to goad her to eat the tasty and delicious food we call sweets"

"By a cookie?" I snickered, raising an eyebrow.

He turned beet red, "that was just a… ah… thing to tempt her to enter the world without dieting. Know what I mean?"

"Actually, we don't" we both said matter-of-factly.

"Whatever. The point is, Eriol, if you ever lay a hand on dear Tomoyo, although I'm sure she wouldn't mind it one bit (insert latter's red face), I will make sure you will be locked up in a gay bar, okay?" I said pleasantly. "Or if not, this powerful egg beater of mine will be lodged in a place where does not EVER see the light of day".

Without waiting for an answer, Li grabbed me by the collar and dragged me back towards the kitchen, muttering, "god, Kinomoto, you are such a green-minded chipmunk!".

Huhn. Whatever. All to protect my race of intelligent species we call women.

When the door closed behind us, Tomoyo looked at Eriol and asked, "there is something that I wanted to ask about your gender…."

"What? Why male heirs like Li are attracted to murdering girls like Sakura?"

"No..." she answered.

"What is it, then?"

Looking him straight in the eye, she asked uneasily, "Is it true that guys do not wear towels when go to the shower?"

OoOOoOOo

Miyu stomped around the vast room, seething as her cronies watched her. Angrily, she whirled around and faced them, three or four days after the locker incident. "That conniving bitch! She taped the whole thing!"

"So what are we going to do?" one of said cronies asked. "We have to destroy that tape, or at least steal it. I mean, if that gets out, you'll be ruined for life".

Miyu looked at her dryly. "I know that, idiot. We'll think of something. We always do…"

"watch out, kinomoto" she whispered. "Okinawas are not push-overs".

OoOooOo

Ring Ring Ring.

Meanwhile, Miyu's object of obsession was currently fast asleep… and determinedly ignoring the stupid ringing of the phone. When he couldn't ignore it any longer, he cursed and grabbed it. "Hello?" he demanded gruffly.

"Uh… Li?"

"Eriol, what is it with you and night hours? God, I asked you to help me while getting enough sleep at the same time, not tire yourself out! Aren't you drowsy or something?"

"Nope. Tomoyo's here too, by the way. I guess it must be a gift. Anyway, your information really helped us. We found out who Jake is. Contrary to our guesses, he is not her best friend, he is not her ex-boy friend, not even her cousin…"

I jolted awake at that. "What? Well, who is he?"

"… he's her stepbrother".

**a/n: sooo... how's you like the chapter? THANK YOU FOR EVERYONE WHO REVIEWED! i'm seriously sorry for all the mistakes but i'm in a hurry right now. i'll edit if i have time. read and review pls!**

**later and lotsa love,**

**Calcarrie**


	13. Locked Up In A Game

**The thirteenth chapter is finally here! enjoy while ignoring the grammatical and spelling errors of which i apologize for not having the time to edit!**

**Chapter 13- locked up in a game**

"It was very hard to identify who Jake was," Tomoyo said matter-of-factly during our three way phone conversation.

"Why's that?"

"For two reasons: one is that we had to hack—I'm sorry to say—into very confidential files, all of which are freaking hard to break into, and for another reason which is too long to explain soI will summarize it by saying thathe goes by the false but legal name of Jake Tomas. It was a relief that he used his father's first name for a last name because it made things easier, although it was pretty stupid on his part. His family did it".

"Care to explain why they'd go to all that trouble to change the git's name?"

"Well, it's because—why are you calling him git?" Eriol asked, grabbing the dialogu from Tomoyo.

"Because I want to…"

"You didn't even know what he did".

"Look at it this way, my dear ancestor, Jake is the son of another older git that used to always put useless pressure on the shoulders of a young 14 year old brilliant girl that happens to be my guest at the present. Naturally, I hate him".

"Whatever you say, my dear descendant" Eriol said, amused.

"Stop calling me that".

"Whatever. Anyway, you wouldn't believe what we found out about the guy. After opening about 50 secret files, we found out that Jake Tomas has an extremely filthy record. Think 'Ms. Congeniality'. Seeing all this, I'm not at all surprised by his family's decision to make the world think they are not related to him".

"Filthy in what way?"

"Filthy as in crime-filthy. This guy has been charged with attempted murder, frustrated discharge of firearm, attempted rape, hazing, administering injurious substances on beverages, less serious physical injuries and maltreatment from ages 16 and up," Tomoyo explained, a hint of worry creeping in her voice.

"WHAT?" I nearly yelled on the phone. "Why the heck would Nadeshiko marry a father with a son like that?"

"First love, I guess. Did I mention that when Nadeshiko married Tomas, he was a lot older than her with a 7 year old Jake alreadyin tow?"

"First love, definitely. So you mean to tell me, that he changed his name from a Chien to a Tomas because he had a dirty record on the former? How old is he now?"

"Twenty five, the same age as Sakura's new brother" Tomoyo informed him.

"I know who the brother is. It's Touya Kinomoto, isn't it?"

"Yep. But before we go to that, we haven't dug up anything about Sakura's relationship with him when their parents weren't divorced yet. It's strange. It's like after the break-up, all data and info about the siblings disappeared".

"Are they still in contact with each other?"

"Well, Jake contacted her through e-mail and letters after the break up, but I'm certain there was no reply ever received".

"…"

"Hey, Li?" Tomoyo piped up.

"Yeah?"

"You don't think he and his father did anything… well… disturbing to Sakura, do you?"

"You have an overactive imagination, Tomoyo".

"I'm serious. It happens all the time. Directors use it for good movies, authors use it for a good plot, there are thousands of documentaries about it, most criminals are responsible for it and it has a high rate on crimes committed for the past 5 years. The media thrives on it, Li. Don't avoid the possibility that it actually happened to our friend. Hasn't it even occurred to you that she may have been a—".

"Don't say it" I commanded. I couldn't take the word. The word was one of the reasons why I wanted to be a lawyer. The word was something I witnessed a long time ago.

"Well?" she asked with more conviction.

"I didn't think so. But now,… maybe I'm not so sure".

OoOoOoo

After a few more minutes of exchanging information, I hanged up and got out of bed. Even though it was only 3 in the morning, I frankly admit that I no longer have any desire to sleep. It seems that the Sandman—if there's even one—dumped hot water on me instead of a truckload of sand. I went downstairs to the fireplace. When I faced the intricately designed room, pretty much like a relaxation room, I was surprised to find that I'm not going to waste the night away alone.

Sakura was there with her back at me, probably staring at the fire as it crackled and danced. Quietly, I slipped beside her before she could even blink, causing her to jump and throw a pillow at me.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, surprised.

"Couldn't sleep".

"Me too".

Silence

"You know, athletes who have a game tomorrow should never stay up late the night before" she told me.

"Uh… why?"

"Duh. If you sleep late, you wake up with a migraine. If you play with a migraine, you play like a wimp. If you play like a wimp, you'll end up losing like a wimp, albeit wimpier than a wimp".

I raised an eyebrow. "I don't believe that. It may happen to chipmunks but for me, I don't thi- OW!"

"I am NOT a chipmunk!".

"So you're an oversized mutated chipmunk?"

"Why do you always call me chipmunk, and then little girl, and then maniac, and then parrot?" she questioned irritably.

"Technically, YOU called me a parrot".

"And you are still a parrot" she said. "You're just like Touya" she added, grumbling and throwing another pillow at me.

"Touya? You're stepbrother?" I asked, interested.

"Yes!" she said empathetically. "If you call me a parrot, then he calls me a monster. A very violent one, might I add".

"If you ask me, I think he describes you perfectly".

"Parrot".

"Thank you"

She then pulled up her knees and rested her chin on it. "You never change".

"Can't help it. I like the way I am" I said easily. After a few moments of silence, I can't help but ask, (so sue me. Curiousity might've killed the cat, but I like to think I'm one mighty parrot… not a cat) "Is he nice? Your brother, I mean?"

"Oh, he is overly demented. He calls me monster, he irritates me a lot, he teases me, he smirks at me and he's overly protective. A self-proclaimed overprotective, schizophrenic, girl magnet nut. If you ask me, he's not nice. He's evil. Waaaayyyy evil".

I laughed. Although the speech may be misleading to the not so quick, I immediately felt that, although no matter how many times she may whine and yell about Touya Kinomoto, she approves of him. Because I know that if she doesn't like him, she'd show it. Little by little, I'm starting to think that maybe I still have the chance to see the Sakura I saw on video a couple of days ago. That would be nice.

"There is one thing that both of you nutballs have in common, though" she said suddenly.

"What's that?"

Then, she suddenly pointed a commanding finger at me and stated, "both of you are very good athletes. You're both competitive. You're both one of the best in your field, even though I hate to say it. You better play like it's your last tomorrow, Li Xiao-Lang".

"Why?"

"I don't know…… I never really liked losing…" she whispered, her eyes clouding. "My father taught me the importance of winning… winners should win, losers should be p- never mind" she hastily said. I was taken aback. Then, I saw how much influence her father had in her.

"And what if i don't want to win?" I bluffed, eyebrows raised.

"Impossible"

"Ouch," I replied dramatically. "You know me too well!"

Putting my arms behind my head and relaxing, I suddenly challenged, "okay, to prove to you that I am serious about this whole winning thing, let's make a bet".

She quirked one eyebrow. "And what would that be?"

"First, the two of us have to agree..."

I drifted off after that, savoring the moment when we actually have a decent conversation. But in spite of the fact that we're talking, I can't help but recall what she said. More specifically, what she was about to say before she stopped.

Winners live, losers should be punished.

What a load of bull. I knew that if I want her to get better, I have to find out what happened to her. Her mind's already conditioned to think in a negative and unhealthy way, no doubt the result of her being the daughter of a satanic father and a potential murderer/rapist as a brother.

"... so you have to promise me that, as a sort of seal of this outrageous bet, you will win. Got it?" she was asking.

I looked at her for a second and then smiled. Suddenly, I did the unexpected: I clasped a hand around that pointing, threatening finger and pulled the owner (ignoring the shout of protest, the bang of my heart as it's rate escalated, the potential of being murdered by a deranged chipmunk and the unmistakable yet unexplainable warm feeling that I knew the fire had nothing to do with) closer until we were practically nose to nose. Looking at her in the eye, I whispered,

"Promise".

OoOoOoo THE DAY OF THE GAME oOoOOoO

"Come on, you worms!" coach yelled. "The game is in 20 minutes! I want you goons to get you lazy butts outta here and win this! NOW!". he strode off and slammed the door behind him, all red in the face.

"you know, if I hear another 'worm' come out of his mouth," Brian threatened, irritated, "I will not hesitate to get one from a bucket of them from our gardener's storage and shove it up hi—".

"Relax. He's just trying to motivate us with his insults" Yamazaki explained. "By the way, did you know that buckets were once used to cover the heads of bald people? It was because they were so blinded by the shiny spot that this pries—".

"Hey, Li" Eriol whispered as he put on his uniform, "where's Sakura?"

The heir smirked and shrugged innocently, "how should I know?"

"Well, for one thing, she's late for the game and—as we all know—she arrives at LEAST 2 hours before. Secondly, you have that oh-yeah-i-did-something-to-piss-my-guest-and-love-interest-and-I'm-so-happy smirk on your face".

"And what would I do to her, pray tell?"

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe you tied her up in bed or locked her up in the shower or gave her pills that caused her to be the toilet's worst enemy or-".

"Now, now, lover boy" Li drawled. "I didn't to anything like that to the little chipmunk. Well… not THAT drastic, anyway"

"So you DID do something!"

"Maybe yes, maybe no".

"Well, I do hope you didn't set her alarm clock late because, if I remember correctly, you made a bet with her which states that on any occa—". Eriol discontinued what hewas aboutto say as he amusedly watched the heir literally flew towards the doors and disappeared. "Thought so" he snickered.

OoOOOOOoOooooO 5 minutes before inside the girl's locker room oOooOooooooOOo

WHERE'S MY SOCKS? MY SHOES? Wait… AHA! MY BRAAA! HIYAH! I lunged towards the lingerie and, putting it on, grabbed my shirt from my locker and slipped it one as well. One day, I solemnly swore to myself as I tried with difficulty to put on my shorts and tie my hair at the same time, I will KILL THAT MANIAC! HOW DARE HE SET MY ALARM CLOCK AT 8:30! REVENGE WILL BE MINE!

If my never-ending growls cannot enlighten you to who the maniac is, well, said maniac is none other than Li, official heir to the Li clan and soon-to-be fried hotdogs.

To make a long story short, I'm going to briefly tell you what happened to me right after that. Maybe I was too busy plotting how to poison the heir and trying to pull on my socks at the same time that I did not notice the doors of the room opening and the clink of high heels and Adidas shoes, because the next thing I knew, pain shot from the back of my body and then….

Everything went black.

OoOO Li's POV oOoOO

Okay, so where would I go if I was a very violent, very aggressive, tomboyish, potty-mouthed chipmunk that was irritated by her very cute host?

Oh, seriously. When I suspected that Sakura may be hiding from me to make me feel stupid or guilty, it didn't hit me that she wasn't the type of person to make me feel guilty by hiding. Instead, she was the type of person to get revenge by doing something worse… only not when I'm about to have a game with the school's archnemesis.

But then, it hit me now. So basically, after searching for about 10 million years, I finally had itsy bitsy—okay, fine—BIG drops of worry trickling down my back. It grew even bigger after I checked the physics lab, the chemistry lab, the open court, the softball court… even the faculty… and found not hair nor hide of the girl.

There was only one place left (no, not the stadium where we'll play): the girls' locker room.

And I really didn't want to go there. Because you see, when I was about 5 or 8 years old, I was very addicted to the show 'Dexter's lab'. To all the ex-addicts like me, you remember the episode where in Dexter and his friend infiltrated the girls' bathroom and they went inside this stall and found this place full of flowery meadows and shrieking little Ivannas and Miyus…

Well, let's just say that I reeeeaaaallly don't want to find 5000 of those little monsters. One for each is enough, thank you. (childlish, I know).

I arrived at the ground floor of the building and headed towards the back. This floor, which houses the locker rooms, ball storage and the like, was connected to the gym. I hurriedly turned to my left and was about to make a right (the direction of the Danger Room), when I saw Miyu and her friends emerge from that way. I didn't like the pleased smirks and triumphant gaits they were showing, as if they imprisoned Orlando Bum-sits. I like it even less when, seeing my figure, the rushed towards me, there cocky expression turning into panic and then angelic smiles. Fake ones, might I add.

Miyu walked up to me and clung to my arm. "Hey, sweetie" she simpered. "Where are you going?"

"None of your damned business" I snapped and tried to push her away.

"But you must tell us!" she persisted, tightening her hold. "Maybe we can help!".

"If you should know (which I think you don't), I'm looking for a certain classmate of ours" I shot back. "Now, get you sagging butts outta my way and manicure your hair or something…". I swore I felt she'd slap me but when they saw that I was heading towards the girls' locker room, they panicked. This redhead held me back.

"No! Seriously, Xiao-Lang, you wouldn't want to go there! You won't find Kinomoto anywhere near that room or the storage!"

Silence.

A clapping sound was heard as she clamped a hand over her mouth. Miyu swore and fired a dozen insults. On my side, I was too busy keeping my hands on my sides. It's really hard, you know, especially when you have an urge to kill.

"I don't recall telling you anything about the identity of our friend" I said quietly.

"I-I didn't mean that! What I meant wa-!"

"Get the hell outta my way"

"Bu-!"

I pushed her off my arm and ran towards the girls' locker room. Forgetting about 500 Miyus and Ivannas, I kicked open the door and ran towards the her locker. I stopped short when I saw a lone, auburn haired figure sprawled on the floor beside the bench, lying face down and apparently unconscious.

"Oh shit".

OoOoooOoOooO

"Where's Li?" Brian asked. It was time. RSU vs. JCU. Both teams are excellent. Both teams have thousands of fans screaming in the gigantic 5,000 or so seater stadium. Both teams are present.

Except RSU has one player… one very important player… missing: the captain, to be exact.

"I don't know! I've been looking all over for him!" Eriol responded, frustrated.

"There's no sign of him in the locker room, either!" Yamazaki yelled, as the announcer shouted the name of the JSU soccer team, making the crowd roar and cheer.

"Dammit!"

"And in the right side of the stadium, we have the RSU Wolves!"

As the thunder of screams, cheers and applause sounded around the spacious waiting area, shaking the ground and boosting the players morale as they stampeded out into the open, Eriol looked back and frowned.

Where are you, Li?

OoOooOoOo

After spraying her face with cold water, I finally got a reaction. Trying to refrain from yelling with joy, I shook her awake as she groaned, her eyes fluttering open and finally focusing on me.

"What—are you—doing—here?" she managed to groan, rubbing the back of her head and wincing in pain.

"Are you alright? What happened?" I asked urgently.

"Oh—er—gah… wait…" she cursed and closed her eyes tightly, trying to remember amidst the insistent throbbing of her head. Then, before I can react, her eyes flew wide open and stared at me, filled with rage.

"THAT BITCH!" she yelled, trying to get up. "She hit me on the head!"

"Who? Miyu?"

"Yes!" I nearly screeched. "YES! She… she… wait.." I halted, as images flashed on my head. Smells… voices…

"_Come on, Miyu! The game's starting in a few minutes! I don't want to be late!" a voice complained._

"_Wait just a minute, hon" Miyu replied. "We just have to make sure she's really knocked out"._

"_Look, I hit her hard, I hit her good. I'm a soccer player, Miyu, no one can possibly not be knocked out after that blow" her companion replied. _

Yes… that voice… wait… that was no girl's voice…

That was a deep, man's voice! I scrunched up my forehead and thought back.

"_Okay, fine, I trust you. Now, the girls are waiting outside. I'll go with them, you go to the stadium. Kick the team's ass, Lei darling. Do to them what you did to her. I know you can do it."_

"_I know, babe. See you"._

"Miyu didn't hit me…." I said slowly. Then, as I sniffed the air (making Li do the same), this odor hit me like a rock. The heir probably smelled it too, because when I was about to speak, he said, "her boyfriend did, right?"

"How did you know?" I asked, astounded, quite forgetting the fact that my head was throbbing.

"Oh, it's the smell. Like B.O. and sweat and AXE deodorant mixed together…" he replied. After making sure I was okay, he stood up and went towards the door, disappearing from my sight.

Trying to keep my temper in check, I hurriedly completed my outfit, imagining all typed of horrific plots to twist that little cheerleaders neck. No doubt about it. The birdbrains are definitely after the ta—.

"Damn!"

"What? What's wrong?" I yelled, running towards the door. Li was hunched over the knob, his hands in curled fists.

Then, before he could answer, the roar of a thousand screams and cheers and trumpets and drums boomed. It was far away, but not that much that we couldn't hear it all the way here. With dawning realization and horror, I grabbed Li and in a panicked voice exclaimed, "THE GAME! THE GAME'S STARTING!"

But he didn't stir. Not one bit. For a minute there, I thought he was well… I don't know. He punched the door, making a clanging sound reverberated around us, making me think he was having PMS or something. But when he stood up and faced me, I knew.

With burning eyes and barely controlled anger, he whispered,

"We're locked in, Sakura. The doors' are locked."

**a/n: sorry for the long wait! anyway, how did you like it? sorry if it was pretty boring... :). In any case, READ AND REVIEW!**

**later and lotsa love,**

**CalCarrie.**

**P.S. thank you for all who reviewed!**


	14. Cody Banks

**Yes yes, rather late updating... don't kill me!**

**Chapter** **14**

Darkness. That was all I see.

"God, I can't wait to get my hands on that **yellow**-haired chit…"

Li, who was behind me (enduring the same agony), said impatiently, "yes yes, when you see her you'll kill her and kill her then make her bald then kill her again and whatever bloody plan you have. But frankly, we have to get out of this bloody vent first. I can't stand the view".

"Haha" I gibbed sarcastically. "As if you can see anything. From my point of view, it's as dark as a cave".

"One, this is worse than a cave. Two, I can see. Want me to describe?"

"Gladly,"

"Well, for a start, it's neon green with white linings. For another, it's about 2 feet away from me and it clings to your butt".

Neon gre..? POW!

"HEY!" he yelled indignantly, narrowly missing my foot that came barreling straight for his head. "Is it my fault that your underwear can be seen through your shorts! My eyesight already adjusted to the dark! Hell, you are still violent even inside a freakin ventila…".

Putting aside the agitated parrot's mutterings, you must perhaps be wondering why we are in a dark, dreary and disgusting vent. If you must recall, Li and I were locked inside the girls locker room by a suicidal cheerleader. Well, passing through this passage is a way for us to ESCAPE, hoping no whiffs of carbon dioxide or whatever will poison us to death. It may seem far-fetched but, as they all say, in the words of "Ripley's Believe it or Not",

Unbelievable? Believe it.

OoO OoOooOo RECAP (back in locker room) oOoOOOoO

"Open up, you stupid door!" Sakura yelled, kicking it for the 800th time. When it still didn't budge, a vein popped out of her temple. "What the hell is this stupid door made of, anyway? BOULDERS?"

"Actually, it's made of 4 inched titanium metal. If that were an ordinary door, I would've broken it ages ago" my voice replied dryly.

"Bu-but why the hell do they have to have titanium metal! Why not use the ordinary one?" she stuttered, a look of irritation and despair crossing her features.

"Peeping Toms," I shrugged, mentally sifting through my brain for any possible way out. I didn't specify that my friends WERE the peeping toms. During our sophomore years, we (Eriol and the guys) dared one another to look into the doors of the girls' locker room and to see who was the bravest among us to actually put a smoke bomb inside the room. Well, to make a long story short, our victim (Brian) was successful in planting the bomb, but was caught by our lesbian PE teacher on the way out. As a result, the once easy-to-break-metal locker doors became almost-impenetrable titanium dungeon doors. The End.

Sakura, meanwhile, shook her head and exclaimed disgustedly, "you'd think men would be more mature than that…. Peeping toms…. Bah…".

I evaded the subject and asked, "so… any ideas?"

"How about we climb through the windows?"

"Shatterproof".

"Set it on fire?"

"Nu-huh".

Then, she brightened and dashed towards the walls. She crouched and started tapping the wall beside the door tentatively. "What… are you doing?" I asked, amused.

Hearing the tone of my voice, she glared at me. "I watched this movie once where the guy and his girl was locked in this info room or something. He talked about 'the weak point of a wall' or something like that. In the movie, when he found it he b-".

"Kicked the wall and managed to create a hole?" I finished for her. She stopped tapping and regarded me with astonished eyes. "How'd you know that?".

"I watched that, too. Frankly, it's not going to work. While most walls do have, shall we say, a weak spot, I'm afraid that even if this one does, we won't be able to break it. RSU's uncannily smart and deceptive".

"I won't even ask," she mumbled. "Isn't there any way of escaping this dungeon?"

"Nope. Not unless your, say, Superman and can bust through titanium metal and shatter shatterproof glasses and burn fireproof objects".

"Shit".

OoOoOoO

Tomoyo sat, watching the game with anxious eyes. 10 minutes after the game started, neither team had scored. She was relieved that their defenses were splendid, although they weren't exactly pummeling the rival school, either.

She knew perfectly well that, no matter how good the team was, it was a depressant to their confidence and morale that their captain wasn't present. The duo of Eriol and Li were famous in the university soccer world. One without the other was good, but two were better. They gave their teammates something to be confident about and their opponents something to fear. But now, it was the opposite, and thank god the crowd wasn't getting it yet.

Then, as if on cue, the opponent scored.

0-1.

OoOoOoOoO

15 or so minutes of brain-storming later, Sakura suddenly faced me, who was sitting at the floor, and asked shrewdly, "why do I get the feeling you and your neurotic friends had something to do with the lovely metal door I tried kicking a few minutes ago?".

I coughed and pretended not to hear, avoiding a near hit with a shampoo bottle and a pale. Sigh, doesn't she realize that 16 year old boys ALWAYS do that kind of thing?

"Well, you must understa—AHHH! Stop making objects fly, woman! You're giving me a headache!"

"At least I'll have company," she pointed out, glaring at me, although she did stop… thank god.

Every once in while, we'd hear the distant but unmistakable roar of the crowd assembled for the game. I tried not to cringe when everytime I hear it. Because now that my memory finally ticked, I can vaguely recall who Lei Ling was. It's like hitting two birds with one stone! I can kick his ass out in public and I can give him hell at the same time. Now, how can it get any better than that?

"God, if I ever get my hands on that stupid troll, I'll shove a DVD of Jane Austin's 'Pride and Prejudice' up her- wait, that would be defaming Austen, right? No, I'll shove a DVD of 'Agent Cody Banks', then. Ha, that'll give her hell…" Sakura was muttering to herself, tearing a towel to shreds, her eyes narrowed.

Wait a minute…

Agent Cody Banks…

AGENT CODY BANKS! I directed my shocked eyes to Sakura. Without warning, I grabbed her and gave her a tight hug. "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!" she yelled, shocked. I ignored her protest and beamed.

"You, my dear chipmunk, are now excused from my revenge. YOU'RE A GENIUS!" I said happily, getting to work.

"Of course I am!" she half-jested. When she still didn't seem to get it, I repeated, "Agent Cody Banks, Sakura. Think about it".

"What the cr- oh, god," she started, her eyes widening. I nodded. In unison, we craned our heads up and stared at our means of escape.

The 4x4 (feet) vent opening.

And that was the start of our journey to freedom (and troll-napping).

OooOooOoO

The game was turning in favor of the opposing team.

Now the score was 2-0.

OooOoOoOoOO

Look, I'm not saying I'm not going to go after Miyu's pretty little neck, seeing as she is a girl and can scream 'RAPE!' while I'm mutilating her to bits and have the whole country deport me to Bangladesh since I'm a guy. Sad to say, we are separated by the line we call 'gender'. Plus, even though she's the reason why I'm crawling inside this godforsaken vent with Sakura and a fascist bitch, I have way too much integrity and gentlemanliness to attack a girl. No, I'm leaving Sakura to that.

Instead, I am bent on assassinating her boyfriend.

Wait for me, you asshole, I seethed. All along, my motive was to get out of here and blow the guy's head to planet Uranus. In fact, I would even miss the game for it. The feeling of winning the big game is NOTHING compared to the satisfaction of seeing that fool on his deathbed. Did you know what was dripping out of Sakura's head when found her? BLOOD! I'LL KILL HIM!

Since I can't be calm when thinking of him, I decided to focus on better things. More specifically, my view of Sakura now. That's not to say that I'm happy to be able to get a look at her underwear (since her shorts are too thin), of course. But still, you can't kill me for being a tad bit cocky. I mean, I DID see her neon green underwear, which is another thing I can tease her about. The other part of me wants to sue the company who made her shorts. Don't they see that they are unbelievably too th-.

"MMF!" I was cut off when my head suddenly banged on Sakura's legs, making me too close to her asset for comfort (god, I'm turning into a pervert).

"OI! If you were thinking of letting me get a clear view of your lovely rear, I suggest we do it in a place where I can SEE I-!"

"What was that?" she asked, ignoring my burst.

"What? The squeak? Must be mouse" I said, shrugging. "Now can we PLEASE move, Kinomoto? I'm starting to get cram-!"

"A MOUSE? There's a mouse in here?" she repeated, trying to maintain calm.

"Yes" I said empathetically. "I mean, this is a ve- is that PANIC I hear in your voice, Kinomoto?" I asked interestedly.

"No" she replied curtly.

"There's a mouse behind you".

BANG!

The next thing I knew, she scrambled forward and turned right faster than I can blink. Shaking my head amusedly, I followed and yelled, "not afraid, eh?"

"Shut up, Li" she responded in an equally loud voice ahead.

"I love you too!"

OoOoOo

2-1.

The coach confronted Eriol, who was resting at the bench. "Where the hell is your captain, Hirigiizawa!" he screamed, his face red.

Eriol replied with the only answer he has, voicing his frustrations as well, "I don't know, sir! We've been looking for him everywhere! In fact, Jason's looking for him now".

The older man must've sensed his misery for lowered his tone, "I don't know where the hell Li is, but I assure you that if he doesn't get his ass up here before the second half begins, there will be hell to pay, and I'm not talking about the one we're getting at the field. Do you hear me?".

"Yes, sir".

AooOOoOoO

So here we are, crawling through this dark vent. Of course, since I am in the lead (unfortunately), I have to be what you call the 'guide'. In this vent, I am Batgirl, navigating through a dark passage like a…well… bat. It seemed as if we were crawling for HOURS when in reality we were there for only 15 minutes. But anyway, clear though my eyesight was, I'm afraid my sessions with Eggy must've made them prone to hallucinations of the things I don't like the most, because the next thing I knew, I was facing this long stretch with DOZENS of other vents on the walls. I can see it because there are… ah… ventilators or something attached to the walls (think agent Cody Banks. The scene where he hanged from the ceiling of the lab), allowing a little bit of light to shine where we were. I groaned.

"What? What's the matter?" Li asked from behind.

"I can't believe this! There are DOZENS of passages! There's one on my left then farther up one on the right and I bet there's another one in that other one over there….!"

"Well, Sakura, use that handy Eggy-radar of yours cause we have less than 20 minutes before the first half of the game's finished".

"Easy for you to say".

I wasn't kidding. It seems as if this stupid vent will lead to nowhere! I scrambled towards the one on the right and peeked at the open spaces on the (okay I don't know what to call it so I'll just call it) 'peeping windows'. "Yes!" I cried. It's the boys locker room!"

Li made a disgusted noise behind me. "Oi, if you must know, we are currently trying to find our way out of this hellish vent so w—you have no time to ogle at naked men strutting around idiotica-!"

"I wasn't thinking about that!" I protested, my face heating up. "The boys' locker room is near the exit! We're close!". I increased my speed, hungry for the light that the outside would bring to my Batgirl eyes (haha). I guess I should've watched where I was going and listened to Li when he said,

"Hey, slow down! There are some surprises in this vent! Be careful before you fall or cut yourself again!"

"I know what I'm doing," I replied impatiently, continuing blindly on the passage. "I absolutely cannot wait to get out of hhhheeeeeeAAHHHHH!" I yelled with surprise when the floor suddenly disappeared below me and became a diagonal slide, causing me to slide on my butt to wherever the way was taking us.

"I TOLD YOU TO BE CAREFUL!" Li hollered as he went slid down the slide behind me.

I was about to retort (so sue me. I'm still violent even in mortal peril) when his two arms encircled my waist and pulled me against him. "What are you doing?" I asked, my eyes still trained at the front for any signs of sharp objects.

"I am not going to let you get hurt again," he replied fiercely. "Now tuck your head on my chest! NOW!" he yelled. Confused, I did as I was told, his left hand resting at the back of my head and his right around my waist. Good thing I did, because the next moment, sunlight penetrated my eyes through the spaces between Li's protective hands. We rolled along a very rough surface and skidded to a halt. When he finally let go, I looked around and found ourselves beside the entrance of the HS building, sprawled on the rocks and grass behind a bench. I sat up and looked around me. I vaguely wondered why I had no cuts on my arms (only a couple on the legs), when I heard a voice.

"Glad that's over," Li's voice penetrated my thoughts.

I spun around and nearly cringed at the sight of him. His hair was disheveled and his varsity clothes mussed. I counted 6 scratches on his arms, 3 on his legs and a nasty looking cut on his right hand. But looking at his relieved and grinning face, you would've thought he was immune to being seen like this.

"_I am not going to let you get hurt again,"_

I gasped, looking at him as he sat up and brushed off the dirt on his shirt. I can't believe it! Half of those bruises should've been mine! I realized with a mixture of disbelief and tenderness that he covered my upper body (especially my head) to prevent it from garnering bruises. He KNEW where this vent was going. He should've protected himself.. I mean… he DOES have a game…

Oh god, I'm starting to feel guilty.

And when I'm guilty and affectionate at the same time, the latter something I have not experienced for the past 2 years, I tend to be more aggressive. Thanks, Li.

OoOooOo Li's POV OoOoOoOo

Man, if the gods want to punish me for sleeping late last Monday, they should've left Sakura out of it. I will never go through that vent EVER again. I looked at my hands with interest, noting the bruises and gashes there and on my legs as well. I was fairly certain that Sakura had none of this, except maybe on her legs, since I did shield her the best way I know how. Don't ask me why I did that. Truth is, I don't know the reason anymore than you do.

_7 more minutes to go before 2nd half_

I turned to her, intent on asking her if she was all right then finding out a way to get to the stadium. I balked when she suddenly leaned and brushed a twig out of my hair. I was more confused than ever because the Sakura I know doesn't do that. The Sakura I know would never allow herself to this close to me. More importantly, Sakura wouldn't be looking at me with that look in her brillian jade eyes.

Like the eyes that stared back at me when we watched the video of a 14 year old kid.

"WHY DID YOU DO THAT?" she snapped disbelievingly at me, catching me off guard.

"Why not?" I asked, confused.

"If anything, you should prevent yourself from getting injured since you have a game only 2 seconds away!" she groaned, getting hold of my hands and looking at it miserably.

I looked her and can't help but smile. Standing up and holding out my hand for her to hoist herself up, I said, "relax, Kinomoto. I've been having bruises since I was 4. it's part of my life and my training. Besides," I hoisted her up and cocked and eyebrow, "I'm a man".

She looked at me for a second, that unusual expression gone from her face (thank god). "So are you saying that men are the only creatures who aren't squeamish?" she asked me dryly.

"No…."

"Fine! Now, can we please go! We're 40 minutes late!" she bellowed, running at the road and looking around for any vehicle.

Just then, as if it was MEANT for it to go there, a delivery guy from Pizza Hut appeared on his motorcycle, his helmet obscuring his face. He parked at the front and, carrying his delivered pizza, he walked towards us and asked, "hey, do any of you kids know a…uhm… Ms. Mizuki?"

Before Sakura could react, I stepped forward and replied in a very innocent voice (i.e., I'm-going-to-do-something-evil voice), "Why, just enter our humble HS building, turn left, climb 2 staircases and when you see a statue of a nun, climb a flight of stairs again. Turn right and find the door marked 'faculty' and ask for a Ms. Mizuki. Got it?".

"Left, staircase, nun, right… got it. Thanks!" pizza boy said gratefully and disappeared through the hallways.

Sakura stood next to me, watching as I ran towards the motorcycle and started feeling the surface. "You DO know that there is no such thing as a statue of a nun, that the faculty is only on the 2nd floor and that Ms. Mizuki is currently at the stadium watching the game, right?" she asked.

"Of course, I do," I said. Then, when I felt a sort of compartment at the seat, I pulled it open and took out the keys. "Aha!" I exclaimed triumphantly. Then, without further ado, I lifted Sakura up (causing her to yelp) and placed her at the seat. Following suit, I started the engine and before she could react, we were riding towards the stadium at breakneck speed.

"Afraid, Kinomoto?" I yelled, since the wind was whistling so loudly.

"Nope! I must say that this is brilliant idea of escape, Li, although I can't help but pity the squirt when he sees his vehicle has vamoosed," she replied loudly, cling to my waist.

"Frankly, my dear, I did not steal the vehicle. I just borrowed it!"

"I know. It's still funny".

"Anyway, he'll get this back and more".

"Aw, I didn't know you had it in you, Li!"

"To what?"

"Nothing…. WATCH OUT! A FENCE!"

OoOoOoOo

Miyu Okinawa waited impatiently at the front of the stadium, tapping her high heels at the soft earth. A smile crept up her face as she imagined what Sakura Kinomoto might be doing now (probably groveling and thinking of ways to escape). Sadly, this wasn't an ordinary school. She WAS sorry about what she had to do to Li back there, but what choice did she have? Besides, he will still love her, she was sure of that. No one can resist her charms. After all, Miyu was Miyu Okinawa. Still, it was nice to know that the captain of her school's soccer team locked like an animal in a cage, since her boyfriend's the captain of the opposing team.

"Miyu! I got it!" her friend's voice jolted her out of her sweet thoughts.

"Where?" she asked excitedly, holding out her hand. Kitty handed her the tape, it's black surface gleaming in the sunlight. "How did you open Kinomoto's locker?" she inquired.

"Oh, all it took was a couple of picks here and there," her friend shrugged. "It was quite easy, really. Of course, her whole locker may be clean on the outside, but it definitely looks like hell on the inside. We damaged it like you told us".

Miyu smirked. Pocketing the tape, she gestured for Kitty to follow. "Now that's over, let's watch the game. I bet you by now RSU's getting lambasted". As she entered the stadium, she didn't see the swish of auburn hair and a sleeve of a varsity shirt disappearing through the side.

Nor the vengeful thoughts inside their owners' head.

Nor the reality that both she and her boyfriend will pay.

OooOoOoOoOo

The moment Li stepped unto the field, the degree of cheers and chants notched up dramatically. Li resisted the urge to smirk, because the fact that they were losing wasn't helping.

"LI XIAO-LANG! LI XIAO-LANG!" the crowd screamed and chanted enthusiastically. A couple of the opposing team's member glanced up curiously. The fans were happy he was back. Unfortunately, Lei's team didn't have any idea who he was… or what he could do. Li looked up and couldn't help but smile. A team of naked men had their stomachs painted with letters spelling the GO, RSU! A couple more were waving their personal banner, not excluding the ones with L-I-X-I-A-O-L-A-N-G and E-R-I-O-L painted on either t-shirts or something more… well… exposed.

Eriol rushed to their team captain and was about to bombard him with question and a few well chosen four-letter words when he saw the expression on his face. It was a mixture of delight, amusement, anger and murder. He decided against it, since Li, who acknowledged the crowd's delight with only a smile, suddenly addressed him and asked briskly, "what's the score?", even though the giant scoreboards screamed that they were losing 4-1.

He told him so and was expecting an outburst of some kind. He was stunned when Li merely said with a small smirk, "well, dear ancestor, it's not late isn't it? call the guys for a little pep talk, Eriol. It's butchering time".

_They were at the entrance of the stadium. I hesitated for a second, then grabbed him by the arm and said, "I'm not going to say good luck because I know you won't need it. Just… don't be hard on the poor guy"._

"_Of course. Same to you" he said jovially. Tightening his hold on my arm, he asked, "are you asking me to save him the humiliation?"_

_I smirked and said, "definitely not. I'm asking you to cream him enough to stop his face being seen on public"._

"Hang in there, Li. It's good you're back" Eriol said, puzzled. He was about to turn when Li stopped him. "Oh, and best friend dearest, is Lei Ling the name of our dear rival's team captian?" he asked.

"Yes…."

A wicked smile crept up Li's perfectly chiseled face. "Perfect".

oooOOOoOoOo

Miyu, seated at the fourth row from the field, couldn't believe what her cerulean blue eyes were seeing.

Li. Li Xiao-Lang.

As the whistle indicated the resuming of the game, she followed his movements as he ran across the field. She could feel the morale and confidence of her school's team rising. The crowd was louder than ever, screaming and cheering and chanting as they saw the captain kick the ball.

If Li was here, then surely……

Then, she shivered. She turned her head back and looked at the stairs….

there, standing with her hands on her hips, was the jade-eyed teen she locked with the hopes she'll starve to death. Sakura's eyes were narrowed dangerously as she walked slowly towards her. When they were face to face, the auburn-haired teen silently leaned and kissed her on the cheek. She couldn't move, only watching as Sakura pulled something form her pocket. Miyu's eyes landed on the shiny gray object.

The tape.

While she was still gazing with shock, her victim whispered, "do you really think that I'm going to leave this tape on my locker before I could use it? if you did, then I was mistaking when I deemed you a little brighter than a toad".

Then, Miyu finally lifted her eyes and met icy green orbs. The owner pocketed it again and said nonchalantly,

"Truth be told, I was thinking of giving this to the principal. Now, I think I'm going to play it for the whole school".

And before walking away, the winner continued, "I told you not to mess with me, Okinawa. You didn't listen. Now, as Li is beating the shit out of your boyfriend, watch me beat the crap out of you".

Then, as if reminding her of what was happening, the team scored.

"GOOOAAAALLLL!"

4-2.

**A/N: So... how'd you like it? i know it's probably littered with grammatical and spelling mistakes, but please understand that final exams are only 2 weeks away and i have sadistic teachers! so sorry! i'll update as fast as i can! READ AND REVIEW!**

**Later and Lotsa Love,**

**CalCarrie**

**p.s. thank you for all those who reviewed! lav yah!**


	15. The Science of Love

**EXAMS ARE OVER! EXAMS ARE OVER! HALLELUJAH!**

**Chapter 15- The Science of Love **

To put it bluntly, RSU creamed, sautéed, walloped, screwed, pulverized, skewered and, of course, won against Lei's team, bagging the trophy with a magnificent-since there were only 45 minutes left- score of 8-4.

The winning kick came from-who would have guessed?- Yamazaki, with a little help from Eriol and Li, slaps of encouragement from Brian and the guys, and a kiss from Chiharu. It was a game to remember. Most of their rivals would raise issues on how it was just pure luck while others said karma, but majority would say it was a boost of confidence, which probably came from finally seeing their captain and co-captain team up. It was probably why they were called captains. It's called leadership.

At the 2 weeks when the school's euphoria was at it's peak, strange things happened… to Miyu Okinawa. 3 days after the game, weird and mostly disgusting objects and animals occupied her locker, the most amusing (to a certain student) is the dissected frogs from the bio lab and the locusts. 2 days later, her laced lingerie were found hanging at the top of the HS flagpole, causing the principal, an old sadist, to go into spasms. A few more after that, exactly 9 days later, when Lei visited the campus, the intercom suddenly crackled to life. Most seniors, including our tennis and soccer champions were at the cafeteria. It played a one-sided conversation, the voice-who else?-Miyu's. At the end of the recording, an androgynous voice said, "what a nice girlfriend you have, Lei. Never fear, there's more to come!".

And there really was. 2 days later, the principal called Miyu, who was quarreling with her boyfriend, to come to his office with the latter. Imagine the cheerleader's shock when the principal recited and ticked off every rendezvous, steamy-make out sessions, bullying and other offenses she has created for the past 5 months… all within the earshot of her boyfriend. WITH VALID PROOF.

Needless to say, they broke up with practically half of Asia hearing their fight.

Soo… away from the pompoms, talent scouts hounded the phone lines of the Li Mansion, asking this and that about the heir and his guest. The strange thing is, even with all this happening, the heir wasn't happy. He was very far from happy.

Very very far from happy, actually. Frustrated, yes. Confused, yes. Not pissing his guest off? Impossibly, yes.

Because for the past 1 and a half week, he was feeling something. Something deep and something he had never felt before. Ooh-la-la, our parrot is in luuuvvv.

To whom? Well, unfortunately, a completely dense chipmunk.

OoOoO

I flipped the pages of the huge book, scanning it with agitated eyes. Neurologists… dermatologists… pathologists…yuck, gynecologists… what about emotions-ologists? Or a psyhiatrist? How about a mental-ologists? Dammit, where are the doctors when you need them! I threw the book away, cursing and slumped down my seat.

I'm going crazy. I am GOING crazy. What is wrong with me?

For the past 2 week, I have been avoiding Sakura like a plague. I tried to approach her, but my legs feel like jelly whenever I do. I can't talk to her. I can't look at her in the eye. Hell, I can't even bear to stay in the same room with her! I feel her presence even when she's 50 feet away. I feel light and sweaty when she's around.

See? Still don't believe me?

Fine. You're just like Eriol and Tomoyo. They told me that I wasn't insane, neurotic or possessed by an evil spirit. In fact, they even played Doctor Quack and analyzed the symptoms for me, coming up with a conclusion that I REFUSE to believe. Pfft, some best friends.

"Li, if you still don't believe the word of your 2 pals, answer the questions I'm about to ask you," Eriol said yesterday.

"Is it true that you always worry about her?"

"Yes. If I don't, she'd probably be in her grave by now."

"Uh-huh. Do you feel like beating every guy who dares to look at her?"

"Er-yes." (because I know what goes on behind their thick-headed craniums. I'm a guy, too, duh)

"Do you sneak glances at her whenever you can?"

"Yes. But it's not what you think! I do that for BLACKMAI-!"

"shut up, dear descendant. Now, do you feel the need to impress her?"

"Err…" (uh… maybe?)

"I take that as a yes. Do you want to be at her side always?"

"Well…" (she's a very amusing target, you know)

"That's a yes. Would you risk anything for her?"

I stared at him. "I would risk anything for anyone if it's needed and justified."

"Even Ivanna and the twin brothers?"

"Ahahaha… when it's just reeaaalllly needed." (from what? Cheap lipsticks and an egg beater?)

"How about Miyu and Lei?"

"uh.. depends." (No freakin way)

"How about people like Tomas Chien and Jake?"

"Absolutely not. I'd help them be killed, actually." (Only when a scientist proves the world is actually flat, when Eggy is actually straight and if Fatty turns out to be a girl)

"Oh, really?" Eriol mused. "Okay, lastly, would you do anything to make this lucky girl happy? Even at the expense of your own happiness?"

I thought before I answered. Would I? I remembered how venomously she dictated the reasons why she chose law. She lived with deranged and dangerous blokes. She never smiled, not once. At 18, she has the violence and vengefulness of a scorned adult. Plus, something horrible happened to her. Something that has a name… the one that's been knocking at my head since the video fest.

Would I?

Of course I would.

"Yes."

Eriol was quiet for a moment. Then, he suddenly said, "wow, Li, I never thought I'd live to see the day you finally had the gall to let yourself in this." WHAT THE?

"What? Are you hinting on a trip to a brain surgeon now?" I snapped, unsettled. "I have consulted the yellow pages for any kind of doctor brilliant enough to cure me from the blasted whatever-it-is that is making me this way and there isn't a single bloody thi-!"

"You did what!" he asked disbelievingly, now positively laughing. "My dear descendant, you don't need a doctor! Anyone can see why you're acting like this!"

I blinked. "They can? WHAT THEN? Pancreatitis? SARS? AIDS? Cerebral Palsy? HEART CANCER? Heat stroke? WHAT?"

"You're in love."

Silence.

"Oh, fuck."

I stood up and laid on the couch, glaring at every object my eyes landed on. I refuse to believe that! A second later, I snatched the 'lovely' little toy called a Magic Cue Ball and gingerly examined it. "I can't believe I'm doing this," I muttered.

So sue me. I am desperate. Modestly aside, I am brilliant. I know it, but the matters of the heart are something I neither knew nor cared to know about. It is a taboo in my world. Hell, I haven't even FELT it yet. This… stupid… cue ball was given to Meiling when she was in 8th grade, and gave it to me a year later as a joke. I meant to throw it then. Burn it, actually. Of course, before departing, she reminded me how a woman's wrath is when she finds that her gifts are considered useless. It can melt even the strongest metal in the world. I decided against it.

"God, I am officially going to rely on a freakin' toy," I grumbled. Okay, cue baby, am I attracted to her? I gave it a shake… answer: yep.

Oh crap. Since when?

Guess.

I fumed. GUESS? I shook it harder.

Coffee break. Be back in a jiffy.

REST! I AM AT THE BRINK OF INSANITY HERE, YOU FREAKIN BALL! I shook it furiously, feeling myself age 50 billion years. "HELLO! AM I HAVING PLAIN TEENAGE HORMONAL DRIVES OR AM I FALLING IN LOVE WI-!"

"That toy's a dud when it comes to stuff like that, you know," a voice said matter-of-factly.

My voice box hitched to a stop the same time my heart started beating maniacally. Turning around, I faced the door and saw the person I was avoiding for the past 10 days. "Why-when-what are you doing here?" I demanded, wincing when the words came out sharper than intended.

But of course, I shouldn't have expected her to react. She didn't show any signs of irritation, annoyance or even a flinch. Instead, she walked over and sat at the stuffed sofa directly beside me. Crossing her legs Indian style, she lapsed into silence, only staring at me with those emerald green eyes.

"What?" I muttered, trying to hide the toy from her view. I mean, it would be a pretty valuable weapon for blackmail if she found out this was mine. i don't think she'll be nice either, since my treatment towards her has been a little less than cordial recently.

Then she spoke, "would you mind asking the ball a question for me?"

I warily eyed her. "Uh… sure."

"Would you ask why a senior named Li Xiao-Lang, current Li heir and my host, has been treating his guest like dry rot for the past few days?" she asked pleasantly.

I winced, surprised. So… she had, unfortunately, noticed.

"And," she continued, her eyes practically boring a hole in my shoulder, "that she'd like the reason to be a reasonable one, because she doesn't like being treated as part of the wallpaper and would gladly leave this place if it is not."

"I haven't been…," I started arguing.

"Yes, you have!" she snapped. "Wanna tell me why?"

"Why should I tell you?" I shot back rather defensively. "Why do you even want to know, anyway?"

She didn't answer me, just eyeing my dryly with one eyebrow raised. "Don't tell me the reason has something to do with what I just head, Li," she then lowered her voice and imitated what I said, "HELLO! AM I HAVING PLAIN TEENAGE HORMONAL DRIVES OR AM I FALLING IN LO-!"

"I don't know what you're talking about!" I cut her off stubbornly, horrified that for the first time in a year, I can actually feel the heat rising to face. In a sudden burst of agitated energy, I jumped to my feet and started striding around the room, yelling, "OH MY GOD! I'm feeling what I incite on my female targets! SHIT!"

She only watched me. "Well, so I was right? Now that is a surpri-".

"LALALA," I said loudly, covering my ears, "I can't hear you! I'm deaf! Lalalalalal-!"

"but of course, you don't have anything to worry about—"

"Lalalalalalalalalala-!"

"—since you'll still keep your bachelor life and live the life of a parrot—"

"Lolololoalaeleieloooo—"

"—because she'll never want you back, anyway."

"Lalalala- WHAT?" I whipped back and faced her, an indignant expression on her face. Then I stopped and sat on the table in front of her. "What makes you say tha- is that what you think?" I asked her, squelching the—oh nononono—hurt down by throat. Then, in an attempt to regain my composure, I smirked and said, "you're not even a girl!"

Something flashed in her eyes and she threw a pillow at my face. "I am, you idiot, so I know that no women would want your stinky hide."

"Even you?" I accidentally asked.

"ESPECIALLY me," she said smugly.

"Why's that?"

"Well… for one thing… you have that swagger that's a pain in the eyes," she said after some thought.

"I… what?" I asked.

"You know…" she stood up and began demonstrating, "You walk with your shoulders down and your pelvis out, basically strutting around like a constipated drug-pusher."

"I do NOT. So you hate my walk even though I KNOW I don't walk like that, so what about my physical gifts? You can't deny that I'm on top on that department," I said, eyebrow raised.

"Oh, I can and I will," she replied, smirking. "Your nose is flat, your eyes are bulging like a frog and you have the mouth of a parrot." The she added, "Besides, your hair is a shame to humanity."

"What's wrong with my hair?" I asked indignantly, already offended about what she thought of my face, hand instinctively spring up to touch my crown.

"It's oily, it sticks out everywhere and it stinks… oh and it has very ugly color," she said matter-of-factly, her eyes shining mischievously.

"Why, thank you Kinomoto, my shining pillar of support, you" I answered sarcastically, unable to keep my mouth from quirking on the side with amusement.

"See, you're amused. So tell me, Li. Who's the unlucky girl?" she asked, apparently interested. "Are you going to woo her with your ugly walk and smelly hair, or are you gonna follow in Hollywood's steps and sing praises of her every night and actually devote a mini-altar for her behind your closet?"

"Contrary to what your thinking, I am not one of those twits in the movies running around like a tomato and screaming 'I love you!' over and over."

"Actually, love is nothing but a series of chemical reactions," she pointed out.

"Another reason why I call them twits. Serotonin, the neurotransmitter responsible from keeping you sane, drops, thus the claims of 'being crazy in love' is created. That's another reason why I call them… twits."

"Well, my parrot, it's not as if you weren't a nutball the very first day I met you. Oh and you forgot to mention norephinephrine, dopamine and-in you case- testosterone."

"Uh-huh," I said in a bored voice, recalling my chemistry lessons with ease, "the former's duty is like adrenaline, so it makes you slightly sweaty and makes… makes…" my eyes widened.

"…makes your hear beat 3 times faster," she continued for me, amused. "My god, you ARE bitten by the love bug!"

I closed my eyes and gulped, remembering perfectly well what the last 2 does to the human body.

Dopamine elevates by perhaps 20 to 40 percent, making you disgustingly giddy and energetic.

Testosterone makes you want to be with you honey all the time.

My eyes swiveled to the direction of the fallen cue ball, now lying innocently on the carpet, the glass window staring at me in the face. And to my horror, the message it conveyed gave birth to a mixture of reactions in me.

In white cursive letters, it proclaimed one thing: yes.

Hell exploded.

"NO! I AM NOT! I AM NOT A TWI-!"

"Hey, I wanna be the flower girl, got it! I WANT 15 GRANDCHILDREN, LI! OHOHOHO-!"

"I CAN'T HEAR YOU! LALALALALA!"

"I wanna hear about your torrid affair! GO ON, MY LOVESTRUCK PARROT! SPILL!"

"LALA- THERE WAS NO BLOODY TORRID AFFAIR!"

00000000

I sat boltright up in bed, fists clenched. With a load groan, I feel back and covered my head with the pillow (hoping to die) as the norphinephrine, dopamine, testosterone hormones and transmitters finally began to move and pupil dilation took place.

Letting out a shower of very colorful words before conceding defeat, I removed the pillow and stared at the ceiling, finally acknowledging what's been happening to me for.. well… I don't know when it started.

I, Li Xiao-Lang, heir to the Li clan, excellent athlete, brilliant student and now taken, am in l-love with…

With…

With…

Sakura Kinomoto.

Can somebody please deliver me to my death?

**a/n: amazing... i edited! keh... I'm not saying that it's perfect (i think it's far from it, actually) already. i just corrected the spelling mistakes i saw. I HAD TO. It causes blindness and possible eye popping. (wince)**

** yeah, anyways... i haff eh new story coming.. i don't know when... maybe when i can get my ass outta bed... SUMMER VACATION! BWAHAHAHA! THANK YOU for the recent reviews! you guys are so freakin awesome!  
**


	16. Lesson 5: hands on Makeover!

**A/N: back with the next chapter. hehe. Oh, and this chapter contains note-passing from Li, Eriol and Tomoyo during classes (think**

**of the boring ones). remember:**

**Bold for Li**

_Italicized for Tomoyo_

Underlined for Eriol

**Chapter 15: Make-Over**

"Now, remember, Sakura," Tomoyo reminded her friend, who was currently pretending to be stone deaf, "you should be nice to Michael, seeing as you haven't seen him for quite some time. He'll arrive any minute now so get ready."

Sakura looked at her innocently. "Me? Of course I would greet Eggy with the happiest smile you've ever seen! What, are you insinuating that, upon seeing him, I'll bring out a giant pan and dump him in with the hopes of actually breaking the world record of 'Largest Scrambled Egg'?"

"I was afraid you're going to do just that," Tomoyo muttered. Then, hearing the beep of a car, brightened, "HERE HE COMES!"

When she was out of earshot, Sakura siddled up to Li. "Hey Li, where do they keep those large oversized frying pans Rose uses to cook turkey? Or was that something else?"

Li chuckled, amused. "I have no idea. Although if I did, I certainly wouldn't tell you."

"Why not?"

"Mother would probably hitch me with Miyu if she found out I was an accomplice for frustrated murder, nevermind the fact that the targeted victim is highly unstable."

Before she can retort, the door burst open and in came the leader of the gay baboons from hell. With a shudder and smirk, she noted the uneven tan and the sunburned head. Egad, he must've gained 2000 pounds! Ahh, how unfortunate he cannot be cooked! Then again, being sunburned and all, perhaps all he needs is butter. 50 less fat, of course.

"Ah, my balding eggheaded sadist!" Sakura greeted loudly, clapping him in the shoulders with mock delight. "I see you have been boiled in tar! Very good, my friend! Tell me, how does it feel to see you favorite pupil in the world again?"

Eggy looked at her, clearly not amused. "I've felt better, frankly"

"Ouch!" she mocked hurt. "Is that what you think? Well, we're in the same boa—who the hell are the-OW! QUIT IT!" she was cut off, staring behind Eggy's shoulder and swore as she once again felt the whack of the baboon's stick. Loosing the pleasant tone, she demanded, "is—is that a hair curler?"

"And here I thought you were polite!" Eggy said sarcastically. "These lovely ladies will assist me in a makeover which is probably the hardest I have ever done in my whole entire life," he explained, indicating the gaggle of 17 or so women with threatening-looking scissors and eyelash curlers.

"Oohhh," Sakura said, nervously edging away. "For Kero! Oh, you bloody egg, you are so sweet! I'll go get the pooch in the ki—"

"No, dearie," Eggy interrupted, now looking like a cross of a gleeful Plankton and a pained Squidward. "YOU are the prey, WE are the predators."

"Eh?"

OooOOoOOOoO

So how did our dear Sakura react upon seeing Eggy?

**Yeah, Tomoyo, did she pull a Moody and zapped him into a ferret? **

_I thought both of you were there?_

**Are you kidding me? As much as we would like to witness the rage of a deranged chipmunk, our innocent eyes can't bear to see the frying of a constipated—stop looking at me like that, Tomoyo—boiled egg, aren't they, Eriol?**

True, so true. Oooh, careful, Xiao-Lang, Tomoyo's not in favor of you calling her fashion hero an egg.

_Be glad both of you are my friends or else I would've chuck you in where the stylists and beauticians can do you in. At least, when it comes to that, Sakura will have company._

Really? Sakura's going to have a make-over?

_Actually, she's having it right now._

OOOOOOO

"What are you going to do with my teeth?" I demanded, eyeing the deadly-looking machine beside my chair, where I am strapped like a prisoner waiting to be executed.

"Hopefully, remove the chocolate stains and Cheetos stuck on your molars," Eggy replied.

"And how in the world are you going to do tha-OW!" I yelled when somebody started what I first thought was forcefully pulling my hair out of my scalp. "EGGY!" I snarled at him, "you are NOT getting my hair for your upcoming hair transplant, do you hear me? I am too young to be bald and too vio-!"

"I am not interested in exposing your hair follicles," he retorted, revolted. "I'm afraid auburn does not complement my nose."

"Uh?"

"Really, Sakura, what happened to your hair?"

"ARGMFDRGHE!" I managed to say, as one sadist started working on my teeth just as another of Eggy's cronies worked on my feet.

"When did you last brush your hair?" he interrogated me, as though he understood a word I said.

I shot daggers at him.

He changed his mind and merely muttered, "wait, I don't even want to know." He turned to the lady brushing my hair and commanded, "have no mercy, my dear lady. HAVE—NO—MERCY."

OoOoOoOooOo

Did you hear—I mean—read that, Li? Your lady love is being transformed from an exquisite nymph to an ethereal goddess!

**WHAT D-!**

_Shut up, Li. Anyway, it's bound to be painful. You heard what they say: no pain, no gain. Sakura has to endure a gazillion treatments including diamond peel, a pedicure, a manicure, hair styling, hair treatments/spa/protein, teeth cleansing, facial, dress fitting, foot spa—_

**What the hell does she need that for, anyway? She's beau—er—fine enough for me!**

Ah, did just hear an incomplete declaration of luuuvv?

_--and waxing._

**WAXING?**

OoOoOoOO

"NO…. NO!" I yelled vehemently, glaring at the lady approaching me with a manic (for me) look in her eye.

"No buts! It's for your benefit!" she reasoned unreasonably. "Think of how soft your skin will look and fee-!"

"No, do you hear me? NO! N-O NO waxing! I happen to LIKE my body hair and I have every intention of keeping it, thank you very much! They keep me warm; they protect me from frostbite; they ward off terminal diseases like Eggy-itis and Fatty-itis and—no…no…"

_**FAR FAR AWAY…. (PARIS, LONDON)**_

"Oh, teddy, do you really love me?" a voluptuous blonde woman looked at a fat man with gray eyes and an egg-shaped head and smiled seductively.

Fatty looked at her and winked flirtatiously. "Do you really want an answer to that?". The blonde nodded. Shrugging, he smirked and opened his mouth and was about to answer, "Ye-"

A scream shook the whole place, a scream only too familiar with Fatty. It shook the restaurant, the park, the Eiffel Tower and maybe even the whole world.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

As the blonde reddened and opened her mouth to shout obscenities at him, he groaned and looked heavenward. _What the fuck did you do now, my stupid brother of mine?_

OooOoOoooOoOo

Why would women want to strip off body hair? Isn't that appealing to the eyes of the opposite sex?

_It's ok on you guys, but it is a rather ghastly sight on women, especially with porcelain-skinned ones like Sakura. Ugh, I can't believe you don't know that, Eriol._

Because I'm a guy. Our morning routine consists of a shower, a shave and toothbrush… ing. Toothbrushing? No, using the toothbrush. It consists of a shower, a shave and using the toothbrush.

**I heard waxing is a huuugggeee pain the the…. Wherever the hell it's administered.**

_Well, yes. They put this really hot pink g-_

**Spare us from the morbid details, will you?**

You hear that, my dear descendant? Juliet is going to be burned in hot pink—er—VIRGIN COCONUT OIL! Quick, mount your trusty ste-!

**Continue that sentence, smartass, and you'll get more than hot pink goo up your arse. I mean it.**

_Ooh, somebody's pissed._

OoOoO

"That's not very hygienic, you know," I commented conversationally to Eggy, as Lady 2 and Lady 4 finished up the uncomfortable pedicure and another 2 manicured my nails. "And for somebody who preaches that oily burgers are a no-no since it contains about 335 calories, you sure don't practice what you preach."

He merely ignored me. Huhn.

"Before I give in to my urge and combust, I would absolutely like it if I could get up from this godforsaken chair and walk around with my butt free from leather and flammable materials. Can i?" I managed to ask politely, preventing the urge to leap right out and scream 'BLOODY MURDER' at the top of my lungs.

"Nope. Time is gold, I'm afraid," he answered, too busy preparing a delicious hamburger to notice. "And I'm afraid I'm not some kind of hypocrite, as what you were saying to me awhile ago. You see, I have very high metabolism, unlike you. So my rule applies for everybody except lucky people…" he sliced lettuce and tomatoes, "… like me."

Twitch.

"There seems to be something missing… aha! Would you crack those eggs for me? Oh, and hand them over to Rose once you finished," he DARED to order the owner of a VERY angry and murderous stomach.

As you wish.

WHACK!

"Wrong egg, dearie," Eggy said through gritted teeth, a red fork-shaped mark on his bald sunburned head.

I merely raised my eyebrows. "Then be more specific., _dearie_"

OooOoOoOo

Hi, everybody. I'm Li Xiao-Lang and this is my fiancé, Sakura Kinomoto.

**I swear to god, Hirigiizawa, if you don't shut up I will torture you via Daidouji.**

Daidouji's not going to do that.

_Daidouji's tempted._

… I hope you're trying to be funny.

OoOoOoOoO

"Ball?' I repeated, aghast though not managing to shout since the waxing session burned my butt, legs and practically every part of my body to the point of incineration. "What ball?" I demanded again, eyeing the hair stylists dangerously.

"We zold you," one said impatiently, lolling copious amounts of white substances on my hair as another one started to (let's hope not) sap the youth from my face. "Ze ball iz 'eld in zelebrasyon of ze new pa'tners of Li Enzerprises."

Before I can even speak, she eyed me dryly and answered my question. "Zer will be zancing, mingling wiz znobs and wearing high 'eel shooz and corset drezzes. Oh, an' you weel not ve avle to retire unteel ze end seence you are Mazter Lee'z guest."

"Oh," I murmured, then asked hopefully with the hope of an answer I've been trying to wring out of Li for the past few days, "who is, as you call him, Mazter Lee'z zate?". When she answered, I wasn't sure if I was feeling…well… jealous or…uhm… murderous. Maybe both.

She shrugged. "I 'ave no idea. 'robably e gorzeous gerl like before. Now stay steel!".

OoOOoOOo

**A BALL? There's a ball tonight? How come I didn't know?**

_Wipe that indignant frown of your face, Li. You were too busy glaring daggers at the guy who was talking to Sakura yesterday in class to notice what I said._

**I wasn't glaring at him. I was gu-**

Save us the pathetic excuses, Li. It's just natural to feel the urge to kill when you sense a potential rival in the competitive and unpredictable game of love. Hey, Tomoyo, wanna go to the ball with me?

_Why, I'd love to, Eriol._

**Uhm, I'm still here.**

You better swallow your pride, Li. I have a feeling you're going to have it the hard way tonight if you don't.

**Why the hell is that?**

Well, you still haven't asked Sakura to the ball, right? With her being—I am sure—dazzlingly stunning tonight, I'm sure half the male population present will feast their perverted attention to your lovely guest. The other half, I daresay, will have eyes, unfortunately for them since I might be forced to gouge their eyes out, for my date.

_**U**se the old and legendary Li wit and sarcasm you always use to woo bimbos like Ivanna off their feet_

**Sakura's not a bimbo. She won't fall for it and would probably castrate me instead. Besides, what do I care if she has the attention of a bunch of doddering fools?**

_Uh-huh. Face it, Li, you're jealous. I know you. I've known you since the day you came screaming into the playpen and puked on Eriol's head when we were 3 years old. You are **JEALOUS**. Plus, there's a vein throbbing on your temple. And that's your killing-mode vein. Ask her out, you egoistic berk._

**No**.

_Fine. See if I ever talk to you again. Eriol, remind me to bring bandages and first aid kits at the ball._

What for?

_I have a feeling there will be bloodshed tonight._

Interesting. Whose blood?

_Why, from the 'doddering fools', of course. Li, I'm afraid, has always had difficulty controlling his emotions, especially temporarily 'unrequited' love. He'll castrate them all, I'm sure._

**Tomoyo? Eriol?**

_Yes?_

What?

**You two are most spectacular prats I've ever had the misfortune to meet.**

We know. That's why we work so well together, don't we, Tomoyo?

_Absolutely._

OoOoOo 30 MINUTES through the ball oOoOoO

A white Rolls Royce rounded the fountain in front of Li Mansioin, stopping at the foot of the marble steps leading to the enormous double doors. Inside, the buzz of conversations, tinkle of expensive silverware and the melody of classical music can be heard.

Outside, the car gleamed brightly in the dark; a short portly man stepped out from the driver's seat and, walking around the vehicle, opened the passenger seat and said in a dignified voice, which didn't waste energy concealing the dislike of the owner to the one being addressed, "I hope you have a nice time, sir."

The man he was addressing gave no reply, merely harrumphing . instead, he extended a foot and in one elegantly swift motion swept out of the car, revealing a tall stature and piercing green eyes. He stood up, surveyed the his surroundings with detached coolness, then beckoned to his companion, saying over his shoulder, "come along, son. We're already late."

The reply was a pair of cool gray orbs emerging and a 'yes, father'.

OoOoOoO

"We told you. WE WARNED YOU THIS WOULD HAPPEN," Eriol hissed at me halfway through the (freakishly boring) ball. "But did you listen to us? Noooo. Now bare the consequences of your inflated pride."

I looked at him, half-irritated half-pleadingly. "Yes, yes, you'll hack and bury me alive. But save that for later and help me get away from the old hag!"

I scathingly and warily eyed the tall and slim 50 year old woman coming my way, a predatory gleam in her eyes and flanked by her two atrociously airheaded daughters.

"Well, you can't exactly punch her, seeing as said old hag is your aunt, you know," Eriol sighed, his eyes on the same woman. "You're just going to have to say that there is absolutely no way in all hells that you're going to dance with her daughters again. Remind her that the eldest stepped on your toes 50 million times and the other has two left feet… in a nice way, of course," he added as an afterthought.

"Oh, and how exactly do you say tha-too late," I muttered.

"Hello, Xiao-Lang!" purred my aunt's voice from behind me. Stifling the frustrated groan coming, I turned around and faced my aunt, who is the resident 'gossip' of the clan and the most persistent desperate mother who wants to hitch me with either of her daughters. In fact, I have a sneaking suspicion she wants me to take both. "Hello, auntie," I greeted politely.

"Tell me, do you have a date in this occasion?" she asked, raising her eyebrows.

"Er…"

"Yes, he has," Eriol answered for me, since I was pretending to be deaf at the moment.

Aunt Gossip's eyebrows rose even further. "Well then, let me see the lovely young lady who managed to snag your attention tonight! Where is she, dear?". She actually turned her head this way and that as if expecting my 'date' would pop out of nowhere and say hi.

"She… went to the… uhm… loos! Yes, that's what she did!" I answered, ignoring the smirk on Eriol's face.

Just as both of us thought, her fake lips broke out into a wide sinister smile. "I see. Really, if your partner is… ah… temporarily unavailable, then I strongly suggest that you dance with either of my daughters," the old hag said, making it clear that she didn't believe a word I said.

"I'm really sorry, Aunt Marge, but my date is expecting me to be right here in this spot when she finishes answering nature's call."

"Well, you know us women, we're always redoing our make-up right after and that could take quite some time-"

"No, really, I can't—"

"I insist you spend your waiting period dancing to this lovely tune with my eldest (said eldest smiled flirtatiously)!"

"But—"

"I don' think my friend needs to 'spend some time with your daughters', auntie, because his date's already coming down the stairs," Tomoyo, who materialized out of nowhere, intervened on our civil argument.

I looked at her, puzzled. 'where?' I mouthed.

Tomoyo put herselt between Eriol and I and whispered. "Look at the staircase. We almost had our eyes gouged out trying to get her to wear that outfit."

I started to turn (the hag and her daughters followed suit). "What—holy…" I gaped, shocked as I took in the image descending down the stairs.

"Who is she, mother?" the eldest asked, eyes glued to the image.

&.. &.. &

"That, my dear ladies, is Li's fiancé-to-be and date for tonight," Eriol answered proudly. Expecting a blow on the head, he was surprised to find himself unscathed. He turned, and laughed when he saw the expression on his friend's face.

"Go on, Li," he nudged his shocked friend.

Li felt his legs moving, moving towards the work of art that walked down the grand staircase. A moving feminine image that slowly and unintentionally captured most of the guests' attention.

Innocently seductive and dazzling in a strapless navy blue corset dress with a bias skirt and a red ribbon belt, walking on black heels and with her wavy auburn hair flowing freely, Sakura Kinomoto, though not the slimmest, tallest, or the fairest girl present, shone the brightest of all.

And in the eyes of rich heir who already loved her, in the eyes of someone who knew the difference pretty and beautiful, she was the most beautiful girl on earth.

OoOoOoO

The heels... the heels are killing my poor feet... I'm going to be cripple for the rest of my 61 years left...

I was oblivious to the stares. You would be, too, if your skin feels like it's been rubbed with sandpaper, your scalp burning and your butt scrunched up. Outside, I have adopted what you call the feminine look because I know that somewhere out there is a bald guy with an egg-shaped and fork-marked head watching my every move. Inside, I was howling with pain, 99 percent sure that I'm never going to be able to kick, punch, kneed, elbow, pulveriz-.

"I haven't been this naked since I came out of uterus," I muttered, inwardly miserable.

"Don't let Eggy hear you say that," a voice said mildy. "He'll go mental."

I knew whom the voice belonged to, and it took me a whole gunk of effort not to cry with joy hearing a familiar voice, nevermind the fact that it was a parrot (joke). Instead, I replied dryly, "easy for you to say. YOU don't need a diamond peel; YOU don't need to wax; YOU are a man, so you are exempted from Eggy's torture, which he usually reserves for women."

Li laughed. "Was it really that bad?"

I snorted. "Oh yes."

"Can't say he did a bad job, though," he commented, smiling.

"What's that suppose to mean?"

He rolled his eyes and, in reply, steered me towards the large mirror beside a marble statue. "Look in the reflection, you dense chipmunk. Nobody in his right mind would need inch-thick glasses to know that you look..."

"I look what?"

He shifted, poker-face intact. "Beau- good. You look really good".

I was about to retort when I saw the sincerity in his eyes. I felt a swooping sensation down my stomach. Was that a compliment? At that thought, said swooping sensation worsened in my stomach, and I can't help but feel.. well... pleased. To cover my awkward moment, I looked at him, "did Eggy assign you to accompany me or something? What are you doing here?"

He grinned, a sheepish expression that made it hard for me to keep my eyes to myself. "Well, you see that old lady over there, the one with 2 girls beside her, and watching us? (Uh-huh, I replied) That is one of the most desperate mothers on earth, who believes that the first step to my 'falling in love' with her daughters is dancing with either of them. To get away, Eriol and I made up the spur-of-the-moment excuse of me having a date, and... well... said date's name is Sakura Kinomoto."

I smirked. "Good going, cupid."

He ignored my barb. "Seriously, I will love you forever and ever and ever and after if you pretend you love me this one night and cuddle up or something, no matter how hard to imagine that is."

"No," I answered automatically, grinning evilly.

He pouted magnificently, making me bite my lip to keep from guffawing loudly. "Please! I'm begging you, Kinomoto. I don't want to have a mother-in-law like that. It is degrading to the Li name."

I pretended to think, then said in a half-kidding voice, "Would you really love me?".

"Yes. And throw in a few CDs and a share of my limited collection of NBA goodies."

I smirked. "Fine. But you'll have to bear my ear-splitting complaints and protests. Of course, I can't have some fake boyfriend of mine not hear my raging tirade about my inhuman make-over, can i? Think you're up to it?"

He raised his eyebrows. "Why, I believe I can. So… is waxing really as painful as Tomoyo said?"

OoOoOoO

Halfway through our debate about whether Eggy's hair—before he became bald—was blue or orange, she suddenly stopped and announced, "I want to get some éclairs!"

I snorted. "Oh, please, you're just pissed cause I have presented valid proof that Eggy's hair used to be orange."

She threw me a dark look. "His hair was orange and you know it! Besides, it wouldn't win you any points at all if you keep on arguing with your girlfriend, now, would you?". Seeing the smug look vanish from my face, she smirked triumphantly. "I'll get éclairs for us," she said, and walked away.

5 seconds after that my cellphone rang. I was surprised to hear Tomoyo's voice, urgent and panicked. "Quick! Take Sakura and go out of the house now! Where is she?" she demanded.

I scanned the crowd and saw Tomoyo, frantically waving at me and Eriol, whose eyes were on someone unfamiliar, narrowed suspiciously. "She went to get some food. Why—"

"No time to explain!" she snapped. "THEY'RE HERE! THEY'RE BOTH HERE!"

I knew at once who 'they' was and wasted no time, but when I found Sakura in front of the dessert tables, I found that I was too late. She stared right past me with her eyes widened with shock and something else, into someone behind my back.

"Papa? Brother?" she whispered.

**I got the idea of note-passing from a fic I read in the Harry Potter genre. It was really funny and it's a shame I have a notoriously poor memory…**

**Anyway, THANK YOU for the reviews and I hope you'd review this one too! Oh , and I have a new story posted. R &R that one as well! Thank you!**

**Later and Lotsa Love,**

**Calcarrie**


	17. Confrontations

**Chapter 17 - Confrontations**

I looked into those lime green orbs and, suddenly, I was back in the edge of that lake, that damned lake where it all started. It was a party then… I ran to get away from the noise… then found the lake. I wrestled through the bushes and felt a bubble of joy at the thought of privacy… when I saw him.

OoOoOo Li OOoOoOO

"Sakura!" a sharp voice called out.

I turned to my right and saw Eggy. I was shocked to see something akin to concern in his gray eyes as he ran towards us. I kept on urging Sakura to come with me, to get away from here, but it was like trying to tell a statue to do cartwheels. I managed to block her view but it was as though she was seeing right through me.

Eggy reached us and shook her by the shoulders, finally managing to snap her back to reality. Glazed emerald orbs met his eyes. "You!" he snapped at her. "Come with me, now!"

Instead of an expected retort, she merely asked quietly, "why?"

A fleeting look crossed the older man's face. Suspicions immediately sprang to life within me. Did he know something? I never got the chance to make sure because it was gone a nanosecond later, replaced by the irritated expression I knew so well.

"You need to change your outfit, you silly girl! How can you be so clumsy as to spill grape wine on the back of your dress?"

I stared at him then scooted behind to look. My eyebrows rose and I shot a puzzled look at him. There was definitely no spill. None. Nada. Nil. Catching my silent question, he merely gave me a warning look. Before I can open my mouth, a new voice joined our conversation.

"She doesn't need it, Michael."

I turned around and 'lo and behold, cam face to face with none other than the certified devils of the 21st century. Both had the same wide mouth, the same straight nose and the greasy hair (although Jake's, older than mine by 7 years, was black). But while greed and disdain was what I saw in her father's eyes, Jake Chien has something that his father doesn't: green eyes in which I saw the unmistakable look of man filled with lust. My temper, already close to the surface, reached boiling point when I saw to whom it was directed to.

Sakura must've felt it, because she took an involuntary step backward and caused me to bite my tongue in surprise when she suddenly held my hand. I squeezed it reassuringly, trying to remind her that I was still there and won't let them do anything.

A muscle twitched on her instructor's jaw. "Yes, unfortunately, we can't hang around for a little chitchat," Eggy said coolly. "To the eyes of a trained man, there is a little spill on my client's dress, so if you don't mind, we'll be seeing you." It was crystal clear that he didn't have any intention of doing so.

"Oh, but we do mind, don't we, Jake?" Tomas replied in his chipped voice, smiling serenely. "It's good to catch up, especially with my daughter. How are you, Sakura?" he drawled.

She stiffened considerably. "I'm fine," she said tonelessly. The tension in the air was so palpable I can probably cut it with a knife… or even my finger. It was heavy and thick.

"Do be more specific when answering questions, dear." Her father sniffed with obvious contempt. "You were always a horrible public speaker, daughter. I was hoping you've improved both socially and… ah… physically while we were estranged, but," his eyes danced with malice, "I stand corrected."

Beside me, Eggy's eyes narrowed.

"Father, I think you're wrong on the latter," his son finally spoke up. It was a voice that I immediately disliked and made my fist itch. "She's… very alluring."

"Well, I suppose for you, son," Tomas amended, "but really," he wrinkled his nose, "she's…well…" he trailed off, eyebrow quirking.

"She's what, dear friend?" Eggy asked in a dangerous voice.

The two had a staring contest, each one deliberately holding his tongue because three people were within earshot. Obviously unable to hold it in much longer, Tomas said, so low but it felt as though he said it through 100 microphones attached to loudspeakers, "she is nothing but a tomb."

I understood the comparison. Sirens and gunshots wailed on my head and I took a step forward, my eyes turning a shade of almost black. Before I can pound the stupid bastard to pieces, Eggy's arm enclosed mine and dragged me backward. "Don't be stupid," he hissed warningly.

The talking and laughing around us were nothing, because even if they were 50 times louder than her whisper, all of us heard Sakura's voice. "I… I have to go," she choked out, stepping sideways and trying to pry her hand away from mine.

I tightened my hold. "Don't listen to them, Kinomoto," I told her, eyeing her pleadingly." She looked up and I let go, seeing the barely hidden turmoil behind her overbright jade eyes. She swept past me and disappeared through the crowd.

Knowing that I can't make a scene, I quelled part of my satisfaction by turning towards the two leeches and saying flatly, "you two are the shittiest, most abominably screwed up bastards of the whole century."

"Who are you, anyway?" Jake retaliated, stepping forward. Behind him, his father regarded me with cold black eyes.

7 or 500 years older or not, I crossed my arms and was about to reply when a pair of emerald eyes flashed in my head. I cursed. What the hell am I doing here, anyway? Abandoning the conversation, I turned my back and ran after my guest.

OoOoOo

"Son, why don't you roam around the mansion for a little while? Michael and I have to discuss old times and I'm pretty sure you'd much rather converse with the ladies," Tomas told Jake.

He shrugged and disappeared behind a crowd of ladies.

When he was out of earshot, Tomas asked, eyeing the direction of Li's head, "that boy is Yelan's son, am I right?"

"Yes," came Eggy's stiff voice.

"What is his relationship with my daughter?"

Eggy raised an eyebrow and snorted derisively. "YOUR daughter? She is no daughter of yours. You relinquished any hold you have on her the day you believed that evil son of yours and deserted her and her mother, including the right to intrude in her life."

The smiling façade disappeared, causing Eggy to remark, "I'm right, aren't I?"

"You don't know what you're talking about," the man told him coldly. "You don't know the first thing about parenting."

"That may be true, but I know I would never lock a 4 year old child out in the dark for crying when she was refused a hug. I would never pretend to be a loving father and a caring husband, when I know well that I am anything but. I would never deprive her of friends. I would never shut her up in a room to be homeschooled, which more than half of those 'lessons' were spent on spanking her for stupid reasons. It was a miracle she graduated junior high, let alone with top honors. You should be proud," Eggy replied icily.

Tomas shook his head. "She was nothing special. A curse. She was reckless and rebellious. I gave her everything, even consenting to her going to a private school by 14, but she spent too much time with her friends—some of them boys—and with her balls and bats and gloves. I gave her gifts, hoping that the toys and jewelry and clothes would disguise her flaws, but they shone out like a beacon." His lips curled. "And you want me to be proud?"

"You didn't give her anything," Eggy snapped. "For someone who dislikes imperfections, you seem to spend a lot of cash and effort hiding the ones your deceitful little son has. Why?"

Tomas glowered. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Eggy scoffed disbelievingly. "Oh, please give me a break. If the authorities managed to get hold of all the skeletons in both of your closets, you and your son will be locked up and would most certainly be ineligible for parole until both of you are ninety two." He then left without a word, leaving the furious father to steam in front of the roasted pig and the apple.

OooOoO 10 minutes before OoOO

I burst through the library, heart thudding. I searched the drawers and found the thing I was looking for: a .45 caliber gun. Slipping it quickly inside my bag, I turned around when the door creaked open and the person I was expecting entered. I clutched the bag tighter.

"I knew you'd follow me," I said, eyes narrowing.

He ignored me and surveyed the room with interest. "Nice place you got here," he said conversationally, as if I cared.

"Get out of here. You're making me sick," I spat, backing away.

"You didn't have that opinion when we were still living in the same house, Sakura," he chided, his lips turning into a malicious sneer.

I looked away, remembering the expression too well.

He walked towards me. "Oh, your opinion was exactly the opposite. In fact, one night when we were in your room aft—"

CRASH!

I threw a vase at him, missing his head by an inch. AN INCH. What happened to all my reflexes? "Don't you dare talk to me about that shit. I didn't know what I should've known then. I was stupid," I snarled, breathing heavily.

"15 years old? I think not," he snorted.

"I was locked up in that damned house. I didn't know what you did was wrong, you as—"

"Not 'what I did'. What we did," he corrected me, smiling. "What we did, Sakura. And it felt right, didn't it?"

"No, it did not," I answered him fiercely. "What do you want?" I demanded, eyeing him as he propped his right arm on the coffee table, on which a glass with grape wine stood. He twirled a finger around the rim and said, "You're still mine, you know. I still want you, Sakura." There was a hungry look in his eyes.

My heart started beating furiously. I moved, circling the room, keeping my eyes on him, looking for a weapon that I can possible stab him with. "Shut up," I snarled.

He took a step forward with arms opened wide. "Come back to me, little flower. I need you."

"Don't touch me," I said, nearly tripping over a pillow.

"You're the only one I've been dreaming about for the past year, Sakura," he said, following me, deliberately making me move. "I miss your heat. I long for your sweet supple flesh—"

A hand almost closed around my arm.

"Get away from me!" I nearly screamed, feeling the touch of his cold, pale hand and wrenching it away. He stopped. We were on each other's places before I started moving. I leaned on the coffee table, feeling his eyes on me.

"Nobody can compare to you. I need you," he repeated, a gleaming look in his eyes. "All of them can't excite me the way you did."

I suddenly felt thirsty and grabbed the champagne glass. Drinking it empty, I asked numbly. "Why me? you could've picked anyone. Anyone. Why your half sister?"

His face broke into a wide, insane smile. "You were different." Then he walked towards me, arms outstretched once again. My hand slipped in my handbag.

"Jake, you fu—"

He held me in an iron-clad grip. I whipped out the gun and held it against the fabric of his Armani suit. I watch as his lips, so disgustingly close to mine, stiffened. "Don't you dare," I said quietly.

I kept the gun pointed at him as he backed away. He sneered, "you can't do that."

"Watch me," I growled, tightening my hold. I made to pull the trigger, but I can't. Panic rose within me like a coiled snake. My hand… what's happening? I can't control my hand! It began to feel numb.

The gun fell to the carpet in one swoosh.

His sneer disappeared and was replaced by a more dangerous expression: smugness. A wave of drowsiness swept over me. I blinked, and noticed that my hand was shaking. Sweat beaded down every part of my body.

"I'm rather surprised you still managed to point that gun on me, considering he fact that you're probably dizzy by now," he remarked conversationally, as if he were telling me how nice the weather was.

There was no mistaking that look in his face. Bright spots started appearing as my vision slid in and out of focus. My eyes caught the champagne glass, the one I just drank from, standing innocently on the coffee table. Comprehension dawned.

"What did you do to me?" I asked him shakily, trying to steady my hand.

He smiled. "Now be careful, little flower. The drug can make you numb, you know…"

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME, DAMN YOU!" I weakly screamed at him. My knees gave away.

"… impair you vision…"

I felt weak. I felt so weak…

"… and finally, knock you out," he said cheerfully.

"Aw, shit," I whispered. The last thing I saw were dark green eyes dancing merrily with mirth.

Then everything went black.

- - - oooo OoOo - - - - -

Jake knelt down and surveyed his prize with barely hidden desire. His eyes greedily roved and drank every little detail that had retained, changed or enhanced in his little sister's body. She really was a piece of work, he thought. Fiery. Passionate. He was sure it was her fire that drew him to her in the first place. Of course, she never pointed a gun at him before. No, siree.

_What happened, little flower? You've changed…_

She never resisted back then. She was so eager… so damned innocent even at the ripe age of 15…

_What happened?_

Nevertheless, he will bring her back. Yes, I will, he though greedily. I'll lock you up, where I and only I can access and touch the sweet treasures and valleys you behold. You won't be that Li Xiao-Lang's guest no longer. We'll bring back the good times, my sweet.

He proceeded to place a hand on the unconscious girl's waist and drew tiny circles, excitement mounting as he felt the soft skin underneath the fabric. She did not stir, he thought triumphantly. He lowered a hand on her thighs—

"Get your slimy hands off her," a quiet and unexpected voice snarled.

Jake stood up and whirled around. Before he can so much as blink, a fist came out of nowhere and hit him hard on his cheek. He staggered backward and shrieked with pain when his attacker delivered another blow. This time it was a turning kick so hard it sent him reeling backward. He landed on his back with a sickening thud as blood gushed out of his broken nose.

"Be glad that I didn't aim for you neck," his attacker growled. "You filthy little git."

After the white lights subsided, he saw a man looming over him, his face twisted in a venomous snarl and cracking his knuckles threateningly. He couldn't see his face since it was shrouded in shadows, but he can make out the expression just the same.

"Who—who the hell are you?" Jake spat through the nosebleed.

The other man ignored him. "I've waited so long to do that, you know. It felt good."

"You have no right to barg—!" Jake started, shakily standing up.

"This is my house, you fool," his attacker told him with another kick that sent him down once again. "After what you've just done, I can charge you for sexual harassment. Heck, I can kill you right now, you know. Maybe I should, you know. It's so damned easy. A little twist of your slimy neck… and well-placed blow in the head… I could do it," he said venomously, eyeing the fallen man with a predatory gleam in his amber eyes.

Jake's eyes darted towards the door. It was just 5 feet away from him, having been kicked repeatedly. Like the coward that he was, he got up and cowered.

"Get the fuck outta my house," the man snarled at him.

And like the cowardly little piece of shit that he was, Jake followed.

OoOoOoO

Eriol, out of the corner of his eye, saw Li inwardly struggling as Jake flew out of the doorway. He was sure his friend could and would've—if not killed the visitor—inflicted serious physical injuries if he hadn't told him that it would be a very stupid thing to do.

"Maybe I was wrong to let him go, Eriol," he said thoughtfully, his gaze still on the door. "Maybe I shouldn't have listened to you and Tomoyo."

"You and I both know that's a stupid thing to do," Eriol said matter-of-factly. "At least try to do him in when you two are the only witnesses."

"How is she?" Li said abruptly, turning and heading towards his direction.

"Not good. Not good at all," he said grimly, pushing up his glasses. "Jake used rohypnol. Most of the victims of these drugs wind up unconscious for 8 to 10 hours with no memory of what happened during the time they were dead to the world. Of course, Sakura would have a major headache when she wakes up, which would definitely add to the pain."

Li swore. "Imagine what he could've done in that space of time," he said bitterly, picking up Sakura gently with one hand on her head and another behind her knees.

He knew his friend was blaming himself, but he dared not interrupt. Eriol knew that Li, when feeling that he had failed to do something to protect someone important, would be shut off from the world for the time being. So all he said was, "come on, we'd better lay her on her bed and safe on her bedroom. I don't think she'd cherish the thought of waking up and seeing a different ceiling."

Li nodded, and both of them went away. They didn't see the pair of gray eyes that watched them as they made their exit from the party.

OooOoo

He waited in the brightly lit hallway in front of her bedroom, leaning against the wall and looking up at the ceiling but seeing nothing at all. The party was long over, but Li Xiao-Lang was still in his tux. He'd been standing on that spot for 9 hours already, waiting for Sakura to wake up, taking a break only to reassure his mother. No, guys, I want to be the first one to see her when she wakes up, he adamantly told Tomoyo and Eriol when they asked him to rest.

If given his way, he'd have been sitting in a chair beside Sakura's bed instead of in the hallway, but he took Eriol's trying-to-lighten-up-the-mood joke of how 'she'd pretend to be asleep if his ugly face was the first thing she sees' seriously.

She'd been asleep for a long time now… just a little more…

10 minutes later, Tomoyo emerged and told him, "she's finally awake, though I won't exactly call it that…"

"What? Why?"

Tomoyo fidgeted and sighed, "she doesn't want to speak and refuses to look at me. The only time she did was when she demanded to know what happened, what she was doing there and how."

Li cursed.

She cocked her head. "Maybe you should go in while I get some water." He nodded and went in.

OoOoOo

Her eyes were overbright, he could see when he entered the room and sat on the chair. It was filled with unshed tears, anger, guilt and self-loathing. Before he could even speak, she turned to him and said, "you were there, weren't you. Am I correct in assuming that you know what happened to me?"

Even though half his brain was screaming at him that he'd be lower than dirt in her eyes if he told the truth, his rational side argued that she's had enough lies and secrets to know when she was being lied to (it would obviously do more damage). So Li told her the truth, "Yes."

A light went out in her eyes. His heart dropped and his throat became dry. "No, it's not what you think. I did it because—"

"Save it," she said, apparently exhausted mentally and physically, leaning her head on the headboard and closing her eyes.

No, don't be mad, Li thought desperately. "Sakura, I—"

"Did you know why he did it?" she asked him, eyes closed.

He was taken aback. "Sakura, plea—"

"If you knew what he did, then please tell me why he did it, because I don't know why," she continued in a flat voice. Her eyes were now open and they lifelessly stared up the ceiling.

His voice seemed to be in a temporary vacation to New Zealand. He couldn't speak. Instead, he tried to hold her head, but she pulled it away. All he could do was hear her out.

Her lower lip trembled as he watched and listened. "I was a stupid kid back then. He hated me when we were first introduced. I wanted him to love me, so when we had a fight at that lake," she closed her eyes again and tangled a hand on her hair, "I did something I thought was okay. I never knew it was wrong. It was so wrong. I didn't know what it means back then and he knew it. He knew perfectly well. He manipulated me, and I was so stupid to let him," she whispered in dismay.

"It's not your fault!" he said fiercely, regaining his voice. "He was the one that—"

"No!" she argued, looking at him in a defeated way. "It was my fault. I was the one who kissed him under that damn tree. Then—then after that I saw him for what he really was so I tried to stop…but he—if I had known…"

"Sakura—"

"And now he's back," she said hollowly, a frightened look in her eyes. "I worked so hard to forget. I thought I was okay…"

And to both of their dismay, a traitorous tear slipped from her eyes and trailed down her cheek… then another… then another…

It was the first time he saw her cry.

He never wanted to see it again.

She slumped and angrily brushed them away, but it persistently kept falling. Knowing a lost battle, she ended up burying her face in her hands. "What the hell did I do?" she whispered. "Why me?"

He knew she did not want be told how to feel. She did not want to be chastised for going alone, nor did she want any pity. So, Li Xiao-Lang did the only thing his heart was screaming for him to do at the moment. He wrapped both arms around her and hugged her tight. She stiffened considerably, half from surprise and half from disbelief, until he said,

"I'm here. I promise."

Then she surrendered, buried her head on his chest, and soaked his shirt with tears.

**a/n: aw hell, she's as miserable as I am at the moment (bloodly hell, how I hate this summer vacation). No humor this time , ne? anyway, thank you for everyone who reviewed and who, by doing so, lightened my pissy let-me-die feeling. (R&R pls)**

**Later and Lotsa Love,**

**CalCarrie**


	18. Head Over Heels

**Rantings: I don't believe it! 'The Da Vinci Code' is BANNED in my city AND it's R-18! WTF!**

**Chapter 18 **

**Head Over Feet**

I glared at the big fat red B stamped on the paper that is my brilliant Christopher Columbus essay for AP World History. I bloody cannot believe the gall of my unfeeling and merciless professor. Sure, I may have plunged into this essay at the wee hours of the morning because a certain annoying parrot kept popping in my brain and that there's a huge chocolate and caramel stain right in the middle, but really, a B? Some evil prats are so uncaring and indifferent to people who may have tragedy in their life.

Who gives a fig about explorers anyway? The last one stalked around a stinky farm acting all high and mighty and claiming he had found the world of pixies and what happened? He disappeared.

Huhn. Probably got whacked by a duck, tripped on a twig and attacked by sheep.

I have never gotten a B before.

Die, B. DIE.

No, screw that. It should be: DIE, LI. DIE!

It's that parrot's fault I've been acting like a dolt for the past two weeks. I positively cannot believe that I cried in front of him and he just LET me. It is unheard of, quite frankly. WHY did he have to be so effin' nice? He did the best thing that I could ask for, which was just stay by my side and not pity, hate or treat me like I have AIDS, the way people did when they learned what a pack of parasites my family was… and is. He stayed at that bedside chair from the moment Sandman bonked me on the head to the time I woke up to brutal reality.

And for the past 2 weeks, he hadn't changed how he thought or acted when it comes to yours truly. Heck, he even dumped a whole pitcher of milk on my face the other day, as if assuring me that nothing changed.

It felt good.

Oh, it's true that I'm still… afraid about what my bastard brother's thinking of doing. It's true that for the past two weeks, I've been a nervous wreck, barely going out of the house and spent more hours practicing self-defense and reading everything I could about depressants and hallucinogens. I was furiously digging my hole and building up a barrier complete with a cannonball and a mad dog (i.e., Kero), but sadly, he did not allow it and took me to practically half of the tourist spots in both the campus and the country.

It's sad and confusing… I feel safe, even though I know that somewhere out there lurks my stepbrother and my father. I feel safe… because of him.

WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?

I've been ignoring him, though.

Is that the right thing to do?

Ah, blast it.

"Hey, look," a girl, who is a gossip if I ever saw one, sitting next to me crowed, " isn't this such a cute top? QUICK! Would you say I look good on it with boots or high heels?"

I rolled my eyes. Ooh, what a major dilemma.

A friend giggled. "Ohh, you'll definitely catch his eye if you pair it with high-heeled boots!"

Yes, if you ever try to walk on it to impress whoever the hell he is, I sincerely hope you trip.

Bad Sakura, I berated myself. You are turning into a nosy git! You should be mentally selecting what remote island you will live in for the next hundred years because of your crying fit 2 weeks ago.

Against my will, I snuck a glance at Li. Half my brain (the wise part) said, STOP LOOKING. HE'S UGLY, CAN'T YOU SEE THAT? You have no business looking at him! Why are you looking at him anyway? The other (stupid) part scoffed and retaliated, 'he's the nicest and the most intriguing guy you've met, and that's saying something. Why can't you just admit that you feel something for him?'

I promptly bonked myself in the head, earning a not-so-subtle irritated glance from my merciless History professor and puzzled looks from my classmates, including Li. Ahhhh… I'm going crazy.

He's looking at me.

Compose yourself, Sakura.

YOU IDIOT. YOU ACTUALLY _CARE _ABOUT WHAT HE THINKS?

To block out the annoying voices I focused on the conversation between Ms. Gossip and her friend, and I found much to my displeasure that their topic was not far off the one I tried to squeeze out of my (poor) head.

"You mean Li would notice me if I wear high heeled boots?" Ms. G exclaimed delightedly.

I groaned and buried my head in my arms, wanting to shrivel off the face of this useless planet. Is it just me or is every bloody woman in this so-called top university smitten with a parrot?

"Yes, he so would!" her friend affirmed.

My ears, much to my chagrin, perked up.

"He would?" Ms. Gossip burst out excitedly.

HE WOULD?

"That's a relief," Ms. G. said, smiling smugly. Then, lowering her voice such that I had to ('casually') lean my head to hear, "I thought for a while there that he fancies… you know."

Stop, Kinomoto, you nosy prat, stop eavesdropping.

It's bad.

You're turning into one of them.

…

I listened intently.

"Who?" her friend asked curiously.

"Duh, his… guest."

Birds stopped chirping. Evil AP teacher became mute. Lightning crackled and thunder boomed. A wind swept the classroom and an earthquake rumbled. My heard stopped.

… Me?

Then, Ms. Gossip continued in a haughty tone, "but of course, I was sure I was wrong. I mean," she smirked, eyeing my 'sleeping' form, "what kind of guy would be turned on with a girl as messy and drab as her? Li likes sophisticated and high-maintenance girls."

My sleeping form jerked, and before I can fully transform myself into batgirl and pummel them, the bell rang. I watched with burning eyes as the two girls catwalked away, and felt my urge to incinerate them even more when they gave Li suggestive looks. In my state, I did not notice the recipient gave them a contemptuous stare.

I swore and stomped out of the classroom, intent on getting some peace and quiet.

WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?

Li's not as shallow as that… is he?

OoOoOooO

Jake's eyes—or eye, since one was too beaten up and puffy to see,--followed the figure of his running sister, following the swaying motion of her bag and her shining face. Sweat beaded down his oily hair and into his face, as he cursed once again and wondered why in all hells do they have to have such a HUGE campus.

He had waited for a long time. It took a huge effort and willpower not to chase after her, grab her from behind and stick her back into his car and back where she belonged: in his arms, his possession and his life. But he must let her lower her guard down for a bit, then…

He nearly cackled out loud at the thought. So what to do now?

Unfortunately for him, there was a rustle behind the bushes he was using for cover. Not wanting another black eye, he tore his eyes away from his prey, only to find out that it was only the wind.

And when he turned back, she was gone.

OoOoOo

I stepped inside the huge cathedral, feeling very uncomfortable and nervous. I have never stepped in a cathedral as big as this before. Then again, I've never been inside ever since… that day in the lake. But I remembered what my mother used to say whenever I punched somebody my old school.

When burdened, do not inflict bodily harm.

Meditate and pray.

In a church.

Come to think of it, I don't even know why I chose this place, since I don't think God knows a thing about the matters of the heart. Still, he was supposed to be All-Knowing, hm?

I knelt on the nearest pew. Er… what am I supposed to say? 'Dear Lord, I am in the brink of insanity. There is this boy who won't stop being nice. So sweet and nice, in fact, that I found myself feeling mentally-challenged. Do I have AIDS?'

I can practically feel the reaction I would get from the Almighty.

He would guffaw spectacularly then tell his angels, who in turn would laugh their wing feathers off.

"This is stupid," I said out loud 20 minutes later and made to get up, when a voice stopped me.

"Are you sure about that, dearie?" a womanly voice asked from behind me.

I turned around and faced a nun, who is probably half a decade older than me. "Do you have a problem?" she asked me kindly, sitting next to me.

"No," I said automatically. I didn't like the immediate trust I felt for her.

"Oh, I beg to disagree. Does it have anything to do with a boy?"

I gaped at her like a goldfish. "How the hell did you know?"

"Dear girl," she chortled good naturedly, "I've been around this good earth more than you have and seen more, felt more and did more than you can imagine. Trust me, I know." She smiled. "One of the things I learned is never let things be bottled up in that fragile heart of yours. You'll explode."

I looked at her oddly. I didn't know if it was my mood or some other supernatural or natural or odd or magical or whatever force, because the next thing I knew, I was telling her about practically half my life. After I poured my internal organs out, I whispered nervously, "so do you think I have AIDS or something?"

She blinked at me then let out a heart-warming musical laugh. It seemed to fill the huge cathedral and resound of the walls. Then again, maybe it's just the first symptoms of an AIDS attack. It was still very entrancing.

She thought for a moment then leaned over and said thoughtfully, "I don't know if I'll be able to help you with this little information but back when I was your age—although a little bit more on the romantic side—my mother used to tell me to let the birds lead the way."

"Eh?"

"You see," she rested her back and looked at the giant crucifix at the centerfront of the place, "there was an old folks tale in my village that birds lead us to what we want… it can also lead us to our other half."

My heart was thudding. LOUD. "Seriously?" I asked dubiously.

"Well, it's worth a try, you know," the nun said, smiling. "If you'd do that, I recommend the ones with white plumage or a dominant white."

There was a short comfortable silence. Then, I stood up shakily. I was about to leave when I asked, "have you ever tried it before?"

She looked at me and said, "yes, I did. It led me to something that does not involve the matters of the heart, though, I'm afraid."

Then I turned around and walked towards the exit. Before I was 4 feet away, I cursed and turned around, intending to thank the (slightly mad) old nun, but when I returned, she was gone.

Scratch that, I'm the mad one.

Oooooo

Don't ask me why in all hells am I in a petshop near the university campus after dismissal, narrowly avoiding Li and Eriol and Tomoyo and skipping my afternoon class with the sadistical sadist named Eggy.

I entered the petshop, asked the lady in the counter where the birds where, received an odd look and was pointed to the birds section… which was no less than 2 feet away from me. I bloody can't believe I missed the incessant squawks of a huge parrot right in the side of the door. I glared at it. It glared at me, if that was possible.

There is actually a 'hate at first sight' for an intelligent human and an annoying bird.

I never liked birds, particularly pigeons, which attacked me back in sixth grade just because I threw some of their supposed food to the ducks, who I think are much more docile and likeable. Whatever.

"SQUAWK! Ugly ugly ugly! SQUAWK! Ugly ugly ugly!" it screeched gleefully.

My left eye twitched and I promptly whacked the stupid bird at the back of the head. It nearly fell on the floor before flying upwards again and attacking me for forty-seven years.

"OW! YOU STUPID BIRD!" I bellowed furiously, drawing the attention of the other customers. "Stop! STOP! ARGHHHH!"

The lady in the counter finally took notice and, after giving me a (I would've called it beautiful if I hadn't felt so irritated at its kind at the moment) small dove, chirping happily inside a small cage, she booted me out of the shop when I threatened to make parrot stew out of that mad bird.

I hate parrots.

The bird and the man, more specifically.

When I was finally out in the sidewalk, I made sure there was no one around to witness my lapse of sanity then kneeled in front of the small cage. "Er… seriously, bird," I addressed the dove uncertainly, "I don't exactly know what I'm going to expect from setting you free, but please, be less irritating than that parrot and don't get yourself killed when I release you."

It stared at me with big black orbs.

I'm talking to a bird. A cute one, though. I opened the cage and watched as it hopped out and into the palm of my hand. Uh… am I supposed to raise my arms or something to make him fly? When it still didn't budge after I raised my arms like a loon, I told it, "okay, buster, you may be cute, but you are not THAT cute." "Now, the whole purpose of me buying you is the see if the nun's tale is true and you will actually lead me to a man and not a pigeon hole," I explained patiently, as if talking to a three year old kid.

I made sweeping motions. "Now, GO! Fly like a bird! Be free!"

It still didn't budge, looking at me innocently.

"Aw, come on!" I whined. "Go! FLY! Use those feathers of your—OW! OI!" I yelled, surprised when it suddenly flew of and veered to the east. "WAIT!"

The bird should be thankful of its cuteness.

I ran and followed it. It led me to the park… to a pathway lined with cherry blossom trees…… continuing in a steady line… puff puff, argh…

To a small gate…

To a fountain…

I stopped 10 feet away from the fountain, consisting of a man and a woman dancing in a cloud, water rushing out of various spots, strategically positioned to make it look as if they were ribbons of blue to complete the picture of romance.

I watched as it landed on the shoulder of a person.

A person with… brown hair.

Messy… brown… hair.

Aw, crap.

OoOoO Li's POV oOOOO

I stomped agitatedly into the mansion, looking for either a head of blue hair or black hair with a bow. Finding neither hide nor hair of my two 'extremely reliable' so-called best friends (humph), I barged straight into the meditation room, where I knew my mother would be sitting and cleansing her soul or something with the sound effects of 'huhhnnnnn… huhhhnnnnn… ngggghhh…..'

"Mother!" I shook her from behind violently. "Your son is in need of parental opinion since all his friends have mercilessly deserted him!"

She straightened her neat hairstyle (it was destroyed by my sexy hands), whirled around and made me the recipient of a very threatening glare. Of course, not to me since I've been it's target for the past 18 years.

She knows that too so all she said after that was, "pretty melodramatic of you, Xiao-Lang," in a dry voice. "What is the problem?"

I heaved a sigh. "Mother, look me in the eye and tell me your answer which you think is the truth and nothing but the truth and with BRUTAL honesty."

Yelan blinked. "Well, fire away, then."

I looked at her seriously and asked in a panicky voice, "do you see a teenage boy with brown hair and amber eyes when you look at me?"

"Yes…"

"Not a monster with a total of one tooth, a pug snout and a bald head?"

"What? No, of course not."

"Am I ugly?"

She stopped then, staring at me disbelievingly. "Do you really want me to answer that?"

I nodded.

"Well, you did look like a terrorist on your last passport picture…"

"Gee, thanks. I bet the authorities would LOVE to hear that, my dear mother," I said sarcastically, then proceeded to pace around the room.

"What is wrong with you?" she burst out exasperatedly. "Why do you suddenly question me with questions bordering on rhetorical and absolute nonsense? If you have a pug snout, then your parents most certainly have, too! Do you think I HAVE a pug snout?"

"Uhm… I guess not," I replied, blinking, looking at her pert nose.

Then I proceeded to tell her what happened at the park. To sum up my confusing afternoon, right after I perched the bird on my index finger, I hear a very panicked expletive which came from the only mouth I knew who could sound so funny and shocking at the same time (two guesses who). I whirled around, intending on asking her out for..erm… coffee—a subtle way of asking 'want to hang out with me?'—when I saw her face.

It was the most confusing and hilarious face I have EVER seen, more so than the clown I whacked on the gut with a flaming candle when I was 3.

I was about to ask her what the hell is the reason why she's gaping at me like a goldfish, when she suddenly launched herself at me. I caught her by the waist just as her small delicate hands grabbed hold of my collar and wailed, "WHY YOU?"

"Why ME?" I repeated then, confused, unable to melt at the sight of her green eyes—usually narrowed or pissed—widened to the point that it looked absolutely adorable

"YES," she wailed, glaring at me, "why, of all the people in this world, did the bird have to pick you? WHY YOU?"

Then, she scowled at the bird and said accusingly, "why in the world did you pick HIM?"

I asked her, "er… what do you mean?"

As if realizing what just happened, she gave me the most puzzling expression ever. Her cheeks reddened… then her face… then her neck… then her ears. Before I can even blink, she was gone, leaving only a path of burnt stone on her wake as she zigzagged towards god-knows-where.

And she took the bird.

And after hours of thinking, I have finally come to the conclusion that I may have contracted a disease just this afternoon which, for some odd reason, made me so horrible to look at that I make people like Sakura practically fly away.

"Sooo… what do you think?" I asked anxiously after I finished.

She thought for a moment, then, to my surprise and wariness, a slow smile spread on her face. Facing me, she asked suddenly, "did you say a WHITE bird?"

I nodded. "As in a dove?" she persisted, her smile definitely starting to creep me out.

"Yes," I answered. "Mother, what is brewing inside that middle-aged brain of yours?" I asked cautiously.

"Oh, pshaw, it's nothing," she said airily, waving a hand in the air. "Xiao-Lang, do you like Sakura?"

My temperature rose. "Well," I started doggedly, "I like her as a friend and as a victim of my pran—"

She looked at me, expression flat. "Don't try and lie to me, son. I'm your mother."

"Okay! Okay! Don't look at me like that!" I said defensively, backing away. "Fine, so I lov—LIKE her. So what?"

Her eyes brightened. "When do you plan on telling her?"

"Uh… how about never?"

"XIAO-LANG!" she exploded. "The Li men are not cowards when it comes to the game of love!"

"L—LOVE?" I choked out. "I don't love her! I..er.. like her! Yes, I LIKE HER!"

She ignored my poor attempt on correction and instead seriously said, "I think you should tell her."

I was now the one gaping like a goldfish. "ARE YOU INSA (insert raised feminine eyebrow)— whoops—I mean, no way! What if she rejects me? What if she never sees me as a friend again? I can't take that risk—"

"Xiao-Lang…"

"It's unheard of! There's a fifty-fifty percent chance she'll pummel me to my death—"

"Son…"

"—or sever ties with me. And what am I supposed to say?"

"Xiao-Lang… stop…"

" 'Sakura, I am so sorry. I've been trying hard not to but I can't help it!'" I ranted, not noticing the footsteps that stopped at the doorway. " 'I, Li Xiao-Lang, your tormentor and official host here in Hong Kong, have fallen in love with you.'"

"Son—"

"In fact, I feel it in my heart so much it hurts like he—"

"XIAO-LANG!" Yelan bellowed. "You are embarrassing yourself!"

"Why?" I asked dismissively. "It's not like she's here to he—"

_Tweet._

My heart stopped. Aw, crap.

_Tweet tweet._

I turned around, dread seeping through every hole in my body and 2 seconds later, a mini-explosion burgeoned in my chest, hopefully incinerating every organ in my body and killing me in a matter of seconds.

I hope I hope I hope I hope…

… because when I completed a full 180-degree turn, I met the stunned shocked face of Sakura Kinomoto, carrying the small white dove in her hands.

She backed away, her hands falling limply, letting it fall and fly.

And ran.

"Xiao-Lang?" my mother's sympathetic voice penetrated my (hopefully dying) brain.

"Yeah?"

"You may not be afflicted with ugliness but, really, this is one of those times when I think I have a son who is either deaf or autistic."

"Yeah. I wonder that, too."

Aw, shit.

**A/n: Okaaaaayyy, uhm, this chapter was inspired by Alanis Morisette's 'Head Over Heels'. Really sorry for the grammatical errors and spelling mishaps! R&R please! I also have a new (spur-of-the-moment and hopefully not horrible) story. R&R that as well!**

**Later and Lotsa Love,**

**CalCarrie**

**P.S. Ooooh, thank you for all the wonderful reviews!**

**p.s. The bird thing was… uh (cough cough) made up. Yeah… (runs away). Don't know exactly how a dove ended up in HongKong… (coughs even more violently)…**


	19. Eavesdropping's Benefits

**(scurries away from the pitchforks and torches and digs a hideyhole)**

**Chapter 19**

**Eavesdropping's Benefits**

Tomoyo and Eriol sat under the cool shades of one of the largest Sakura Trees in the campus, shielding themselves from the harsh glare of the sun. It was a sunny day and the lucky students were currently enjoying 2 hours of free time because the Chemistry professor had a gastrointestinal problem.

Unfortunately, the two weren't enjoying themselves anymore than the caterpillar squashed by a 180 pound man.

"Eriol, we have got to do something about our two dunderheaded friends," Tomoyo said, sighing and putting her arms around her knees."

He lied down on the cool grass beside her and replied, "Indeed. If I hear one more self-deprecating remark or an 'ah, fuck it' from my near-to-being-castrated descendant, I may have to kill myself."

"Our guest is not doing any better. She's got these huge black bags the size of cartwheels under her eyes. Eggy nearly had a heart attack when he saw her 2 days ago."

"Why must love be so blind?" he asked dramatically, rolling his eyes.

"Stop acting so melodramatic. Have you talked to Li yet?" she asked curiously.

"He's hardly on a state to have conversation. I still can't believe it when he told us what happened. He screwed it up, frankly," Eriol said gloomily, watching all thoughts of having 20 nieces to train in the art of pranking and making-Li-age-thirty-years go poof.

"I still can't believe he didn't hear her coming back there. I mean, for all those lessons where he had detect an enemy 20 feet away, you'd think he would."

"He's in pretty bad shape, though. I pulled a trick out of Sakura's book and exchanged his lunch with—no, not cat food—but dog food AND cat food once, and he still ate it."

"He DID?" Tomoyo gaped. "He didn't kill you or anything?"

"Nope. Let's see, he hardly sleeps, he trains like a maniac, he eats cat food and says it tastes like chicken, he eats dog food and says it tastes like corned beef, he hardly talks to us, he avoids Sakura like the bloody plague and he even forgot to be mean to Miyu! Miyu, for god's sakes," he exclaimed disbelievingly. "You realize it's more serious that we thought?"

"Absolutely," she agreed. Then, as if remembering something, she snapped her fingers. "Did you know he's gotten a fourth of his plan of revenge on her family already?" she asked in a small voice.

"Really?" Eriol asked, interested. "What did he do?"

"I read on the newspaper earlier today that Chien was being mobbed by the IRS, who claims that the family hasn't been paying their taxes right for the past five years."

"Li did all that?"

She nodded. "I was really apprehensive at first, since he could get caught. He replied by saying that he didn't really do anything anyway and I quote, 'they've been avoiding taxes for the past 3 years, I only upped the period of time to give them hell. They'll have a hard time getting the IRS off their backs, mind you."

"And that was only a fourth of his plans?" Eriol said disbelievingly. Seeing her nod, he whistled and closed his eyes. "He's really smitten, isn't he?"

"Yep," Tomoyo smirked. "I honestly thought I'd never see the day."

Her companion laughed. "You know what they say right? About the Li Family?"

Intrigued, she looked at him as he opened one eye. "What?"

"When Li men love, it's for life."

She chuckled, standing up. Brushing dirt from her legs, she motioned for him to follow. "Come on, we need to work on that seatwork Ms. Mizuki asked us to do."

It really was a huge stroke of luck that just as they rounded the corner and disappeared, a cracking sound echoed followed by a screech as a branch from the Sakura tree fell,

and with it their stunned, auburn-haired guest.

Xxxxxxxxxxx

I cursed loudly when my butt landed hard on the ground. Spitting out the leaves I managed to bite when I screeched, I promptly sat up and looked around to see if they were still there. I sighed in frustration. That was a whole new revelation I did not want to know. Sheesh, who knew my idea of sleeping up a tree with the same name as I would be another cause of having another week of sleepless nights?

Obviously, not me.

Then I had an idea.

Pulling my Bio notebook from my backpack and opening it, I hurriedly turned it to a blank page, ignoring the huge bold letters of 'QUIZ TOMORROW. STUDY!' at the front, and began to write.

**Top 10 Reasons why I should never develop feelings for You-Know-Who (no, not Voldemort. That's absolutely sick.)**

1. We belong to 2 different worlds. To those who are a bit addled in the brain, confounded, or just plain moronic, it means that he's sodden rich while I'm freaking poor.

2. He annoys me to the brink of insanity. Heck, he derives pleasure from seeing me pranked! Now, I don't think it's hard to imagine when I say that he'll probably toss me in a pigpen instead of a bed on our wedding night, if that's even possible.

3. He has messy hair. I hate it. There's this especially irritating strand that keeps falling on his right eye, making me resist the strong urge to tuck it—erm, swipe it behind his ear… or if I'm feeling particularly vindictive and/or stressed, it makes me want to shave him bald.

4. He is an arrogant egoistic no-good sadist. A parrot with a Jimmy Neutron head, both from being too smart and having a head either full or air or eeevviilll.

5. He is obviously a leader from the baboons from hell. Yes, he's part-baboon, part-parrot and part-turnip. No, not human. No human would make me write a list as pathetic as this.

6. If I will end up with him, I will be in close proximity with the Fat Brothers, who I have discovered (to my utter horror) are his mother's rather close friends. God help them if they come near me with a beauty product while I'm slicing my wedding cake.

7. He is too handsome for his own good. That did not come from me, mind you (cough). It's a pathetic opinion of practically ¾ of the female student body. I don't like it if girls drool over my (nonexistent and never-to-happen) boyfriend. So screw me, I'm a jealous prat.

8. In connection to that, even some guys dig him as well.

9. He is 6 freaking inches taller than me. I am Mini Me to his Yao Ming. It's absolutely appalling. What can I do if I'm angry at him? Oh, I guess I can just kick him in the shins or something, but seriously, that's hardly up to my usual creative standards.

And the number one reason why I should never EVER fall for The Parrot?

10. I might not be good enough for him.

I bit my lip and stared at the list—a pathetic one, mind you—I made, squinting my eyes and scratching my head. I must've looked quite spectacular, a girl that fell from a tree with bits of twig and leaves stuck on her hair, which was in disarray, her uniform soiled and rumpled, writing haphazardly on a notebook.

Feeling two eyes staring at me, I looked up and recognized that girl who made that cutting remark about me not in league with her standards, staring at me with her friend. Superficial little ferret. "Don't you know it's rude to stare?" I snapped rudely, a vein throbbing at my temple. She harrumphed and scurried away, dragging her unfortunate companion with her.

Okay, back to the issue, I reread the list I wrote 2 seconds after nearly pulverizing my rear from the impact when I fell from the tree. Now, you see the reasons why I can't, won't and shouldn't fall for Li? It's _mucho magnifico_, if I do say so myself. It's absolutely logical—

I'm getting a migraine.

"AARRGGGHHH!" I screamed, tearing the paper into hundreds of itsy bitsy pieces. I really want to do something violent. Can't life be less complicated? I came in this stupid country with the expectations of hating my host and her son, being the usual female athlete on the field, getting topnotch marks all the while causing mayhem and ignoring anyone, would-be friend or would-be foe. I thought I'd go about pranking and pissing off the many prissy cheerleaders and rich kids who are all a vermin to society with their haughty attitudes and sports cars. I expected everything would be the same…

I didn't expect actually making friends and not being sent to principal's office and without a terror teacher in sight, which is a bloody miracle. I never expected I'd be treated pretty much ok, with the exception of resident bitch queen Miyu and a few other idiots. I never thought I won't be alone.

Most especially, I never thought I'd have Li falling for me, either.

Getting to the point, I don't know what to feel after hearing him say…er… those things. Maybe I don't really want to feel anything, or maybe I'm just a coward, not wanting to acknowledge the fact that maybe I feel the same way too. What would I know? I spent half my life being told to be as emotionless as a doll and obedient as a lap dog I don't even think I'm capable of feeling anymore.

Or maybe I'm just afraid to be hurt.

I was in a brooding mood when I heard the unmistakable bark of a dog. It wasn't a surprise, really. Pets were allowed on campus, provided they don't poo in any place with human habitation. I heard the bark again, followed by a voice that made my blood freeze.

Frantically, I dived behind a bush beside the tree, hearing the voice that I can pick out from a crowd of thousands.

And a second after I settled in my hiding place, Li Xiao-Lang and Kero came into view.

Oh, bugger.

OoOo

Great.

Abso-fucking-lutely great.

During those times when I would envision myself finally confessing my…uhm… _feelings_ for My Other Half, I always see myself doing something cheesy like doing it kneeling on one leg with a background of the setting sun in Hawaii or the mesmerizing sight of meteor showers or, since said Other Half likes sports, I would take her to a ballgame, run over to the middle of the field and confess. I never EVER imagined a situation wherein

a. She would hear it by overhearing my first ever deranged and utterly humiliating rant about how I do not want to confess my undying love even though I want to but I can't because I cannot bear to have my pride stomped on by means of her rejection.

b. it happened in a meditation room, the only background not being shooting stars or setting suns, but statues including Buddha, who looks uncannily like Eggy, except he has longer ears and smaller boo—ah crap.

c. it happened with me not kneeling on one leg, but with my back facing her, then with me gaping like a goldfish.

d. it happened in front of my mother. **_My mother._**

Also, due to either my oversized male ego or maybe my 'ability' to see in the (evil) future, I have always imagined My Other Half to say yes, perhaps shed a tear or two then kiss me.

Cupid hates me.

Gloomily, I plopped on the grass and lied back down on the grass, staring up at the pink blossoms of the Sakura tree absently. I heard Kero barking like mad beside me so, in a not-so-rare-anymore moment of insanity, I told him, "you know, I bet dogs have it better than humans do."

He just stared like saying, "of course we do."

"Yeah. All you have to worry about is food, a home to either destroy or inhabit, water and a place for bowel movement. None of this feelings stuff that has me converted into a chronic insomniac for the past days," I continued gloomily, twirling a twig between my thumb and index finger.

"Actually," I said sadly. "I really don't understand. I mean, she's hardly a gem on the looks department, at least when compared to the girls the stupid elders shoved up my face. Heck, her boobs and butt can't even compare!"

Through my wallows in self-loathing I thought I heard a deep growl. I promptly ignored it, thinking it was Kero.

Then I suddenly grabbed the dog and ruffled his fur. "Yes, Kero, she can't, but in spite of all that, I fell for her hard. I've spent the nights wondering why, exactly. Maybe it's because she's not like the rest of them," I mused, ignoring Kero's pleas… or barks to let him out so he can probably murder the pigeons or something. "She's not shallow and a far cry from the superficial flakes I meet. She's one of a kind, you know."

Then the dog, for once, barked once as if agreeing with me. I continued morosely, "and the problem with someone being one of a kind is that they're hard to have. Good thing she's ugly."

I hardly heard the snarl from behind.

I groaned and whacked myself in the head. "Who the hell am I kidding? She's too freaking attractive for her own good."

The snarling stopped after that.

Even Kero seemed to become docile. "Yeah, yeah, I know, I've screwed up. It's all the stupid bird's fault," I groused. "And no, you can't eat it, it's still a living thing, you dog."

Then, I said the one thing that I never thought would be the wisest, most useful thing I've said in all my 18 years of life.

"It's pretty damned funny that after getting almost everything I want, I can't have the one I need the most."

OoOoOoO

20 minutes later, I watched as he finally got up and stretched. "Come on, Kero," I heard him say quietly. "The pigeons need to live for at least 5 more years." With that, he walked away.

I silently stood up and brushed the twigs and leaves and soil on my head. Straightening, I stared blankly at his retreating back. Then, my gaze sidled back to the torn pieces of paper clutched tight by my hands.

I suddenly knew what I had to do.

OoOoOooO

"Okay, class," the AP English teacher, "I hope you still remember who your partners were when I asked you write a fic?" hearing the murmur of assents, he continued, an evil grin lighting his face and making the students worry. "Good, cause today, we'll be writing another story! Remember to use grammatically correct sentences and correct paragraph formation or I will personally have your butt removed from this classroom, am I making myself clear? No questions? Good, time starts now!"

There was noise and the students tried to find their respective partners. The two main characters, however, needn't move anymore. They were seatmates.

Li resisted the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose and curse the professor to oblivion. Taking a deep breath he turned to the left and faced the girl he obviously had been avoiding for the past week. To dismay, Sakura seemed as uncomfortable as him.

God, he never thought he'd miss her voice calling him 'parrot'.

"So…" he cleared his throat.

"So…" she said as well, refusing to make eye contact.

He immediately berated himself for his slip-up again. Where were the witty remarks and smart retorts? Had his mistake cost him her friendship as well? Would they treat each other like this for the rest of her stay? Or will she leave earlier? Goddamn it all!

"We—I guess we should start," he said uncomfortably, picking up a pen and a paper as they both sat down on the floor.

She quickly nodded. For the next hour, they squashed any personal feelings and focused on the task their sadistic teacher assigned. Their responses were mechanical and succinct, no compliment, jibe or smirks exchanged. The teacher even had to rub his glasses and poke himself in the eye to make sure that this was not a dream.

10 minutes before the bell, they straightened. "I guess that's about it. What do you think?" Li asked her, refusing to look at her and instead focusing on their work,…which was already finished.

There was silence at first, and he started to think that maybe she now meant to ignore him… or maybe tell him to sod off. He waited, sensing her hesitate and taking a deep breath. The words she said jolted him out of his thoughts.

"It sucks like hell."

His head shot up, watching as her face started heating up. He looked on in astonishment as she tore it in to strips and grabbed a new sheet and placed it on the floor. "I know—I know of a better one," she insisted adamantly.

"Well, if you insist, I guess," he told her, frowning. "I'll write and you dictate."

She nodded and took another deep breath, making him worry that she was going to be sick. "There was once a girl named Sakura Kinomoto (his hand shook, making the writing swerve)," she started in a flat voice. "She grew up trying to impress her rich father, wanting him to show her how much he loved her and for her half-brother to accept her. She tried everything, but never even received a single compliment, but rather a berating of how she should improve and fare better next time."

He subconsciously imagined many imaginative ways of punishing Jake and Tomas Chien.

"It went on for more than half her life, then… then something happened," she continued, her voice shaking slightly. "Something that made her naïve little mind finally able to register that, with the exception of her mother, her family was nothing but a family of bitches and bastards rolling around in gold."

"Sak—Kinomoto, what are you…?"

She ignored him and plowed on. "Her parents' divorced, and two years later, her mother thought it would be best for her daughter to stay with a friend of hers temporarily while she sorted out the trouble her ex-husband caused. Sakura Kinomoto was brought into a new house… and a new world. She met great friends like Eriol and Tomoyo, two people who've been skirting around a relationship for a century, a few irritating cheerleaders and two nutcrazed middle-aged twins enough to drive her to insanity," she paused. "But it was her host's son that caught her attention."

My hand stopped and my eyes snapped back to her face. What the hell is happening?

She was sharpening a pencil, but he could clearly the tip was so sharp already and the length was already reduced to half its size. "The two… well, she didn't like him at first, but things… happened. Sakura Kinomoto didn't know how it happened, but they ended up being friends. They had a great time wreaking havoc in both the school and the mansion… then one day, returning home after buying a dove in the park, she overheard him say he lov—liked her."

He inhaled sharply and felt himself going beet red. "I am so sorry if that's been bothering you, Kinomoto. I wasn't think—"

"The story's not yet finished," she said quietly, the look on her face silencing him. "After that, she started becoming confused. She was afraid, actually," she laughed bitterly at that point. "Of what, I have no idea, maybe she afraid to be hurt, or to step into an unknown territory that destroyed relationships and shattered hearts. Then, she overheard… some things… that made her think. It made her think that maybe she was being a bit stupid, and stupid she was definitely not. It made her think that he really was one of a kind."

He was staring at her now, his mouth open. His heart, which seemed to have gone autopilot for the last few days and was now battery-dead, suddenly shriveled back to life, as stupid as that seems.

She seemed to falter for a bit, but then got that determined glint in her eyes that Li knew so well. "She was sure that the heir was waiting for any reaction on her part, she knew he was already converted to a chronic insomniac because of that. Well, when Li Xiao-Lang, heir of the Li clan and a spectacularly amazing prat, made that screwed up confession of how much he…well.. loved Sakura Kinomoto, erm… well… oh crap…"

He nearly had a heart attack when she made eye contact. Her eyes, green orbs that were almost always guarded, were open for him to see. The turbulent emotions swirling in the depths were enough to make him hold his breath. His heartbeat tripled in speed.

"… Sakura Kinomto would like apologize for her stupidity and to say that that she feels the same way, too."

They stared at each other for a long moment, then, Li's mouth slowly turned upward in a very happy smirk, although a smile was in his eyes. "Can you ask Sakura Kinomoto if she really means that?"

"Yes, she does," Sakura answered, a rare smile gracing her features, making Li's heart stop and a light feeling spread on his chest.

Still not breaking eye contact, he said, grinning. "Then would you ask her if she would like to meet me at the rooftop so we can have a nice long talk…?"

Her smile widened even more. "She says she's love too."

Maybe Life wasn't such a bitch after all.

ooOoOooO

**Top 10 reasons why I should've realized I'd fall for the stupid parrot anyway.**

1. He's been my constant companion eversince I stepped in their house. Tomoyo and Eriol does, too, but seriously, those dense prats don't realize they need to matchmake themselves, skirting around a relationship for the past 10 years.

2. He is the only teenager who can rile me up enough to blow up half this godforsaken universe if I were superwoman.

3. He is as stubborn as a mule. Like me, now that I've thought about it. I bet we would have blown each other's heads off on more than one argument if the Tomoyo hadn't threatened to make us eat nothing but greens for the next 2 weeks.

4. He is, much to my utter dismay, intelligent, or if perhaps reading that is too nauseating, he has a brain and a half more than any other male I've met and actually uses it. It's really amusing and irritating at the same time, because we constantly compete for the number one slot.

5. We both hate Miyu Okinawa. If that isn't reason for me to fall for him then I don't know what is.

6. He makes me smile. No, seriously. He just did, actually. Smile, not laugh, though (haven't done that in years. Huhn.). I don't know why of all people he was the one to succeed. Maybe the dove had something to do with it… or maybe parrots are just mind-controlling aliens. I wouldn't be surprised. I bet that parrot in the petshop was asking me telephatically to make bird stew out of him. It should thank it's feathers I ran out of cash.

7. He was the once who "saved" me –oh, sod off—from being trapped in that locker room. I still cannot forget that incident/ I mean, what kind of nuthole would use TITANIUM walls for the girls' locker room? Is the school's male population really that perverted?

Wait, don't answer. I honestly don't want to know.

8. He's one of the few who can actually hold my interest long enough to have conversation. He can even debate with me about a topic as useless as the color of Eggy's long gone hair.

9. In a way, I guess he's sweet. Admit it, you know perfectly well he is.

And _mi ultimo _reason:

10. He accepted me for who I am.

I whistled a happy tune as I walked out of the campus. Everything was going so smoothly I even gave Miyu and heart attack when I shot her a quick smile. It was especially nice since the students were going spare, wondering what I, the resident Mayhem Maker of the Country, am planning.

Who cares?

Life's good. I'm making everyone go crazy, my English teacher gave me detention and accused me of planning something because I was too docile, Eriol and Tomoyo are finally going to give me a break with regard to their matchmaking and, after that exhilarating talk with Li, I found that Eggy's the best Hitler-like teacher in all the land and I would likely find his stiff manner humorous instead of irritating.

What could possible go wrong?

I should've been on guard then, despite being deliriously happy, because 5 seconds after saying that Murphy's Law kicked in. there was a sharp pain on my shoulder and quickly spread to other parts of my body, making me cry out. Before darkness claimed me, I saw a pair of green eyes.

Than everything, once again, became black.

**a/n: sorry for the extremely late updating, but, as I said in HS, my school's being a sadist! Please ignore any typographical errors or whatever you call ems cause I seriously don't have time to update (curses my homeworks). Review please! (thank you for the ones who did on the previous chapter!)**

**Later and Lotsa Love,**

**CalCarrie**


	20. Mission: Impossible Rescue

**Chapter 20**

**Mission: Impossible Rescue **

The beaming, blindingly white smile of the fitness instructor flashed as he flung his arms around like a loon on the TV. He proceeded to do a jump and twirl, then bent the knees and did the boogie, all the while squealing in what the producers obviously thought was an 'encouraging'—but only served to deafen sane beings—tone, "and to the left! And right! And left then twwwirrrlll! Yes! Do the boogie! Uh-huh-uh-huh-uh-huh! Do this everyday and in no time you'll get the hottest body alive! And GO! Ratata bomp bomp bomp and bend the knees and JUMP!"

But, honestly, at least said fitness instructor had six-pack abs and buff arms, whereas the person who bought the exercise video was a… uhm… fat… overweight… 1200 lbs. man in his middle thirties with a tummy big enough that a midget, when thrust under its unfortunate shade, would think there was an eclipse of the sun.

Eggy danced and danced inside his unit at the posh five-star hotel where he was currently staying, sweat beading down his forehead and his ill-fitting 'work-out' clothes squeezing his body into a sausage. Twirl! Boogie! Yeah, baby! My humps, my humps, my lovely little lumps…

It wasn't that Eggy thinks he was fat. Its just that his body mass had been exceeding that of an ordinary human being with an ordinary height and booming into that which a 10 ft. giant should have. (i.e, he was getting fat, but refused to admit it).

And besides, 2 more years to go and he, Eggy thought smugly, would be a helluva _lot_ sexier than Brad Pitt.

He braced himself for another jump-kick when a loud knocking—no, banging jerked him out of his concentration.

BANGBANGBANGBANGBANG! BANG! BANG! BANGBANG--!

"WHAT!" Eggy growled irritably when he yanked the door open.

At first glance, he thought he saw Wolverine. Upon looking closer, he was shocked to see Li Xiao Lang, hair disheveled, eyes wide with panic then narrowed when he saw Eggy. After a sweeping glance around the unit, he barged right in and started practically dismantling the place in an effort to find… something.

Eggy pursued his lips in annoyance, turning off the DVD and following Li to the bedroom. "Really, what did you do to your poor mother this time? Turned Ms. Okinawa into a poodle and gave your mother a heart attack?"

Li ignored him and started raiding the closet. " Sakura, are you in here?" he suddenly yelled. "OI, CHIPMUNK!"

Huffing, Eggy tapped him on the shoulder. When Li turned to face him, he snapped, "Oh, for heaven's sake, Xiao-Lang, what do you think? That I kidnapped Ms. Kinomoto in an effort to force her into a propriety lesson?"

The younger boy tensed when he saw the sincere puzzlement on the man's face.

When Eggy saw the change and felt the temperature dropping, a wave of dread engulfed him. "Xiao-Lang, is something wrong?"

The heir gave a mirthless snort. "Oh, hell, everything is wrong!" He glared at the ceiling. "She was supposed to be home about 6 hours ago and it's already 9 bloody pm! So I went back to school about 2 hours ago and started checking every nook and cranny. Even the FOOTBALL FIELD! I checked the gym, the shooting range, everywhere! This is where I'm suppose to find her!" he hollered to no one. "I was supposed to find her in you clutches with you probably with your assistants and doing a forced makeover on her and ignoring her shouts of 'bloody murder'! Then, I'll do a Hercules and rescue her from your clutches and have dinner at the nearest Italianni's I can find!"

Li took a deep breath as silence loomed over them.

Eggy finally had the courage to speak. "You don't think--?"

Li looked at him grimly, his face visibly paling.

But even with the absence of communication, they knew.

Eggy tried to prove his thoughts wrong. "Are you certain you've looked everywhere? Even the girls' locker room? The side pathway leading to the school's exit found near the fountain?"

"Yes, I've braved The Forbidden Room and… and… wait, oh crap."

Eggy gave him a stern glare. "Look for her, Li Xiao-Lang." With that, he left the room.

Li stood there 5 seconds after Eggy left and, with a jerk back to reality (from assassination attempts to a certain greasy-haired pig), he tore out of the room, grabbing his cell and jamming the numbers.

OoOoO

"This is bad, this is bad, this is bad, this is bad…" Eriol chanted over and over again, as he tromped inside the school grounds in search of where Li said he was.

The clock tower showed 9:30 pm. Tick Tock…

"Can you shut it?" Tomoyo snapped irritably at him through the phone. "Why do you even insist that I keep a phone conversation with you, anyway?"

Eriol huffed as he cradled the cellphone with his hands while searching for Li, "because I happen to WANT to talk to somebody instead of being all alone in here! Do you realize that this place is rather freaky, what with the 10 or so statues and fountains?"

"I could be doing something more productive!" Tomoyo ranted, but cannot put the phone down because Eriol blackmailed her. "I could be calling anyone who was with Sakura then or calling up the faculty or—"

"That's right, Tomoyo dearest. Keep talking. It's nice to hear your dulcet tones in the middle of a dark pa—oohh, LI! There you are!"

Tomoyo perked up. "He's there?"

"Well, duh, why'd I say 'Li! There you are!' if he wasn't? Hello? HELLO? Damn, she hung up on me!" Eriol muttered as he jogged to where Li was, waving at him with a serious expression on his face.

"Hey," he said once he reached the heir. "What have you got?"

Li turned to him and asked, "Eriol, have you tried calling Sakura up on her cell?"

He blinked at him. "Tomoyo was the one who did. She must've called her about 20 times before giving up. Why?"

He sat on the bench beside a large tree and said in a queasy voice,

"can you—can you call up Sakura on her cellphone one more time?"

"Well, sure… I guess… but why—?"

"Please," Li repeated firmly.

Eriol complied and called. At first there was no sound, but 15 seconds later a loud hiphop song echoed around the surroundings. Eriol blinked and tried to find where it came from. Li was quiet, then tugged on his friend's shirt sleeve. "It came from this," he said quietly.

His blue eyes widened when Li pulled out a sleek black phone from his pocket, and he cursed when he saw what was on the screen: _Calling… Eriol Hiri-whatsits… _

As the screen lit up, it spread around the surface of the phone, and they clearly saw the dried spots of blood that coated the numbers 5, 6 and 7.

OoOoO

"Hello, Tomoyo, dear? Is that you?"

"Oh, hi, Michael! How's life? Any problems?"

"Oh, nothing at all. I was just wondering, have you perchance seen Sakura Kinomoto? The girl failed to show up for her noon lessons."

"Well… to tell you the truth, Michael, we don't know where she is! Li is positively panicked. Eriol and he went out to where they suspect she was last."

"Do you—all of you—think that something may have happened?"

"We're holding out on something like getting drunk and going over to Yamazaki's house but—oh no."

"Tomoyo?"

"Darn it."

"Is something wrong?"

"Aw, bummer."

"Dear, are you all right?"

"SHIT!"

"Ms. Daidouji!"

"The two just returned. They found Sakura's cell… stained with blood."

"Aw, bugger."

"Yeah."

OoOo

Meiling Li was straightening her red dress as she sat on the living room of the Chien household. Outwardly, she was the perfect epitome of coolness, her posture straight, ebony hair swept to a bun and keeping eye contact with the one she was speaking with, namely, Tomas Chien, the master of the house.

Inside, she was downright nervous and even a little freaked.

Her mother, being CEO of a big business, have dealings with almost every company that she was interested in. The Chien Corp. was part of it. It was pretty cool when her mother approached her and asked if she can pick up a few documents at Tomas Chien's house and receive it directly from the master himself. Meiling, who would someday surely take over the company, was excited since she'd be talking with one of The Big Ones.

But upon meeting said hotshot, all she wanted to do was get away,

There was just _something_ about the guy that made her recoil in both disgust and… well… uneasiness. Maybe it was the way his hair was so greasy it could give anyone a heart attack, or maybe it was because he had an ego the size of Jupiter, or maybe it was the way his eyes wander all over her, or maybe it was just because his whole persona was downright distasteful. Right.

Clearing her thoughts, she said formally, a fake smile on her face, "Well, it was nice meeting you and I would like to thank in behalf of my mother for giving us the documents she needed."

Tomas' thin lips curled. "It was a pleasure." In the middle of ordering a maid to escort her out, Meiling heard his cellphone rang, and she watched with curiousity the way his face turned into gloating pleasure then to a cautious expression. She didn't have time to think about that though, because all she wanted was to get out… by herself.

Just as she found an exit on the side and was finally out of house through the sidedoor, she caught a glimpse of the massive driveway leading to the front entrance. Stopping behind a clump of bushes and two apple trees, she watched as the luxury car she saw upon entering the house was led away… and under it was a very familiar, very dirty black Nike cap… with the unmistakable 'S.K.' stitched using thick and glaring white threads on the side.

Her heart started speeding up. She ran towards the gate, out of the property and into her car. After she was a good distance away from the house, she picked up her cellphone and with her chest clenching with dread, she dialed Li's phone.

OoOo

"Okay, so we are all 100 percent sure that her sleazebag brother abducted her to either get revenge or to… yeah, you know what I mean," Eriol recited, pacing the room with his hands clasped behind his back. "Which means that it has been approximately 9 and a half hours since he did, drove away in a luxury car and headed to god-knows-where."

"Yes!" Li snarled. "With that, let us now march over to the bastard's nest and throw him into the ocean!" He was also pacing around the room, only in a more agitated and furious manner, cracking his knuckled threateningly.

"But where exactly?" Tomoyo argued. "This is not a spy movie, Li where each character has a tracking device shoved up his ass!" Tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, she looked at her two friends and asked, "does anyone know where they live?"

Silence.

Li groaned and collapsed on the floor. "Aw, heck."

Eriol snatched a blue folder from the desk and skimmed it. "Can't we just consult the directory or something? Then, we can call the police and ask them to follow us so they can arres—"

"They can't," Li said, his voice muffled by his hands. "The family's really secretive, addresses and phone numbers unlisted and everything. Paranoid wankers… and NO involving the police!"

His bespectacled friend asked, dreading the answer, "why not?"

"Because Chien has a few close connections with people at high positions. I can't risk him knowing the, say, Chief of Police here and getting away again. We have to do this alone."

Tomoyo sighed. "This is not good," she muttered, just as the phone started ringing. Grumbling, she picked it up, avoiding Li's sprawled form on the carpet. "Hello?" she asked politely.

Eriol watched Tomoyo converse on the phone. With growing interest, he sat down on the floor and bonked Li on the head. Cutting of his friend's death threats as he sat up, Eriol pointed at Tomoyo's face, which was now depicting a fast-changing series of emotions.

It first became pleasant, then worried, then surprised, then joyful, then excited. Finally, after whispering a cheerfully whispered good-bye to the caller (the 2 didn't understand Girl Language) and putting the phone down, she turned to the boys with a now smug expression on her face.

"What?" Li asked, blinking.

"Who says we don't know where Chien lives?" Tomoyo asked, smirking.

Eriol brightened. "We do?"

"We do now."

"FROM WHO?"

"Meiling," Tomoyo said simply. Seeing Li's expression, she elaborated. "She was there five minutes ago, running an errand for her mum. And guess what?" she said, her smirk turning into a frown. "She saw Sakura's Nike cap."

Li's head whipped up from its bowed position. "Was she absolutely sure?"

Tomoyo nodded. "Positive."

Eriol stared at her intently, his face turning into grim determination. "You know what this means, right? Tomoyo, you memorized the address?"

"Yep. I can give it to you word for word."

Li stood up and cracked his knuckles, a truly feral grin on his face. "Oh, yeah. Guys, I think it's time we pay ol' daddy dearest a visit."

OOOOOo

After landing on 5 different condominiums, 3 hotels and a granny's house, Eggy barged into the room of his twin brother at the SAME HOTEL where he was staying (only 3 floors below, much to his irritation) and into the bedroom where his evil counterpart was currently snoring his head off.

"RISE AND SHINE BROTHER DEAR!" he said loudly, hoisting up the pan and wooden spoon he got from the kitchen and banging it together as loud as he could, torn between smugness and irritation.

BANG BANG BANG BANG BOOOM BOOM BOOM!

Unsurprisingly, Fatty's answer was merely putting his pillow over his head, burrowing under the covers even more and flipping him the bird.

Eggy's eye twitched and he banged even louder. "RAPHAEL CORDOVA, GET YOUR GLUTEAUS MAXIMUS OUT OF THAT BED OR I'LL—!"

"Go to hell," was the only grunted reply he got.

Rubbing his hands together, he threw the covers off his brother, grabbed both his ankles, braced himself ("Suit yourself," he muttered) and pulled. Immediately, as though expecting it, Fatty's hands shot out and clasped firmly on the bed posts, causing his body to lift and hover 5 inches above the bed (though his gut was still on the bed). Fatty growled, his eyes still shut, "no freaking way, egghead, I am dead wasted and have absolutely no capacity to have a pedicure from your ungodly—"

"Sakura is in trouble, you imbecile!" Eggy puffed, digging his heels on the carpet, his face reddening as he kept on pulling his brother, who stubbornly held on the bed for dear life.

The Tug of War of the Century continued.

"Sachuya what? Aw crap, you came to wake me up from my manly sleep to tell me that someone was blind enough to go out with you—"

"No, you—agh! Sakura Kinomoto! MY CLIENT! THE MANLY GIRL FROM SOMEWHERE AND HOPEFULLY-WIFE OF XI-!"

BOOM! (sound of butt meeting floor with terrifying impact)

He was cut off from his rants when Fatty suddenly let go, causing the balance to break and him landing on the floor butt first, the floor shuddering. When he finally cleared his vision, Fatty was peering intently at him from the bed and asked, "Sakura Kinomoto? In trouble? How so?"

Standing up and gathering up what was left of his grace, he crossed his arms over his chest and glared. "Yes, as in the auburn-haired senior who is my latest client! She… disappeared."

Fatty looked at him and asked suspiciously, "how would you know?"

Eggy rolled his eyes, hands on his hips. "Because, you dunderheaded dufus, Xiao-Lang came barging into my aerobics session and attempted to destroy my abode, claiming that Sakura disappeared 9 HOURS AGO. I waited for confirmation and I got one, from Tomoyo. I repeat, 9 HOURS AGO, Sakura disappeared. That, brother, is simply too wrong to consider normal."

"Eh?"

"BECAUSE," Eggy said loudly. "Sakura Kinomoto is a bottomless pit! She cannot go on for 9 hours with absolutely no Hershey bar or hamburger at her side. She has no money, see, so can't go buy food. It must mean that she disappeared! I am now asking your—where are you going?" he abruptly demanded when he saw Fatty running around the room, haphazardly getting himself dressed into sweatpants and a shirt.

Fatty paused and rolled his eyes. "To help you, idiot."

"Really, now. I was only asking if I may borrow your car—"

Fatty shook his head. "And leave the saving thing to you? NO WAY! I am not letting the life of the woman who is a potential wife of the Li heir, who was the first to ever make you prematurely age and who will bear 10 children for me to influence and sic on you in your hands! Now, COME ON!"

With that, a shouting and indignant protesting Eggy was half-dragged, half-pulled unceremoniously towards the door and out of the condo by his twin brother.


	21. Mission: Pull A James Bond

**Chapter 21**

**Mission: Pull A James Bond**

(2 years ago)

_Nadeshiko entered her daughter's room in Harper Academy, her dread nearly breaking her sanity to pieces. The school year started_ _just fine. Nadeshiko remembered Sakura and her brother, Jake, getting ready for their respective schedules for the year a mere 2 months ago, the former screeching around trying to find her favorite pants and the latter hollering about unfinished papers. It was a normal, everyday scene… clothes scattered everywhere… the place in chaos._

_Now, it was as if everything's starting to break._

_She was running around the office a week ago, finishing her duties and dreaming of her warm bed, when her phone rang with the principal of Sakura's school on the other end. The news he brought her jolted her out of the world of deadlines and clients._

"_Mrs. Kinomoto, I presume?" he asked in a serious and grave tone._

"_Yes?"_

_He went straight to the matter. "Your daughter, Sakura Kinomoto, was found in a… delicate… state this morning. She tried to commit suicide by overdose. She's now in the hospital in the ICU. Please come immediately."_

_After bypassing 3 red lights, nearly running down a police officer and a string of curses, here she was, staring at her daughter's room, and even though she had barely looked at it as carefully as recommended, she knew that something was wrong._

_Everything seemed so out of place. The place was too… clean._

_Immaculately freakishly clean, she thought uneasily, staring around the room and taking a step inside. She examined the walls and noted that the posters of RnB singers and the movie 'Pirates of the Caribbean' were nowhere to be found. The dresser was bare except for a Bible and a rosary, which was very unsettling in itself. When had Sakura become so religious? What about the barrettes and hair pins? The bedsheets were free of any wrinkles and creases. It was as if someone had run over it with an iron and a ruler._

_She gingerly lifted the mattress and found practically every junk food and chocolate wrappers known to the planet. Hersheys… Cadbery… Musketeers… Cheetos…_

_Sifting through the pile, Nadeshiko found the key to find whatever the problem is with her daughter: her journal._

_Pushing aside a tiny trickle of guilt, she began to read… and 3 hours later, she was glad and scared she did._

_O—o—O_

In the more hidden grounds of RSU, 2 hulking rocks—no, BOULDERS—mysteriously appeared beside a fountain of a woman. At a glance, they may SEEM like boulders, but if you look closer, you'll see the fidgeting movements, the curses and hisses and the smacks accompanied with a "do not swear!" and a reply of "like hell I won't!".

Scratch that, you won't have to look closer. Anyone with half a brain can see that said two boulders were actually 2 grown men who were on a secret mission, so to speak.

"Ow! Good Lord, you're heavier than a pack of elephants! Get your elbow out of my face!"

"Get your face out of my elbow, you freaking tub of lar—OW! QUIT THE POKING!"

"Close your mouth and never swear! I am not going to put up with you when I can be inside the administration building trying to find the thing we were looking for!"

"I'll swear if I want to!"

"Keep focused, idiot!"

"Oh, yeah?" Fatty shot back. "YOU wanted to buy donuts at the Starbucks down the road! Heeellloooo, is that what we were looking for? Freakin' donuts?"

"Oh, shut up."

"Um, exactly what are looking for, anyway?"

"The videotape or cd! It's in the administration building which is right there!"

"It's this way, you doofus! Are you blind? It says so right here!" Fatty hissed. His large head was covered in an army cap decorated with leaves and his clothes were greenish gray, his right hand jabbing at the map he was holding.

"Right," the other one, Eggy, who was also wearing the army clothes (although his was decorated with roses and carnations), scoffed derisively. "You're absolutely retarded, brother of mine, it say so right here," he pointed at the far left of the map, "that the administration building is the one on the left of us!"

"No, it's the one on our right, idiot!"

"Left, you imbecile."

"Right!"

"Left!"

"Righ—Argh! Quit poking me, you seaslug! I swear that if your pet Woofie dies, I will NEVER attend the funeral!"

"Ha! If YOUR cat Bubba died, I won't attend the funeral, but I'll send a letter saying how it should BE YOU inside the casket instead of your pet!"

The two made to grab each other's necks but, obviously neither had one, so they settled on pinching the other's triple chins and rolled out of their pathetic hiding place and into the pavement, where a patrolling officer can catch them and sic his hungry guard dog on the brothers.

But, unfortunately or fortunately, there were none… yet.

They probably would've succeeded on going to heaven courtesy of the other when Eggy, who was currently being suffocated to death under Fatty's immense weight, cried out, "MMMpppptttfff!"

"What?" Fatty demanded, still pinching his brother's neck (and vice versa). "What the hell are you saying?"

"MPPPPFFFTTTTDDSSS!"

"WHATTT?"

Eggy finally released one hand from Fatty's triple chin and pointed behind them. Fatty narrowed his eyes. "As if! I'm not stupid cause I know what you're doing! You're saying there's a ghost behind me and when I look back, you'll pull my hair!"

Rollling his eyes, Eggy finally gapsed out, "you have no hair, you ignoramus! ADMIN!"

"WHAT?" At those words, Fatty looked around…. and cursed. They released each other and stared... at the lovely ivy-draped red building (right behind the fountain of a woman) that had a huge sign with the words "ADMINISTRATION BUILDING".

The brothers were silent for a minute.

Then, Fatty spoke up, "well, at least I'm 30 feet more accurate then you are."

"Raphael?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut up."

"Aye aye, cap'ain."

OoOOoOo

With the use of a skeleton key owned by Fatty, ("Where in the world do you use—wait, I don't want to know," Eggy exclaimed) they entered the administration building with ease. While Eggy was busy muttering over how many germs are on his clothes, Fatty stretched and asked, "Okay, so what's so important about a video tape? Because, you know, we can always buy DVDs at the mall."

Eggy scowled and huffed, "oh honestly, I would've thought you're familiar with this, being a famous director and all that, but it seems I overestimated your coconut! The school has one of the finest security systems in the world, right?"

"Yes…"

"And so, obviously, I bet even the shadiest places in the campus, even the make-out spots and the place where_ Sakura was abducted_ has a hidden camera in position, recording everything from morning until night! So, if we get it and if Jake is ever convicted and the little pig lies, we have proof!"

Fatty whistled and started walking, "so James—"

"Jake."

"—I mean, Jake, was either too stupid or too overconfident to remember that tiny detail."

"Exactly."

"Excellent."

"Thank you."

"I wasn't talking about you. I was referring to Jake's obvious stupidity."

Eggy puffed out his chest and glared at him, muttering quietly, "Funny, really funny."

"Thank you, I briefly considered a career in acting, did you know? So anyway, where's the video room whatsits?"

"Well," Eggy pulled out the map of the _inside _of the building and pored over it ("Where the hell do you get all those maps?"). "I think… where where where… hmmm… video roooomm, whheeerreee are yoooouuu--HEY!" he yelled when Fatty suddenly snatched the map out of his hands and looked at it himself.

"You're slower than a halfwit, halfwit. Keep quiet, by the way. The guards will hear your pitchy voice," Fatty said cheerfully and continued walking and looking at the map.

Eggy's eye twitched. "Fine," he huffed and followed.

"So… we're in the ground floor and its… oh, seriously…"

"What?"

"It's in the top floor."

"Cripes."

**(somewhere between the 2nd and 3rd staircase…)**

"How… (pants)… many… (pants)… more left?" Eggy near-wailed beside Fatty, who was in no better shape and perusing the map.

"Just… (puff)… 3 … goddammit… (puff)… more staircases!"

**3 staircases later**

The two practically tumbled onto the landing, nearly yelling "ALLELUJAH!"

Fatty grinned triumphantly after gaining back his strength and said, "ah! At last! Now let's go, my dear brother and—hey, bro? Hello? You still there?" He frowned and, crouching down beside the supine form, waved a hand in front of his brother's red face. "Dear God, and he proclaims he exudes sexiness!" Fatty muttered.

Hearing that, said brother regained his strength. Bracing himself, Eggy glared at his brother and stood up, announcing, "for you information, I'm fit as a fiddle, ready to go and I DO EXUDE SEXINESS!" With that, he grabbed Fatty's hand and commanded, "Now, tell me where is the room!"

"Right," Fatty announced and, walking, he muttered, "it says here that the door should be somewhere right… no, wait, it's here… somewhere right… here!" He let out a suppressed whoop and stood beside the door, puffing out his chest and looking smugly at his brother. "How's that for smart?"

Eggy just stared at the door… and then back again at his brother's face and demanded, "are you playing stupid or are you just plain daft?"

"What did I do, you ungrateful—!"

"This is not the room we're looking for, you prat!"

Fatty glared at him, hands on hips. "What the heck are you—this is it! Can't you see the sign that says," he whirled around and jabbed at the big bold letters on the door, "Welcome to the… to the… oh crap…"

Eggy continues his sentence and sarcastically said, "…broom closet! Dear heaven, let me see that, thank you!" he snatched the map out of Fatty's hands and skimmed it again. Five minutes later, his eyebrows went up to his hairline, his face red.

"What?" Fatty asked defensively.

"You absolute parrot."

"WHAT?"

"You were holding it sideways! SIDEWAYS, MY GOD!"

"Oh. Oops."

"Oops is right. I should feed you to my goldfish."

OoOoO

Needless to say, they doubled back and found the video room beside the entrance (yes, beside the entrance) and entered. It was a big room, with hundreds of cabinets, files and records, racks and tapes scattered everywhere. In the far side was a giant TV screen and a player propped on a mahogany table decked with 2 comfy chairs, a startling and clean contrast to the scattered objects.

The video room houses all the records of important or significant events held in the school since the day it started. So, considering that day was more than a hundred years ago, it was quite a lot. Ranging from Elvis Presley's appearance in a dance party to Dwight Eisenhower coming over for business, the brothers' hands were quite full.

And, oh yeah, every video taken by the hidden cameras everyday would be kept inside until such time that it would be viewed by the security guards, which was usually 2 days after the day it was recorded. Eggy, in all his wisdom, decided that the officers were dumb for not viewing it immediately and decided to do it himself.

Of course, Fatty has to come along, since, you know, they love each other so much that they must rescue Sakura (and their future nieces) together by busting Jake's ass via video.

"Where's the guy in the chair?" Fatty whispered, walking around and leaning on the window at the right.

"What?"

"You know, the supposedly bald cranky old guard man that watches all these stuffs and reports practically nothing since nothing exciting has been recorded for the last 50 years?"

"Hm, maybe he had LBM. I honestly don't care. Now, where do we start?" Eggy thought out loud, looking around. "Maybe we should start here." He pointed at a cabinet marked 'Videos 8/1/1850—6/29/1890'

"Are you insane? Those videos were taken practically during the time the school started! 1850? Heck, our great great great great grandma's grandma probably wasn't even born yet! It'd take us until year 2850 before we find it!"

Eggy ignored the insult and sniffed, "well, at least they marked it chronologically. Okay, you go to the left and try to find the videos from yesterday while I look here."

Together they started looking ("AH! They recorded Angelina Jolie's visit last year! Can I take it?" "No! KEEP LOOKING!")… and looking ("Hey, this is MY visit at the Fashion Department!" "You looked so stupid then, you know")… and looking ("Ha! Here's MY visit at the play of 'Romeo and Juliet!")… until Eggy found it.

"AHA!" Eggy exclaimed triumphantly, upper body coming out of a cabinet and waving a disc in the air.

Ignoring his brother's 'as if', he dragged him towards the TV and proceeded to put the disc into the player. They turned the TV on and as the player hummed to life, they sat and watched.

The screen flickered to life and showed a pathway.

"You got the wrong tape! The only thing moving is a squirrel!"

"No, I did not! Just wait!"

And surely enough, a minute later, a lone figure walked—skipped, actually, to the picture. Sakura was wearing a lopsided grin on her face, her hair on a bun and her right hand playing with a pencil.

"Her HAIR! HER HAIR IS A MESS!" Eggy exclaimed, horrified. "And shoes! Why isn't she wearing any powder? She just met Li, hasn't she? She looks like a boy--!"

"The heck, the girl had soccer practice, idiot!" Fatty hissed, "now, shut up and watch."

"Now, really, who are you to boss--!"

"Duh, I'm your older brother."

"You're my TWIN!"

"I'm 2 minutes older than you!"

"AS IF—SHHH!"

Eggy motioned for Fatty to turn off the TV and get the CD. They fell silent and listened.

Footsteps.

They exchanged panicked glances. "What are we going to do? WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO!" Fatty cried, wringing his (invisible) hair. "I'm too young to go to jail!"

"Quiet or he'll hear us!" Eggy snapped. "Maybe he'll go away…" The footsteps stopped outside the door. The knob started to turn. Fatty gulped, "maybe not!"

The door opened.

OOoOooO

Bob Krampus opened the door to the video room, his eyes scanning the room suspiciously. Adjusting his hold on the gun, he walked in. He was sure he had heard voices in here. Arguing as if there were no tomorrow. The room looked like how it was when he left it 4 hours ago, before his stomach started to do the chacha and LBM attacked. He heard the hoot of an owl. A very strange thing, since owls avoided this area since the caretaker, irritated at the hooting, blasted them with pink dye.

_Wooo woooo. Woooo Woooo_

He listened to the strange tones. Then, to his astonishment, a rather surprising one joined in.

_Buck.. BuckbuckBACK… CuckooCuck— _

"A rooster?"

Shaking his head, Bob wisely decided that his mind was playing tricks on him and went out of the door and into the bathroom as another wave of LBM attacked.

OoOoo

The Administration Building's flanked by 2 large trees. They were huge, about as tall as the building itself, with wide leaves and thick trunks, the branches with shadows that can fit quite nicely in a horror movie.

And today, the brother's were clinging to the thick trunk of the one on the left just below the video room window for dear life. Of course, even the prospect of plummeting to their death is forgotten when they argue.

"YOU IDIOT!" Eggy hissed at the man above him. "Of all the species of birds in the whole world, you had to pick a rooster! A CUCKOOING ROOSTER, BY GOD!"

Fatty glared at him through the gap between the trunk and his armpit. "Well, it was the first thing that came to my mind!"

"WHAT KIND OF DEMENTED ROOSTER WOULD CUCKOO HIMSELF HOARSE AT NEARLY MIDNIGHT?"

"Quit it! _Your_ impersonation of an owl was hideous! In fact, I'm surprised they haven't attacked you now for degrading them!"

They were at the ground now and were walking towards the West Gate and their voices were getting louder, to their splendid obliviousness. Unfortunately, others weren't as unaware. Dogs have excellent hearing, did you know?

_Growl._

The two brothers, still quite a distance from their freedom, froze.

Fatty, his eyes pleading, gulped and asked, "Micheal, my good man, I am hoping that's your stomach."

_Grrroooowwwlll…_

Eggy slowly shook his head, his face sweating. "Why, I thought that was you! The new one, was that from you?"

"Nope."

_GGrrrooowlll…_

"I take it that wasn't from the two of us?"

Together, they turned around and came to face three, hungry-for-some-fat mean-looking Labradors with teeth bared and saliva dripping. "And I thought dogs were cute," Eggy whimpered, and together they started edging away.

Since dogs were also smart, all hell broke loose.

OoOoOO

Li Meiling was about to pass by her school in her SUV, driving like a maniac with the intention of getting to Li's place and raising merry hell to tell them that Sakura's kidnapped.

_Meiling, tell Yelan and Nade. Hurry!_ Tomoyo had said right before the three of them went to their own rescue.

When she was turning the corner near the West Gate, she nearly screamed when she saw two very familiar figures running like mad towards her car, their expressions both constipated and panicked.

They quickly passed by her, nearly flying with their speed.

She stopped and doubled back. Revving up her engine, she drove after the two. When they were in level with her, she rolled back the window and yelled, "NEED A RIDE?"

The two brothers snapped their heads to look at her, still running for dear life. Eggy was the first one to recognize her. "MEILING!" he exclaimed, his expression turning to joy.

Fatty was slower, but that was understandable.

They quickly got into the car and tumbled on the backseat. When they were stilly trying to be comfortably settled, Meiling turned to look at them. "I have never seen anyone run that fast. Spill."

Fatty gave her a weak smile and raised a small black disc. "We… we were trying to loose weight."

Eggy, on the other hand, did not reply and instead jerked his thumb behind, his expression pained.

Meiling's eyes followed and widened when, a split second later, 3 vicious-looking guard dogs appeared, obviously running after the two men on her car. When the animals finally ran past and disappeared, Eggy finally exclaimed, "I thought I was going to die!"

"Well," Meiling started, biting her lips. "At—at least you..erm… lost weight?"

**A/n: So, um, yeah, that was a long chapter… long vacation… (coughs)… DON'T KILL ME! Yeah, I'm too young to die so what you should do is read and review… tell me if you like it… and listen as I say THANK YOU FOR EVERYONE WHO REVIEWED! R &R THIS ONE ALSO, OKAY?**

**Later and Lotsa Love,**

**CalCarrie**

**P.S. Eriol and Tomoyo are on the next chapter so look out for that! **


	22. Mission: MadHouse Infiltration

**Chapter 22**

**Mission: MadHouse Infiltration**

To describe the mansion housing the controversial Chien family 'creepy' would be a severe understatement. Situated right smack in the middle of their 2 acre land, surrounded by either their wealth or nature gone mad and with a GARGOYLE at the top of each wing, it looked like it once housed the Addams Family. In fact, the equally rich neighbors have a codename for it: Madhouse.

Because, seriously, if you see it yourselves for the first time, it won't be far off the mark by calling it that. The inhabitants were not making it any better since the patriarch, Tomas, was rarely home and the new wife was rumored to be as unbalanced as she was beautiful.

Huge iron gates flanked by intimidating red brick walls detach it from civilization and the Cyprus trees that towers over any human being passing by makes it look like a very appropriate setting for a Steven Spielberg movie.

In any case, that was exactly what two of Whilimsiclistic Pest Control's workers were thinking.

One short and one thin, the two tilted their chins up and gaped. The fatter and bespectacled one looked at his partner and said, "'ey, Bob, ye sure 'tis the right place? We still on Earth or 'at?"

Bob scratched his head and looked at the clipboard. "Ye, says so right here," he pointed a finger at the white sheet.

**WHILIMSICLISTIC RAT CONTROL**

**(We pest the pests to death!!!)**

**Customer:** Hikaru G. Chien

**Address**: 31 Jefferson St. Hallltorn Subd.

**Workers**: Bob Green

Ernie Banolie

"Aw, crap."

They nervously lugged their equipment from the yellow and green van to the side where a doorbell and an intercom was found. Gulping, they wiped the sweat from their faces and prepared for the worst.

Shuddering, Ernie remarked, "scary, innit? Rumor 'as it that 'tis house is mighty cursed."

"Yeah, I 'eard a g-ghost comes 'ere ev'ry night and the w-wife wus a-a…" Bob trailed off, his pimples glowing at his self-incurred fright.

"A what?" Ernie whispered.

Looking around as if anyone would even bother to be out at this time of the night, he leaned in and said, "… a—"

He never really did get to finish the sentence, because a second later, his partner emitted a high-pitched squeak and tumbled backwards. "Wusa matter wit' you, Ern?" Bob sniggered.

In reply, Ernie held up a shaking finger and pointed at something behind Bob, who froze and trembled. "I-is a-a…"

Ernie nodded. If possible, Bob's face turned even paler, his pimples sticking out. They were about to scream and run pell mell down the road when said unidentified creature purred, "hello."

Slowly, Bob craned his neck, his insect repellant bottle absolutely shaking.

BAM!!!

And all was black.

OoOoOo

The guard in charge of the strict surveillance of The MadHouse snorted out of his sleep when the doorbell rang. He opened his bleary eyes and flicked the intercom connected to the gate on. "State your name and your purpose," he gruffly said, rubbing his bleary eyes and wondering who in all hells would think about visiting at this godforsaken hour.

The answer was rather ridiculous: "Bob Green and Ernie Banolie from Whilimiwatsits Rat Control at your service!" chirped a cheery voice.

"Wait! Wait and hold it! You tellin' me that Mrs. Chien ordered to have the house cleaned at 10 o'clock in the effin' evening," the guard stated slowly and flatly, a touch of sarcasm in his tone.

Another voice spoke up, "well… er… it says here," there was a shuffling of papers, "that, YES, he did."

Pushing his chair back, he grabbed his phone and called Chien himself.

"Hello?"

OoOooOoO

Wallace, an intimidating guard towering at 7 feet, walked forward to welcome the two pest control workers. He had always felt that his boss' wife was a bit touched in the head, but who in the seven seas would order to have pests killed at this time…

He opened the door and was met with a weird sight.

Two yellow-suit covered workers with black helmets and what must be a ton of machines in tow. The taller one, from what he can see, sports a mop of blue hair and a pair of azure eyes that were far too… twinkly… for his liking. He looked at his partner and appraised him with suspicious eyes.

Said partner fidgeted.

'He' was about a head shorter than Twinkly, but hell if he saw another one more… feminine… than this bloke. The suit was too large for him, the helmet to big, drooping down the black hair that covered amethyst-colored doe eyes. If he would look closer, he swore that he could smell a light… flowery… heavenly…_perfume???_ Wait just a damn second…

"Oi!" he barked at Twinkly, whose eyes were now practically shining with mirth, although in Wallace's eyes it was tears shed because of fear of his large and intimidating presence. "Is your partner wearing MASCARA???"

Twinkly coughed and smiled cheerfully, "oh no, sir, he just applied some castor oil in his eyelashes for 3 months straight and made it thicker and more shiny!"

Wallace stared in shock.

Twinkly's partner then spoke up in a squeaky voice, "would you like to have some? I have one in the van."

Letting them in, Wallace decided then and there that the two weird pest controllers were bananas and sincerely hoped that the bugs would eat them.

And besides, if they WERE fake rat controllers, what would they do, drown the place in ratty poison thingy?

OoOoo

"That, Hiriigizawa," Tomoyo muttered as she fixed her mustache nervously and followed the He-man into the mansion, "was the stupidest idea you've ever thought of!"

It was a split second decision, really. They were suppose to go in ala James Bond, complete with ropes and killer fighting moves, but the hideously bright van and its 2 unfortunate passengers were just to… bright… not to notice. They'd followed it towards the general direction to the house when a light bulb suddenly went up on Eriol's head…

… and it was obvious what happened next, really. After that, Eriol, dressed in black and all, stole their clothes and helped Tomoyo haul them inside the van.

Although it never really occurred to her how freaky Eriol looks when he wants to be until now…

Eriol huffed indignantly and dragged the equipment closer. "Was not!" he argued. "What, you mean you'd prefer to sneak into the place rigged with booby traps, snakes, poison darts and swarming with bodyguards whom I suspect are mutated Bigfoots???"

Tomoyo shot him a dry look. "Putting his nastiness aside, I hardly think that he's paranoid enough to put poison darts on his bathroom. Plus, Bigfoot is not daft enough to ally itself with such an old pillock."

"Oh, but—"

Mr. Wallace shot them a look.

They shut up and, meekly pulling their load, went inside the infamous MadHouse.

ooOOoooooOooooOOOO

Tomoyo stood up from her chair on the drawing room, too used to the extravagant decorations to care and looked up at the man—someone she personally didn't know but loathes with every fiber of her being—as he walked towards them, his luxurious robes draped across his body.

"Well, at least we know where Sakura got her looks. Definitely not from this guy," Eriol muttered, staring at the guy with a smirk on his face.

"Ew. He looks like a cross between a chicken and a hamster," she shuddered slightly.

Eriol never had the chance to reply since at that moment Chien demanded in a stern voice, "Are you the ones from Whilimisiclistic's?"

_Obviously_, they both thought, replying with a "yes, Mr. Chien"

He suddenly sniffed contemptuously and beckoned them to follow him. "Come along and follow me. The library will be the first room that must be treated. Those pesky little abominations love eating the carpet. I expect that all, and I mean ALL of them will be exterminated come 11 pm. Please do not touch…"

They rolled their eyes. He droned on and on until they reached the library. Before letting them in, he turned around and looked at them each in the eye. "Now," he said softly, his beady eyes narrowing. "I repeat: do NOT touch anything in this room unless it's a home of the rats I paid you to exterminate. Any broken, damaged or slightly chipped artifacts will be the death of your company. Do no harm to the awards and trophies. Understand?" Without waiting for an answer, he left them alone. Eriol and Tomoyo glanced at each other and uttered,

"Git."

OoOooOoo

"That's it! This family is wackos!" Tomoyo announced and stared at the huge room. The high-ceilinged room boasted high shelves filled with numerous books. Expensive lamps and furnishes reflected under the warm glow of the mini-chandelier and the furnitures and tables were not something to laugh at. While she can't contest the fact that they were a smart and rich lot, she can announce to the world that they were vain and hideous.

At the middle of two high shelves was a large picture of Tomas Chien. On the bare walls were paintings of the Chien family, the Chien's extended family's pictures and a really hideous and horrifying one of Jake in his teens. She was sorry for the painter, who must've gone blind. Near a Greek statue of a half-naked woman was a couch with pillows…

….pillows printed with the faces of ickle baby Jake

Eriol was still staring at the pictures. "Good Lord, they're vainer than you or Meiling."

Tomoyo promptly bonked him on the head

Fixing her "mustache", Tomoyo squared her shoulders, walked into the middle of the room and put her hands on her hips. "Ok," she said, looking around. "We're suppose to find some evidence of anything sleazy, underhanded and illegal about them, get it and go to the police. Sooo," she looked at her partner expectantly, "any more brilliant ideas, E—HEY! STOP THAT!"

Eriol looked up guiltily from the book he had found and had been reading. "What?" he cried defensively. "We may be able to learn a few winning strategies that would help!"

Tomoyo raised an eyebrow and stared at him.

"WHAT???"

"Oh, I never thought _Kama Sutra _can be _sooo_ educational," she said dryly.

OoOOoo 20 minutes of fruitless search later OoOOoo

After a search of the cabinets that yielded nothing more useful, Tomoyo Daidouji had a very naughty thought going through her head. An evil and absolutely spectacular idea. She snuck a glance at Eriol and saw that he was _still_ reading that damned book, glancing at it in between their original purpose.

Well, if he could do it….

Smiling wickedly, she fished the room and found a permanent marker sent by the gods. Uncapping it, she turned to the blindingly large picture of the snide Tomas Chien and smirked.

OoOoOOo 3 min. ago OOoooOo

Eriol closed the small book and willed his eyes to get back to proportion. He looked around the room and spotted Tomoyo furiously raiding an expensive-looking chest. Still trying to get the unwanted images in his head, he wondered again just _how _in all hells would people with normal abilities would be able to do _those_ kinds of positions. Heck, it bordered on inhumane!

Stretching his back and arms, he reached out both arms and was waiting for a particularly violent yawn….

…. And felt his right hand push against something… conical?

He yelped and back away, craning his head to see what he had touched. To his horror, it was the half-naked Greek statue of woman holding a pot high over her head. And what he had touched was the left breast.

Not only had he touched it, he had _pushed _it.

And now, it had sunk. Yes, sunk.

Eriol's brilliant mind temporarily failed to perceive that a breast _just can't sink_ like that when pushed, especially since it's made of marble and that something weird was going on. All he saw was that he had pushed a breast of thousand-dollar statue, broken it, and there was going to be hell to pay.

Turning around, he started to say, "Tomoyo, uh… I think you may ha—Tomoyo?"

His friend and partner-in-crime has disappeared.

OoOOo

Tomoyo inwardly snickered after she finished drawing little horns on top of the greasy, now-afro-like hair and admired her handiwork. She turned around to show off her masterpiece to Eriol (after all, she finished it for only 3 minutes, and she HAD been searching for quite a while) and to get back to her search. She stopped after a full 360-degree turn.

Before her stood a large, creepy medieval-looking door that was _definitely_ _not_ part of the library room.

OoOooOo

"Yoohoo… Tomoyo, where are you?" he hissed nervously.

Eriol was panicking, the breast forgotten. Tomoyo couldn't possibly have left the room because Chien would certainly kill her. For god's sake, knowing her, that Wallace guy would know for sure she wasn't really a man!

"Mascara, my ass," he muttered, smacking his head with his hand.

So she wasn't daft enough to go out, which means…

_Tap tap._

He halted and listened quietly. What was that?

_Tap tap tap tap_

It was coming from the inside, and since the windows were closed and curtained, it ruled out the possibility of a bird mad enough to go within 50 feet of this place.

"Tomoyo?" he asked loudly, looking around cautiously. "Where the hell are you?"

The sound became louder.

_TAP TAP TAP TAP!!!_

IT'S HER!! He can almost imagine Tomoyo's incredibly colorful words while making that sound. But where…?

All those spy/action/adventure movies he watched suddenly came back to him, making his eyes widen with realization. OF COURSE! Chien's a possible psychopath, and according to the Laws of Psycopaths and Pillocks with Money, they were bound to have secret rooms, he thought. He scanned the room once again for anything amiss, and when his eyes landed on a picture, he wanted to jump with joy and at the same time poke his eyes out.

He jogged towards it and lightly tapped the cream-colored wall.

It made a hollow sound.

_Movies really are a guy's best friend,_ he thought happily, looking at the picture.

Instead of a hideous picture of Tomas Chien nestled between 2 high shelves crammed with books, it was replaced with the more appealing, less blinding and more famous movie posters of Pierce Brosnan and Sean Connery in all their James Bond glory.

OoOOooOoo

The security guard on night duty was circling the neighborhood, doing his duties as his job told him to do. What could possibly happen in this rich and seriously boring neighborhood that would be more serious than a Jaguar getting a flat tire or some old coot getting chased by the IRS or a hungry dog who mistook his fat form for a huge steak?

He passed by the—what did they call it again?—Madhouse. He looked at the blinding yellow color of the van parked in the front and grunted. Getting out from his motorcycle, he approached it and saw that it was dripping oil. He was about to write them a ticket (attached with a nice $500 fine) when he heard a muffled sound from the back.

When he opened it, he realized that maybe some action would actually happen tonight.

OoOOo

"This is just great," Tomoyo breathed, annoyed. "I found a hidden door, but I can't show it to Eriol."

She was hesitant to open it, because there was no sure way of assuring herself that what lay inside were just evidence, not the lasers, darts and mutated Bigfoots (i.e. guards). While she was a very good athlete, her knowledge of fighting techniques were practically nil, so if ever Bigfoots DO reside inside, her chances of getting out was as large as a pebble. Oh, she knew she can always scream and shatter their eardrums or claw their eyes out, but Eriol's way was so much better.

Tomoyo was running her hands along the edges of wall and the picture, hoping to find any form of escape, when she suddenly felt the floor move. She prevented the shriek that nearly escaped from her as she watched a thin line separate the floor where she had slid down in surprise, forming a circle and breaking away. She shakily stood up and watched as the floor moved and turned beneath her, hiding that creepy door from her sight once more….

… and bringing to view the well-lit library and the grinning, gleeful, attractive face of Eriol. His gaze shifted from her face to the newly transformed and—to her opinion, at least—much better picture she named her masterpiece and whistled.

"Nice work," he said, quirking an eyebrow.

"Why, thank you."

OoOoO

They both agreed that it was best to strap at least one pest-killing equipment on each of them, so that if ever all the room contained was a hundred itsy bitsy mice or cockroaches, they'd feel confident that they can squirt at the little buggers enough to escape, and if ever they make quite a commotion and guards come running, they can at least say that they were doing their job and that it wasn't their fault that the mice broke loose because this house should be condemned by the World Health Organization for being so unsanitized.

But fortunately, they found something more interesting than rats.

"This is so weird," Tomoyo whispered, looking around the room. They had opened the door and found themselves in a large rectangular room filled with racks and shelves and boxes of paraphernalia that seemed to have something… off… with their appearance. She walked around and examined the Loui Vuittons and Gucci bags that lined the right shelf and the designer clothes that hung on cabinet not far from 10 or so cartons lying sealed on the floor, some stacked on another and others just on its own.

Eriol snuck around and plucked a DVD from its place. His eyebrows shot up and he grabbed another DVD and looked at the title. He grabbed a handful and looked at the front, the back, and the DVD itself.

Jackpot.

"Eriol!" Tomoyo suddenly called out.

He went to her, bringing the DVDs. She held up a dainty-looking Burberry wallet she had found during her own search of the room. Eriol had a sneaking suspicion that he knew what she was on about and it only strengthened when she pulled out from her pocket—she had kept her wallet and the car keys with her—a wallet similar to the one she first showed him.

"Go on," he said, scrutinizing the wallets.

"This one," she held up the one she owned, "is genuine." She then held up the other one and announced, her eyes gleaming, "is so fake, but done so well that someone who wasn't skilled enough would be fooled into thinking it was the real thing." She looked at it and then at him and said, "Eriol, this room is full of fakes!"

She did not wait for an answer and grabbed a large white Loui Vuitton bag amidst Ralph Lauren shirts. "Look, genuine Loui Vuitton bags have smoother leather than this and it's supposed to have some sort of insignia or something in the inner compartment! This one," she opened the bag and showed him the inside, "has nothing," she said matter-of-factly.

"It's not only fakes that are in this room," he said, holding up the DVDs, "it's also riddled with pirated DVDs. Heck, this one," he gestured to _Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix_, "isn't even on the cinemas yet!"

A few more minutes of searching not only yielded more of them, but after opening the boxes and moving around the racks and cabinets, they also found counterfeit money. Dollars, nickels, pennies and even a few foreign currencies were scattered around the large room, waiting to be distributed to the people.

One coin even had a hole in it and so unbelievably obvious in its true nature that both of them had to snort.

Looking around the room, he asked her, "Do you have your video camera?"

Tomoyo pulled it out and grinned, waving it.

"Take a picture of this one first," he held up the sorry-looking coin.

OoOoOooOo

Sakura reveled in the feeling of being alone. She liked the knowledge that she was sure no one can harm her in this dark solitude, alone and curled up in a ball, knowing that she can do whatever she want, show what she truly feels and without a worry of what other people will think.

Her solitude was shattered when she heard the door creak open and a figure step in, letting the light from the outside in and illuminating her shaking form in the corner of the bedroom. The door closed and she heard the unmistakable sound of the locks sliding in place. When she was little, and thunder and lightning blended with the raging storm outside her bedroom, she would curl up in a little ball, thinking that if she were small enough, whatever entity that was out to get her would fail to notice. It had worked with her imagined Boogeyman and ghosts. But now…

It made her feel wretched to think that the stupid thought wasn't going to work. Not this time.

She felt another presence kneel in front of her, and she refused to acknowledge the disturbance and only buried her face into her knees. She tensed when he ran a hand through her hair and shook it away, knowing that it wasn't the same comforting touch she needed.

Jake's eyes hardened and she braced herself as he pulled on a chunk of her hair to get her to face him and slammed the back of his hand to her cheek twice, sending her head to the side. She looked at him with dazed eyes, eyes that held angry defiance, and spat on his face. She barely had time to draw breath when he grabbed the back of her head and slammed it on the wall until she became numb and saw stars. She scrambled for her beloved corner, running her hands through her head to check for any head wounds, ignoring the metallic taste of blood in her mouth.

He came closer and softly spoke, "why do you have to be so stubborn, Sakura? I could give you the whole world and more. You needn't bleed, sweetheart, if you just be good. All I want is you, can't you see that?"

"Go to hell", she panted, her hand clutching her chest.

"I can give you everything you want. Did you break a rib? Don't worry, my love, Jake will get you up and running in no time. Isn't that wonderful, Sakura? You'll be treated with the finest doctors in the world—"

"Get out. Get out. GET—OUT!!"

Jake let out a snarl. "Can't you understand? I need you, Sakura. How can you doubt my love? If I didn't, why would I take the time to track you down, to wait patiently until we can be together again?" He grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her.

She clawed at his arms, punched him and kicked him. "I hate you!" she spat. "I HATE YOU, you awful piece of—"

His grip tightened and forced her to stand. He pressed his body against hers to hold her still as his right hand closed around her throat. She wheezed, longing to gouge out his eyes, her hands striking at whatever part of his body it came in contact with and shrieked when she felt his legs pin hers into place, keeping her from kicking.

Jake barred his teeth and growled, "this is all that Li boy's fault, isn't it? He's turned you into a complete slut. Where's the timidity? The demure girl I know? WHAT DID HE DO??"

Anger exploded in her chest when he lowered his head to her neck and, with a brief surge of strength, she curled her left hand into fist and smashed it against his head. He screamed in pain and punched her in the gut and released her. She doubled over and rolled to her side, tears streaming down her face. "Leave me alone," she whispered, "there are a lot of other girls out there who'd want to end up with you. Why do you have to do this to me? I'm your bloody half-sister!"

He only stared at her with blank eyes. "You're the one that I want, Sakura."

She wanted to kill him and castrate him. At the same time, she inwardly called out for help. _Xiao-Lang_. She watched both with fear and hate as he brought out a needle, and a gut feeling told her that this night would be far from over.

OoOoOoOo

"I wonder how Li is doing now," Tomoyo mused as they continued taking pictures and videos. They were nearly finished, looking at every nook and cranny and giving a generous amount of film to the counterfeit money.

Eriol chuckled. "He's probably turning Jake's villa into seventh hell by now." Finally standing up and stretching his cramped legs, he grinned. "Well, I should say we have enough evidence to put the father and son into jail until the next millennia," he said.

Pocketing the camera, Tomoyo nodded and motioned for the door. "Let's go."

They went out the door and, when Tomoyo tilted the very 'pretty' painting of Tomas Chien to the right, waited as the floor turned silently.

"You know, I still marvel at this newly found artistic side of yours," Eriol commented, looking at the elongated eyelashes and darkened eyebags that Tomoyo so generously bestowed upon the painting.

"I'm gifted," Tomoyo said smugly as the floor finally halted. They turned around…

… and met the sight of three hulking Bigfoots in all their 6'5'' glory, each holding a gun and looking at them in a way that definitely did not mean that they were here to escort them to the van.

The two parties stared at each other.

The Bigfoots began to march towards them. "Hold it right the—!"

It was a split second decision and even a faster period of eye contact, but Tomoyo and Eriol both held up the hose-like object dangling from each of their pest control equipment and yelled,

"PEST CONTROL! SQUIIIIRRRTTTT!!!!"

All hell broke loose.

OOoOoOoOo

In another mansion quite a distance away, a phone began to ring on a long and dark entrance hall. A bodyguard answered it and as he listened the angry and frantic voice bellowing at the other end, slowly, his expression changed from deadpanned to shock and, finally, to disbelief. He hurriedly put it down and scrambled to find the master of the house, yelling at the top of his lungs that a break in occurred in the master's family mansion.

He didn't even reach his fifth step when a figure appeared out of nowhere and knocked him out with a blow to the neck, his gloved black hands as strong as iron as he watched the unconscious guard fall to the ground.

His brown eyes gleamed.

'_Showtime'._

**A/N: (quietly slips away to avoid the wrath of angry readers) I'll—uhm.. oh, wow, look at the time! I need to feed my chickens! Read and Review… yeah… (runs down the hill)**

**Later and Lotsa Love,**

**CalCarrie**


	23. Mission: Kick His Little Ass

**Chapter 23**

**Mission: Kick His Little Ass**

3 guards rushed closer their fallen comrade. As one of them performed a primary survey of the unconscious guard, the other two turned their backs on them and looked around the hall with wary eyes.

They edged a few steps closer to the middle.

_Thud._

They whirled around just in time to see _two_ of their comrades in a heap on the floor. One of them yelled and reached for his gun.  
"What the—"

They never saw him coming.

Swifter than vision Li flew towards them and let each of his black boots slam against their abdomens, sending them reeling backwards. He dropped to the floor and before they had time to blink, he attacked, kicking the one on the right in the face.

A round of bullets buffeted the walls and the windows as it followed his progress. He deftly rolled away from the belated attack and lunged at the nearest guard, easily knocking the gun away and punching him in the gut. He grabbed both the guard's arms and swung him in front just in time as three more guards emerged from the door to the right.

Li smirked.

OoOOOo

"Closer investigation, my ass. Shortage of men, my butt. To hell with client confidentiality. Tell me, how thick was the money he gave you to assure your loyalty???"

"Now, please, sir—"

"You won't even look into this matter a little more? What kind of incompetent arses do you have in there?"

"Sir, we don't have any evidence to prove--!"

Touya banged the phone back on its place. "It's no use!" he snarled, slumping in her seat. "They won't budge!"

An air of tension surrounded the Li household. Li Yelan and the Kinomoto family were all seated in the drawing room, hidden from prying eyes by a set of double doors. It had been hours since any report was made about Sakura's disappearance. Touya was like a volcano waiting to explode, but wrestled with it for his father and stepmother, both pacing around the room with Mrs. Li on a chair.

"Why don't we just go over to her father's or brother's house and arrest the lousy kidnappers!" Touya exploded agitatedly.

"We can't," Fujitaka answered him, rubbing his eyes tiredly. "We have no proof of their involvement in this."

"Isn't there any way to prove it?" Nadeshiko asked sadly.

"The Chien family was meticulous in keeping public appearances and their records immaculately clean. They've been avoiding arrest for decades. The chances of actually being charged with the kidnapping and—and abuse of Sakura is next to—"

BANG!

The doors were forced open as two dirty, black-clad forms—one with flowers and the other one without—stumbled into the room one after the other. In their obvious haste, Eggy and Fatty fell flat on their faces, roses and carnations mixed with the leaves as they splattered mud on the ground.

"Michael! Raphael!" Nadeshiko gasped and rushed towards them.

Touya, however, looked over them to the exasperated slim figure framed on the doorway who was sweatdropping with a hand on her hips. "Hey, Meiling, care to explain?"

Meiling rolled her eyes and jerked a thumb towards the twins. "Ask them," she said dryly.

As Fujitaka and Nadeshiko helped them get up, Eggy puffed his chest out and crowed, as if he suddenly bagged a stint to model Ralph Lauren's latest batch of underwear on the next Fashion Week, "we have the evidence!"

"You do?" Yelan asked, standing up.

In response, Fatty produced a slim black tape from his pocket and smirked, as leaves and soil fell from his hair. "Indeed."

OooOoOo

"Well, Mr. Hiriigizawa, we are grateful for this little discovery of yours," the head of the police force told him as they carted Tomas and the rest of his evil little dwarfs—er, giants—away.

Just as they were making their get away from the horrible MadHouse, a group of 25 policemen barged into the place and, upon seeing Eriol and Tomoyo, moved to apprehend them for 'assaulting two good citizens of the law who were only there to kill pests'. They quickly convinced him that they were merely doing it for the good of humanity and the fate of the world and showed him the dirty goods found in the place.

The policemen then turned their attention to the inhabitats of the house.

Eriol, of course, couldn't resist, especially when Chien confessed about his son's involvement. He had told the man then that they were agents 008 and 009, discharged to this place to dig out the dirt of the Chien family by an anonymous tip.

"We were supposed to go in a la Cody Banks and all, but we figured this was easier. We're truly sorry for manhandling—ow! I mean, physically dragging—OW! I mean, taking the place of two good citizens of the world," Eriol said sincerely, wincing from the pinches Tomoyo made with his poor choice of words.

"All is forgiven, kid," Chief said. "Now, do you guys know where his son lives?"

"Oh yes, we do," Eriol replied. "And sir, you might want to bring paramedics and all your men along, because the guy we're talking about has currently done something that would probably shake the very foundations of your law."

Frowning, the Chief nodded and quickly called his men. Turning to face the two teenagers fully, he said, smiling, "lead the way then"

OoOoOoOoo

He rounded a corner and fell back when a round of bullets shot past him.

He quickly drew his sword and, gripping it tightly, faced the ambush and charged.

OoOoOo

"Fatty and the others are on their way. They have the tape," Tomoyo told him in the pest control van as they zoomed throught the streets, police cars and sirens blaring around him as they neared his destination.

Eriol nodded and smirked. "Jake is in for a nice surprise."

OooOoOo

Too fast for them to see, he attacked with a sword on his right and a gun on his left. He moved through them with ease, shooting the legs and hands but never with the aim to kill, slicing the feet in order to render them temporarily useless. He kicked the guns away from desperate hands and dodged an intended tackle. The final soldier tried to shoot him will in the air, but gravity quickly pulled him down and Li rolled in the ground and reached for the guard's neck.

He tossed the guard's gun away as he bent him backwards, sheathing his sword in the process. He clamped his left over the man's mouth. Realizing that his enemy was far more experienced and stronger than he is, he raised his hands in surrender.

"Scream and you pay. Where are Jake Chien and his captive?" Li asked venomously. He released his grip on the man's mouth.

He gasped and whispered, "I don't know. The Master usually keeps to himself. My job is just to watch for intruders!" He flailed his arms wildly, trying to get out of Li's iron grip. Even the dumbest person alive would know it was a lie, all to get out.

"Really?" Li replied sardonically. His right arm shot out and gripped one of the man's flailing arms and with one smooth motion, broke every bone on the wrist. "Your lying skills need work. Answer truthfully and save yourself the torture. I ask you nicely for the last time: where is Jake Chien and his captive?"

The man writhed and swallowed the scream of pain, causing beads of sweat to slide down his face. Seconds ticked by as no answer was given, the man struggling as his strength waned.

Li scowled and without warning, he grasped the man's hand tightly and promptly broke 3 of the fingers. The man howled behind Li's hand as the pain increased. He nodded furiously as his defiance vanished.

Now free from Li's clamped hand, the man took deep breaths and tried to string clear sentences through the haze of agony that clouded his brain and the slowly spreading numbness in his arm. He panted. "Down the hall there—stairs… go up…"

Li sighed as the man fell into oblivion, the pain too much for him to bear. There was obviously no pain tolerance on this man. He made to drop him to the ground when footsteps caught his attention. He turned his head… and growled.

OoOo 5 minutes ago OoOoO

"I don't care what you do! Make sure the bastard doesn't get any farther than he is! I want him out of this property! What? Of course you can kill him! Dead or alive, I don't care!! I want him GONE!" Jake roared and he slammed the phone back in place. Anger pulsated through his body and he stomped towards the crumpled form on the corner and grabbed his half-sister's hair, pulling it so that she was facing him.

"This is your doing!" he hissed, pressing her firmly against the wall. "What, you think that you can get your knight in shining armor to take you away from me? Well, he can't!" Jake's eyes bulged as his hands went up to her neck. "I'm stronger! I can keep him away from you. Li Xiao Lang is beneath me!"

All Sakura wanted to do was kill him. Pain attacked her like poisoned daggers on every part of her body; her neck was being squeezed so tight she started seeing stars, so Sakura Kinomoto did the only thing left. She may not have the strength to fight with fists, but she had a weapon that was as deadly: words.

She managed to elicit a sound of contempt. "Bastard!" she rasped. "You're wrong. You can never be as good as him. Li can twist your balls and pummel you in a mere second. He's smarter, stronger and a hell of a lot more desirable than you'll ever be, you pockmarked little pig."

Jake's face twisted into a sneer as he raised his hand. Sakura held her head up in defiance—

CRASH!!!

"What the fuck?" he swore and listened as the crash was followed by a scream and chaos sounded. It was clearly on the floor where they were. Shooting for one last insult, Sakura glared at him and weakly smirked, her eyes never leaving his. "Well, guess I was right," she said, slowly sliding down. "You're nothing against him."

Jake stood up. "Oh, I'll show you how very wrong you are, my sweet." He picked up a gun. "But for your smart-ass remarks—" he whirled around, kneeled and mockingly caressed her cheek… before slamming her head against the wall.

He closed the door as Sakura wheezed and slumped. Clutching the hidden gun tightly, he briskly walked the length of the hall and rounded a corner and descended the steps.

A very unpleasant sight greeted him.

OoOOo

"Hello, Jake," Li greeted calmly as he dropped the unconscious guard on the ground and stood up, looking as if he just made a chicken sandwich instead of painfully sending a man to cloud nine for at least a week.

Jake quickly regained composure from his shock and snarled, moving towards him. "I'll have you locked up for trespassing in my property and for assaulting my guards. My father—"

"Do you know what I really hate, Jakey-boy?" Li interrupted him in that same suspiciously calm tone. He took a step forward, making Jake take one backwards. The younger boy's posture was relaxed, but his eyes were entirely different. What seemed liked melted gold mixed and churned as barely controlled anger screamed for release. Jake wasn't stupid enough not to notice it.

"Get out," Jake barked, fingering the gun hidden in his pocket, willing his hands to stop shaking.

"You know what I hate?" Li asked again. "Pathetic little gits that hurt people smaller or weaker than them to make themselves feel superior." He was still stalking towards him. Jake stumbled even backward.

"But do you know what I absolutely really truly love in this whole damn world?" Li asked, a wicked grin splitting his handsome face. "Kicking their sorry arses into seventh hell. Especially," he emphasized this by cracking his knuckles, " one named Jake, because this certain seaslug and his equally evil old man kidnapped, brainwashed and possible violated a very important person in my life in more ways than one."

Jake Chien glowered at him. "You can prove nothing!!! Get out! GET OUT!"

"Where's Sakura?" Li whispered dangerously, taking another step forward.

"I'm going to call the police if you don't get your sorry ass—!"

Li laughed mockingly. "Call the police? You think they'll listen to anything you say. Your father was convicted of having dipped his filthy hands on some shady dealings just a few hours ago. And guess what? " His mouth turned up into a sneer. "Your father told them you were in as well. Tell me, Jake, who's gonna protect your hide now? Are you willing to stretch your jail time by another 10 years by keeping Sakura locked up like an animal?"

Jake glowered. "Sakura's mine. I have more right to have her than you'll ever do."

"They knew what happened on the school grounds. Where is she?" Li asked again. "I'm asking you one last time."

"You think you can just waltz in and take her? SHE'S MINE!!" Jake screamed and lunged towards him, gun in hand.

Li's foot lashed out, his heel connecting with the older man's left knee. A satisfying crunch and a piercing scream ripped through the air as Jake collapsed on the floor hugging his injured leg. It would take a long time for him to be able to walk and even longer to heal. Li kicked it again for good measure, feeling no remorse for the man who made Sakura's life hell.

"Where is Sakura Kinomoto?" he demanded coldly as the shouts faded to labored breathing. Jake gulped in air and prepared to scream again.

"Do you want to keep your other knee?" Li threatened, leaning as Jake cowered back, wrapping an arm around himself and gasping for breath.

"At-at the end of this hallway," Jake whimpered, panting, "go up the stairs and turn right. There's a—there's a door… at the end of the hall…"

Li promptly stood up, ignoring Jake's moans as he ran as fast as his feet can carry him, trying to squelch that dreaded feeling at his stomach. Even from this far up the mansion, he thought he heard footsteps somewhere below. Shouts and bangs. He didn't care.

Sakura…

"_I haven't been this naked since I came out of uterus," Sakura muttered._

_"Don't let Eggy hear you say that," Li said mildly. "He'll go mental."_

"_Easy for you to say. YOU don't need a diamond peel; YOU don't need to wax; YOU are a man, so you are exempted from Eggy's torture, which he usually reserves for women."_

_Li laughed. "Was it really that bad?"_

_She snorted. "Oh yes."_

"_Can't say he did a bad job, though," he commented, smiling._

_"What's that suppose to mean?"_

_He rolled his eyes. "Look in the reflection, you dense chipmunk. Nobody in his right mind would need inch-thick glasses to know that you look..."_

_"I look what?"_

_He shifted, poker face intact. "Beau- good. You look really good."_

He rounded the corner. There were even more doors, but the one on the center, looking perfectly hatefully innocent, caught his attention. He stopped just as he was about 10 feet from the door.

"_You are going to the doctor, Kinomoto, do you hear me? Bitch about it and I'll drag you if I have too!"._

"_Why do you care anyway?" Sakura mumbled, resting her head on his chest and then looked up at him, frowning._

_He flicked his amber eyes at her. There was a small half-smile playing on his lips when he replied softly, "I just do."_

Fury exploded through his chest when he rattled the knob and found it locked. He brought up his right leg and slammed it against the surface. It creaked—but didn't give. Li suddenly had an urge to chuckle. Of course it would be this way. What kind of mad psycho would leave the dungeons open? He backed up a few steps and with a yell, slammed it again and again until it fell to pieces under his ferocious kicks.

He stepped inside and squinted, opening the door halfway. It was pitch black, but as his eyes slowly adjusted to the darkness, a small and shivering figure curled up in a fetal position in the corner caught his attention. He can spot that auburn hair in a crowd of thousands. Auburn mixed with red. Blood red.

He rushed towards her, his throat seeming to clench, allowing little oxygen to enter. Dropping to his knees, he saw that bruises and gashes littered her small frame, and how both seemed to line every surface of her face. Her lips were cracked and from what he can discern from her staggered and uneven breathing, 1 or 2 ribs were broken.

"Oh, Sakura, I'm so sorry," he whispered, gently brushing away the auburn strands that fell on her face. He cradled her in his arms, careful not to inflict further damage. He pressed his forehead against hers and whispered, "You gotta wake up, Kinomoto. We still have to torture the Egg Brothers."

He realized that he was crying. His body shook as he buried his face on her neck. So caught up was he on the moment that he didn't notice Sakura's left eye crack open. He didn't realize she was awake until she wheezed, "I'm not dead yet, Li."

He jerked up and gaped at her. Suddenly, relief exploded through his body that he had to physically restrain himself from giving her a big tight hug and keep her that way. "Eriol and Tomoyo are surely on the way. They brought the paramedics and the police so you just stay there and stay awake—!"

"I.. I just need to rest…" she whispered. Glazed emerald orbs once again started to drift close…

"NO!" Li yelled in a tense voice, knowing that if she drifted off again the chances of her waking up would drop considerably. She was so fragile. It frightened him. "You need to stay awake, do you hear me? Come on, Sakura, please--!"

A sound was heard behind him and he stiffened. Sakura's eyes, so near to closing, opened wide with fear, and Li Xiao-Lang knew even if he wasn't looking that someone was behind him, because he saw the image of a man framed in the doorway reflected in her green orbs.

"She's mine," the man said. The cock of a pistol was heard.

Three things happened at once. Li threw himself in front of Sakura, feeling white-hot pain as the bullet impacted somewhere on his body. Jake was thrown to the ground by what seemed to be a mound of carnations, roses and green leaves. Men, most in blue and some in white, filled up the room as shouts and bangs filled up the once silent atmosphere.

Li heaved a sigh of relief as paramedics carefully carted Sakura away to the hospital. It was over. The Egg Brothers could do far more harm to Jake with their butts than the police can ever do. Even through the haze of pain, he managed a weak chuckle.

"WHERE'S MY SISTER??" a loud angry voice topped everyone else. A tall and imposing young man eyed the room and, upon seeing his her on a stretcher, his face darkened and he whirled to face Sakura's stepbrother.

He was too late. The twins got him first.

"You deplorable pompous cretin!" Eggy bellowed, sitting on Jake's prostrate form, unmindful of the swollen and broken leg or the shrieks of pain. His carnation-topped hat wobbled under his rage. "You and your bloody father not only desecrated the holy house of fashion by producing such pitiable fakes, but you both had the bloody gall to kidnap—"

"—Sakura, who will eventually be the bearer of the children that I have always dreamed will torture my brother, and you had my movies pirated, you sniveling swot!" Fatty yelled beside his brother, sitting at the small of Jake's back. "How dare you?! I'll sic Universal Studios out on your hide!"

Familiar faces swam in his vision. Nadeshiko and… Touya?...were beside Sakura, one sobbing and the other cursing as they disappeared down the hall and the to ambulance waiting outside.

Abruptly, Tomoyo seemed to appear out of nowhere and dropped down his lying form and shrieked, "Oh my God, you're bleeding! You have a wound on your abdomen. You're not gonna commit hara-kiri, are you??? SAKURA'S ALIVE, YOU IDIOT! Oh god oh god oh god—Eriol!!"

Eriol rant towards them, another stretcher being held by two paramedics behind him. "Shit, Li, don't move! You've lost a lot of—"

"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE???"

Li Xiao-Lang felt his mouth turn into a smirk. Li Yelan's face was pale, watching the blood drip from his son as he was transferred to a stretcher. Then, her eyes spat fire. She whirled around and faced Jake, who was now being handcuffed. "You little jackass! You hurt my son. I'll have you locked up and stripped of your sorry pride--!"

Jake tried to lunge at her, but restrained by the strong grip of his captor. Nevertheless, Li, despite the pain, leapt up from his position, startling the paramedics. Yelan took a step backward as Eggy and Fatty growled and did the opposite.

The younger Chien, now sporting a sore back (thanks to the twins) and two black eyes (courtesy of Touya), screamed, "YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT! ALL OF YOU!! SHE'S MINE!"

"Quiet, young man!" the chief police ordered, hauling him towards the door.

Then Jake started laughing. "I hope she dies! If not, then I hope she turns mad! I hope all those cracked bones she has nick an organ! She doesn't deserve to live! You all don't deserve to live! My beautiful sister is mine! You'll all die—!"

Li smashed his fist into Jake's face, cutting him off. He punched and struck until Eriol and the twins managed to pull him off and push him towards the stretcher and forced him to lie down. Still, Li struggled, blood roaring in his ears. "I have to go to Sakura… where…"

"Stop, Xiao-Lang! You're bleeding!" Yelan cried out. "TAKE HIM TO THE HOSPITAL NOW!"

They rushed him outside, where a white ambulance was parked in front of a hideously bright yellow van. Eggy went inside the ambulance with him. "Where's Sakura?" he panted, as the van drove off.

"She's all right, Li," Eggy said as something cold was applied to his abdomen. "Don't worry. Everything's going to be okay. We are so going to strip those evil fashion-desecrating twosome of their dignity and feed them to the piranhas…"

A bolt of pain shot through his body. As Li Xiao Lang drifted off to unconsciousness, his only thought was that all was well, because Sakura Kinomoto was finally safe.

"_Well, when Li Xiao-Lang, heir of the Li clan and a spectacularly amazing prat, made that screwed up confession of how much he…well.. love Sakura Kinomoto, erm… well… oh crap…"_

_He nearly had a heart attack when she made eye contact. Her eyes, green orbs that were almost always guarded, were open for him to see. The turbulent emotions swirling in the depths were enough to make him hold his breath. His heartbeat tripled in speed._

"… _Sakura Kinomoto would like apologize for her stupidity and to say that that she feels the same way, too."_

**A/N: BWAHAHAHA… I updated before the two month mark!!! (dances around and trips over own feet) about two more chapters to go, folks! READ AND REVIEW PLEASE!!!**

**Later and Lotsa Love,**

**CalCarrie**


	24. Mission: Recovery

24

**Chapter 24**

**Mission: Recuperation**

Tomoyo Daidouji steeled herself, keeping a blank expression even when Eriol's arm draped over her shoulders in a gesture of comfort. She stared at the Room No. 666. Li Xiao Lang's room number.

Symbolic? She hoped not, or else the hospital would pay with their arses.

When she turned the knob open and stepped inside, her amethyst eyes zeroed upon the teenager lying on the bed. A soft sob echoed out of her as she sat near the bed. This was too much, even for someone as unusually cheerful as her.

"Why, Xiao-Lang?" she cried.

Eriol tightened his grip around her shoulders. "There wasn't anything we could do, Daidouji."

That only made her cry harder.

"You idiotic hara-kiri committing emo-boy! Idiot idiot idiot—!"

"Let's just pray to the gods that he'll rest in peace—"

"WHAT THE HELL—I'm not dead, you two! Shut it, Eriol. You still can't have my cars, and Tomoyo, you're freaking me out."

Li angled his head towards his best friends, giving them a flat and amused look. His normally tanned complexion was now a pasty white, contrasting starkly against his brown hair. He was like Dracula, only ten times more attractive and with no fangs. "Seriously," his chapped lips quirked. "You haven't cried since you were about, what, five?"

Tomoyo sniffed and retorted sarcastically, "Oooooh, I'm sorry. I mean, it's not my fault they come out when I think of how I nearly lost one of my best friends because of UTTER IDIOCY! HARA-KIRI to the second degree! Why I oughta…!"

Eriol sighed. "You just had to let her rant, Li."

The heir groaned and stuffed his index fingers in his ears.

It was a useless technique.

"And at least the samurais did it to die in honor or something. YOU did it because you were off playing hero! DON'T YOU DARE COVER YOUR EARS—(slap! "OW!" Xiao-Lang cried)"

"Where's Sakura?" Li demanded, wincing as he rubbed his right hand's index finger.

"Any SANE person would've stopped once they had a 3-inch hole in their stomach. I don't care if you have killer abs, you moron! The police may have had jutting bellies but they DON'T HAVE HOLES IN THEM, DAMMIT! There were, like, 200 different things you could've used as cover instead!"

"Why am I not in the same room as her?" Li continued, his eyebrows twitching.

"Where's your ungodly reflexes and training, huh? That was completely unnecessary! No, you're not what I wanna call a brave Mel Gibson, Li. You are what I like to call a…a..." Tomoyo struggled to say the words, etiquette battling with emotions.

Eriol decided to help her and offered, "a prick? Idiotic arse? Noble and brave moron?"

"YES! EXACTLY! Oh, if you weren't injured so bad, I'd castrate you myself and--!"

"Tomoyo?"

She blinked at Li, who was looking at her. "What?"

"I'm alright."

Her rage evaporated and she slumped down on her seat. "I know," she murmured. She accepted the tissue Eriol offered her, then glared at Li. "You're so lucky the bullet missed any vital organs, or else we'd be looking at a corpse with mashed organs and—and punctured blue skin—and—dammit!"

Eriol groaned. "Oh, for the love of—stop being so melodramatic!"

"Well, it's a good thing I only feel like my insides are melting, hm?" Li pointed out. "And besides, only my stomach feels like it's being cooked. The only head injury I got was when that stupid intern banged my bed against wall and nearly threw me off when we were getting off the ambulance!" he growled, pointing at the bandage on top of his head.

"That was because you ripped off the IV and TRIED TO GET OFF THE BED, you twit!" Tomoyo glowered at him, poking him in the shoulder. "The poor guy was only trying to get you back!"

Eriol smirked. "Well, in a totally objective light, that was probably the funniest thing I have ever seen—"

Xiao-Lang's head slowly turned to look at him. His black-rimmed bloodshot eyes complete with twitching jaw dared his best friend to say anything.

Eriol hurriedly changed course. "I mean, in a totally stupid—I mean, stupendous way. The force of your flop—er, landing created a mini-earthquake and made you glow like Superman. Extremely awe-inspiring!"

Tomoyo promptly whacked him on the head.

The Li heir abruptly spoke, "where is she?"

His two friends immediately sobered. Eriol smiled softly and asked, "You're never going to get distracted, are you?"

"Nope," he said flatly. "Is she okay?"

That question immediately brought Tomoyo to tears, causing him to panic. "What? WHAT?" he panicked, almost going out of his bed. "She's not—?"

Tomoyo hushed him. "What? Of course not!"

Li narrowed his eyes at them in exasperation. "Can somebody just please tell me what the hell is her condition? I mean, mother is too busy crying for my so-called 'demise' and frying the arses of that asshole and his spawn. Meiling is too busy expertly wheedling every crap on said asshole's history to stay more than two minutes. The Egg Brothers are way too insane to even give me straight answers and NOW Tomoyo's too wrapped up on the whole my-best-friend-committed-harakiri and —ARGH!!" He was cut off when his rant and wild arm movements triggered an onslaught of pain from his abdomen.

"Li Xiao-Lang! You stop moving like a deranged hole-less maniac or I swear I will make you stay inside this hospital for a year!" Tomoyo near yelled, trying to catch his flailing hands.

Eriol, on the other hand, carefully but firmly pushed him back to his lying position and sighed. "Fine, we'll—well, I'LL tell you the facts, but you have to promise me that you won't go into another of your rampages and go after Jake Li again." His blue eyes stared at defiant brown ones, one eyebrow raised.

Li twitched. "Fine."

Eriol beamed and continued. "Well, aside from the mental damage that was inflicted, 5 of her ribs were broken and she's now suffering from mild asphyxiation. Coupled with a few other head wounds that might result in a Grade 2 or 3 concussion, she had her left arm dislocated and—do you honestly want to hear this?" he asked, crossing his arms and seriously looking at his friend.

Li was quiet for a moment. Then, he asked the question that was most important: "Does she remember?"

Tomoyo exhaled slowly and looked at him dead in the eye. "She remembers everything."

"I want to be put in her room NOW."

-oooo-

Eggy paced agitatedly in front of his student's bed, keeping himself from wincing whenever he snuck a glance to the lonely prostrate form on the hospital bed, connected to almost every life-saving machine the medical world has to offer.

Sakura was like one big bruise. The parts of her skin that wasn't covered in tubes, bandages or clothes, it was colored greenish black and puffy. Her eyes were closed and her normally pink lips were pale and dead-looking. The only thing that indicated she wasn't a corpse was the slow and shallow rise and fall of her chest.

Hands twitching in agitation, Eggy leaned on wall and fought to clamp down the string of extremely un-Eggylike expletives threatening to fall out of his mouth

Unfortunately, his twin brother didn't have any qualms with showing how he felt.

Sitting on a chair near the foot of the bed, Fatty was nearly clawing at his bald head (having no hair to tear and twist) and hissed, "The fuck is wrong? She's been like this for a while now! Why isn't there any bleeding improvement? What did the old coot say? Crapping shitty crudmuffin!" His left eye seemed to have acquired a permanent twitch.

"Calm down. I'm sure she'll be fine. And while you're swearing will never cease to amaze me, it will do no good."

Edging closer to the bed, Fatty stared Sakura at intensely as if willing her to wake up. "Sakura? Sakura, you hot mama, please open those doe-like eyes of yours! PLEASE? See, the fatso is bullying me and I need your help! Pretty please with Li's face on top??"

No response.

Suddenly, the door opened and in came Touya and Nadeshiko. The former was as bad as Eggy, and his fisted hands were deep in his pocket. His brow was furrowed. "Any improvement?" the younger man asked brusquely to hide his agitation.

Eggy shook his head. "I'm afraid not."

Touya sagged and muttered a few choice words before standing next to Eggy. He stared as his mother sat next to Fatty and watched with worried and red eyes as her daughter lingered somewhere between reality and dreams. "Just what the heck is wrong with her? It's been about a week and she seems to be getting worse and worse!"

"She's… having a hard time accepting everything that's happened," Eggy said quietly. "I was here when she first woke up, and it was horrible to watch when all the memories came back full force. She was screaming and thrashing and… very stressed, to put it mildly. She's been asleep for the last 8 hours."

On Nadeshiko and Fatty's side, the former suddenly asked, "How is Yelan's child? He was hurt, right?"

"Yep, but it wasn't anything that he couldn't handle," Fatty told her. "Li Xiao-Lang is too pigheaded to let himself die. At least, not before he sees Sakura."

At the mention of the patient, they both turned to look at her again, and nearly toppled over in surprise when they saw that her eyes were partly open, revealing slightly glazed emerald. They were a stark contrast to her auburn hair that was spread around her head like halo.

"HOLY—!"

"RAPHAEL IGNORAMUS!" Eggy hissed a second later, already by his brother's side, his hand throbbing from the smack he delivered.

Fatty glared. "Why I oughta wedgie—"

"SHHH!" Nadeshiko said suddenly. "Sakura?" she said softly, leaning towards her daughter. "Can you hear me?"

Touya was already sitting on the other side. "Hey, monster," he greeted, a pained smile on his face. "Your big brother is so going to get back at you for this WHEN you're outta here, got it?"

His reply was a weak half-smile and a glazed stare that affected him way more than he can say.

"Wait!" Eggy said frantically. "She's trying to say something!"

They all leaned as close as they could without invading the proverbial bubble. 5 seconds later, it was Nadeshiko who first understood what her daughter tried to say.

"Sakura, do you want to see him?" she asked gently, tears springing up her eyes.

Comprehension dawned in the faces of the other inhabitants of the room. Touya stood up and went to do the unasked request of his sister, leaving Eggy and Fatty as the only men in the room.

Fatty tried to lighten up the mood and whispered, "aw, don't worry, you sexy lady! Superman's all right and I bet right now he's just itching to see you. I said he was a stubborn piece of humanity, right?"

Eggy inched closer and asked again. "Sakura," he said quietly, "do you want to see him? Do you wanna see Xiao-Lang?"

Sakura swallowed. Turning her head slowly to face them, her mouth quirked up so that they can see that their efforts to help her be at ease were appreciated, and she rasped out:

"Yes, please."

Oooooo

"Okay, Sakura, so what color is my hair?"

Sakura gave and tired smirk. "You have no hair, you bald old coot."

Eggy threw his hands up in triumph. "HAH! Thank you for dispelling my imbecilic brother of any more delusions!"

Fatty blew him off. "Screw you. You're 'balder' than me!"

"THAT'S NOT THE POINT—is that even possible, you turnip?"

"Ignore him, Sakura. He's just pissed that the only one who ever got to tear his pants off was a rabid dog that wanted to make his arse into butt sushi."

She blinked and opened her mouth, but Fatty plowed on.

"SO next question… AHA! Who is Eriol's future girlfriend?"

The girl smiled wanly and played along. "Tomoyo Daidouji."

"Hm. You're sharp, Kinomoto. Kudos to you."

Eggy pinched his brother's double chin. "Oh, for the love of—this is exactly why you'll never get a wife, you imbecile."

"This comes from the guy who's married only to his cheeseburgers?"

"I DO NOT EAT THAT GREASY FOOD!"

"Sakura!" Fatty whispered. "This is where you'll see this so called socialite piss his pants 'cause of…well… being too pissed. Watch. His nose is already blowing up."

Sakura snickered despite the pain it caused. "You guys are so… amusing. It's disturbing."

Eggy and Fatty looked at each other and beamed. "Oh, yes," Fatty said. "We definitely are. It's called appeal."

"Anything to get back the Ms. Kinomoto who gave me hell during lessons," Eggy said firmly. "We absolutely detested the crazy and depressed one who kept trying to push everyone away and wrap herself in a cocoon of bedsheets."

She clutched their hands. "Thanks, eggheads. I owe you two a lot."

Fatty made as if to swat a fly with his right hand. "Oh, pish-posh! Just as long as you and Xiao-Lang go and finish this angsty comedic love story of your lives and—"

BANG!

The three occupants of the room turned towards the now open door. "Speaking of the devil…" Eggy said wryly.

In the doorway, a wheeling bed carried Li Xiao-Lang into the room with his feet facing the hallway. The sound of his deep baritone voice jolted Sakura into upright wakefulness, although what he said made her want to smile. "Are the Eggheads there?" Li was demanding indignantly. "I heard their girly voices! THAT IS SO UNFAIR! How come they saw her so easily and I had to fight every freakin' doctor in here just to get permission, dammit! What the—HEY!"

"Please stop trying to get out of the bed, Mr. Li."

"AGH! I can't see anything! Turn me around so I can see Sakura."

Eggy and Fatty rolled their eyes. "Because, Xiao-Lang," the former answered dryly, "as opposed to our sexy and whole bodies, you have a hole on your stomach that we can probably stuff an egg into."

"And you look like shit," Fatty offered helpfully.

Li muttered, "oh, I will show them shit. Sexy bodies, my…" the words stopped when he saw Sakura.

He was now in the proper position with his headboard just next to her, and he can see how her head tiredly rested against the pillow and how she was all black and blue and haggard and too thin and beaten up and…

…Crap, how he wanted to rip out that bastard's throat.

But she was looking warmly at him. She was there and alive, and that was all that mattered.

Screw the bastard. He would have his throat—and head—just a little while longer.

The other occupants quietly exited the room, with a desperate-to-watch-a-happy-ending-movie-scene Fatty silently being dragged by an exasperated Eggy and an amused nurse. Neither patient noticed.

"Hey there, Kinomoto," Li smiled softly.

"I heard…" she said quietly. "I heard that you shielded me from my brother's bullet, nearly attacked him again when he slighted Mrs. Li and fell off the ambulance to see if I was okay."

Li huffed. "I DID NOT FALL OFF THE VAN. It was the intern. He was a clumsy git with no compassion for the injured!"

She chuckled before sinking into suppressed tears. "Oh, you stupid parrot…" she hiccupped.

Li's eyes widened. "Oh… oh, crud. Aw, please don't, Kinomoto! Too many people in this damn building have already cried and—!"

She continued to cry, heaving sobs that he wasn't used to hearing from the strong girl. He knew she needed to cry, yes, but this was maybe too much. Her breath was coming in rapid and shallow intervals and so intense that Li was afraid that she'd have difficulty breathing.

He panicked when his chest began to tighten up and his vision wavered. "Argh, dammit, you're going to make me cry and I do NOT—" He cleared his throat and looked at the bright lights of the room to clear his vision. Then, he looked at her and asked firmly, "what's this I hear about you being all withdrawn and depressed?"

She stiffened.

Li continued, hoping to let her understand. "I know it's been crazy, but you can't keep it all bottled up, Sakura. That's what you've been doing for a long time, and it's wrong. I'm worried about you."

She closed her eyes and tried to even out her breathing even as tears still coursed down her cheeks. "Everything's just very overwhelming," she said slowly. "It's as if every dark secret of my life was suddenly flung out in the open and it's like everything I've done to keep myself safe from…them was useless and stupid."

He listened quietly.

"He went too far, I know that. I _knew_ that even then but I was too weak and stupid to resist… to stop what he was doing to me then and because of this…" her eyes opened and emerald blazed with anger and anguish. "I hate him. I hate what he did to me. I hate what I let myself become."

"Hey, just calm down. He's never going to bother anyone ever again."

"Yes, but it's—"

"NO. He will pay. End of story. He's going to burn his evil arse in here with the law and in hell with a thousand years of pain, period. Just don't dwell on it, Sakura. You're just torturing yourself. Let's move on and put this in the past, alright?"

Her eyes narrowed and she exploded. She demanded harshly, "how the fuck am I supposed to do that? That's what I've been trying to tell myself for the last 2 years! He made me into a near whore, Li. How can I make myself forget? He ruined two lives! And now this!" she waved her arms desperately and gestured at their conditions, vainly trying to ignore the pain it brought.

"Not only was he able to get me because I am stupid enough to let my guard down _again, _but I also managed to drag you guys into this mess and got YOU injured! Move on? Impossible." Sakura turned to face the ceiling and breathed harshly. "He should've died. He and my father should've died. That's the ending I want."

Li was silent for a minute and then said sadly, "if this is what you get because of the memories, then I wish… I wish you did forget everything."

Sakura looked at him in surprise.

"I used to think that to snatch away someone's memories was like stealing his or her identity," he continued. "But I now see that maybe once the memories have become too much for someone to deal with, then maybe it really would be for the best that amnesia would jump in. I don't like seeing you like this, Sakura. It's… I wish you did forget. You're hurting."

She tried to catch his eye, but he refused to look at her. His eyes were closed, but she clearly saw that the tension was lined on his face as it faced the ceiling. His jaw was clenched.

How could she keep on being angry and so vengeful when there was someone who cared for her this much? Her chest suddenly felt extremely tight as her bitterness evaporated. "Actually, that was exactly what I wished for when I woke up. It was too much. I wished I forgot who I was, where I came from and start a new life. A permanent memory-loss, so to speak. But then…" she paused.

Li looked at her, an unreadable expression on her face.

"But then I realized that if I were to forget who I was," she continued, "then I'd forget all of you. I'd forget Meiling and Yelan's warmth… my new familiy's support… Eriol and Tomoyo's stupid denial of the fact that they're perfect for each other…the Egghead Brothers' insane habits and…you. I'd forget you."

"I can't let that happen. I refuse to forget how utterly annoying and stubborn you are, Li Xiao Lang. No way in hell," she said evenly, looking at him.

"Wow, thanks for the vote of confidence," he said wryly, although his throat was tight and his right hand was repeatedly pinching his thigh to keep from bawling like Tomoyo. "Yeah," he said, grinning. "No way in hell. After all, I'm too good-looking to be ever forgotten, chipmunk."

She laughed through her tears and smiled, a perfect happy smile.

Her beaten appearance failed to overpower the loveliness of her first full-blown real smile. The smile cemented Li's opinion that she was definitely the most beautiful being he's ever laid eyes on, as cheesy as it may sound.

He stared at her for a full minute before she asked, eyebrow raised, "what?"

Opening his mouth to answer, he shook his head and closed it. Instead, he stared at her… then him… then absorbed the fact that they were very much like mummies, unable to move and trapped in a coffin-like hospital bed.

He cursed. "DAMMIT! Why is it that everytime I get the urge to do this there is always something that gets in my way!" he glowered at the bandages on his stomach, as if they were to blame.

She looked at him in confusion. "What?"

He shot her a boyish grin. "I got this urge to kiss you right now, but the damn situation is preventing me."

She reddened and, in an effort to push the blush down, she rolled her eyes. "Oh, honestly…"

"Don't you 'oh, honestly' me! It's a very important matter!"

"You're insane."

"Ah, ah, ah! Insane? No. Insanely perfect? Yes. Insanely desiring to be close to you? Absolutely."

"Argh—STOP IT! I can't handle the laughter! My ribs are protesting!"

"Fine. FINE. Be that way."

"Okay."

"How about this: can you smile for me?"

She raised an eyebrow. "What? Smile?"

"Smile. Yes, smile."

"Why?"

"Because I like it when you smile… and laugh," he stated matter-of-factly, grinning at her. "I wanna be there to see you smile and laugh everyday, and I'll make damn sure that you do."

Okay, that was it. She can feel the heat. "Parrot, stop it."

"Ah, but I can't. It's making you blush… and smile. See. HAH!"

A crumpled piece of used bandage hit him straight on the face.

"HEY!"

"…you utter sap."

He smiled at her and then reached out a calloused hand, as if asking for something.

She stared at his hand curiously. "What?"

"You're a stubborn chipmunk, aren't you?" he said merrily. "Well, if I can't kiss you, and if you refuse to smile, than I wanna hold your hand instead."

She grinned and, without further ado, slipped her hand into his. It was an easy thing to entwine their fingers since there was just a little space between their beds. Sakura's small hand was engulfed by Xiao-Lang's warm big one, but they somehow fit together so perfectly. They were like puzzle pieces.

Peace reigned for a few moments before Li spoke, this time in a much more serious tone. "Sakura?"

"Yeah?"

"My injury is not your fault, you know. I know you're still inwardly harping about that. It's not, no matter how many times you say otherwise. I'm not blaming you and I never will, got it?"

Sakura looked at him, opening her mouth.

"NO. I don't blame you and I don't regret this injury. I would do it a thousand times over if it can save you. Do you understand?" he asked seriously, squeezing her hand to know that he was serious.

She was silent for a minute before sighing. "Yeah. Yeah, I do."

"Good!" he said, satisfied and happy. "And if you're really stubborn and dense to deny that, then think of it as your birthday present for me, okay? As a gift, forget all about it and continue being a chipmunk, got it?"

Sakura rolled her eyes. "Fine," she said, though she was smiling.

A few minutes later, she piped up. "Hey, Li?"

"Yes?"

"I still haven't gotten you anything for your birthday. It's near."

"I thought I told you—"

"No. I refuse to consider that! I want to give you something, you prat. A memento or a ball or a golf set or something! Come on! Think of THIS, my offer, as way to make up for all the times I stole your sweets."

He tapped his chin. "Well…"

She raised an eyebrow.

Li smirked. "Ah, I got it! See, mum gave me 2 roundtrip tickets to Hawaii. The date is about a month from now, because that's the time the hotel the company built on the island would open…"

"Are you inviting me?"

"Why, yes, I suppose I am. I don't want stupid sports materials or whatever. I want you to come with me. Eriol and Tomoyo would probably go lovey-dovey somewhere and leave me all to myself. I wanna be there with you, you know. I mean, the Li heir must not be seen as an emo-loner who was refused by the love of his life because she wanted to get him golf balls instead…"

She laughed. "Fine."

"YES!"

…

"And yeah, Sakura?"

She quirked her mouth. "What?"

When she looked at him, he was smiling with his eyes closed, his face turned to the ceiling and looking very happy and contented. What came out of his mouth was the one sentence that she would always cherish with all her heart.

"Don't worry, because you were the best birthday gift I ever got."

**a/n: I AM SO SORRY! **

**Yes, more than a year of hibernation, so to speak. You guys, you're all still there right? PPLLLEEEAAASSEEE , don't be mad! (looks at them wide-eyed)**

**It's so not my fault. Blame junior year. Yeah. It was a huge pain in the ass. The work was… bleargh. Upcoming third years, I pity you and I wish you luck (salutes**

**Not to mention that my old computer crashed and wiped out the original chapter I wrote! (fumes)**

**Anyway, I hope you all still like it. Tell me what you think! :D**

**And woah, people, it's not yet finished! I still have the epilogue, you know! I can't have the ending to be this cheesy! O.O I want it to be… uh… cheesy-funny or funny-cheesy! One more chapter to go people! :D read and review please! :D (hugs)**

**Lotsa Love,**

**CalCarrie**


	25. Mission: Accomplished

25

**QUESTION FOR NEXT STORY: ****Guys, who here wants to read a story about how Li gets turned into a….****GIRL**??

I'm serious. I'm seriously thinking about writing a story like that. In fact, I have prologue ready, and the only thing left is for me to find out whether you people want to read something like that, so give feedback, aight?

Anyway, now that that's gone and done…

On with the final chapter!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - o o o - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - -

**Chapter 25**

**Epilogue**

**Mission: Accomplished ******

**8 weeks later**

The stage was set. Large spotlights gave the stage a very intimidating and beautiful ambience. People were starting to file in, from the ugly little virginal old maid who makes a living by gossiping to the bratty fat brat across the street who lives for the moment he steals candy to the more decent people in the world today. Both the plebeians and the patricians have been waiting for this show the whole year. Ah, yes, it's gala night for the university's play. It was 15 minutes to showtime, and the night was perfect.

There was only one problem.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - o o o - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - -

"14 minutes until showtime, my little monkeys! Is everything set?"

"Chiharu! Where's the damn cow?! WHY IS IT NOT HERE??"

"OH MY GOD! My dress! It doesn't fit! I got fat! TOMOYO!"

"Get your ass in here, Yamazaki, and put on this beard!"

"THE COW? It's not a cow, woman! It's a stallion! A STALLION!"

"Meilin, trust me, you did not gain weig--!"

"WHERE IS SAKURA KINOMOTO, DAMMIT?!"

It was like a dozen hurricanes zoomed through the backstage. Clothes were everywhere and props seemed to have replaced the floor. People, both performers and backstage people, were running around like headless chickens, either shouting or swearing (Take your pick. Either one is correct.)

Except for one actress. She was just clinging to the door of her dressing room closet for dear life.

_For a woman who just recently recovered from a life-threatening situation, she's freakishly strong, _Eriol mused as he leaned against the doorway and watched the funny scene.

"I—AM—NOT—GOING—OUT—OF—THIS—ROOM!" Sakura screeched, her muscles pulled taut as her arms strained to hold on to the closet. Tomoyo and Eggy were trying—and failing—to pry her away. They would have had more success in persuading Hugh Hefner to become a priest.

"Come on, Sakura," Tomoyo coaxed and needled, "You're absolutely beautiful in that costume! Look, it fits you perfectly and—!"

Sakura growled, her eyes narrowing, "which is exactly the point! It's like second skin! No, it worse… like polluted air. Yeah! It's like a sheet of freaking lethal carbon dioxide. Useless! I FEEL EXPOSED! VIOLATED!"

"Aw, come on, Sakura! It's just this once," Eriol added playfully from the doorway. It was very unfair for him to say that, in all honesty. He played a knight, so he was about as bare as the Pope.

"Once in a lifetime could mean a chance for viruses to invade my body, you idiot! With this scrap of cloth you call a robe, I won't be surprised if I died within five minutes of going onstage! It's unreasonable, ugly, impractical, ugly, outrageous, ug—ARGH!"

Eggy, official fashion extraordinaire of the play, yelled indignantly, "DO NOT INSULT MY WONDERFUL CREATIONS, STUDENT!" With one might pull, he and Tomoyo managed to pry Sakura off the closet and then started dragging her towards the door.

"NO! NO! I REFUSE! Eriol," Sakura snarled, kicking and flailing wildly, "use that freaky smile of yours to blind these two loonies! I thought you were a KNIGHT?"

Eriol was intelligent, however, and refused to be killed going between two scarily maniacal fashion/drama addicts and their goals.

That didn't mean he wanted his friend to die via corset torture, though.

So he said, grinning, "No, can do, _ma petite._ It's all for the love of the show."

Sakura's eyes narrowed. "You are _so _going to pay, bluebird…! OI, STOP DRAGGING ME!" She then saw someone behind Eriol and yelled, "YOU!"

Eriol turned around and promptly grinned. "Ah, dear descendant! Look at how beautiful your princess is right now!"

Li Xiao-Lang, decked out magnificently in a very regal outfit of a prince, stood behind him, one eyebrow raised and mouth quirked up in amusement. "Don't tell me…"

Sakura was ranting as she passed by, only faltering slightly when Li cheerfully kissed her on the cheek. "YOU! WHY ARE YOU DRESSED LIKE THAT? EGGY! WHY DO I HAVE TO HAVE THIS GODFORSAKEN STRIPPER DRESS WHILE HE TROTS AROUND ALL COVERED UP? EGGY!"

"It's because of your respective roles, woman! Unlike you, women then were actually WOMEN! Not she-Achilles Amazons! Rika, get me the ropes now!"

Li waved happily at his guest's retreating form. "See you onstage, Kinomoto!"

Eriol sighed, amused. "Ah, Xiao-Lang…"

The other man grinned. "What? I can't help it! She's so fun to tease…"

It's been eight weeks since the day Li invited Sakura to Hawaii, six weeks since Sakura's moving-in with her new family a few blocks away from the Li Mansion, five weeks after the announcement from Fatty that there was no way in hell he'll get a substitute for the lead roles on his play and so pushed back the opening night until such a time that both Li and Sakura recovered and four weeks from the moment the two unconventional teenagers finally admitted to each other that maybe they were perfect for the other and, hey, why don't they make it official?

Because, honestly, their love thingy's been going on since forever that all they really had left was to make it official.

Plus, as Tomoyo and Fatty pointed out, the sexual tension was _awful_.

They were both chased around the neighborhood for that comment by a fuming overprotective stepbrother.

"I thought you were supposed to be my shining prince, parrot!? Help me out of this embarrassment!"

Which was really really REALLY weird at first, because Li was paranoid over Sakura's mental, emotional and physical health (is she ready? What if she's still recovering? What if she thinks I don't feel as much as I say? What if she thinks I'm going to leave her? Is she all right? What about the bruises? The cuts?) and Sakura was rather insecure and jumpy and nervous (what if I'm a burden? am I going to hold him back? What's going to happen once we're old and wrinkly? DUDE!)… huhn…

…until both of them were shoved in a room by their friends and teachers (cougheggyfattycough) to talk things out. They literally smacked the other upside the head when, after roughly 5 hours, 45 minutes and 18 seconds of fights/silence/banter, they finally knew what the hell is the matter with the other the minute they agreed to make it official.

"Ah, but you look so beautiful, Sakura!" Li said charmingly. "Why would I do that??"

So now it's all good.

In fact, their relationship is pretty much the same. They still fight, bicker, banter, piss the hell of each other and generally live to see one another blow steam. The changes were in the closer relationship, the deeper bonds, Li's terrorizing of any boys interested in his lovely guest, Sakura's torture-fest of Li's fangirls, the phone calls from dusk to dawn, the physical intimacy…

… and Touya Kinomoto's apparent dislike for Li Xiao-Lang.

"STOP BUTTERING ME UP, LI, OR—really?"

"Really, really."

Everybody can see, though, that they were like macaroni and cheese. They were totally inseparable and impossible to beat. It was a rare happy ending in a very cynical world, frankly.

"…"

"Xiao-Lang, you're laughing at me."

"I'm… not."

"YOU ARE SO DEAD!"

Eriol smiled and checked his watch.

In the meantime, though…

"OKAY, PEOPLE! TWO MINUTES UNTIL SHOWTIME!"

- - - - -

_**Priest Krapp**__:_ "Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today to witness the joyful union of two destined hearts—"

_**Agent SizzlingHawt008**_**: ** "ARGH! GET ON WITH IT, YAMAZAKI! WHERE'S THE ROMANCE? THE LOVE? THE KISS? THIS SUCKS! BOOOO--mph!"

_**Agent CoolDude006**_**: "**Michael, keep quiet! You're ruining your own show!"

_**Agent SizzlingHawt008**_**: **"Oh, I beg to differ. This play will earn, MILLIONS. Mark my words, my pet."

_**Princess Ayien**_: "… I give to you my unending love and devotion. I promise to be true to you, to cherish you, and to share my thoughts, hopes and dreams with you. I look forward to spending the rest of my life with you, my best friend. I will love you forever and ever... until the day I die..."

**_Agent Supahstah009:_** "Oh dear... I think I'm going to cry... sniff!"

_**Agent Fashion4eva005**_**: OMG OMG OMG IT'S KISSING TIME!! 3 MORE LINES TO GO!**

_**Prince Ciaran**_: "…these witnesses I vow to love you and care for you as long as we both shall live. I take you, with all your faults and strengths, as I offer myself to you with all my faults and strengths. I will help you when you need help, and turn to you when I need help. I choose—"

_**Agent CoolDude006**_**: **_(whispers)_ "HA! See, I told you all that pent-up sexual and emo-frustrations are going to pay off…"

_(Prince Ciaran accidentally throws super heavy and shiny large ring and 'lethal' sword at Agent CoolDude006… and missed.)_

_**Audience Member No. 1**_: "OI, THAT HURT, DAMMIT!"

_(Princess Ayien accidentally throws her bouquet at loudmouthed audience member no. 1)_

_**Audience Member No. 1**_: (_smacked in the face and faints from extremely deadly odor of extreme womanly flowers)_

_**Priest Krappy**_: "… You may now kiss the bride."

_**Agent SizzlingHawt008**_** : "**YOSH! SNOG HIM LIKE HELL, SAKURA! WITH TONGUE! WOOHOO!"

_**Agent Supahstah009:**_ "BAH, YOU CALL THAT A KISS?? HAVE I TAUGHT YOU NOTHING, WOMAN?"

_**Audience Member No. 2:**_ "GASP! OI, CHINESE BRAT! STOP KISSING MY SISTER! I'LL KILL YOU!"

_(Couple breaks from kiss and glares)_

_**Princess Ayien**_: "ROMANTIC MOMENT HERE, IDIOTS!"

_**Prince Ciaran:**_ "SHUT THE HELL UP, HUMPYS!"

_**Agent SizzlingHawt008:**_** "**_YOU_ SHUT UP! GO BACK AND SNOG HER SENSELESS!"

_**Agent Supahstah009**_**: **SAKURA, LESSON NO. 3475: KISSING MUST BE—!

_**Agent CoolDude006:**_"OI, YOU TWIN TURDS! THE PRINCIPAL'S HAVING A HERNIA!"

_(Royal and newly wedded couple attempts to look presentable again)_

_**Priest Krappy:**_"… may the prince now unsheath his almight sword as a symbol of courage and strength as the people of the lands rejoice in this wonderful ceremony!"

_(Said prince moves to do so… and grasps air. Agent Supahstah009 and Agent SizzlingHawt008 sniggered. Agent Fashion4eva005 gasps. Agent CoolDude006 groaned in misery.)_

_**Agent CoolDude006: **_"… where's the sword? Tomoyo!"

_**Agent SizzlingHawt008:**_"OH! FOUND IT! FOUND IT! It's under this guy…"_(bounds over to unconscious audience member number 1)_

_**Agent Fashion4eva005:**__(nudges said fool with high-heeled foot)_"Eriol, I … I think they killed him… OMG IT'S A SWORD FROM PRINCE WILLIAM!"

_**Agent Supahstah009**_: "OHHH… really?"

_**Prince Ciaran**_: "GIVE ME BACK THE DAMN SWORD, EGGY!"

_**Princess Ayien**_: "LI, QUIT IT! THE SHOW—!"

(Prince Ciaran growled, took out 4 equally lethal daggers and hurled it at four agents-in-disguise)

_**AGENTS: OI!**_

_(cast members bask in standing ovation)_

_**Agent CoolDude006:**_ "That was the most banged-up medieval love story I've EVER seen."

_**CIARAN:**_ "… that was not our fault, you nicompoops!"

_**AYIEN:**_ "EGGY! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU SLOWLY AND PAINFULLY—!"

_**Agent SizzlingHawt008:**_ "Relax, minion. That was the best possible play I've ever created! Good job!"

_**AYIEN**_: "—CASTRATE YOU AND YOUR BROTHER AND—really?"

_**Agent Fashion4eva005**_: Oooh, I'm so going to upload this on YouTube!"

_**CIARAN:**_ "Sakura…"

_**AYIEN**_: "… Got it. Garden behind auditorium?"

_**CIARAN**_: "… Definitely."

- - - - - - - - - -

It was like something out of fairytale ending. The full moon provided a soft romantic glow. The tall trees, beautiful flowers and sweeping garden with a mini-bridge over a flowing "stream" looked very dreamy and picturesque.

At the center of the bridge, right over the water, stood a prince and a princess.

In the most lenient and hypothetical of terms, really.

Still.

Li Xiao-Lang stood behind his princess and wrapper his arms around her waist, his head nestling comfortably on her shoulder. A contented smile curved his lips as he closed his eyes. Sakura Kinomoto sighed and let the side of her face touch Li's handsome visage. She looked into the deep dark waters and let a smile touch her face, letting her prince's warmth seep thru her white gown and shield her from the cold of the night.

Their bodies fit perfectly.

She liked it… very much.

"What are you thinking about?" Sakura asked him curiously, an eyebrow rising up for emphasis.

He shrugged. "Hn. You know, stuff…"

Sakura frowned and twisted in his grasped. She gave him a pointed stare. "You have that Oh-I'm-enjoying-a-really-stupid-inner-joke tone," she stated. "I'm waiting."

He grinned. "Well, for one thing. Haven't you ever wondered how we ever worked? I mean, I pissed the hell out of you. You were ready to kill me… heh. It's funny, isn't it?"

Smirking, she raised her hand and tapped his nose in an almost-affectionate manner. "Ah, yes, the paradox of life. Even after all these months, I still have trouble believing that I actually like being with you."

"Oh, so are you saying I'm so unlikable? I'm hurt, woman. Honestly, is that any way to treat the man of your dreams?" He feigned a hurt look, but his eyes were dancing with amusement.

Her smirk turned into a half-smile. "Ah, have I hurt the parrot? So sorry for that. Harvard wouldn't like its resident bird mascot to turn up ego-bruised, would it?"

"Hark, who's talking! We're both going to that school, chipmunk, so any potentially hazardous crime you commit now would go all the way to the East Coast! I can sic the dean on you!"

"Dean? You're threatening to tattle on me to an authority figure? Are you serious?"

"… Please don't tell me you're extremely unhealthy and excessive disrespect for authority will carry on to college."

"…"

"Yeesh. No wonder the Council of Old Farts hates you…and me…and Meiling…hn. Come to think of it, they don't like anybody…"

"Yeah, well, I don't like them either. I'm so going to gi—"

"Can we NOT bring up the old fogies? I'm feeling very cavalier and knight-ish right now and I don't want to ruin the mood."

Sakura tilted her head in an incredulous manner. "You do know that they have the power to… I don't know… send assassins after you or me, right? I mean, they don't exactly approve of this relationship of ours…"

Xiao-lang scoffed, his hands tightening around her waist, pulling her closer. "I can kick their rears any day if they try. As for you, chimp, do you really think I'd let them do that? Would you let them do that to you?" He looked at her questioningly.

"… Good point," she conceded, then snickered. "We're a power-and-kick-ass pair!"

"True," Li agreed, then brightened. "Oh, yeah! So there's this party that's going to happen this weekend at Tomoyo's place. You know, for the success of this play and all—it _was_ a success, no matter how stupid the acting was, really—and… you wanna go? Sooner or later, Eggy's going to ask you to come—he already asked me—and I think you'd want to hear it from me than from him."

She shot him a dry look. "Do I have a choice?"

Li grinned at her. "Well, no. Cheer up, Sakura. You'll be with me! But then…"

His grin was replaced with a mischievous smirk. "It's really formal. We're going to be introduced by a 'servant' and everything, being one of the cast and all. I'm already Li Xiao-Lang, The Prince of Awesomeness Who is Now Taken… do you want to be called Sakura Kinomoto, The Princess of Chimps? Or maybe the Princess of Allegedly Asexual People… or Princess of Really Masculine Amazons…"

Sakura laughed in disbelief.

He leaned forward and whispered dramatically, "so what do you want?"

She looked up, leaning up on tiptoes, wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed his lips shyly and playfully. Sakura said softly, "Sakura's just fine. Your Sakura."

He blinked…and then smiled. In response, he just pulled her closer, letting her head dropped down to rest on his shoulder.

It was a perfect starry night.

Everything's going to be all right.

- - - - - - - - - -

**Really Confusing Things That Need To Be Cleared Up!**

So, people have been asking me about the gist of Sakura's family history...

Simply put, Nadeshiko's first marriage was to a slimebag named Tomas. They had two children who were complete polar opposites. One was Sakura, who was practically born from her mother alone (since she was very nice and pretty). The other was a cross between Tomas, an orangutan and Michael Jackson with really horny and evil tendencies.

The two men were bad to the core, and they hurt Sakura. One was a crap father, the other was a delinquent brother who... you know. As a result, there came a tipping point where all hell exploded, Sakura became an ice cube, Nadeshiko demanded for a divorce and the slimeballs got away scot-free. Mother and child lived in a very sad and volatile existence... until Fujitaka came in. After a destined courtship, they finally married as dictated by fate. Fujitaka had a son, Touya (Sakura's step-brother), from a first marriage. Touya is the perfect charismatic stepbrother who, being one who rarely shows affection through hugs, tries to help his emotionally-challenged stepsister, Sakura, out of her shell by being a loving and overprotective manly mother hen (because he does care for her).

Still, while Nadeshiko was finally able to start recuperating from her horrible first marriage by finding her soulmate, her daughter was still stuck in a rut, and no stepbrother, studies, activities, mother or stepfather can bring her to recovery.

Enter Yelan, Li Xiao-Lang and friends.

The rest, as they say is history. : )

**a/n: OMG, I'M FINISHED! HUZZAH! (dances around) I'm probably going to go and edit this a second time around cause I have no time right now. Please ignore whatever grammar/spelling mistakes you see! I'm going to repost this around FRIDAY.**

**I'm just really nervous about all the death threats because of my slow SLOW update… hehe… whoops.**

**Do you like it? Love it? REVIEW PLEASE! :D**

**So this is the final chapter. I want to thank everyone who supported me throughout the story! I'm glad you didn't stop reading after my extremely long hiatus! THANK YOU (HUGGGSSS!)**

**Lotsa Love,**

**CalCarrie.**


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